Fellow DUers, I need help! (kids/drugs)

[russian33]

My brother is 17 years old, and I'm afraid he's sinking into some heavy drug use. My parents are in denial, and when they confronted him, he promised to go clean, and threw away all of his paraphanalia (spell?). But my sister and I believe he's just lying to them, telling them something they want to hear. We were kind of proven yesterday when my sister found a $20 missing from her wallet, and it looked like someone went thru her jewelry box. My mother is making excuses ('Maybe he needed money to go to the movies?').

I live in a different state, so it's hard to monitor the situation at home, and right now I fell useless. But I need to do something! Because at this rate he's either going to get hurt from the drugs, or from not paying on time.

Any ideas, suggestions, resources, would be GREATLY appreciated! This is completely new to us, my sister and I grew up without any problems like that...and it's killing me to have my little brother slip away from us.

Thank you so much.

[el_gato]

1. What kind of "drugs"?

[russian33]

3. Well, it involves a needle and a syringe

My understanding is it's some sort of 'generic' heroin (geez, it pains me just to write that)

[el_gato]

6. If it's heroin you should be able to tell from his behavior

same with speed.

[russian33]

7. it's hard, cause i've never encountered anyone who've used it...

..he's been sick a lot lately, throwing up, not sleeping much, paler than usual...i'm not even sure what to look for, in terms of signs

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

11. If you look in his eyes and the pupils are pinpoint, whether in light or

darkness, then he is using either heroin or some similar opium related drug.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

10. Aside from considering the behavioral changes this has caused with him,

consider the substantial risk of death from overdose, and high risk of contracting either hepatitis C, HIV or both from sharing "works". You need to take whatever drastic measures are necessary to get him off this if you can.

[DS1]

22. Word on the street is

Premium heroin comes with its own supply of butane and leaps right into your veins by itself.

[nini]

2. I'm not sure.. but can you call his school and get a counselor

to talk to your parents and him?

they need to act quick while he's still a minor and they have a bit of control over him.


NarAnon to may be able to help.


Good Luck.. I'll be praying for all of you.

[russian33]

4. Home Schooled, but a good idea...

..I'm trying to research where I can find a counselor...Yeah, they have to act soon, before he turns 18 in December.

[FunBobbyMucha]

5. Letter/Dialogue from Russian33 to Mom:

Mom, I want you to just look at just one part of this problem, namely your recent dismissal of Bro's apparent THEFT ("Maybe he needed money for the movies.").

Mom, that's fucked up.

Even if it was 20 bucks, even if it was just Sis' jewelry box, the point is, you just okayed him stealing. STEALING. From a family member, no less.

What that tells me is that you are supressing all of your true feelings about what's happening with Bro, and willing to excuse or ignore tell-tale signs that he is in serious trouble.

Snap out of it, Mom. It's tough, but BE THE PARENT. Bro is using drugs, and then snowing you that he's gone straight because that's what you wanna hear. He's obviously not changed, and you cannot just stand by until he's suspended, arrested, or dead. He needs help, and you need help dealing with him. GET IT NOW.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Maybe this website can be of help...

http://home.dmv.com/~realslow/listen.to/link3.html

If you and your sister decide to attend some sort of meeting, don't hesitate to let your mom and your brother know about it. Good luck...I keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

[Surf Cowboy]

9. Kick this kid's ass and do it NOW!!

I have represented many criminal defendants over the years, and I can tell you without reservation that heroin is no doubt the most powerful addiction available. If he's stealing $20 and jewelry at home, you can bet your ass he's stealing elsewhere. It's only a matter of time before he starts breaking into places, which brings two serious problems: (1) the homeowner who is armed and kills him, or (2) getting busted for a felony. One of these possibilities WILL HAPPEN if he doesn't get straight. Heroin junkies are amongst the stupidest criminals on earth--they always get caught. I can't tell you how many new commitments I would interview on a Monday morning at the County Jail, all of them brought in for theft on Saturday, and all puking their guts up because of withdrawal.

If you have to break his legs, do it. Get him into treatment and don't let him out from under supervision under any circumstances.

It is the worst shit ever.

[TX-RAT]

15. Didn't agree with you much the other day.

But we agree today. Get that young man in a program before it's to late. This is a major problem we face with our children. Seems worse in single parent homes.

[TX-RAT]

12. Whats your fathers attitude about this?

[russian33]

13. I haven't had this conversation with him yet...

..So far when I talk, he just listens...he's not much of a talker. I'm going there next weekend, for some face to face interaction.

[TX-RAT]

14. Are you mom and dad together?

[russian33]

16. yeah, they both confronted him on a recent family vacation...

..when they found a needle and a syringe, he threw it out, swore up and down he won't do it, was sick for the rest of that week...and now i think he's doing it again, but they're kind of 'well, he said he stopped, so he must've stopped'

[TX-RAT]

17. The truth is not in him.

Mom and Dad need to seek some serious help. There are programs that can help, but it's painful to ever body involved. I can assure you nothings more painful than watching your child go to jail. I

[Westegg]

18. Please don't feel useless! By reaching out...

..You are DEFINITELY doing the right thing. If he stops his abuse while still young, he's got a much better chance at a healthy life. I say this as someone who needed 17 years of drinking/drugging ON TOP OF my first 17 years of life to begin to suspect that I had a problem.

A lot of those precious years were wasted. Wish I had 'em back!

Your mom's in denial---that's not uncommon. You can help her get beyond denial and to seeing the reality. It might not be easy---you can't force her to do it, any more than you can force your bro to stop using. But you can try.

What helps people get off drugs? Rehab, prison, screwing up your life so bad ("hitting bottom") that your only options are death or sobriety. AA has helped many and it has helped me. It's not the only way, but it's a good way.

Al-Anon, for those who, while they may not be addicted, are the loved ones of people who are, might be helpful to you in terms of learning about what your brother is dealing with.

Know what? A few years ago, I would have told you, "Eh, he's a kid. Let him get it out of his system. Boys will be boys, etc." Today, I have a better understanding of how dangerous and insidious teen drug use can be. Many survive it and move on. But many don't. In retropscet, it screwed me up big time.

You care for your brother , and that makes me feel GOOD about his future. You can't "fix" him, but you can be loving and supporting and helpful. Be prepared for a fight, however. When I was 17, no one on the planet could tell me what to do---least of all my goddamn sister!!!!

I wish you all the best.

[russian33]

20. Thanks Westegg, and everyone, for kind words, and all the advice

We're going to try to deal with this, the best way we can. But I'm afraid as long as he doesn't accept/understand that he has a problem, and is not willing to stop, we won't get too far. Of course, that's won't stop me from trying.

I'm kind of in a daze today. You hear about this all the time, you see it happen to other people and their families, and you think 'Whew, thank God that's not us' or 'Oh, that will never happen with my family', and when it hits you, it knocks the wind out of you.

[Westegg]

21. You'd be surprised how often, in the seemingly "perfect family"...

..this exact problem looms. You sure aren't alone, is my point, and I hope you feel that from the responses here on DU.

By reaching out and communicating, you're already ahead of the game. You have a smart, proactive and healthy attitude, and I wish you and your family the best.

[Nikia]

19. It sounds like he is already a serious addict

If he is stealing and if he is getting sick from abstaining. He needs to get into some kind of treatment program. It doesn't sound like something he can do on his own at this point.