Customers like this are why I work at Home Depot

[jmowreader]

This guy walked in this morning and he's pissed. Fortunately, it wasn't at us.

"GIMME SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' LOCKS. RIGHT NOW. ENOUGH TO DO ALL THE FUCKIN' DOORS IN MY HOUSE!"

Okay, you have two doors on the outside of your house?

"THREE. I GOT THREE FUCKIN DOORS AND I NEED LOCKS FOR ALL OF THEM."

I'm thinkin' the dude got broke in on or something, y'know? So I get him three of the best locks we have--he liked that--and made sure all three used the same key; he liked that too. He barked out a few other commands. Enough of this shit.

'Sir, you seem to be awfully upset. What's up?'

"Oh man, you ain't never gonna believe this shit." (Actually, I can believe damn near anything in this town.) "I just got back from a year in Iraq. About a week after I got over there, my wife sent me a letter sayin' she found a real good-payin' job that paid all the bills and we'd just save up all the money I made in Iraq."

'So far so good. I take it you didn't like the job she found or something?'

"You damn straight. She went out clubbin' last night with some of her friends and, about nine at night, all these guys started showin' up. Dudes I never seen before. Turns out the bitch started a muthafuckin HO HOUSE right in my own fuckin' bedroom. Doin' fifteen guys a night. Tore the shit out my lawn lettin' 'em park on the grass and the skanky bitch didn't even take out the fuckin' rubbers. Just kicked 'em under the bed and let 'em get hard. Hundreds and hundreds of fuckin' rubbers. Bitch don't know I know she's a ho but she's gonna find out quick I know. She's goin' out clubbin' tonight. All the guys in my squad are comin' over tonight after she leaves. We gonna throw her shit out in the yard and change all the locks. Ain't gonna let the bitch back in, neither."

Yes, subtlety does reign in this gentleman's house.

[Bronco69]

1. WOW! Um

there's something you don't hear about every day.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Now THAT is a story.

Wow.

[WoodrowFan]

3. can't wait for the movie!

or for them to appear on Springer!

[jmowreader]

8. This guy was much more fun than yesterday's customer from Hell

This guy got all pissed off because we wouldn't cut him a sheet of plywood six feet by seven feet. (You are quite right--it still only comes in 4x8 sheets.) And he's screaming and pissing and threatening to kick my ass after he gets me fired until finally another customer approached him and told him to calm down.

"If I want your advice I'll fucking ask for it, nigger."

The customer told him that if he didn't calm down, he'd be arrested for creating a public disturbance.

"What the fuck's it to you, nigger? You can't fuckin' arrest me. You ain't no fuckin' cop."

No, he was just the sheriff of one of the adjoining counties, who stopped off on his way home to get some plywood and a storm door.

Now, a few days ago I had a great customer. All day I had this customer. I opened and the guy walked up. "I'm building a house and I need a few things." Two hundred thousand dollars worth of "things."

Today I had an entertaining customer--not as much fun as the whorehouse guy, but still entertaining. I sold him a ton and a half of shingles. Then I told him it would be a few minutes while I got a forklift to bring them outside. "Oh, don't worry, I have one." He fucking did, too.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. Hmm...

:wow:

[liberalmuse]

5. Goddamned Bush...

Um, George W, that is. If he hadn't sent this man to war, his wife wouldn't have taken up her new profession. It's all his fault! See how you can blame Bush for just about anything?

OMG, that story is just...poor guy!

[sleepyhead]

6. Oh wow.

Interesting story. I was going to complain about *my* day, but I think I will just keep quiet.

[peekaloo]

7. neighbor helping neighbor......it warms the heart.

maybe the constitution needs a skank ho amendment to protect the sanctity of marriage.

:eyes: