Good vibes needed for my son tonight, please.

[Pale Blue Dot]

Tonight my wife and I are telling him about the divorce. I'll start moving out next week.

Kevin is a great kid, easily the best thing our marriage produced. We put off divorce for years because we did not want to hurt him. He is the last person who should suffer because his parents weren't right for each other.

Please send you good vibes out to Kevin tonight. Thank you all in advance. :loveya:

[soothsayer]

1. How old is he? (will send good vibes, btw)

I think it's usually a relief when parents finally end the tension by getting divorced. Kids are pretty aware what's going on, even when you try to shelter 'em.

Good luck to you all!

[Pale Blue Dot]

5. He's nine.

I have no idea if he suspects anything. :shrug:

Thanks, soothsayer.

[soothsayer]

22. Well, it helps kids when outer reality matches what they are sensing

Actually, it helps all of us. Otherwise, kids start to distrust their antennae (Gee, it FEELS like mom and dad aren't happy together, and yet here they are still married---I better not trust how things FEEL, just how they LOOK).

So...you are doing the best thing for all concerned, but as others have said, definitely make it clear you both love him, he has nothing to do with this, it's just what happens sometimes to moms and dads, still love each other and him, etc.

[demnan]

2. I wish all of you happiness

I'm sure he will be alright as long as it's amiable.

[Pale Blue Dot]

12. We're working to make it amicable

We're not involving lawyers, and in some ways we've become better friends since we admitted we don't make each other happy.

Thanks, demnan!

[terrya]

3. Sending you the best vibes, Finn.

This is going to be hard, I know. But Kevin will understand. He's got the best parents in the world...even though you and your wife will no longer be married, Kevin will still have a loving family.

:loveya:

T

[Pale Blue Dot]

9. Thanks Terry

You've always been a good friend. :loveya:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

4. Good luck, bud.

I hope never to have to do that, but it's always possible. Not a nice thing.

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. Good vibes for all of you

this must be the hardest time of your collective lives.

[Pale Blue Dot]

7. You have no idea.

Thanks Big, and congrats on your new arrival!

[Wickerman]

8. Will do, Finn

Being a step-parent and having my own child, too I've seen happy kids after divorce. Kids know when something isn't right and will appreciate seeing their parent in a loving relationship - that, in the long run, is healthier than watching their parents live in a relationship that is loveless.

:yourock:

[Magrittes Pipe]

10. You got it, FF.

With help from you and his mom, Kevin will be okay. :)

[GOPisEvil]

11. Good luck to all of you!

:-)

[Pale Blue Dot]

14. Thanks Bryon, lunabush, alhedges and GOPisevil.

And to all those who will send their good vibes today.

Now, Kevin and I are going to buy his school supplies and then we're going to catch a matinee of "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie" (:puke:).

I'll check in later.

:loveya:

[revree]

13. Your honesty with him will help him cope

I watched my sister hold off on divorcing her first husband for 20 years because of her two kids, and it ended up hurting them so much more than if she had just been honest. You are doing the right thing. I am sending a warm hug to your son, and to you, too!

REV. MARIE

[Rainbowreflect]

15. Sending good vibes to all three of you.

I work with divorced clients all the time & if you & your wife are respectful of each other as well as your son's love for each of you, he will be okay.
So many divorced parents forget that when they trash their ex in front of their child they are trashing part of who they are.

[ProfessorGAC]

16. My Best Vibes For Kevin

The Professor

[bif]

17. Kids are amazingly resiliant

Several of our friend have gotten divorced and their kids have been just fine. Good vibes to your son.

[cally]

18. Have a great day with your son FF

As long as you and your ex don't put him in the middle of it and offer lots of love, Kevin will be OK. I will think about all three of you tonight. :hug:

[Mrs. Venation]

19. Make Sure He Understands You Are Not Leaving Him

My nephew blamed himself when my brother divorced, and for quite a long time afterward. He was younger than Kevin, but children can get some odd ideas about their roles in situations such as this.

My nephew thought his dad left because he was a bad little boy. It was so sad; it makes me sad now to think about it. Give him time to wrap his mind around the situation, and, please, if he's angry, let him know it's okay.

God bless you all.

[flvegan]

20. I was 9 when my folks separated...

I was really shocked at first, as it was a huge change (my mom, brother, dog and I moved out). My folks were great to each other (in front of us, anyway) and I think that it made all the difference. I'm screwed up for a bunch of other reasons. Kidding. No I'm not.

Best to you.

[parasim]

21. Good vibes incoming!

Kevin will be okay. It will be hard work on both of your parts, but he'll be okay.

Eleven years ago we got divorced when my two sons were 6 and 10. The oldest was devastated, the younger said "whatever"... However, after 11 years of both of us working to help them understand that it was not their fault and that the divorce in no way changed how much we loved them, everything has worked out fine.

My oldest now lives with me as he continues with his college courses, and my youngest is going to be a senior in HS. I consider them my two best friends.

My oldest just turned 21 so he and I hang out at the local pub fairly often and the 17 year old is the nature nut, so he and I go camping together whenever we have the opportunity.

We're forming a little band since we're all musicians (well, I'm more of a hack, but both of them are quite good.)

So, anyway, things will work out just fine... hope you enjoyed the matinee... and good luck!

[redqueen]

23. Will do, Finnfan.

Hope everything goes well for you all. :hug:

[flamingyouth]

24. Sending good vibes for all three of you

May you all make it through this difficult time and find happiness.

[LeftCoast]

25. Good luck Finn! Hope everything works out!

Please let us know how things are going. :hi:

[eyesroll]

26. Good luck to all of you, Finn.

You're handling this with a lot more maturity and grace than a lot of people -- Kevin sounds like a great kid (movie tastes notwithstanding :-)). I'm sure it'll all turn out for the best.

[LWolf]

27. Having done this with my own two boys,

I'm sending plenty of loving vibes to Kevin.

It was a long, painful trip for my sons. As adults, they recognize the necessity and fully support the divorce, but as boys 7 and 9, it took awhile.

[Pale Blue Dot]

28. Thanks to all of you.

... and the movie was just as good as I expected. :eyes:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

29. I'm a child of 3 divorces - the key is honesty and not talking bad about

the other parent.

Too often kids are used as pawns for vindictive reasons - I know you're not going to do that but I'm just sayin'

i know of what I speak.

Good luck and my prayers and thoughts are with your family!

[MuseRider]

30. Good luck to you

and I am sending all the good thoughts I can muster. This can't be easy for any of you and I am so sorry you must do it.

[rbnyc]

31. Sending you all good vibes.

You have a great attitude. He needs you to love him, that's all. He'll be fine. I'll be thinking of you.

Good luck.

[Cheswick2.0]

32. I am not one of the happy divorce advocates

No matter what you do Kevin is going to be hurt beyond what you can understand. All the advice about how to treat him and each other is very good. But it won't keep him from being damaged by this. Pay extra attention to his grades and behavior at school this year.