Residents Excited To Give New Toilets A Whirl

[matcom]

<snip>

CHAMPION, Mich. -- Residents here are flush with excitement at being picked to review toilets.

American Standard, manufacturer of bathroom and kitchen fixtures, is installing its new "Champion" line of toilets free of charge to some local residents and businesses. In exchange, those lucky few must participate in a marketing survey.

The new-generation commode replaces the standard ball-and-chain flushing system with a "flush tower" design and valve configuration that boosts water flow, preventing clogs and overflows. The company bills the toilets as so reliable, users can "throw away their plungers."

They retail for $249 to $569, depending on model and color.

http://www.wftv.com/newsofthestrange/3676475/detail.html

[underpants]

1. 8/24/04 Dear Turd Journal

Whew boy that was a keeper, almost. Damn I loves me some meatball sammich. I thought I was giving birth there for a minute but the "stretching the back" (left right back front)technique once again did the job. This freakin' toilet can handle ANYTHING :wow:

Still undefeated and unscored upon.

The wife says we are having pork chops in a peanut sauce tomorrow so get your rest tonight my porcelain friend for tomorrow we once again meet on the field of battle, eyeball to eyeball as it were.

[ET Awful]

2. BUAHAHAHAHAHA. . . .

Nice work :)

[commander bunnypants]

3. you are a sick man

DDQM

[underpants]

5. OUT EVIL OUT!!!!!!

You can never underestimate your foe.

There is no "plan for peace" around here for there is no peace it is eternal war!

[mrboba1]

7. you are too fuckin funny!!!

[underpants]

11. * names have been changed to protect the innocent*

The meatball sammich part is based on real life events in New Brunswick Connecticut-without going into TOO much detail it also involves a hotel hand towel, the complimentary shoe horn, and a sliding glass door to the parking lot. I'll let you connect the dots.

[DS1]

9. Day 4 - the shit-whistles continue - but the new consta-flow

infinitely-variable valve feature keeps things nice and tidy - I wish I'd had one of these when I was in the clink. The beatings were really uncalled for, I couldn't help having a lifetime supply of squirts. The guards would punish me with solitary for flushing more than twice per session, even the warden noticed the spike in water bills. My cellmates would beat me for the stink.

I am a broken, misshapen shadow of my former self, but I take comfort in knowing that my time on the toilet will no longer contain punishment or violence.

I think I hear birds singing,

Thank you American Standard

[underpants]

14. The punishment and violence never end

Too Freaking funny DS1

Tears in my eyes.

[yellowcanine]

15. Have you ever had "alignment issues" with the power flush toilet?

I have observed that if the "quarry" is not aligned properly it can thwart the successful implementation of the flush.

[underpants]

16. Not so far

:fingerscrossed:

[trotsky]

19. LMFAO

Oh that's the funniest thing I've read in weeks. Thank Koresh I still love potty humor.

[yellowcanine]

4. "throw away your plunger" - I don't think so. Power flush toilets are

great but they don't prevent all clogs. Also a plunger is still useful for unclogging sinks and shower/tub drains.

[yellowcanine]

6. You will have to pry my plunger from my cold dead hands!

.

[mrboba1]

8. Give me a plunger,

or give me death!!!

[ET Awful]

10. From the company website

[mrboba1]

12. weeeelllll, if he endorses it

that's all you need to know!

He's probably a very good tester ala underpants' review above

[yellowcanine]

13. Is the "thumbs up" for the toilet's performance or his performance?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[miss_kitty]

17. and isn't the point

that it goes DOWN? i'm getting a mixed message here...

BTW scenario writers ROFLMAO-thanks!

[yellowcanine]

20. Well, some people take pride in thwarting the engineering, so to speak.

I think this need to conquer the toilet comes from botched or negligent potty training by inexperienced parents. At least that's my theory but I am no psychologist. I am sure Freud would have an opinion.

[underpants]

18. Is it the "what" or the "HOW"?

:scared:

[jmowreader]

21. Those are good toilets

The real advance here is the hole in the bottom of the tank that lets the water into the bowl--it's much larger than the hole in a standard toilet. The tank also sits up on a little shelf, so there's some acceleration to the water. The "standard ball-and-chain" flushing system has been obsolete for ten years at least--no new toilet that costs more than fifty dollars has it.

The company says the Champion toilet can flush two dozen golf balls in one flush, which makes you wonder...people get pissed off after a bad round, but really!

The Kohler Class Five toilet (named after Class Five rapids) is better and costs less, which is something I never thought I'd say about a Kohler product; it's also three inches longer than the American Standard and the guy who runs Kohler is a die-hard repug.

Note: they're both elongated-bowl toilets, so if your bathroom will only accommodate a round-bowl toilet you're shit out of luck.