My Email Tells Me I Can "Eliminate My Bills The Christian Way"

[matcom]

what IS THAT exactly?

can i PRAY them away?

HOW?

will Jebus ELIMINATE MY DEBT???

i really wanna know

[LynneSin]

1. You can also pray to lose your fat

:shrug:

http://weightlossinternational.com/newsletter/christian-weight-loss-programs.html

[wtmusic]

2. There's a TV commercial too

go bankrupt, stiff your creditors, and God will salve your guilt

[bowens43]

3. Well my neighbor

who was a fundy minister eliminated his by packing the wife and kids into the car in the middle of the night and fleeing like a scared rabbit.

[jay-3d]

4. What you do

Is go to a wealthy church Like "Preston wood Baptist", and give them your bills. Tell them Jesus would help me pay them, it's the Christian thing to do. I need Jesus help to pay my visa.

[MikeG]

5. Just what I need. More competition.

[reprehensor]

6. When you get raptured, you won't have to worry about that shite.

That's how.

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. You just stop paying.

See, usury is against the Bible.

[southpaw]

8. I think they will sell you a detalied set of instructions

that, if followed carefully, will place your personal debt on the backs of your grand-children.

It's one of those religious right things...

[UrbScotty]

9. Here. Pray this.

In nomine Poppy, et Dubya, et Spiritu Agnew. Amen.

Hail, Ronald, Full of Greed,
Caspar Weinberger is with thee.
Overrated art thou among Presidents, and
Overrated is the Son of Thy Vice President, Dubya.
Holy Ronald, Father of the GOP,
Help us pay for your sinning,
Now and when Dubya leaves office. Amen.

[Richardo]

17. That's hilarious, ih8thegop

Especially the 'latin' at the beginning ... ('spiritu Agnew' :D HA! )

[UrbScotty]

20. Yeah, I'm trying to put together an Apostles' Creed

(a.k.a. Nicene Creed)

Here is how it starts.:

We believe in one Poppy, the Father, the Almighty, maker of all that is, true and untrue.

We believe in one Son, George W. Bush, one of Four Sons of Poppy, eternally begotten of the Freepers, greed from greed, idiot from idiot, true greed from true greed, selected, not elected, one in Being with the Supreme Court. Through him all little guys were screwed. For business executives and for their wealth he came up from Crawford: by the power of his brother Jeb and Secretary of State Katharine, he was chosen by the High Court and became President

[Richardo]

21. Great start!

I'm tempted to hand it out at my freepish pastoral council meeting. :evilgrin:

[UrbScotty]

22. LOL! I'm laughing just thinking about it.

:evilgrin::evilgrin::evilgrin:

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

25. :) Funny!

Request permission to use, sir!

[UrbScotty]

27. Go ahead! (nt)

[RobertSeattle]

10. Make your children pay them

That's what all the "Christian" deficit and spend GOPers do with Federal money.

[MercutioATC]

11. Follow christian example. Jesus "saves".

:P

[yellerpup]

12. This weird spam started plaguing me after I started DUing polls.

Never had a problem with it before. Now, I get at least 25 a day.

[spinbaby]

13. Ahhh....

I have fundy relatives, so I know this drill. Here's some financial schemes I've encountered in that corner:

1) Pray for money--yes, they do that. Jesus may have loved the poor but they're all sure God wants them to be rich. If they pray hard enough, it will surely happen.

2) Give money to church. Somehow, if you give money to the church, God will send you more money. Kind of a cosmic reimbursement scheme.

3) Become a Christian entrepreneur. Sell things like vitamins and Precious Moments Bibles to other Christians.

4) Don't go into debt. This one actually makes sense--many born agains have a paranoid fear of credit-card debt. Of course, this very sensible fear is also somehow tied to a fear of debit cards because debit cards are the mark of the beast. And, for some reason I don't understand, they don't seem to carry money, either. True Christians spend a lot of time writing checks for tiny amounts.

[Jo March]

28. The debt thing is from Proverbs

The borrower is servant to the lender.

[tjwash]

14. Get yourself a nice white suit, rent some time on public access...

...and televangilise!!

[MrBenchley]

15. Back in 1988, when Pat Robertson was running

he told his dirt-ignorant supporters that if elected, he would declare "jubilee" and all debts would be forgiven.

Of course, he denied he had ever said any such thing whne reporters asked about it...but then the videotape of him doing so surfaced...

[GingerSnaps]

16. I think that I will call them

I've been praying to God that my phone bill will go away but God doesn't hear me and maby someone "closer" to God might get him to listen and I could wake up in the morning with my bill zeroed out.

[Kadie]

18. You take all of your bills, throw them up into the air

and God will grab the ones he will pay for you, and the ones that fall to the floor are your responsibility.

[WinterStorm]

23. Satan will take care of the ones that fall on the floor

At least that's what I heard.

[zbdent]

19. I think it has to do with the mistaken premise that the Bible

had some passage where debts were forgiven every seven years.

Not sure of the exact logic of that, but could you imagine trying to get a bank to loan you money based on this religious tenet?

[ronnykmarshall]

24. This is how it works.

You take all your bills, put the in pile and scream "Jesus Christ! I'm up to my ass in debt!".

[Richardo]

26. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

:D I've said that prayer many a time myself, ronnyk!