To ex-fundamentalists: Can fundies and ex-fundies be close friends?

[Ladyhawk]

Do you think it's possible for an ex-fundy to be close friends with a fundy? I tried it and it didn't work. The inevitable attempt at proselytization (despite a specific promise NOT to) completely broke any trust I had for this fundy.

I think only ex-fundies could understand this dilemma. I don't think it's possible for those who have never been exposed to the literal hell of fundyism to truly understand the trauma of a fundy trying to re-proselytize you after they promised not to. Non-fundies with no background of fundamentalist training might be able to stomach the hateful nonsense preached by fundies. I can't.

Maybe it's just my problem, but I think I'm through with fundies.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. i am not an ex fundie

but if you dont like being preached to, i suspect you cant be friends with a fundie.

I knew a born-again-christian once and all she did was preach and be judgemental. How on earth one tolerates that I do not know?

[mongo]

3. Try having a born-again boss

5 years I tolerated his crap. Then he laid me off for taking time off with a broken ankle.

Very "Christian" of him, don't ya think?

[cheezus]

2. I don't fundies can really be friends with non-fundies

you're not a fundie if you're not trying to make everyone else one, are you?

[yvr girl]

4. I don't agree

I don't call myself a fundamentalist, because I don't want to be associated with Jerry Falwell etc. but many of my beliefs are similar to their core beliefs. Most of you would find me socially quite conservative.

Politically, I support the candidate/party that I have the broadest amount of agreement with. I would never support someone who I only agreed with on a narrow group of issues. I know that I am out of step with the majority of the population. I can't force someone to live according to my beliefs. I believe my voice adds to the debate. It is important for voices of caution to be raised. Don't we all wish that more Germans had spoken up against the government/majority in the 1930's and 40's? In the end though, it is unlikely that you are going to change anyone's mind on a social issue. They're heart issues.

I am friends with all sorts of people. My closest friend from work is the person I am least like. She's like Sam on Sex and the City. (She's also like Carrie, because she writes a sex column.) I'm not. What makes us friends is that we don't judge each other and we care. I was there for her when her father was dying of cancer. She brought me ginger ale when I was sick.

Another story. I had dinner with someone I grew up with and had remained in sporadic contact with. She knows my beliefs. Part way through dinner, she said I have to tell you something. She was afraid. The story started with, 'I had this boyfriend...' and ended with, 'I had an abortion, what do you think?'

I told her that I don't agree with abortion, but that she was still my friend. I didn't think less of her for doing it. I also wished that I had been there for her when she was going through such a tough time. We've never been out of touch since. She's one of my best friends. She always gets me to say grace at her dinner parties.

If someone asks me what I believe, I will tell them. I don't preach, but I do give my perspective. I am not racking up converts, I don't think that is my job, it's God's. My job is to live the best possible life. The phrase is 'Walk the talk.' People hate phoniness and hypocrisy, I know that I do. My friends, family and co-workers are much more likely to be affected by the quality of my interactions with them and how I treat them and others, that by what I say to them.

[Ladyhawk]

9. I don't have problems with religious people who are open-minded.

Preamble: I have mixed feelings about abortion, also. I don't believe a zygote is a human being, but feel that aborting a late-term fetus is probably morally wrong. *shrug* I have learned that the difference of opinion is due to when people ascribe life to that fertilized egg. Some people allow their religious leaders to tell them when a person becomes a person (before sex, upon conception, etc.) Others try to figure it out for themselves and come to a multitude of different conclusions. My conclusion is sort of a "naturalistic" idea, although I'm still open minded on the issue.

Anyway, as I said: I don't have problems with religious people who are open-minded. By definition they are NOT fundamentalists. Fundamentalists adhere to a fixed dogma, dictated by God for all time and preached from pulpits every Sunday (or Saturday) and sometimes Wednesday nights.

Also, my question was directed mostly at ex-fundies who know how excruciating it was to extricate themselves from such a narrow-minded, dogmatic view.

I will probably be able to maintain "surfacey" relationships with fundies, but I think close relationships are out. When I really needed this person to be there for me, he tried to convert me when I was down and vulnerable. That's pretty bottom-of-the-barrel if you ask me, especially since he promised never to do so.

Fundies see non-fundies in one of two ways: 1) temptations, or 2) potential converts. Once they realize you aren't going to convert, they drop you like a ton of bricks. When the proselytization fiasco went down and I stormed out of the fundy's house, he apologized, then distanced himself from me. I returned the favor.

I just wanted to see if any ex-fundy could have a close relationship with a fundy. I don't think it's possible for me, but I'd like to know how others feel. It seems even non-fundies have a real problem with being constantly preached at. For ex-fundies, it is excruciating.

[Ladyhawk]

11. Yep. As I say in a below post, fundies see non-fundies in one of two ways

1) temptations
2) potential converts

Other than that, they can have no relationship with you. They already have all the answers and you can contribute nothing.

[leftistagitator]

5. My mom's best friend of 30 years recently stopped talking to her

because she, (the "friend"), has come to the conclusion that we are all a bunch of hell bound sinners incapable of being saved. This is the same woman who abandoned her kids several times to go on coke binges with her extramarital lovers, and that was AFTER she was "born again". Chances are, it'll happen to you too. Either you will get tired of constantly being preached at, or they will eventually decide that you are beyond redemption and leave you. Oh, yeah, she ditched my Mom right after my dad lost all of his money in the 2001 crash and became an alcoholic, and around the same time my Mom's mother had a stroke and needed constant care for the next few years. It's a good thing you can count on those "brothers in Christ" to be there for you when life serves you up a shit sandwich. Naturally, she's a Republican...

[onebigbadwulf]

6. No. Not real friends anyway

you can have the guise of friendship on the surface, but when it comes down to push vs shove, they're gonna shove you out the door.

This is true with fundies and all non-fundies.

[Ducks In A Row]

7. Avoid fundies

like the plague

[Blue-Jay]

8. Fundies can not and WILL not be convinced of anything.

I have a long history with the type (even went to an SBA-related undergrad school), and they will not be swayed. They're right and everyone else is wrong, end of conversation.

Just write them off and hope that their children end up smarter.

This is not to say that I don't respect the opinions of people of faith. On the contrary. I just don't respect those who are unbending, even when faced with hard facts. If there *is* a God, He's much bigger than what can be contained in one book. Honestly - which God do you believe in? The fire and brimstone old fogey (get off my lawn!) of the Old Testament or the hippified ("love thy neighbor"), forgiving God of the New Testament?

You'll notice that when Fundies are bloviating about why you're going to hell, they tend to defer to the OT. If we were to follow the rules as strictly as some, we'd be OK with slavery, death by stoning to those who don't honor the sabbath, and the beating of children (Leviticus). The fundies prefer to pick & choose which bits of the scripture they perfer to quote, leaving out the ridiculous crap.

They are too willing to subvert scientific findings in the name of control. Some have even taken the position that dinosaur bones have been placed by Satan (fictional guy) in order to test our faith.

So, yeah..... Don't waste your time fighting with Fundies. They'll refute fact with dogmatic fiction and expect that to be the end of the conversation. "I have faith, therefore your position is of the devil, and meaningless."

In other words; "LALALALALALALALA I CANNOT HEAR YOU LALALALALALA"

[Ladyhawk]

10. Exactly. During the proselytization attempt,

this fundy kept rapid-firing questions at me. One was, "Do you believe in evolution?" My answer: "Of course." He then proceeded to tell me why evolution was a load of crap.

I have no respect for those who place dogma over science. It pisses me off.

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. No, they can't. But the non-fundy can still love the fundy.

Sadly, the non-fundy can be friends with and love the fundy, but the fundy, due to the sickness of their religious thought (that is, the fundy part, not the religious part) can never, ever be friends with anyone who isn't a fundy.

That's the nature of fundamentalism - whatever the religion is - that everyone who isn't of that exact same fundamentalist mindset is destined for hell, and this isn't and can't be a friend.

The non-fundy will never be anything other than either a potential convert, or a totally non-possible convert. And either way, there is no friendship.

And while the fundy is busy as hell praying for the salvation of the hell-bound non-fundy, the non-fundy can be busy praying for the fundy out of a sense of actual, true, real love.

[exJW]

13. Notice my screen name?

I agree with your premise. Not even sure fundies can really be friends with anyone, other fundies included.

JW's put the FU in fundy ;-)

[Name removed]

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