I Want A Monkey

[matcom]

some show on TV talked about crazy pet owner who let their animals "own them" (mostly mansions that do strange things for their pets) :eyes:

Anyhoo, one lady owned 2 monkeys. I want a monkey

Haven't you always wanted a MONKEY!

I want a monkey. If I ever get one, how many "I just spanked my Monkey" threads do you predict I'LL post! :P

[NewHampshireDem]

1. Matcom, I sincerely mean this ...

If I had a million dollars, I would buy you a monkey.

But no damn K Cars!

[matcom]

2. and not a real green dress i hope

that's cruel

[NewHampshireDem]

4. We could still eat kraft dinner ...

but with fancy catsups ... those dijon catsups!

of course, who the hell really uses ketchup on mac and cheese?

[mr_hat]

3. Monkeys are inherently evil. >

You must resist.

[flamingyouth]

5. It was against our condo by-laws to own a monkey

- the last place we lived. Seriously. I was dying to find out the backstory - why that was even IN the bylaws to begin with.

Maybe they make too much noise and disturb the neighbors downstairs?:shrug:

[Mara Steele]

11. That's really funny

Did they have laws against any other exotic animals?

lol!

[flamingyouth]

17. Probably, they were a bunch of total tight-asses

We couldn't even have a welcome mat, or put white lights on our patio during the summer months.:eyes:

I swear, that by-laws packet was bigger than the Seattle phone book!

[Mara Steele]

19. Yes, but the monkey thing...

That is very random & funny. :D

[flamingyouth]

23. We thought so too

It was a running joke for years.:D

[Mara Steele]

24. Lisa...

:hug: :hug:

[flamingyouth]

31. Aw, thanks

I'm doing really well. Things are looking up for me at last. :hug:

[Blue-Jay]

6. Yes, your poo-flinging technique could use some coaching.

<fling!>

[matcom]

7. monkey's don't fling poo

only Bushes

[sam sarrha]

8. if you want a monkey you want lots of monkey shit too

[JohnKleeb]

9. you and me both but I want an oragutan

[Magrittes Pipe]

10. You ARE a monkey.

[Mara Steele]

12. And YOU are spunky. <nt>

[Magrittes Pipe]

20. I am full of spunk!

:bounce:

[Mara Steele]

22. We'll just stick w/the G-Rated definition

of that word, 'kay? :D

[name not needed]

28. Ok!

That way he won't have to prove he IS full of spunk. :P

[name not needed]

14. And you're a dirty old man

Stop cruising for chicks at the middle school by your house, too.

[JohnKleeb]

15. haha

btw thanks for that south park link, it was cool.

[Magrittes Pipe]

21. It's the HIGH school, dammit!

I'm not a pervert.

[JohnKleeb]

27. those were supposed to be my dates not yours hedges!

bah I'll check the university out now.

[Magrittes Pipe]

29. You'll do great with college girls.

You're samrt, politically active, and handsome.

Once you get to college, you'll be ROLLING in women.

Literally.

[JohnKleeb]

34. I hope so

[matcom]

32. and your a bitch

but i don't want a bitch

[Magrittes Pipe]

36. That's "you're" a bitch.

Monkey.

[matcom]

40. bitch

:P

MONKEY!!!

[Dogmudgeon]

13. And I want a girlfriend

But they tell me it would violate the terms of my probation. And require a major adjustment of my meds.

A monkey, though, I think they could handle.

By the way, girls can also own you.

And if you say, "I just spanked my Girl," people look at you funny and some of them call the cops.

--bkl
Committed. With three witnesses and a judge.

[JohnKleeb]

16. I want a girl too

[Blue-Jay]

25. A girl monkey?

(i always knew he was a pervert)

[JohnKleeb]

26. oh to hell with you

A girl and a monkey.

[Dogmudgeon]

43. The last one I had just wanted me to get her pregnant

The girl, not the monkey.

And if you're curious, the answer was "NO!" to both.

--bkl

[JohnKleeb]

47. if I had a monkey, I'd name him bananas

[SoCalDem]

18. I have HAD monkeys.. Trust me.. You DON'T want a monkey

I had marmosets (cute little teensy ones) and Spider monkeys..

They are not very "clean" animals..:)

and they BITE

[eleny]

46. that kitten animation is so damned cute!

it's amusing and soothing at the same time.

[name not needed]

30. In Soviet Russia monkey wants YOU!

:P

[JohnKleeb]

33. Russian monkey!

[trof]

35. When I was a pirate, I couldn't decide.

Monkey?
Or parrot?

I borrowed Ed Teach's monkey. He was known as "Blackbeard", but it was really more of a brunette with auburn highlights. Ed, not the monkey. Anyway, he (Ed, not the monkey) lent me Coco for a voyage. See how we did. Little bastard would crap in my grog and then drink it. Well, he might as well. I sure as hell wouldn't drink it after he'd crapped in it. BTW, we didn't do jack-shit as far as booty went, either. I think the damned monkey just spread bad karma all over the place.

Next trip I borrowed Silver's parrot. He could talk a blue streak, but he also damn near took my ear off. Pissant. Had mites too, which got into MY beard and damned if the trollops in Trinidad would even give me a second look as soon as they found that out. Miserable damned bird. Booty was better on that voyage, a little, but nothing to write home about.

Screw monkeys and birds. Finally settled on a Jack Russell Terrier. Damned clean little dog, and absolutely fearless. We boarded a French merchantman one night and Jaquie damn near took that captain's gonads off. What a dog.

My advice, stick with canines.
Capt. trof

[SOteric]

37. How 'bout a nekkid monkeybutt?

[TreasonousBastard]

38. You will spank your monkey...

the first time he drops a load on the dinner table. In the dinner-- usually on the meat, which he doesn't eat.

Or the couch.

Or the keyboard.

Or in that place you just can't reach.

You will hate changing monkey diapers. Unlike babies, monkeys do not grow out of diapers. Sometimes, though, they take their own diapers off, and leave them in the strangest places.

Monkeys do, however, climb up anything and attempt to hang on to the light fixtures. And when they cannot recognize their faces in the good crystal, they will simply throw the glassware on the floor.

Pounding on the windows is always great monkey fun. And then, when they learn you can get through them...

[many a good man]

39. You need lots of monkeys !

If you only have one, it will devotes its life to making yours miserable. You need at least 2 or 3 to deflect attention...

[jus_the_facts]

41. Can I touch IT?

:evilgrin:

[matcom]

42. ANYTIME!!

:D

:loveya:

[jus_the_facts]

44. hehehe....

:P

:loveya:

[roguevalley]

45. my granny rented her house to someone who had a monkey. they were

still scraping petrified monkey poop off the walls twenty years later.

[Pax Argent]

48. This just in

I hear that there'll be a slightly-used monkey available after November. If you want to pay the freight from Washington, I'm sure they'll send him.

Yeah, I know the joke is obvious, but someone had to say it.
:shrug: