Wickedest thing you have ever done on a job?

[corarose]

I was hired as a file clerk one time for a cellular phone company and this goes way back to the first car phones.

Anyways this B*tch that was in charge sat at the desk across from me and we both were in the main show room. She would file her nails while I had to file the shit that she never filed in the first place.
Let me tell you there were stacks and stacks of files. So many files it was up to the desk and they were all single paper invoices of customers.
The b*tch kept asking me when I was going to finish my work and when she took her lunch one day I decided that I had enough of the place.

So, I lifted up the carpeting and I put the files neatly under the rug and I patted them down so there wouldn't be a budge in the rug.

The nails were loose in the rug so I took my shoe and hammered them back down and damn I did a good job because they even shampooed that rug afterwords and no one knew the difference.

When she came back she said that it was about time that I got all the filing done and I had to go in the bathroom and laugh.

I left right after they shampooed that carpeting which was a few days later.

Everytime that I use to drive by the place it brought back memories because I am an honest person but I couldn't take the bitching any longer and she could have helped instead of doing her damn nails.

Jobs were a dime a dozen back then and the economy was good. I was right out of High School and it was right before Raygun took office.

[TrogL]

1. Convinced a user he had a virus on a Macintosh

this was around the time of the Methuselah.

I installed the "bugs" desk accessory.

[Salviati]

2. My friend and I would think of ways to scam money...

from the department store we worked at. Not that we ever did of course, but we did think of essentially foolproof ways to do it.

[Ein]

8. Two kids I know.

Worked out a scam on Wal-Mart. The one worked in the electronics department... well, he'd steal games from the store, give them to his friend, who would return them for money.

Have no clue on the details.

[demnan]

3. I never really did anything wicked, but I did play a good practical joke

When I went with this company one of the guys used to play practical jokes on me. He would take the shit that the secretary had left before and put it on my desk, like old shitty incense burners and shit. The woman had also left about 6 pairs of shoes under the desk. This was his way of welcoming me and I really took it at that and I thought it was kinda fun.

Well anyway, one day to get him back I took one of the pairs of shoes a pair of pink high heels and just put them on his desk. Needless to say, (and unknown to me) he had a client meeting that morning and had to explain to his client why he had a pair of pink high heels on his desk when they arrived first thing that morning.

Well, they must have known him well - they took it well when he told them about his predaliction for office practical jokes the payback he had received.

[northzax]

56. wow, a huy who can dish and take it

brilliant working companion there.

[Catshrink]

4. I once emptied the hole punch

into my boss's umbrella.

He was pissed.

[ProudGerman]

5. Wicked? I've done a few wicked things

I've energized a cieling tile grid while my friend was up in one of the tiles, he felt a really good tingle on his way down (don't worry, it was only 12 volts.)

I pulled 3 spark plugs from my bosses work truck before leaving for a job.

I glued another contractors boots to the floor with Liquid Nails.

I placed Little Mermaid contact stickers (the static cling type) all over my friends pick up truck. He didn't catch the 2 foot tall Arial that was on his hood.....or the Flounder one on his bumper. He caught hell from his "good ol boy" friends.

I've sent various inexperienced helpers to dig through the work truck looking for a fluorescent tube bender.

I backed the work truck up to an occupied port-a-john's door. That was pure evil, heh.

[Catshrink]

9. That was a shitty thing to do!

"I backed the work truck up to an occupied port-a-john's door. That was pure evil, heh."

I think the Arial and Flounder thing was pretty funny, too.

[Ein]

6. Stole a mousepad.

Boring old me.

Oh, back when I was a dishwasher I heisted a 6 Fosters from the downstairs cooler on my way out. I'm a badbiy.

[demnan]

7. Another practical joke I played

There was a federal worker I knew who kept a lot of personal stuff on his cardfile application, like restaurant addresses and stuff. This was at U.S. Customs. Well I was just learning Visual Basic programming and I was the LAN support for this group. Recently Customs had put out decrees about having personal stuff on the computer. This one guy was really paranoid. He was the type that thought if he hid the key to his computer (that's when the computers had keys) no one could get in, but the thing he didn't know was that there were only about 3 or 4 different keys to all the computers in the office and I could get into his anytime I wanted.

So I played a trick on this poor soul. I wrote a program in VB and called it cardfile.exe, renamed his precious file and had his screen giving him warnings about the head of Customs demanding he go be examined and shit.

Poor guy, he took it well and of course I restored his stuff for him without any harm, but it really was kinda mean, I guess.

[phaseolus]

12. back in the days of DOS

well... Windows 3.11 actually, which you still started from a DOS prompt... we had a particularly computer-illiterate guy in the engineering office. For kicks one day, I edited his autoexec.bat file so Windows didn't automatically start and changed the DOS prompt to "Total System Failure. Please Smack the Monitor."

Worked like a charm.

[Catshrink]

13. I once messed with someone's Word ap

I changed the default font color to white.

And, on a partiularly snotty b*tch's machine, I made an AutoCorrect entry that automatically changed her name to Princess.

In Excel, I hid someone's scoll bars, formula bar, and sheet tabs.

Hehehehehehehehe

[Best_man23]

19. I did the Word AutoCorrect thing

Changed someone's name to say he was the Boss's Stooge.

Worst I've ever heard of (know this for a fact) was a fellow co-worker who splooged some man-chowder into a female co-worker's frappachino (she had broke up with him).

[Habibi]

84. That's disgusting

so why am I laughing so hard?

[Lady Freedom]

10. If you ask nice...

I'll PM you about it! ;)

Yes it was that naughty!

[NJCher]

11. a couple more

A friend who worked for an absolute beast of an employer quit and went to work in another field. He advised customers of the former employer (who were getting screwed) on how to sue. He even had a lawyer set up to take all the cases and did them like a mass production line. So far the employer has been sued about 10 times and had to pay judgments of $3.3 million. My friend didn't get one single nickel out of this but his face brightens up when he thinks about all the money he has cost the beast.

Here's one of mine: at my job the management spoke in those nauseating platitudes like "think outside the box." So I invented a newsletter and printed it off on the office copier and put it in everyone's mailbox. I called it "Corporatease" and in the newsletter I told which expressions were out and which were in. If an expression got on my nerves, I put it in the "passe'" column. It was very effective and I didn't have to listen to a lot of bullS*$t I might otherwise have had to listen to. People took the newsletter seriously and it made me laugh when I heard them discussing what expressions were in/out.


Cher

[greenwow]

14. Stupid copier tricks

The president of a company I worked for used to bring his cat to work. It was an absolute terror. It would destroy expensive equipment by chewing on anything it could, and it ruined several laptops by peeing on them. Many employees ended-up with ruined clothing from the cat's claws. I personally had two pairs of suit pants ruined. Of course, the repairs for the equipment came out of our department's budget, and the clothing replacements came out of our own pockets. We got tired of the cat, so we started rubbing paper on the cat's fur before putting it in the copier. The cat loved it, and would even come running when it heard us open the papertray. The static would cause the copier to jam on almost every page. The obnoxious guy ended-up wasting a lot of time working on the copier. It was petty, but nice to see the cat indirectly frustrate him like it so often frustrated us.

We never were able to convince the owner of the company to not allow the president to bring his cat to work, however the cat had the last laugh. He ate the president's eyes. Unfortunately, a good friend of mine found him, and it took him quite a while to get over the shock of seeing it. I ended-up having to take the cat to the local humane society to be put to sleep. The receptionist there said it was not that uncommon that cats ate part of their owners. She said that in the five years she'd been there, she knew of four or five times that it happened in our small town! Reason #435 I will never own a cat. Anything that sees me as food is not something I want as a pet.

[Catshrink]

16. He ate the president's eyes?????

Tell us more.

[greenwow]

35. The rest of the story

The guy was in his office with his girlfriend (the scum was married and had kids) sometime Friday night when he had a heart attack. We never figured-out if it was before or after his girlfriend left. He was either unconscious or dead when the cat got hungry. As I understand it, cats eating part of their disabled owners isn't that uncommon.

[Catshrink]

37. EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW

My Sammy won't be chewing my hair anymore, lest he get some other ideas.

Here's Sam:

[corarose]

83. Your cat is so damn cute!

My Garfield was a very large cat before he died at 16 and I use to love to hold him because he was so big.

You kitty is adorable.

[roughsatori]

15. I was a Doctor and use to inject myself with morphine before surgery

Just kidding! But I did have a friend who was a surgeon, it was discovered he was injecting synthetic opiates before surgeries. He was sent to rehab and is still a Surgeon. I thought it was funny, because my brother was fired for smoking pot before going to work when he was a grocery bagger.

[DS1]

17. before leaving my tank unit for good

I hooked them up with an engine with every single bolt filed down to round, if not completely off.

Yeah, take THAT apart, assholes!

edit: Oh yeah, then I "dropped" the file into the the oil reservoir.

[beanball]

18. I was a baaaad boy

when I was in the army(pre bush army)I worked for a dentist who would alway show off when a female patient was in the office,one day I was told to get a cup of coffe for the doc and to get one for the lady patient that sort of crap had happened before so acting like the dutiful flunky off to the lounge to get the coffee, but a thought occured before you get the coffee rince the cups and what better place than the toilet, so I dipped both cups in the toilet filled both cups with hot coffee and returned to the office with the coffee au toilet which the good doc and the lady consumed and smacked their lips with delight.

[rppper]

38. while on kitchen duty on my first sub......

i was the dish washer, two other guys were on the mess decks(where you sit down to eat) and the last guy was in the compactor room...the easiest of the jobs...he was a 3rd class PO that had come to the sub via the surface navy...an e4 on a surface ship wields some degree of authority, not so on a sub, where sub quals and watchstanders quals determine your pecking order...anyhow, he was behind on all his quals and was a real douche-bag to boot...his dad was some sublant higher-up and he thought nothing of bossing us around and barking orders. so one afternoon he was compacting the trash, and ordered us, in a loud barking tone, to "fetch"(yes...fetch)him a soda from the mess decks...need less to say, there were 3 different sets of urine samples in his drink and a healthy dose of soapy cleaning water from my sink as well....he drank it down without so much as an afterthought.....

my boss and owner of the motorcycle dealership i used to work at was a first class asswipe...threatening employees when no one else was watching, berating them in front of customers, your buddy one second then your assailant the next...i think he was bi-polar minus the meds...my neighbor, who was a custom cabinet maker, tells me he is installing woodwork in my bosses new house and asked if i'd like to see it...as we walked around the skeletal inside of the house, i asked where the master bedroom was going to be...he pointed it out to me, and i promptly started urinating on the 2x4's that made up the wall to his bedroom and master bathroom....he will remember me every time he turns the heat on or takes a hot shower.....

more recently, i did the bone dance with a girlfriend in the executive lounge where i worked...on the lunch table...she just showed up as i was getting out of work....spontinuity rules...

[solinvictus]

20. Wicked

A co-worker who was supposed to be assisting me in answering and routing calls at a high volume government office. Her son, daughter, and idiot husband would call ALL DAY and she was on so many personal calls that the work piled up. One day, she had a stack of files that needed her action and she was talking to family all day. I took the files and hid them, causing her to get REAMED by the manager. Later, she got angry that I was promoted over her. That was the real revenge.

[RetroLounge]

21. Uhm, it involved a young college girl, a dorm room

and internet porn.

The Dorm Room was actually my daytime office in the Dorms, where I wrote computer code for the university (Grad student AND full time employee of the State).

The girl was an undergrad with looooonnnnnng legs in a short skirt. Commando...

The internet use group was, well, stories, not pictures, and she liked to read out load while on my lap.

You get the picture...

[alfredo]

22. My boss ripped off my wife for several hundred dollars.

He refused to make good on it and challenged us to sue him.

I got in his computer, found what he bid for his customers. I quit, went to his clients and took them all away. I went into competition with him and there was nothing he could do because he forgot to have me sign the no competition agreement.

His secretary confided in me that he was kiting checks. she gave me enough info to get him busted. She was the one that gave me his password.

BTW, he had, right over his desk, a picture of him shaking hands with Ronald Reagan.

He also sucked his thumb.

[Darth_Kitten]

32. Wow!!!

:evilgrin: I'm speechless....I wish I could have done this to a few persons. :evilgrin:

[ScreamingMeemie]

23. I used to telephone research studies in college. No selling just

monotonous questions about cars. Name recongnition, that sort of thing. One night I got this flaming B*tch on the phone who shouted every obscenity known to man and a few more and then slammed the phone down. She was on the East coast, as was I, but we called out until 11:30. We moved through the time zones as each hit 9:30. So every 20 minutes or so I would call her back, and then I'd call her back again. One would think she would have taken the phone of the hook, but nope. I went through the whole spiel again...and then again. Heehee.Stupid, but I felt better.

[NightTrain]

24. During my high school years working in fast food...

...I emptied several packets of honey into the slot of the credit card machine in front of the counter. They had to replace it!

And once the new credit card machine was in, I emptied several packets of keptchup into the slot.

Eventually, the credit card machine idea was scrapped altogether. I can't imagine why!

[lynndew2]

25. This was a long time ago '78 i think

I was working in NJ and we were hiring a lot of illegal Polish imigrants and were using some illegal chemicals. Whenever OSHA or the imigration officials would visit we would either send all the illegals down the back elevator to go home for the day or if it was OSHA, we were told to hide the barrels behind stacks of boxes.

One day when the boss was out for lunch with the owner. We took her car and loaded it in the cargo elivator and brought it upstairs. It took like 12 of us to lift the car up to the level where the trucks were loaded. We then carried it to the boxes that we hid the barrels behind and buried it as we did the barrels.

She was a gruff old lil sailor lady..but to her credit, she took it with a grain of salt and none of us got fired.

One of the guys was friends with the chief of police so they knew to ignore the call when she called it in as stolen. We slowly removed boxes till she saw it was her car. It was funny at the time.

[Bombero1956]

26. In the fire department where I work

we have a yearly uniform allowance, nothing major, just 2 shirts, 4 trousers, 4 t-shirts and a sweatshirt. Well we have this guy at the station who prides himself in keeping fit. He watches his weight religiously, studies himself in the mirror an awful lot too. On the day the trousers were passed out he was on his 4 days off, so I brought them to a tailor and had them altered from size 40 to size 38. This was done without removing the labels and tags which show the waist size and inseam. He came in to work in his civies figuring on changing into uniform at the station. he could not figure out why he didn't fit into his new pants. He was convinced that he had gained weight and needed to stop eating to fit into his pants. Next week we're going to stick some hairs into his hairbrush and plant some Hair Club for Men pamphlets around the station.

The really funny thing is that he's losing the weight right now so next year he'll be size 38 and too small for his pants!!!

[Booberdawg]

27. LOL! Well just little things that won't hurt the customer

My fav is to put lotion underneath the handle of the phone and then call them interoffice so they get goo on their fingers and wonder what it is. Ewwwwww!!!! LOL! I hang up so they don't know it's me. :D

Another thing I did is to go to a macho man's desk while he was away and send out an email to the department in his name saying how much I really love you guys and appreciate you. He got warm responses and was pissed. LOL! :evilgrin:

And then there was the time my best friend went on vacation and I got a master key from Maintenance and filled her overhead shelf with syrofoam peanuts so when she got back and opened it ...... And WTF she immediately blamed me!!O8)

One time I left a banana peel on the floor in my supervisor's office with written instructions next to it to "STEP HERE" She had the audacity to single me out for accusation! :wow:

(I liked her! We were friends! How could she possibly think I'd do such a thing! O8) )

Then there have been times I have adjusted peoples chairs up or down a couple inches while they are gone. :evilgrin:

[REP]

28. Just a Little Coding

that had some serious results. All of the work was stored on computers labelled A, B and C. I liked B the best, and I discovered it had a little glitch. I mentioned it, but nobody cared, so I dodn't fix it. When I left the company, I sent a innocuous looking file that shut it down and contaminated A and C, too. It should have taken 25 minutes to isolate and correct, but it those numbnuts a week. Too bad.

At another job, I had been promised a raise after a certain period. The raise didn't come. In the meantime, the evil troll I worked with had a heart attack, so I was doing all the work, and there was no one else who could. I went to the owner's office and told them if I wasn't given the raise I was promised, I would not return. I went back to my office and put my stuff in boxes and waited. By the end of the day, I had a check with the raise pro-rated back six months.

[no_hypocrisy]

29. I put a rubber cut-off hand in a bag of potato chips for a smart-ass new

doctor who joined the medical group where I was working.

This idiot had the habit of taking food, regardless of whether it was yours and it wasn't meant to be shared. He was told but he wouldn't listen. So it was time for a "message".

I put the gag hand in a large bag of chips and then hid that bag in a file cabinet drawer so that he would have to go into a private area and steal the chips. He kept within his habit patterns.

It worked great. He got the first layer of chips into his mouth. While chewing on chip pulp, he had his hand in the bag for the next installment. His finger intertwined with the gag hand.

And he knew he was set up and he knew it was me. He went crying to the boss (my father) and complained about my harassment. Nothing was done to put me in line for this little bit of fun.

Epilogue: this jerk, affectionately known as "Dr. Dick" by other co-workers, was found to have set up his own private medical office, independent of the partnership (and not sharing the proceeds with the p-ship) and invited to leave the practice.

Je ne regrette riens!

[Patriot_Spear]

30. Drank beer and made cocktails all day...

Worked as a liqour store manager during college- talk about the fox guarding the chikens!

[trof]

31. Airline employee revenge

Read this story several years ago. Purported to be true.

When the airlines were really beginning to crank up post WWII, a young pilot got hired by United in Chicago. Somehow he got on the wrong side of the chief pilot. Shortly after he finished training he was called into the chief pilot's office and fired for no cause.

He walked down the ramp to American and got a job there which led to a long and distinguished career. Since pilots must pay for their own uniforms, the United outfit was his to keep.

A few days before each Christmas, on his days off, he'd put on the United uniform, cap and all, and head for the main terminal bar.
He'd sit there knocking back double scotches and tell all at the bar "Just getting my courage up. We'll be leaving for New York in about an hour."

Gotta love it.

[JM]

33. Impersonated my boss...

at a grocery store. I used to do an absolutely drop-dead impersonation of our boss. When I would sneak up behind co-workers and do it, they would jump and nearly drop dead.

#1
One night we were close to closing and Mike the Assistant Manager announced over the PA system for all baggers to come up front. I went to the stock room and immediately ordered them back to what they were doing...in Mike's voice.

This went on for a good 5-10 minutes, back and forth with increasing intensity on Mike's part, increasing frustration on the baggers' part, and tremendous laughter on everyone else's part.

Little did I know Mike was moving from intercom to intercom, so it all ended when Mike was on an intercom in an office 5 feet behind me announcing for all baggers to be up front immediately. When I made my announcement for the baggers to return to what they were doing, everyone heard "I GOTCHA!" over the intercom and busted out laughing.

The union reps were laughing so hard when the bosses tried to fire me, the bosses just dropped the issue.

#2
We used to have these nametags at the grocery store where you would use press-on letters to create your name, then slip the white pies of thick paper into the badge.

My boss at the time, Bill, would leave his jacket, with nametag, hanging in the back room. One night I replaced his name with "BROWNNOSER". It happened to be the night before the chain VP of Produce was due to visit. The VP came in, walked up to Bill, shook his hand, and said "Brownnoser, nice to see you again!". Bill, thoroughly confused and upset, asked Vince why he would call him a Brownnoser. Vince told him that is what it says on his nametag...

Later,
JM

[sistersofmercy]

43. OOOOOOOO! I like how you think!

[jumptheshadow]

34. Microsoft trick

We put a scrolling screensaver on a client's computer. It said:

"Your hard drive is filthy and sectors 396 to 575 have been ruined because of it. You are about to lose all your data. Call your computer technician immediately!"

The guy believed it.

My partner has a nasty colleague who is disliked by everyone. When another colleague was laid off, a third staff member took the nasty guy's toothbrush and rubbed it across the departed worker's very dirty phone receiver.

A well-known New York editor, who was also a notorious pr***, used to offer his employees glasses of "white wine" that were actually urine. Or so it has been written.

[alfredo]

39. On my supervisor's computer I put on the scroll

"Your fly is open."

[baldguy]

36. A couple

I was bored one night I had to work late. Filled boss's office with empty boxes and as I filled it up, I stuck them together using duck tape. I wasn't there in the mornng when he walked in.


Also, I worked as a stock clerk at Sears for a few months during college. A cust came to the pick-up window to get the big 300-lb snowblower he just bought, which was in the warehouse on the other side of the parking lot. Unfortunatly for me, the forklift was nowhere to be found (actually, well hidden by the other clerks). Those white titanium hand carts can sure carry a lot more weight than they're rated for!

At Sears, we also used the VCRs as steps to get the big screen TVs.

[alfredo]

40. Put fart ampules under

The Postmasters floor mat. He had to open all his windows.

[Catshrink]

41. Here's a good source for more ...

if you are so inclined that is....

don't forget to look at the Bush farting doll.

http://www.prankplace.com/index.htm

[alfredo]

46. A guy i worked with hid a remote control fart machine

near the postal clerks station. It was funny.

[BritishHuman]

42. I used to work for the Gas Board...

On the day I left I changed my name on the database.

I got my gas bills addressed to Jesus H. Christ for nearly a year.

[XanaDUer]

44. We once had a boss where I worked

who was a lazy, abusive , micro-managing cow.

Anyway, we used to "lose" the important faxes she would get. I would even help her look for them. Twice she got into shitloads of trouble for not knowing about the contents of the faxes, and looked like an idiot who had to have stuff sent to her over and over again.

Ah, memories.

[noiretextatique]

45. got the CFO fired

because he was an incompentent jerk. i was a temp.

[alfredo]

47. Not a boss but a business competition.

A talent agent tried to get my wife as a client, but she was happy with what I was doing. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He tried to split up our marriage, and reported me to the IRS using false charges. It took me two years to clear up that mess. I knew he did it. Instead of kicking his ass, I got even . I found out he had two mistresses. I got their names and addresses and was going to give them to his wife. During my investigation I found out he was into child porn, and had a large collection. Not only did he lose his wife and his home, he went to prison and is now on the sex criminal database. His wife left him for a younger man and is living well in the south east.

Hint:

Do not try to screw over a former intelligence agent. Better yet, don't mess with anyone unless provoked.

[toddzilla]

48. awesome stuff!!

i worked at a hotel for a few years in several departments.


in banquets i've told guests we were out of water, filled coffee cups with cold coffee to drive away customers that stay longer than needed, and generally acted like a complete assmunch when provoked, :evilgrin: however i was a kick-ass waiter to friendly people.O8)

i've also been intermittently deaf and blind depending on the particular guest's attitude. it's amazing how little you can see when someone is a jerk..


i worked as a set-up person for a conference center, we had to clean up and empty trash cans in conference rooms, people generally treat you like crap cause it's a low-rung position.. while i was cleaning one room a guy was working late on an accounting project, he looked right at me and proceeded to wad up and thow paper on the floor while i emptied the trash cans.. after he left i "re-arranged" all his papers for him, and somehow there were fewer documents when i left the room.. :evilgrin:

i also used to "confiscate" batteries from the grocery stores that i cleaned the floors at during the night.. somehow they would fall off the shelf and i'd have to sweep them up and put 'em in my disc player since they were far too dirty to use by the time they got to the back room.


a friend damaged several gun cabinets with the buffer, only to show up a few days later and buy them for 1/2 price due to the "damage" :evilgrin:

[Blue_Chill]

50. Damn!

you rock!

[HEyHEY]

49. I'm sure there is better but right now I can only think of....

I forgot my key to open the store one day....so I had to call a locksmith. He came and opened it, $70 charge. I didn't want to tell head office cause they were fucking assholes. So I took the money out of the till, did a fake return on some shoes and paid the guy.

[JohnKleeb]

51. fell asleep keep in mind I had my first job this summer

[Blue_Chill]

52. Shrimp in the office chair tube

They were frozen when I put them in there but man did it stink in a week. Took a LOOOOOONG time for that racist asshat to find what was causing the stench. Great fun!

[JohnKleeb]

53. ewww

but I think a jellyfish would have been better now thats just :puke:

[FireHeart]

54. Long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

I worked in a plant that produced plastic reinforced (with fiberglas) water tanks. One night, I and several others got called in early because of some technical problems we needed to work on. One supervisor got an emergency phone call from home and had to leave. The next shift super wasn't due to arrive for at least 2 hours, so we were pretty much on our own. After we finished up, we got bored...didn't have anything else to do.

So...we had these caustic tanks that were used to strip burned fiberglas from the molds. They effected organic material, too, but not plastic or metal. So we loaded a skull from one of the Q/C labs with hamburger (which weighed it down) and sunk it into one the tanks the next super was supposed to check upon arrival. (They were inspected regulary)

When he arrived, he asked were the previous shift super was...we all looked blank and said we had no idea.

He wandered off to do his inspections...


You can guess what happened.

Still get a laugh out of this one.

[Iverson]

55. I thought for myself ...

... and not for my masters.

[wyldwolf]

57. Ode to "non-compete" contracts...

I was pretty naive when I took my first full-time radio job, but not so much that I didn't know what a non-compete contract was! Such a contract would bar someone from working for a competitor in the event of a separation from the company.

The GM of the station had me sign one.

6 months later, I snuck into his office and stole the contract out of my employee file.

A few months later, I found out he was carrying on with a 16 year old girl. (he was in his 50s!)

I called him on it (I knew the girl) so he fired me. The station across town hired me the next day.

The smug GM of my old station told me I couldn't work for the other station because of my non-compete contract.

I asked, with a wry smile, "What contract is that?"

He immediately understood my tone.

[stlsaxman]

58. I didn't do this- BUT- I reaped the benefits...

In the Eighties I worked in this posh restaurant and was training under Chef
Sam Young, an amazing man, full of knowledge...

During one particularly busy lunch period there was a diner who sent back his
14 ounce strip steak FIVE TIMES claiming it wasn't "done enough". Each time
the plate went out it had to be regarnished with fresh baked potato and
vegetables. I had a dining room full of customers and a window full of tickets
so when it came back a sixth time Sam grabbed the plate from the waitress'
hand, took the steak from the plate, spit on both sides, threw it on the brick
tile floor and stomped on it three times with his boot. He picked it up and
threw it onto the hotest part of the grill for about 30 seconds on each side...

I had a fresh plate at the ready and we sent it out... turning to the mass of other
orders we worked our way through the intense "rush"...

Half an hour later the waitress came back and handed Sam a $50.00 bill
saying that the man wanted to let him know that that was the best steak he
had eaten in his LIFE! Sam turned and handed it to me- I was dumbfounded...
He said "I don't need his fuckin' money and anyway- you did all the work!"

[Nomad559]

59. Thanks stlsaxman

Of all the post's that was the BEST. :evilgrin:

[stlsaxman]

71. You're welcome... that's a story i just love telling...

glad to have another chance to do so.

[corarose]

63. Unless you have been a restaurant worker you don't know what happens

When you send things back more then once.

Thank You for the laugh.

[Catshrink]

60. Thanks, Corarose

this thread is great. I've really enjoyed reading what mischief other people have gotten into. Great idea!

[corarose]

77. Your Welcome

I love stories on peoples lifes.

[LWolf]

61. A couple of things:

On a colleague's 40th birthday, I came in early and decorated her office with black balloons and spider webs. I rotated her chair around until it was so low that when she sat down her nose was level with the desk. I rearranged all of her desk drawers so that she couldn't find anything, unplugged everything, and hid the phone so that she had to tear the place apart to find it when it rang.

Same colleague....(school secretary. She kept a teddybear named for her husband at her desk. Kids who needed comfort got to hold the teddy. I kidnapped the teddy and sent a week's worth of ransom notes, like a treasure hunt. Culminating in finding the poor teddy on Friday morning, tied up in the microwave.

Same colleague...she had a thing about mice. Couldn't stand them. We worked in an old building with lots of wildlife for a couple of years. I used to catch them and leave them for her to find. Live. Sometimes I left them in her trash can. Once I put one into a "hamster ball" and released it to run/roll by her desk.

She was my favorite co-worker. I miss her still.

[Generic Other]

62. A labor day song for you all suberversive workers! LOL

A Pict Song

Rome never looks where she treads.
Always her heavy hooves fall
On our stomachs, our hearts or our heads;
And Rome never heeds when we bawl.
Her sentries pass on -- that is all,
And we gather behind them in hordes,
And plot to reconquer the Wall,
With only our tongues for our swords.

We are the Little Folk -- we!
Too little to love or to hate.
Leave us alone and you'll see
How we can drag down the State!
We are the worm in the wood!
We are the rot at the root!
We are the taint in the blood!
We are the thorn in the foot!

Mistletoe killing an oak --
Rats gnawing cables in two --
Moths making holes in a cloak --
How they must love what they do!
Yes -- and we Little Folk too,
We are busy as they --
Working our works out of view --
Watch, and you'll see it some day!

No indeed! We are not strong,
But we know Peoples that are.
Yes, and we'll guide them along
To smash and destroy you in War!
We shall be slaves just the same?
Yes, we have always been slaves,
But you -- you will die of the shame,
And then we shall dance on your graves!

We are the Little Folk, we, etc.

-- Rudyard Kipling

[corarose]

64. When I was 15 years old I worked in a candy factory for 2 days

I lied to them and told them that I was 16 and I didn't tell my parents that I was going to work at the Easter Candy Company. Hell, it's been so long I don't remember the name of the place.

Anyways the guy treated us girls like shit and we were young and decided to mess with him. We licked all of the eater bunnies that came down the line and put them back on the line and he tried one and told us that they were so good.

Easter brings back memories for me big time on the candy factory job.

[corarose]

65. A Jerky Bartender got what he had coming to him

Chicago gets very hot in August right?

Well, when I worked at the Orrington Hotel years ago in a private club that they had the air conditioning went out one summer for a few hours and it was so damn hot but we still had to work. Our polyester outfits didn't help very much either.

Jose our food runner went up to the bartender and asked him for a coke because it was so hot and back then we could have a pop and we could eat what we wanted.

Jose came back to me because I was the head waitress and told me that he was thirsty and Jim wouldn't give him anything to drink. Being the type of person that I am I got pissed off.
I went up to Jim and told him that I needed 2 cokes and he said that he didn't work for the staff.
We couldn't get to the pop because of the layout of the bar. So later on Jim calls me over and tells me that he wants some Bookbinder Soup and I told Jose to go and get him a cup of soup from the downstairs kitchen.
We Doctored his soup up because Jim had messed with Jose before on many occasions and you know when it's how people get crazy.

We took the cup of Bookbinder Soup and we put hot sauce, pepper, a little bit of dish water from the dirty dishes, and well Jose spit in the soup and we served it to him.

He ate the soup and asked us to go and get him another cup and Jose said gladly.

[maxanne]

66. so many pranks

so little space. :D

Back in the 80's, I was working as a waitress. There was one waitress who was a real stuck up snot. She never did her share of sidework, but if the boss was in range, her radar would go off, and he'd find her cleaning some obscure shelf, and congratulate her. She'd sigh, and say, "Someone has to do it," and we'd all fume, because she did dick the rest of the time. Plus she was a snot. *did I mention that?*
The bartender was also a coke dealer - and many of us were heavy partiers then. She tried to get him fired, by telling the boss. We loved him. We hated her.

We put some shrimp under her backseat. The car was parked in the sun, on an August day with the windows rolled up. A chunk of swordfish went in the radiator.

She had to buy a new car.


At a different restaurant, I planted a very realistic looking rubber rat in the corner where the bosses's snotty wife always came in and held court. I cherish to this day, the sound of those screams.

One more.

I was working as a cook (I was an all purpose restaurant person)at an inn owned by a Republican congressman. I felt like such a whore, but I'd just moved back to NH, and couldn't find another job. It sucked so bad. The chef hated women in his kitchen. The male cooks had post cards of scantily clad females up behind the line. Whenever I worked, I was facing a row of boobs and butts - thongs and silicone. I hated the job anyhow - so the sexist atmosphere wasn't going to help. One night, oddly enough, the only people scheduled on the line were women. We took down all the girlie pix, and put up comparable male shots from PLAYGIRL magazine. No crotch shots - but plenty of butts and pecs. Woohoo. The next day, I got a call from the chef, who was nearly weeping with rage. How dare I? The boys were all upset. They bellowed - "I don't want to look at this stuff" to me. They didn't get it when I said I felt the same way about their pictures. :eyes:
That was the end of all pictures behind the line - and the beginning of the end for me, whoring for Republicans.

I feel like a cheap whore still - 8 years later.

[buddhamama]

67. when i worked for a pharm co.

in their communications dept. it was my job to be at work every morning for Six a.m. so the big-wigs could conference together.
there was this one 'guy' who was the first to call in every morning and as the others joined him i was supposed to let him know that i had plugged them in. this guy was a jerk. i had had runins with him before. for whatever reason he didn't like me but one of the mucky- mucks did and i was the only one allowed to handle these 'special' pow-wows.

so one morning the jerk is on the line but talking to someone else too(don't know if the other person was in the room or what)bad mouthing the Big Guy. Hah. The Big Guy calls in, i plug him in to the conference line but i don't tell the jerk that the Big Guy is on.
He talked for a few more minutes before the Big Guy got in touch with me on another line and cancelled the call for that day.
Don't know what happened to the jerk.
He wasn't calling in the morning anymore though.

[Catshrink]

68. Oh, that one is great!

Let the big mouth jerk get caught. Sounds like he was history.

[Raven]

69. This thread makes me really sad... and disgusts me.

Having been a "boss", having purchased the best health insurance for my employees, having given raises when no one else was... money out of my pocket...I have to say...what is so funny about hiding files and screwing people. If you don't like your job, get another one. Why does anybody think it accomplishes anything to take a paycheck and then screw the person who gave it to you. Corarose, I think you are getting dental care from my pocket...if you screw me, where do you think that money is going to come from? If you have some problem with a bitch filing her nails and goving you grief (why is it always a woman?) then go to the boss and get it out...don't bury files for God's sake. I have to say, I lost alot of respect for you and many DU'ers after reading this thread.

[corarose]

72. I was a teenager right out of High School

The boss with the B*tch's Dad and I don't remember her name because she treated me like garbage.

I told them about her and they didn't do anything so I stuffed the files under the rug. I think that they were back up files from invoices.

I have owned a business in the past and most of us were kids when these things happened.

[Nikia]

70. I'm pretty good

I do call the blend superviser "Cheesus" behind his back and called our former plant manager by his dimunitive nickname, which he hated, behind his back as well. Besides that, I do not do anything else malicious against anyone in my workplace or to my company. I didn't even mess with the training of anyone who I trained to do aspects of my job by having them do unnessary steps (which I thought would be hillarious). I did write an anonymous letter condemning random drug testing (no one has been tested yet). I have also told people that they were wrong including and justifiably criticized the blend superviser's performance in front of upper management and the owners when they asked for my honest opinion. I do not go out of my way or am unnessarily mean at work for no reason.

[toddzilla]

73. it's the golden rule

he who has the gold, makes the rules..


oh wait.. treat others as you would be treated yourself...

i think they are pretty funny.. except for the stuff where people put things in food. I've never done that, it's kind of disgusting and relatively pointless..


raven, do you like your job 100% of the time, and never get irritated at anyone for treating you poorly or with disrespect...


people take business matters way too seriously in my opinion.. rarely does anything matter all that much. we all find different jobs or get transferred or whatever, and if we don't then it's our own punishment to stay with a job we hate.


laugh a little ..

[davsand]

74. The funniest thing I ever did was to Dept Store Security.

I worked at a Dept store right out of High School. They had this security department that spent a huge amount of time peeking thru racks at the employees. The head of security wasn't evil but she firmly felt that the majority of all retail theft was pulled off by employees. You could always tell when something "big" was gonna happen because one of the security guys would run up and grap the phone and call for a special signal phrase to be announced on the store loudspeaker system (usually something like Code Blue! or Code 99!)

One day a lady had been in and her kid had dropped a rubber pacifier on the floor. We didn't discover it till after she'd gone, so there we were with this useless thing.

Being the bored type, I taped it to the phone at our cash register. I figured somebody would pick up the phone and get a big laugh when they spotted this big rubber nipple sticking up...

Little did I know that the first person to use that phone would be the head of the security dept running up with some "emergency."

That poor lady grabs the phone and is dialing at the same time and that big old pacifier went right into her mouth... I almost had to be carried out of the stockroom because I was laughing so hard at the expression on her face.

She was not too happy about it, but there were no rules about disposing of pacifiers left behind by customer's kids so there was not much they could say. My poor boss had an awful time not laughing about it when she was supposed to be reading me the riot act.

Laura

[angee_is_mad]

75. lol

If I told you, I would have to kill you!!

JOKING!!!!

[JohnyCanuck]

76. I drank poison

I was working in a data centre in the late 80's and on the night shifts our main job was running reporting programs that wrote the data onto the big old reel to reel type tapes. There was a tape head cleaning fluid that we used to clean the tape heads periodically and one of the primary components listed on the label was alcohol. There was also a poison warning with the skull and crossbones sign as well.

I took an empty bottle of tape cleaning fluid one night and washed it out really well with soap and water and then filled it with tap water. Then I put it back on the shelf in the data centre where we normally kept the tape cleaning fluid.

When my coworker came into the room we were BSing away as usual when I casually picked up this supposed bottle of tape cleaner and said, "Wow this contains alcohol. You could probably get a good buzz going by drinking this stuff."

Of course my coworker saysk, "No way, you can't drink that. It's poison. It's not the same alcohol like they make booze out of."

I said, "I don't really believe that crap. I read somewhere they just put "poison" labels on these types of things more to discourage people from drinking it than because it's really poisonous. I'm gonna try some."

So at that point I tip back the bottle and take a mouthful of water swish it around in my mouth and swallow. The poor guy was just freaking right out figuring I had gone totally nuts. I kept stringing him along, by taking some more swigs of water and saying how it was just like drinking vodka and all the time he is staring at me with a look of amazement and total disbelief and telling me how nuts I am, and I'm going to have to go to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. Then I started grabbing my neck with both hands, making choking sounds and bouncing around and pretending to fall out of my chair and go unconcious.

He was about ready to call 911 for an ambulance but another guy that was there with us and whom I had let in on the trick beforehand was just busting a gut and almost rolling on the floor himself he was laughing so hard by this point, and it became pretty evident that the whole thing was a setup.

[MiltonLeBerle]

78. Does fucking my boss on her desk count?

I was 19 at the time, she was 31, married with kids and very horny. She kept dropping a lot of obvious(in hindsight)hints, but I was naive and very inexperienced due to my religious upbringing. Ultimately, she practically raped me...but that summer she did teach me a few good things that have really stuck with me, and helped me thru the years.

[Booberdawg]

79. Get OUTTA here!!

No way!!

[angee_is_mad]

81. raise?

Did you get a raise(monetary)out of it?

[Nikia]

82. I'd have filed a sexual harassment complaint

Maybe I'm prudish, but someone in power over you, has no right to put pressure on you like that all. I might even try maliciously trick a boss into giving me a raise like that. It might go like this:
Me:"Are you saying that you'd like to have sex with me?"
Boss:"Yes"
Me:"Will I get a raise?"
Boss:"Yes"
Me:"Quite frankly, sir, I am insulted and feel that you have no right to treat me like this. Now if you don't give me a raise, I'll have to bring this to the attention of the company's owners. I can assure you that you'll be fired because they wouldn't want the negative publicity of a sexual harassment suit brought against them in court."
I suppose that would be wicked, but such a boss would deserve it.

[LuLu550]

80. had sex

with a co-worker after eveyone else left the office. :evilgrin: