*** BREAKING *** Bush To Begin Drinking Again

[King Of Paperboys]

In a startling moment of candor, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced Thursday that George W. Bush will begin drinking heavily again, perhaps beginning as early as Thursday evening.

"The President is under a great deal of stress and, like a great many Americans, has decided to take the edge off with a few shots in the early evening," said McClellan, whose father is a conspiracy loon.

"The President knows his limits," continued McClellan "and he's just about had it, what with the dropping poll numbers and this Kenny-Boy shit this morning. Immediately after he stalked out of his press conference, the President kicked his dog, Barney. That's when he decided that drinking might be a good idea. Lots and lots of drinking."

At press time, there was no indication whether the President had decided to resume his wicked cocaine habit, but informed sources, speaking off the record while updating their resumes, predicted that can't be far behind.

[elperromagico]

1. Is this your submission for The Onion? n/t

[getting old in mke]

2. In related news

The doctors' scheduled to administer the President's yearly medical exam on Monday morning are planning on sleeping in late.

"Yep. Hitting the sack until November," said Dr. Ian T. Gonna-Seeim.

[johnnie]

3. Did he ever really stop?

:shrug:

[KurtNYC]

7. Dont think so

and that wedding video is another thing that could have gone into F911.

[ewagner]

8. What wedding video? n/t

[johnnie]

It's one of shrub with a drink in his hands

He sounds toasted.

[elperromagico]

9. I believe the wedding video shows Bush looking rather drunk,

and taking a drink in the late 80s (after he claims to have stopped drinking).

[johnnie]

10. Link

http://bushwatch.org/august2000.htm

[elperromagico]

4. It would be nice if he'd get back into one of his other 60s habits:

Avoiding wars.

[testing123]

5. When did he stop?

:evilgrin:

[fertilizeonarbusto]

6. In more related news

It is reported that an executive order will be released tomorrow fully legalizing cocaine-though medicinal marihuana will still be illegal.