When did you know you were heterosexual?

[foreigncorrespondent]

I mean people are forever asking me when did I know that I was a lesbian. So now I would like to know when people knew they were heterosexual?

[Maple]

1. When I was 6

I looked at a boy in grade one and ....woof!


;-)

[JohnKleeb]

2. interesting question really

Its just I would prefer making love to a woman instead of a guy and a lot of other reasons too.

[roguevalley]

3. when I was about forty and saw Sean Bean

for the first time. <Seriously> I think this is required
in all conversations about gender orientation period. If
it is a choice, when did you make yours?

[mourningdove92]

4. ROTFLMAO

I love it!!!! I get the "when did you know you were lesbian" question all the time. I now have a wonderful new response!!!
thanks

[BeHereNow]

5. Actually-

I think sexuality is sexless-
and therefore, I have not decided anything.
Does that make me bi-sexual?

[sfwriter]

21. Ummm...Try-Sexual...

I think.

-Sandy

[BeHereNow]

31. Exactly...

as in, "Yes, I am."
BHN

[SPICYHOT]

51. not at all

that's mean that you are a lover

[short bus president]

6. when I failed to be turned on

by all the naked guys in the shower after football practice back in Jr. High.

[SaveABug]

7. I would say since the womb

since that's the way it is believed by most to happen, but I do remember a particular time when a girl made her intentions known, and parts of my brain and body went BOING simultaneously. I haven't doubted since.

[Mz Pip]

8. Don't think I ever thought

about it in those terms since I am from the baby boomer generation and gay wasn't even in our vocabularies. In retrospect I guess I always had crushes from a very young age on members of the opposite sex.

MzPip
:dem:

[PinkTiger]

9. I think I always knew.

I never wondered about my sexual preference. I knew. Of course, there were times when other people would question my preference (this happens to a lot of people, I think.) But I always knew I was not a lesbian.
This is why I never questioned that sexual preference is a choice. It isn't. It just IS. I don't know anybody who is lesbian or gay who can pinpoint when they made the CHOICE, because to them it wasn't a CHOICE.
Of course, I do wonder about Anne Heche, but doesn't everybody???

[cherryperry]

13. What a great answer!

It just never occurred to me to NOT be attracted to men. I guess it starts out with something akin to DNA, moves on to Daddy and then those weird other types called boys seem so damn appealing! So, other than cretins like Anne Heche (and I'm sure there are others), I certainly don't believe it's a choice. Perhaps it is a choice if a woman gets battered by a man so badly that her PTSD causes her to make the choice to love women ... but otherwise, don't you think people just know to whom they are attracted? Gays and lesbians would probably have a hard time with it because of the continuing stigma, but I would think they would always have known. Any gay or lesbian people wish to respond?

[foreigncorrespondent]

15. Anne Heche just made it a choice...

...to better her career, but she showed her true colours in the end.

[caledesi]

53. Yeah, and there weren't rainbow colors! LOL!

[Booberdawg]

59. She sure turned out to be a fruitcake didn't she??

:shrug:

[foreigncorrespondent]

65. Fruitcake. LOL

I could think of a lot worse. ;)

[foreigncorrespondent]

14. Thank you!

That is the point I was making when I asked the question.

I always knew deep down that I was a lesbian, I just denied it in myself for many years. But now, I am living my life the way I was born to, and apart from the issue of immigration keeping me away from my partner, I couldn't be happier.

[Karenina]

68. I didn't have to think about it.

I was, in this rare instance, a part of the dominant paradigm. I never had to question it. Having been properly educated at the conservatory I attended, I understand the reality of those from bi to trangender and have never, for the life of me, been able to figure out what the BIG DEAL is- based as it is upon LIES, LIES, LIES. A cursory look will make that apparent. Agendas, abuse, promiscuity... all bullshit. ABER:

DEMONIZATION? Das reicht. Das klappt.

[molly]

10. When I was around 5 and had a crush on an older man

of 10. My younger brother told me at age 5, he wanted to grow up and marry the little boy next door - he's gay.

[celestia671]

11. I'm not sure...

I've always liked boys!:*

[Ein]

12. Truthfully

I was bi-curious in my early teens, but not to any point where I would've acted on it (kind of like, some people like it, there must be something to it, deal). I just really do not find men attractive. So I'd say I knew I was solidly heterosexual when I had my first sexual experience with a woman (15).

[PinkTiger]

64. Bi-curiosity is common among adolescents.

And just because you had a (or even several) sexual encounters with a same sex (or opposite sex) individual does not define your sexuality. Your fantasies and the unconscious choice are what decides it. It's like this: when you think of the ideal date, who comes to mind? The answer is your sexual preference.

[LWolf]

16. Around 5 -6 years old or so.

I liked a boy in school differently. I didn't know what it was, it was just different than the way I liked the rest of my friends.

[Systematic Chaos]

17. It was a tough road for me

I was caught in a number of unfortunate circumstances when I was young that made all areas of life tough for me. My father died when I was 6 and my mother was nothing more than a paragon of ineffectuality while I was growing up. I moved five times from when I was 7 until I was 13, and since I was quite maladjusted I didn't socialize well. So, I tended to spend most of my time either alone or in the company of my mother and her drinking problem.

I knew from about the age of 12 that girls were my thing, but I was extremely effeminate in my gestures and behavior because I spent very little time with other boys. I got called a lot of stuff which I'm sure you can guess just by using your imagination. It became very tough for me because I started to feel as though I was the last person to figure out something about myself that the whole rest of the world already knew.

It wasn't until I settled here in Las Vegas and started 10th grade at the age of 14 that I found some wonderful friends who didn't judge me right away and actually took the time to explain how people may draw the wrong conclusions about my sexuality based on how I was emulating my mother's gestures and postures so much. I don't know where I would have been without them.

To this day I HATE people who go around saying stuff like "that's so gay" when they dislike something or whatever. I have a gay friend who has done so much for me when I was down that I don't know if I'll ever be able to sufficiently pay him back in my own mind. But at least now, at the age of 34, I'm secure in my straightness with a wonderful wife.

Anyone else out there have similar experiences to mine as teenagers?

[foreigncorrespondent]

18. Kind of similar...

I started to feel as though I was the last person to figure out something about myself that the whole rest of the world already knew.

Mine was a reverse of yours. People always knew that I was a lesbian, just I didn't figure it out until my twenties.

And when I came out with my family and friends they basically all (apart from a few) said to me they always knew.

The ones that didn't take too kindly to it, I have no contact with anymore. One is my dad, one is my grandmother (on my mothers side), and the other was a close friend up until she showed me her true homophobic ways.

[JohnKleeb]

28. I am real sorry

I as you saw am not gay, I do however have a gay cousin, he really is a nice guy, I met him a few weeks back, and I think me, him, and his partner shared the same political views, I saw some socialist like stuff in his house, they were nice guys, they adopted :) which is great for them, even my bro normally a phobe was tolerant but hes getting better keep in mind this boy is only 12. I think gays should be able to marry really, whats "immoral" about it we aint all fundy christians, I do think civil unions isnt a shambie idea but I think going all the way would be best. Civil unions and marriage are different so no one give me hell for saying they aren't because there are some who support civil unions but oppose gay marriage. I am real sorry what you go through FC and others. Being a human being aint easy but being a gay one must be hard, yet they live on despite persecution.

[SmileyBoy]

19. When I started getting turned on by vaginas.

That's the best explanation I can think of...:-)

[sfwriter]

20. The Avengers...Diana Rigg...

Same as everyone else... :-)

-Sandy

[corarose]

22. 2nd Grade I use to hold boys down and kiss them in the closet

I would wait for them in the closet and then attack them with a kiss.

My Mom use to get comments on me looking like Shirley Temple and the kids called me Kissing Curly and I am not joking.

[alfredo]

23. I think it was 5-6 years old for me. On the bell curve of sexuality I

am a 7, not bi, but not a macho, grunting, pork rind eating man.


I can say that most guys have had some type of sexual contact with their own gender. It is all part of puberty.

[HEyHEY]

24. On a rainy night in Georgia....

No It never suddenly HIT me. It just kinda happened.

[dsc]

25. I first saw this question

on a list of questions handed out in college by our campus LGBT group. I really wish I had saved it due to it having some wonderful turnabouts on it. Thanks for what was a thought provoking post.

[DoNotRefill]

26. I've always known....

I was considered the "Don Juan" of my preschool class.

[Bat Boy]

27. I actually have an answer....

Every man goes through a period of "sexuality questioning." I know the exact time that question was answered.

I had a friend, an English actor who decided he liked the midwest better than England. His house was the focal point of all social activity the first summer he moved to the states.

One night, after one of those "stay awake until the sun comes up talking about everything" nights he asked, very sweetly, if I would sleep with him.

I knew instantly that if there ever was a man I would sleep with, it would be him. And I knew I couldn't sleep with him.

We are still great friends and I've always remembered that night.

[NightTrain]

29. I guess by age 12

When I began noticing those two little bumps the girls were developing on their chests.

[Jeebo]

30. I didn't KNOW it, so much as I NOTICED it . . .

That I am a heterosexual male is not so much a FACT that I at some point KNEW about myself, as it was a strange SOMETHING that I noticed happening to me starting at about age 11 or 12. The words "heterosexual" and "homosexual" and the concepts they represent were completely unknown to me at that time. The first explanation I ever got for what was happening to me as I was entering puberty was one day at the kitchen table when I asked my brother, who was ten and a half years older, "Why do those pictures of those naked women in that magazine look so good to me?" And he answered, "That's lust of the flesh." I'm not going to try to explain this to y'all, other than just to say that those of you who grew up in an extremely sexually repressed Southern Baptist environment in the 1950s and 1960s like I did will understand what I'm talking about and the reasons for my abysmal ignorance of things sexual at that time.

And yes, I think asking that question, "When did you know you were heterosexual?" is a great comeback to the question of when did you know you were a lesbian.

And the fact that my sexuality is not something I chose, but just something I noticed happening to me, proves to me that the religious right are complete idiots when they claim that homosexuals "choose" their sexual orientation. That claim is utter balderdash.

Ron

[SOteric]

32. I had my first crush when I was 5.

I didn't even know what 'sex' was, I just knew that everytime I saw that little neighbour-boy I grinned like a village idiot and my heart fell into my shoes.

I've loved some women in my life, and even found a few of them attractive. But no woman has ever inspired those feelings. When I was old enough to know about sex, sexuality and sexual preferences the distinction was pretty clear.

I guess I've always assume it was the same for homosexuals of either gender. As you grow and develop a sense of your sexuality, the distinction seems pretty clear. But I imagine the societal messages about that developing sexuality have the potential to add a hellish dynamic to it.

[last_texas_dem]

33. I think...

...I would have to say I first realized it when I was in Kindergarten. I had this huge crush on a very pretty, sweet little girl. We became really good friends, and I even know she liked me back though we never made anything "official" at the time. :-) I still remember the awesome collection of freckles she had underneath her eyes, and how I would daydream about her everytime I heard the song "Eternal Flame" by the Bangles! haha (I still love that song...)

Anyway, my heart was broken when she moved to Austin the next year and I headed to public school in Orange. I thought no one could ever take her place, but finally moved on after a couple years in the requisite "girls are icky" stage. :-) As for identifying myself heterosexually in a purely sexual sense, I'd say I knew that when I started to have "the stirrings" (check out The Giver by Lois Lowry if you have no clue what the hell I'm talking about!) towards the end of fourth grade. And, for whatever it's worth, I've been certain of this fact since that time.

[foreigncorrespondent]

34. Thank you LTD.

You mentioned Eternal Flame, which happens to be Sapphocrats and my song. When I saw the words it took me back to that moment in time when we both knew that song was meant for us. :) It was a very special time in the begining stages of our relationship.

[Solly Mack]

35. hmmm...

let's see....excellent question......no real answer...mainly cause I've not locked myself into an either or thing...I have a sexuality...ain't that enough? :)

[Maddy McCall]

36. Well, I always THOUGHT I knew I was hetero, until I met brilliant DU

lesbians like NSMA, and that, combined with other reasons, has made me wonder if I am not at least bisexual.

just being brutally honest.

jchild

[devarsi]

37. After I had my first and only homosexual experience

When I was younger, I often wondered if I was taking heterosexuality for granted, accepting it because I was "supposed" to accept it (that has always been my nature, to question that which I most wanted to accept without question).

I set out on a journey of self-discovery, trying to open myself up to alternate experiences. I would hang out with the two guys at my job that were openly gay, and I lived with a transgendered room mate. Reading this now, it sounds like I was conducting a sociology experiment, and to some degree I guess that I was, but it wasn't so clinical. It was just a natural extension of my curious nature. It was funny at one point, because there was a girl I worked with, over whom I had a severe crush. Unfortunately, the girl wouldn't have anything to do with me. I found out later that it was because she thought I was gay.

Anyway, this all culminated at a point in my early twenties, when I allowed myself to be "seduced" by an attractive bi-sexual friend of mine. I had known this person for some time, trusted him, admired him, and had a very warm relationship with him, prior to this experience. I thought that if any light wasgoing to go off in my heart, then this was probably my best chance to test it.

Well...I wasn't horrible, it wasn't scary, and I didn't feel overcome with guilt, but neither did it feel right. Not even as right as the few meaningless (but hetero) one night stands that I had had at that time.

What DID happen was that the experience answered the question that had nagged me for some time by re-affirming my attraction to the opposite gender, and by helping me understand why I was attracted to women, not men. For me, there is something lacking in the romance department where relationships with men are concerned. I have never been romantically attracted to a man, regardless of looks or personality, or even his masculine or feminine nature.

On the other hand, I have been romatically attracted to several women who are not stereo-typically feminine.

I learned that for me, sexuality is linked to romance, which in turn is linked to some instinctual bonding that is somehow related to the potential for procreation. I have found that I am the most romantically attracted to women that I see as potential mates, good mothers, and a good social and genetic balance to my own heritage. That all sounds rather stuffy, and a little Darwinistic, but that's what floats the boat, as they say.

I'm a breeder, I guess!

Not that there is anything wrong with that... :-)

[Booberdawg]

38. What a thought provoking question!

And a very clever one because I'm certain you can anticipate the answers. You tease ... LOL! :evilgrin:

I agree with you and the others here that sexuality is a discovery rather than a decision. Frankly, who would "CHOOSE" to be homosexual with all the prejudice and animosity that comes with it?? WTF?

I have a complicated history in my formative years as well so I think that affects me. My only experiences have been with men but there have been times, if I'm honest, that I have been attacted to particular women. I am not attracted to women in general, but there have been times I have felt an attraction to a particular person, who happens to be female. I have never acted upon this, nor has the opportunity ever presented itself, but I can honestly say I would have no qualms about following through if the circumstances were right.

I guess I really don't care where others fall into the spectrum of sexuality. Like - I always had enough to worry about besides what consensual people were the most comfortable with in privacy.

Linda

[foreigncorrespondent]

39. Booberdawg...

...I couldn't help it, I love to tease, and I love intelligent conversation. ;)

Love your answer BTW. You truly are what the LGBT community need more of. :)

[Booberdawg]

41. Thank you. I am honored. ;)

"Love your answer BTW. You truly are what the LGBT community need more of. :)"

I wish I could do more. I feel like people I meet face to face respect my opinion on such matters because I am so aloof in my manner and about life in general. (Well ... but .. it is my aloof manner with my outspoken nature that get's me in trouble sometimes!)

I have been "edumacated" by some of the comments and travails I seen from the gay community here. I deserve no kudos - I have been genuinely been touched by some of the anguish I've seen for simply wanting to be considered equal. I'm so fucking "aloof" that I never gave it any serious consideration.

I like things to be fair, so I guess that's why I'm a Democrat. *sigh* I don't know why people don't just see things the way I do. It seems most reasonable to me.

Back atcha :hi:

And what the hell time is it in Australia?? It is 6:08 a.m. here for me!

[foreigncorrespondent]

42. At this very moment...

...it is 9:53pm Monday night.

I am on the East coast of Oz, which is AEST.

But going by Sappho's and my sistuation, she is in CA and I am in Melbourne, right now it is 4:53am Monday morning for the love of my life. So that will be your best judge about the time difference. :)

Hon, it is your wonderful personality which I am quite taken by. Even in the Democratic party we still see haters on a daily basis, who like to spew their homophobic ways on us, which make them sound more like a bloody repuke than anything.

But you are one of the few who truly stand out to both myself and Sappho on this forum, and for that, we both thank you. :)

Take care,

FC

[Booberdawg]

46. And you are most welcome

You flatter me. It's too bad that it is even an issue to make such a connection.

I have determined you are 15 hours ahead of me! I am in Iowa - central time, and Sappho would be 2 hours difference from me, which I think would be a 17 hour difference for you. Good grief! ;)

I wish you and Sappho the best, and I'm delighted by the news of your one month reunion. You take care too, ya hear? :D

[regnaD kciN]

40. Although I never really asked myself beforehand...

...when I was 12, I started 7th grade, and found that many of the girls I had quite happily ignored the year(s) previous had, shall we say, developed figures over the summer, and were dressing in ways that highlighted that fact. Suddenly, I realized I wanted to get a lot closer to them (and do some things I had never really thought about before... ;-) ).

[Cheswick2.0]

43. forget hetero sexual

I am pretty sure that I passed that and went to a-sexual a long time ago. When did I know it? I think that was about the time that I realized sex just wasn't important enough to have to put up with anger, abuse and jelousy.

[Palacsinta]

44. Kenny Szakelihidi

When I was around 3, I thought it would be a good idea if Kenny (a big boy who went to my church) saw me in my new pajamas. The notion made me feel a little..........tingly. And when I was four, I liked to kiss Stevie Luxenberg under the porch steps.

[Enraged_Ape]

45. Three years old, and probably younger

I kept changing the channel selector of our television (a Sears Realtone 19" black & white) to a show featuring a bunch of women modeling bikinis! Even then I knew THAT was entertainment.

[Squeech]

47. I have a vague memory

of kissing a neighbor girl under the porch when I was a little boy of about eight. It's so vague, I'm not even sure it really happened, or if it was just something I wanted so badly I built this fantasy about it.

But it seems like I always knew where I was at in that regard.

[Avatar13]

48. I just remember Pat Robertson talking on his show...

... the "700 Klub," and he repeated over and over that sexual orientation was a choice we make. So I woke up one morning and said to myself "Well, today's the day. Today's the day I'm gonna choose whether I'm going to be straight or gay - there's no turning back from this day forward" And lo and behold, I knew I was heterosexual.

The scary thing is, some nutjobs would believe this tripe.

[Blue_Chill]

49. 4-5 years old

I would only lend my crayons to the pretty girls, unless the teacher forced me to share with someone else.

[Superfly]

50. I always suspected I was and then

I found out for sure when I first got laid.

B

[caledesi]

52. I use this all the time when confronting those who ignorantly say

it's a choice and I am str8.

[EOTE]

54. I was 6...

When I had my first crush. And frankly, I've been ashamed of my heterosexuality ever since. : )

[MountainLaurel]

55. I was just a toddler

According to my mother, she took me to some sort of sporting event when I was about 2. I spent the entire time flashing my big blue eyes at these twin boys sitting behind me.

[Mari333]

56. 6. when some boy named David kissed me on the cheek

that was it.

[Logansquare]

57. 6 years old

I fantasized about Batman rescuing me. That was before I discovered he was gay :)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

58. Great Question!

I realized it when I was in kindergarten, and a little boy named Jason helped me onto the merry go round and put his arm around me. I was five. Then a little boy named Josh in 1st grade sealed the deal when he held my hand. That was all it took. I've been boy crazy ever since. (although I have kissed a couple girls. I AM in college ya know! hehe)
Duckie

[geniph]

60. I dunno, I haven't figured out what I am yet

It's *mostly* men that attract me, but by no means exclusively. I suppose bi-sexual is as good a term for it as any. I don't actually consider myself heterosexual.

So, I'm 43, and still waiting to figure out what I'll be if I grow up.

[Ladyhawk]

61. I'm still not sure.

n/t

[blondeatlast]

62. I've been happily married for 7 years, dated same guy for 4 years,

no apparent attraction to women; BUT, I'm still not sure.

I didn't know one could be "gay" until I was about 16 though, which is probably when I realized I was straight.

On edit: I suspect I'm straight; women don't attract me in the least, but I never day never.

[Don_G]

63. 4 or 5

There was this blonde hooker Downtown and, although I "rose" to the occasion, I didn't understand what was going on at that time.

45 years of knowledge and experience hasn't changed my attitude.

[mvd]

66. I always knew

Just had a hero-worship type of thing when I was young.

[KinkyDem]

67. I'm not gay but...

I knew I was damn kinky pretty early on.

Adding this to the list just incase some prude missed it.

[liberalpress]

69. When I started thinking..

..Lois Lane was more fun to watch than Superman.

...when I stopped wanting to be Roy Rogers because he rode Trigger, but wanted to be Roy Rogers because he rode Dale...

.. and when I had trouble remembering what Lynda Carter's FACE looked like.