For the women who have given birth

[eyesroll]

I'm testing a theory here. A co-worker of mine's in labor as we speak, and it got me thinking. She's in her mid-30s, first baby, planned, good prenatal care, etc.
Whenever a co-worker of mine (or their partner) has a baby, they usually describe labor in generally painful, but positive terms ("OK so it was a whole lot worse than I expected but also not nearly as bad, if that made sense. I felt strong and empowered," was my former boss' wife's story.)

When I used to teach, I had quite a few students who had babies. Their descriptions were universally horrible -- "I felt like I was getting stabbed to death" "two days and I thought I was going to die the whole time." Of course, few if any of these babies were planned, and prenatal care may or may not have been good.

Are these differences a matter of age? Planning? Perspective?

Let me know your experiences. I've never given birth so I really don't know.

"Young" = high school/college age, for the purposes of this poll.

[SarahB]

1. I had bad experiences.

Very long labors, stuck big babies, and they were all c-sections. The last time, I went very natural (no drugs, labored in a large tub, even a chiropractic adjustment to try to help myself along), but the labor lasted 3 days and after the 10th hour of transition (I kid you not) stuck between 7 and 8 cm, I finally got some drugs. Three hours later, they decided on the c-section. Then I had a spinal headache for a week because the anesthesiologist messed up. It made me a stronger person though somehow if that makes any sense (which it probably wouldn't to most people).

Most people don't have experiences quite so yucky though by a long shot and I have very smart and healthy children regardless, so that's a definite positive. :)

[eyesroll]

4. Wow.

A friend of mine (19 or so) was in labor for two days before they went for the c-section. It was touch and go for her and her baby (who was -- I am not kidding -- 11 pounds, plus) for awhile. High fevers and infection.

I'm surprised they let you go that long without intervention. But I'm glad you all came out of it OK!

[dolo amber]

2. Other

I had 2 scheduled c-sections. :7 (Suckers! :P)

IMO, the perspective aspect has to play a HUGE part in it; your coworkers are financially secure (I assume), stable, and most importantly INTENDED to be mothers. The younger kids are probably coming to terms with their lives as they've known them (the short time they've had to know them) being effectively OVER. No more going out and running around with pals, no more lying on your bed all Saturday afternoon watching telly and gabbing on the phone, etc. They're probably scared out of their minds, unsure of their futures both with friends and family, and just generally in a not very productive state of mind. Which, I would think, would only dramatize and intensify what HAS to be a horrific experience in the first place.

Not that I would know, y'see...I never even went into labor. :D

[eyesroll]

7. That's a good point...

Most of my pregnant girls were scared out of their wits. I was super-young when I was teaching -- 21/22 -- so they'd see me as this older sister they could talk to. They routinely asked questions ranging from the mundane (will I be able to lose baby weight?) to the downright terrifying (my stepfather abuses me; how do I keep him away from the baby? -- I called social services on that one). I must add that they were amazed that I was engaged but didn't have kids. ("Why would you want to throw your life away by getting married if you don't already have kids?")

Prenatal care was scattershot, too -- whatever Medicaid would pay for that they could get time off from their jobs or school to attend (that was on the bus route).

[lovedems]

3. Other

I have 4 kids very close in age (8,7,6 and almost 4 I was 29 when my first was born) so I was pregnant and gave birth 3 years in a row then had a break and enjoyed one last pregnancy.

All of my pregnancies were wonderful, no problems.

There isn't anything wonderful about giving birth unless you have an epideral.

My first born was "natural" and is sucked so bad. It was painful and long and I just wanted it to be over. My other 3 I had an epideral and they were wonderful. I was a participant in the birth rather then an woman agonizing in pain.

I repeat, from my experience, there isn't anything wonderful about natural childbirth.

[MuseRider]

5. I had two

easy pregnancies and two very rapid deliveries. Yes it is very painful. Everyone I know will say that and then qualify it by saying that it wasn't that bad or it was worth it. That is because usually the moment you see and hold your baby (especially if it was wanted and planned for) the experience becomes far more powerful in a positive direction. That partly explains the stories. The experience, as in any experience, is most always influenced by your knowledge. If you understand very well the process your mind and body are free to deal with the situation as it happens without the fear and worry. Add all of that together with the benefit of wanting the baby and life experience and you have part of your explanation. I have seen a lot of this as a nurse and it almost always is like this no matter what the experience. It could be surgery or stiches, whatever.

[SCDem]

6. Other

Because I dont know if I am considered old or young

Had my son last November at age 27. I had an epidural when I was at 8cm... the pain before I got the epidural was no biggy. I think giving birth was easy... the nine months of awkward size leading up to it and then the efforts to get the guy to nurse afterwards were much more difficult than actual labor. My biggest stress was that what I was feeling was false labor and I would be sent home because what I was feeling wasn't that bad like people describe all the time.

Just my .02

[eyesroll]

9. For the purposes of this poll, you're "older" (sorry)

:-)

"Young" is high school/college age -- basically, the age at which I think my parents would have freaked out had I gotten pregnant vs. the age at which my parents would be jumping for joy. Your mileage may vary.

You sound lucky!

[MissMillie]

8. I was 23

And I consider that "young" for today's standards. It wasn't too terrible. I just remember that it seemed long while it was happening, when in reality is was only about 14 hours (which is right around average for a first labor).

[Supormom]

10. For me, having my sister care for me made all the difference.

She had four children and was, obviously, quite experienced. I also had a midwife at my second daughter's birth. I think knowledge is the key. Being well educated about the experience before hand, and then having someone there who can explain each phase of the labor process as you are going through it makes a big difference.
If the young women did not have a caring support system then, yes, I can see where their labor experiences would have been traumatic.

[MrsMatt]

11. Mid 30's, one child

and it was painful, but I don't remember it being that bad. I was induced, which makes the contractions much stronger, but I also had a shot of morphine, so I believe that evened things out, painwise.

I just remember being so damned tired of pushing when I NEVER had any urge to push (two hours - I had two black eyes after that).

[July]

12. Twice in my 30s.

First time, piece of cake. I'm not saying there wasn't discomfort, but it was a no-brainer. Going to the dentist is much worse, for me.

Second time, piece of . . . ? bread? Worse than the first time, but not too bad. I was induced, so the worst part was the strength of the contractions. Also kid #2's GIANT HEAD. I think it would have been like the first one if I hadn't been induced.

I had good prenatal care and natural childbirth classes (the classes didn't take -- I was always the "bad example" in the front of the room getting extra attention because I couldn't get the breathing right; fortunately, it didn't matter). No pain drugs or anesthesia either time, very different settings. Crappy food in both hospitals.

In my case, I think genetics rather than age was the important factor. My mother popped out five kids pretty easily.