I can't sleep. How about some true confessions?

[Tyler Durden]

I never outgrew night terrors. The dark gives me anxiety attacks and death phobias.

On top of that, I killed someone close to me and it tortures me, especially at night, even though it was done for all the right reasons. A constant source of more anxiety attacks and some horrific nightmares.

And confessing this never helps. It just kills some time until I can pass out. Pot makes it a little easier, but I'm out. Zoloft is like eating sugar pills.

It's going to be a long night.

[furrylitldevil]

1. Why not try writing it all down?

That usually helps me when my mind is all mixed up and I can't sleep at night.

[Tyler Durden]

2. I write for a living.

I write all the time. Just ain't therapy for me.

I'm not mixed up; I'm terrified.

[furrylitldevil]

5. Well in that case

I once played soccer in those little wooden clogs that they wear in Holland. No joke, I found out that they aren't the greatest footware to be running and kicking in. Go figure.

[Bucky]

33. "letting go" of a trauma isn't a trick you learn or infection you excise

Letting go is a muscle you have to exercise every day. What you had to do was make a terrible decision in a situation where there were no "right" right decisions, just tough ones. You have my deepest sympathies, Tyler. If you have the ability, it's okay to say "just for tonight I'll let it slide" and you won't be doing anything bad. Remember you deserve kindness from yourself as much as your friends deserve kindness from you.

[JVS]

3. My mother went on a date with Mitt Romney once

[Tyler Durden]

6. Frightening, but not a demon from the Id Pit.

The wife doesn't understand this phobic attitude at all.

But then, she's an obsessive compulsive, so we're sort of even.

Everyone is kind of broken if you look at them closely, but I'd love to trade my demons for a little Manic/Depressive disorder.

[kimchi]

4. I can't sleep either; my cat is missing.

But damn, if you did the right thing, let it go. Especially if you know it was what the person wanted (I assume you are talking about euthanasia.)

I can't imagine what you are going through; but you really do need to forgive yourself because only you can do that. I also realize how difficult that could be.

I can certainly trade inanities with you for the next hour, if that would help kill the time.

[Tyler Durden]

9. making those sorts of decisions....

...truly life changing and only for the very strong, which I am not.

Turning off the machines would have been a piece of cake. Hitting the needle makes you feel like an executioner. I don't know how those people who do the Death Penalty live with themselves: I did mine out of love and it still eats my guts. I made the decision: nobody asked me to, especially not him, and I guess I can't convince myself that I had the right.

It's kind of ok though. At the time I couldn't stand it another minute.

The fear of death and the dark are another thing altogether: I've always had those; and the nightmares.

[kimchi]

29. I made a promise to myself, long ago when I was about 8 or 10.

I promised myself that I would not regret my decisions; that I wouldn't second guess myself. Looking back, it may have merely been an attempt to distance myself from my adoptive family; as I felt superior to them and felt they were holding me back. All I know is that it has been one of the best decisions I ever made for my personal growth; but it has also brought the most pain to my life, because it is entirely impossible in reality!

In the Wiccan "Charge of the Goddess" , my favorite line is: "Let My worship be within the heart that rejoices; for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals".

All acts of love and pleasure... Damn, I wish I'd written that!

[SarahB]

7. I'm really a very boring person.

But my mom got hit on by Alexander Haig in an airport once. :P

[JVS]

8. We should start a thread about stuff that happenned to our mothers

[Tyler Durden]

10. I grounded Air Force One with Reagan aboard.

Got me a 96 hour liberty. I don't think the admiral liked him much.

[Dogmudgeon]

11. This is pretty bad

The Space Aliens once forced me to impregnate the female hybrid clone of Fiorello LaGuardia. (He was the late mayor of New York City.)

Please don't let it get around.

--bkl

[Bucky]

35. I'm trying to picture a female Fiorello LaGuardia. . . . (*shudder*)

I think impregnating her was the most giving, sacrificing act of kindness you could do for such a person. If sans bag, you're a saint.

[Dogmudgeon]

38. I confess. It was the Blue Ray of Obedience.

I had no choice, and neither did she.

On the other hand, they made sure she looked like Christina Applegate. Unless it was Christina Applegate and they were just messing with my mind.

Those aliens are weird dudes ...

--bkl

[Catshrink]

12. I've been having trouble lately also..

my mom died in January and I when I try to fall asleep i start thinking of her, about how much I miss her and how I can't believe she's gone.

Today a couple little things happened that I ached to tell her....

[Tyler Durden]

13. His favorite movie was "The Enemy Below."

I just got a copy of it in the mail the last couple of days back.

He woke me up once when I was about 12 to watch it with him on the late movie on a school night for crying out loud.

He was a HELL of a guy.

[Cheswick2.0]

14. Tyler, Pot is a stimulant. It only numbs your brain

Your heart rate and metabolism is speeding. That alone causes anxiety. You might be better off with a glass of wine as long as you don't over do it.

I am sorry for your troubles. I know what anxiety and depression are all about.
Maybe a support group you can be part of would help.

Other than that try to forgive yourself. I had a friend die recently and it haunts me because I feel like I didn't pay close enough attention to him while he was living. I didn't know how sick he was getting and when he finally went back to the doctor and went into the hospital, it was too late. He was dead three weeks after that without ever leaving the hospital.I am taking anti-depressents and that is helping.

I am sorry you are feeling bad and I hope it gets better.

[Tyler Durden]

18. Actually, pot is a mild halucinogenic.

For me, it gives me a MARVELOUS sense of well-being.

Yeah I passed on the death thing with a friend back in 75. He had stomache cancer, and neither of us were happy about the way our friendship was warping around this, so we said our "See ya on the other side" 's while he was still pretty well, and I never saw him alive again. Just about lost it at the Funeral. I will NEVER understand the "open casket" thing. my heart rate must have hit 250, and I almost passed out. At least I made it through the service before I got the john and threw up.

The Dark is a childhood thing: a trauma I've been told about but can't remember. the death bit is just about being a scared atheist. Envy the hell out of those Religious folks.

[Cheswick2.0]

32. Hi

As far as the atheist thing. I would think it could be comforting to know that when you die you will have no conscience knowledge of anything. Once you are dead, you won't know you are dead. You won't be saying "Oh shit death sux". But your matter can never be lost. It will return to the life cycle as part of the air, the grass the trees. This earth is so beautiful, it might be nice to be imagine being part of that.

My younger son was two when we live with my sister for awhile. They had a very large dog that was about 6 months old. He was bigger than Ian and used to jump on him and lick him. Ian was terrified of this dog just because he was bigger. He doesn't remember that now and even thought I have told him about it to try and help him get over his fear, he is still afraid of strange dogs.

For me it was night terrors from having been sexually abused. For years I could not be alone in the house at night. I wouild get this sense of evil approaching, like there was something in the night that would destroy me. That is a very typical reaction. There was something evil in the dark... the man who molested me. After I finally understood this the terror went away.

Pot may be a halucinogenic, but physiologically it acts as a stimulant. When the sense of well being is gone the anxiety sometimes remains as if you drank too much coffee. You may not notice this, not everyone does.

[LostInAnomie]

15. Alright, I confess!!!

I shot the sheriff.

[JVS]

16. I'm the one who raped the deputy with a plunger though

;-)

[TOhioLiberal]

17. I've never told anyone here, but...

when my kids were little, I had some serious doubts that I was a good mother. Oh, not like I was endangering them, just not a good mother.
For instance, When my youngest was around 7 or 8, he was out playing with his friends and got hit in the face with a branch. I think they were playing ball or something. He comes running in crying, I gave him the once over, no blood or anything. Told him 'you're o.k.' Sent him back out. 15 or 20 minutes later, I'm not hearing him outside. I look out and he's sitting on the porch, his eye completely swelled shut! I freaked out, and took him to the emergency room. No permanent damage, but the guilt!

Trekkerlass

[Tyler Durden]

19. I tried spanking. ONCE.

and only on the oldest. Still gives me guilt.

[TOhioLiberal]

21. The thing that was so guilt inducing...

...was he was just SITTING THERE. Miserable. Afraid. Did I brush him off too quickly? The guilt still burns me, a decade later. Sheesh!

[Tyler Durden]

24. My youngest had Bell's Palsy. I thought she was faking...

...so I LIGHTLY slapped her cheek to get a reaction.

BIG TIME GUILT. She forgave me. I'm sure yours did too.

[kimchi]

31. Don't feel bad...

My sister thought my nephew was faking a stomach ache and told him to take some aspirin. A few hours later he had an emergency appendectomy.

[No2W2004]

20. I'm a Texan.

From a very very long line of Texans, and am proud of the state and most of it's history.

That is more than Shrub can say.

Sure, there are a lot of very loud mouthed assholes in Texas, and the political situation is pretty much a joke, but it will always be home to me. (Unless the Southern Baptist secede and make Texas a theocracy.) Don't judge Texas by Shrub or Shrub the Elder or the Tom DeLickmyass. There is much more that is good.

[TheWizardOfMudd]

22. Call the cops and confess!

Its good for the soul!

[Tyler Durden]

23. Just because I told you to buy Caphalon...

kidding. getting punchy. that is a good thing. fatigue poisons are almost as good as drugs.

[TheWizardOfMudd]

28. Was that you?

Heh heh. ;) Luv ya.

Mudd

[Bjornsdotter]

25. Ok, Ok...You forced it out of me....

Hi,

I'm only telling you this because I really, really understand what it's like not to be able to sleep....


<looking over both shoulders> I have a neighbor, who I hate....she lets her dog crap in my yard. Now I love animals, I live in a small town I feed everything...raccoons, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, rabbits, birds....well you get the idea.

This thing she has is not a dog...it's more of a barking cat...I have a DOG, he's a boxer...well her little crap dog comes over every day and craps in my yard while she watches it. I've talked to her about it, she does nothing.

Last year, I picked up all of her dog crap for a month and then on the night of the new moon (we have no street lights here), in the middle of the night I snuck over to her deck and dumped the accrued crap in her hot tub. I made Dog Shit Soup!

She was one very upset lady! I felt much better after that...

Update....the dog still craps in my yard, but she has installed motion lights around her house.

I do have a plan for this summer...her and her hubby both support Bush, so this year....one night of the new moon...I'm going to put liquid fertilzer in a soap bottle and write "Vote Kerry" on her front lawn. Those words will come up thick and green and be visible all summer long.

Hope this gives you something else to think about....now you know what I think about when I can't sleep.

Cheers,
Kim

[Tyler Durden]

27. Thanks Kim

LOVE the dogshit soup, and the liquid fertilizer is a good idea: don't make it too strong or you'll burn the lawn.

[Tyler Durden]

26. My wife just told me to "Go the FUCK to sleep!!!!"

So I'm going to go lie down. G'night Dad.

[TOhioLiberal]

30. Good night....

...Hope you can sleep..

[Ouabache]

37. Read the bible- it will bore the hell out of you and put you to sleep

Read one of the books with all the fucking 'begats' in it.

[Lestat]

34. I like to bite people's necks and drink their blood.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

[dudeness]

36. who did you kill?.

:)

[Bucky]

39. Confession I've let my ex slide for two years on child support payments

She kicked our daughter out of her house two years ago and my kid came to live with me then. But for the past two years I haven't done anything about it legally--not out of consideration for my kid's stability, but because I've been basically chicken about making a fight out of "mere money."

I'm probably also sexist enough and prideful enough that in my heart I don't wanna take money from a woman just to raise my child. I have probably a dozen rationalizations for what I've done (or omitted to do). But this year I finally got off my butt and filed the legal papers to get child support. I still feel like a coward for doing it and like a lazybones for not doing it sooner.

Ah the magic of guilt... I can feel like shit no matter which decision I make.