I am a sellout!

[Magrittes Pipe]

Or, at least, I would like to be.

Please give me information on how I should go about giving up my artistic integrity for fame, wealth, drugs, and meaningless sex.

Especially the last one.

Thank you.

[matcom]

1. American Idol is a good start

or you can take Teddy (I'll rent him to you) and go on a traveling puppet show.

PM me for pricing info

[Magrittes Pipe]

8. I already have a "pants-puppet."

But thank you for the offer.

Unfortunately, I am too old for American Idol. I could take Seacrest's job, though. Everyone I know says I'm really tedious, so I've already got the first prerequisite down.

[Wickerman]

2. Well, that would answer the age old question

Just who is that Al Hedges.

A big, fat, stinking sellout, with no sponsor.

Good luck to ye. :thumbsup:

[Magrittes Pipe]

10. That's the idea!

Come on, Pepsi, I'm waiting! :bounce:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

3. With the amount of integrity you have to offer

I can get you half a can of cider, $3.56 in change, five seconds on public access and an old lady will brush against you at the station.

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. A half-can of cider AND an elderly frotteurist?

Hell, I'd give my left one for EITHER!

[dolo amber]

22. Goddamn you SLB!

I now have a chunk of peach from my 'fruit on the bottom' yogurt lodged in my left sinus. :cry:

[PROGRESSIVE1]

4. You could mimic one of the following:

Britney Spears
Christina Agurella
Jessica "Good Born Again Christian" Simpson
JLO
Michael Jackson

[Magrittes Pipe]

12. I do not want plastic surgery.

I am afraid of needles. :scared:

[Gothic Sponge]

5. Go on Fear Factor

[Magrittes Pipe]

13. EWWW! BUGS!

:puke:

[Fenris]

1. Change your name to Steven Tyler.

2. Rechristen your band "Aerosmyth".

3. Play dumbed down cock-rock songs.

4. Profit, booze, get high, and fuck!

[Magrittes Pipe]

14. So far, I have accomplished two out of four.

My name remains Hedges, and I have no "band," per se.

[King Of Paperboys]

6. Paint murals in restaurants

Like JJ Doonesbury did for Trump in "Doonesbury."

I had a girlfriend who had an Ivy League MFA. She ended up painting restaurant murals in chi chi restaurants for an NFL coach and owner. You'll make a few bucks (if you can get them to pay their bills,) and you'll never respect yourself again.

[Magrittes Pipe]

I would, but I don't think Chi-Chi's is really the market for...

...non-representational "naive" art.

The visual thing ain't my bag. I'm a music whore.

[Name removed]

15. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[adriennel]

7. are you my ex?

reminds me of him...especially the last one ; )

[Magrittes Pipe]

16. Possibly!

Was I drunk? I mean -- no offense to you, I just don't remember. But you know, if I was really drunk....

[terrya]

9. Sell your music to a soulless corporation.

How about...a shoe manufacturer who employs child labor in Indonesia for pennies a day?

Sell a song you've composed to the same corporation who uses child labor.

Voila. You're an instant sellout.

[Magrittes Pipe]

18. Hm. I can see that being profitable, but whither the meaningless sex?

:shrug:

[matcom]

17. why don't you just O.D. on acid through your headband?

and die with your pants around your ankles, covered in shit and puke, sitting on your toilet?

wouldn't that be easier and more dignified?

[Magrittes Pipe]

19. How did you know my plans for world domination?

Damn you, Inspector Gadget! You've foiled me again!!!! :grr:

[matcom]

20. well HELL, i thought you wanted to sell records!

what a better way than THAT!

just don't get Teddy mixed up in your sordid "shag parties"

[RandomKoolzip]

21. "Integrity" is a meaningless concept.

And has little or nothing to do with music. You can still make great music on a major label and sell it to the masses. Trouble is, 99% of all musicians who HAVE graduated to the big leagues after acquiring an indie/cool fanbase started making BAD MUSIC. Simply making the jump to the majors is not "selling out." Using the jump to the majors as an excuse to make shitty music is.

"Selling out" is a useless barometer of musical quality.

[Magrittes Pipe]

23. You don't understand, Koolzip.

I don't simply want to be on a major label. I want to sign the Faustian clause.

There is plenty of good music on major labels, plenty of shit music on the indies. That is all irrelevant to me -- I want to sell out.