Workload lull today - time to kill - ASK ME ANYTHING!

[elfwitch]

I'm in between projects today and I'm taking a four day weekend starting tomorrow. I don't want to start anything new and I'm waiting on others to finish up a few outstanding projects.

ASK ANYTHING!

[underpants]

1. Who do you have on ignore?

:shrug:

[elfwitch]

3. Not a single person...

I can ignore people without a button.

[joeybee12]

2. Who's going to win Wimbledon--men and women....???

[elfwitch]

4. It's Tennis

Who gives a flying flip?

[Beer Snob-50]

5. Who is the picture in your sig line?

Is it a drawing of yourself?

[elfwitch]

7. Sorta

It is a, what i feel, highly idealized version of me as drawn by my hubby. It is also a character from our animated series, "The Adventures of Rex Raygun".

[King Of Paperboys]

6. Theology:

Can God make a rock so big that even She cannot move it?

[elfwitch]

9. Sure...

I think of God much like a Green Lantern. God can create any construct that can be imagined. And unlike Hal Jordan's creations, they would not be vulnerable to the color yellow.

[Gothic Sponge]

8. Why does daddy drink when i cry?

[elfwitch]

10. Everybody drinks when you cry...

That is some power you have.

[Gothic Sponge]

11. What is the origin of the universe?

[elfwitch]

12. A little green bug...

has an imaginary friend that had an idea about a wacky new idea and then it made a wish and POOF! and here we all are!

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. Riddle me this Elfwitch!

Is your username drawn from the some family relation to the vicious Wicked Keeblers of the West....

Or

the practice of placing said Keebler's between two slices of bread before eating them?

[elfwitch]

14. Well now that you ask...

You see, many years ago my ancestors were part of the Keebler tribe. One fateful day, Lianna De Fay decided to make a new "special" cookie with an herb she found in the forest. The elves loved the cookie. It made them want more cookies and more cookies. All the elves had a very happy feeling after eating said cookie. The head elf became suspicious. Our family of elves was banished from the tree.

And now you have it.

[elfwitch]

15. BORED NOW !!

Somebody ask something.....
I'm bored.

[mrboba1]

16. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[elfwitch]

23. Magical elves make a teflon type coating....

that glue doesn't stick to and they airblow it in to each bottle of glue.

[mrboba1]

17. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

[elfwitch]

24. No it would be called

a victim of young Jebbie and Georgie Bush.

[mrboba1]

18. What's another word for thesaurus?

[elfwitch]

25. Big Book of words that mean the same thing...

[Gothic Sponge]

19. Why does it hurt when i pee?

[elfwitch]

26. you play with yourself too much...

Give it a rest for a couple of days and the swelling will go down.

[mrboba1]

20. and my last one for now...

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

[elfwitch]

27. sigh deeply and say...

Those wacky endangered things!

[Gothic Sponge]

21. Should i buy grapes?

[elfwitch]

28. Sure...

I've never been in to that whole UVAS NO! movement.
I say you should get green seedless ones.

[Gothic Sponge]

22. Is the purple Jerry Falwell gay?

[elfwitch]

29. In any color

he is a closet case self-loather. He and his should just go find some man to kisss and get over it.

If I could kiss a girl I think I would have liked to kiss Bettie Page (if I had a time machine) or Catherine Zeta Jones.

[elfwitch]

30. THAT WAS FUN !! More please!

[mrboba1]

31. OK. Here:

Why is it that you park in a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

[elfwitch]

32. Because the English language was really...

a joke made up by God after going on a bender.

[arbusto_baboso]

33. Time travel

More of a grammar question, really.

If you go back in time to do something (doesn't matter what), but your present self already knows that you've done the action you're going to do by going back, how do you describe it?

Are you going to went to go back in time? Have you already going to done so? What exactly?

And what would the description of the verb tense be?

[elfwitch]

37. That would be best answered by my hubby...

He is a big Grammar Fag. I just couldn't be buggered with such trivial matters as spelling and grammar.

[Gothic Sponge]

34. Would you ever make love to Fonzie?

[elfwitch]

38. Sure...

He's a Jew!

[mrboba1]

35. If you click ignore

to yourself on this board, how will you know you are really there?

[elfwitch]

39. 47

[mrboba1]

36. Have you ever watched Spongebob Squarepants?

If so, discuss the issues that each character represents in society.

(Boy, I hope you have - this outta be good!)

[elfwitch]

40. Nah...

I even tried to watch it stoned.
Just can't like it I'm afraid.

Sorry.

[Gothic Sponge]

41. Is there life after death?

[elfwitch]

43. Yes.

But not for you. God told me to tell you so you don't spend time worrying about it. God also tells me to tell you "No hard fellings AND stop playing with yourself or the scab will never heal!"

[Gothic Sponge]

42. Have you ever been naked in public?

[elfwitch]

44. No.

But I did some pretty heavy making out with a guy several times a week in the soundproof piano practice rooms at UTSA when I went there.

[Gothic Sponge]

45. Did you change the battery in your smoke detector in the past year?

[elfwitch]

46. Nope.

I live in an apartment complex that does it for me. We have sprinklers in each room too.

[Gothic Sponge]

47. Do you dream of making love to farm animals like i do?

;)

[elfwitch]

48. Now what did I tell you...

God said to cut out your deviant lifestyle.

Of course sometimes those horses....
Bad! Bad! Shame!

[arbusto_baboso]

49. Yeah, but the sheep are just sluts....

and they're asking for it! They're all asking for it, I tell ya!

[elfwitch]

51. And...

If you shag them next to a cliff they back up in to you...
Or so I've heard.

[Gothic Sponge]

50. Should i dye my under arm hair pink?

[elfwitch]

52. No. That is just silly!

Do your nose hairs. Nobody would be able to see your armpit hair!

[Gothic Sponge]

53. Would you have sex with the Zoloft ball?

[elfwitch]

56. Dunno...

Is he circumcised? I don't "do" the do with the hooded models.

[MissMillie]

54. What kind of tomatoes should I use

of I'm making spaghetti sauce from scratch?

[elfwitch]

57. Plastic ones...

That way your sauce will be well preserved....

Or you could use Hunt's crushed

[Gothic Sponge]

55. If the KKK took my baby away.....where did they take her?

[elfwitch]

58. You know that's funny....

I've got that song in my playlist at work.
I have about 1200 songs and that is one of them.

[Gothic Sponge]

59. Who was i in a past life?

[elfwitch]

60. Nothing.

You are brand new sweetie!

[Gothic Sponge]

61. Have you ever masturbated to pictures of Vikings?

[elfwitch]

62. Look....

If you are going to keep peeking in to my windows, the least you could do is bring some better porn. When the box said "Men gone Horny" I thought it was going to be something else. Who knew?

[Gothic Sponge]

63. Does cold cream remove shame?

[elfwitch]

64. No.

Bu hydrogen peroxide does take out most protein stains.

[mrboba1]

65. Where's the strangest place you ever "did it?"

[elfwitch]

66. In the butt??

Oh you mean a geographic location?
Hmmm...
A tree-house?
Damn near "did it" in the previously mentioned piano practice rooms.

[Gothic Sponge]

67. Should i go to lollapalooza?

[elfwitch]

68. No.

It's just not the same. A bunch of my friends went to the first one when it was in Dallas. They all drove up from San Antonio and had a blast. I didn't get to go. Too broke.

[Gothic Sponge]

69. Why do you mock me when i sleep?

[elfwitch]

70. Because you are so mockable...

If you didn't make it so easy. I mean really... You need to have that thing on your genitals checked out.

[arbusto_baboso]

71. Are robots stealing my gardening supplies?

[elfwitch]

73. No.

It is actually the third cousins, twice removed, of the underpants gnomes. They have a "fetish" if you know what I mean.

You will get them back, gently used. I don't know how good they will be for gardening anymore. I guess as long as you don't EAT any of the foods grown after you've used the tools. And the flowers might have a funny smell...

Actually, write them off. Not worth it!

[Gothic Sponge]

72. Why do you wear those silly shoes?

[elfwitch]

77. Because there is only one manufacturer for my kind of foot...

And the "We'll Cover Your Hooves" company only makes shoes in that one style.

[mrboba1]

74. Is O.J. Guilty?

[elfwitch]

78. Yes.

Nuff said.

[mrboba1]

75. Is Kobe guilty?

[elfwitch]

79. Don't know. Don't care....

I figure it is just a plot to distract attention from the real issues anyway. If he is or isn't all that matters is that people want to know more about this answer than if * is responsible for high crimes against the Constitution.

[Gothic Sponge]

76. If i masturbate to photos of wilford brimley, do i get free oatmeal?

[elfwitch]

80. Sure.

Send a self addressed stamped envelope with the fruits of your labor to the Quaker Oat Company c/o Wilford Brimley.

[mrboba1]

81. Speaking of Wilford Brimley...

Do you say diabetEES or diabitAS?

[elfwitch]

82. diabetEES

My mother was Diabetic. She died 7 days short of her 40th birthday due to complications from the disease.

No matter how you say it, if you think you might be at risk, get yourself checked.

[mrboba1]

84. Yuck. Sorry I brought that one up.

I'll go back to my list of "Really Hard Questions"

[elfwitch]

85. Nah, it's cool...

I've been fine with it for quite some time.
It was her time, ya know?

[phillybri]

83. Do you look anything like that drawing in your sigline?

:shrug:

[elfwitch]

87. A little bit...

Face shape - same
Hair color - same
Boob size - bigger
Hair style - not any more
Big wide grin - not so much
look good in that color - yes
wonder woman syle bracelets - only in the bedroom:silly:

[phillybri]

89. Good to know...

Bigger is good...

[elfwitch]

90. 46D

In case you were wondering

[phillybri]

93. Whoa...

:wow:

Oh the humanity!:-)

[elfwitch]

94. You betcha!

Gotta go to a special store to get bras.
These puppies are big and mean business.

[phillybri]

96. I'm at work and you are killing me...

Should I even ask about the rest of the package?

[elfwitch]

98. Soft in places where softness is required...

Cushion in places where cushion is required.
Curvy in places where curve is required.
And skilled in all areas.

[phillybri]

101. There are no words....

Why don't you have a photo up in the gallery?

(Hey, I guess there are words!) :-)

[elfwitch]

102. I don't allow myself to be photographed...

My Witness Protection Program Agent advises against it.

[phillybri]

104. That's a shame!

Good talk...

[mrboba1]

86. Why

do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, when you can't legally drink and drive?

[elfwitch]

88. So they can keep track....

and send pictures of you buying booze to your Southern Baptist neighbors. It gives them one more thing to feel supoerior to you about.

[mrboba1]

91. If you play

this site:
http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html

as yourself, who is the result?

[elfwitch]

92. here you is!

I guess that you are Daphne from Fraiser!

[mrboba1]

95. Well, I'm out

I actually have a few things to get done here.

Boy this was fun!!

[elfwitch]

97. Have a lovely rest of the day and a boss weekend!

Shalom!

[Beer Snob-50]

99. Are Garden Gnomes a diabolical plot to suck the

individuality out of it's owners? Probably done by some republican spinmiester?

[elfwitch]

100. Actually Garden Gnomes are quite nice people...

once you get to know them. Bad press really destroyed it for the lot of them. They are funny and smart. They have feelings just like the rest of us. I really never thought I would meet a Garden Gnome bigot right here at DU.

Well, education is the first step to understanding. Go find a Garden Gnome and introduce yourself. You'll find that they are just people, like you and me.

[Beer Snob-50]

103. I will do that! Thank you!

Have a great long weekend.