local televangelist sez I'm going to burn in hell

[maxanne]

That's what he told his flock, on local cable. Two weeks ago, I wrote an editorial in support of NH's new gay Episcopalian bishop. Predictably a few fundies wrote in to spout about the abomination of homosexuality and Leviticus, and all that bs. Not too big a dust up, though, considering where we are. A local evangelist has his own show on local cable, and he told the flock that I was going to burn in hell. He also urged them to pray for me.

If my choices are between hell and his crowd - well that's a no brainer. I'll go get my asbestos water wings for the Lake of Fire!!

These people are nuts.

I'm already thinking about next week's editorial. :evilgrin:

[GAspnes]

1. I'll be swimming right next to you

I love lakes of fire. You can do so many fun things with them.

[wtmusic]

What an honor to be anointed with their vitriol

Ask him what the Bible says about not judging others, and if judgers get toasted too.

[Chuckup]

2. It was nice knowing you

:-)

[maxanne]

3. thanks everyone!

Hopefully my flight isn't booked too soon. I have too much work to do here - fighting fundies and their friends.

Note to self: pack sunscreen.

[Ladyhawk]

7. Want some help?

I attended fundy school from 2nd grade through high school. Because I know the bible so well, I can tear any fundy a new one.

[Ladyhawk]

4. I am oh-so-familiar with this mindset,

having been raised in a family, school, church, community of nothing but right-wing fundies.

Hey, I'll get double the flames for being an apostate. I don't read the bible anymore (too violent for me), but didn't that homophobe Paul write something about the punishment being worse if you've known the "truth" and rejected it?

If the "truth" means I have to vote for G.W. Bush and hate gays and liberals, I think I prefer extra-crispy, thank you very much.

[mkregel]

5. "Judge not lest ye be judged"

Matthew something - I'm no biggie on numbers and stuff.

But this is one you can ALWAYS throw in a fundie's face when they try to pull a Fred Phelps on ya.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. Be sure to ask him

if he's told his flock never to eat cheeseburgers again. According to Leviticus, homosexuality is an abomination-but so is eating meat and milk at the same meal. Let's put the word in context, preachers, and see what the Torah and Bible might really mean.

[Ladyhawk]

9. Also according to Leviticus,

you can't wear clothing of two different fibers. I always knew polyester was evil. :evilgrin:

[JohnyCanuck]

16. Standard fundy response to these types of issues.

They will just say that the rules laid out in Leviticus and the other books of the Old Testament were for the Israelites living under the Old Testament dispensation. However, after Jesus died on the cross and was raised, he introduced a New Dispensation and a New Testament (i.e. the gospels, and the letters of Paul etc) and freed us from the obligation to be bound by the old Testament religious edicts in matters of diet, clothing, sacrificing animals and what not.

I'm just saying those types of arguments along the lines, "You don't do what Leviticus says you should be doing" won't really throw any but the most amateur of the fundies. They'll just brush it off as, "Those rules no longer apply." I know I've been there.

[DoNotRefill]

8. COOL!!!!

When we all get there, we'll PARTY!!!!! :)


If Fundie Christians go to Heaven, I want to go to Hell.

[Betty]

27. If heaven is populated

by Fundie Christians, then it would by definition actually be HELL.

[Ladyhawk]

10. Oh, by the way, I just wanted to congratulate you.

Anyone who has been personally sentenced to hell by a televangelist is a friend of mine.

[maxanne]

13. thanks Ladyhawk!!

We can sit by the furnace together!!

[HEyHEY]

11. Who's bringing the beer?

Bring lots keep in mind we'll be there for all eternity!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

36. I will bring an ample supply

of many fine varieties. :toast:

[JohnyCanuck]

12. Those televangelists

I saw one of the Stateside televangelist on the Canadian Fundy cable channel a few days ago. Can't remember his name, but he is a big tub of lard with a wasteline like the Michelin Tire man and I've seen his mug on TV before, so he is one of the more well known ones.

He was saying how GeeDubya was such an honest, Gawd fearing President doing the will of the Lord and performing so valiantly in leading the fight of the righteous, Christian folk against the evildoing, muslim, bound-for-hell terrists. Listening to this guy, you'd get the impression that if it weren't for the righteous leadership of Shrubinchief, terrorist suitcase nukes would be going off in major US cities just about every other weekend.

There's no sense loosing sleep over the pronouncements of these fruitcakes.

[HEyHEY]

14. Some one should tell that fatass

That gluttony is a sin, it wasn't "Big Daddy" was it?

[Cha]

15. Congratulations! maxanne!

You made it! :toast:

[Cheswick2.0]

17. you quote the bible right back at him!!

What a pompass ass he must be. Really, who does he think he is, God? He doesn't get to say who is going to hell, the fat assed scrunchy faced old bat.

[AnnabelLee]

18. Not to worry

My FIL, who fully expects to go to hell, can take care of the A/C-he's got his own business.

Funny how some people considerest not the beam in their own eye...

[Duncan Grant]

19. A badge of honor Maxanne!

It's great to hear stories like yours. There's not too many of these evangelist polluting the local cable scene in SF (quite the contrary -- you wouldn't believe it!).

3 cheers for you and thanks for supporting Rev. Gene Robinson! :hi:

[maxanne]

22. thanks all!!

:hi:

94114 - it is an honor to support Reverand Gene Robinson. I have heard nothing but good things about him, and I'm looking forward to meeting him. The Episcopal community in the Concord, NH area absolutely adore him.

Isn't there something in Leviticus about folks being responsible for killing adulterers? I will suggest to Doug Dingley (that's the televangelist's name - so of course we call him Dingleberry) that he get on a bus and take care of Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Kobe Bryant, and Poppy Bush - just to name a few.

[Duncan Grant]

23. Ha! Those evangelist always seem to have a name...

right out of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".


Doug Dingley was there, in silver underwear...

[maxanne]

25. bwaaahahahahaha

I'm going to hear that in my head every time I hear his name!! I'll be picturing him at the end, when they're all wearing corsets and fishnets.

Thanks 94114 - that made me giggle helplessly. :D

[philosophie_en_rose]

20. HELL PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since all of us are obviously going to hell, why not kick it up a bit. I'll bring the vodka! :party:

RSVP - :evilgrin:

[Interrobang]

24. Hey, you're all going to Pennsic!

( http://www.pennsicwar.org ) There's a Hell Party at Pennsic; I know, I've been to it! Unfortunately, you won't get there until about 50 weeks from now, so you've got some time to settle your affairs before you get there. (Also, it's a relatively short trip, being just the PA side of Youngstown OH!)

:) :) :)

[blm]

21. I'll save a place for you.

;)))))))))))))

[davsand]

26. I had to go looking for it, but you may enjoy this:

This started out as a letter to Dr. Laura, but that part got stripped out in the post of it I was able to find. There are a few questions you might want to pose to your buddy the televangelist:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21 . In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination -- Lev. 11:10-- it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -- Lev.24:10-16.

Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

[maxanne]

29. Oh goody

thanks, davsand!! This will come in handy!! The rebuttal is going to be such fun.

[BigMcLargehuge]

28. HAHAHA Maxanne!!

I forget the name of the Manchester city councellor who had his crazed right-wing nutjob show, but he used to savage me on a weekly basis for my weekly column. In one show in particular, he clipped my photo from my column masthead and pinned it to a Twinkie and had "me" as a guest.

LOL... New Hampshire Cable Access... Is there anything better?

[maxanne]

30. bwwwaaaaahahahahahaha

That's hilarious, BMLH!! What a great story!! The nuts up here aren't that creative. They're pretty repetitious, in fact.

You couldn't have been writing for the UNION LEADER - so maybe the Concord Monitor??
Do you still live in NH and write a newspaper column??

[BigMcLargehuge]

31. Hippopress

Manchester's only weekly....

But, as with all business dealings between friends, our relationship ended horribly. They wanted a more Manchester focus, I wanted national issues. They wanted to move me to online only and biweekly, I refused, they assumed I'd do anything to keep my column alive.

They were wrong.

Moral? Never play poker with a Portagee, we don't understand bluffing strategy.

I sacrificed my column for the greater good... At least that's what I tell myself.

Do a google search for "Beat 13" that was my baby.

[maxanne]

33. sounds like me and my editors

only I work for a very small paper in small town northern NH. We have a big fight about twice a year about the local issue thing. I was so mad last time I took 2 weeks off. I get a SMALL ammount of $$ - but I was the first woman columnist - and in right wing NH, I'm not ready to quit being an obnoxious and persistant voice.

I will definitely look you up. I'm sorry you aren't still columning.
Will I see you at Rolling Thunder in Manchester on Sept. 20?

[BigMcLargehuge]

34. Providing I am in town, I will be at RT on the 20th!!!

e-mail me and well arrange to meet perhaps. It'd be great to FINALLY meet another DUer.

Which paper do you write for?

man, that local issues thing is the bane of every columnists existence regardless of editorial slant.

I ask, how many times can you expound on stupid zoning decisions or satirize the allocation of funds for skateboard park??? Who in their right mind wants to read that sort of crap?

I was nominated last year and this year for NH Press Association columnist of the year. I think the results come out on September 20th :)

Last year I didn't even place. I blame the publisher for sending what I thought were my weakest columns. This year the editor, and my good pal, hand picked the angriest, shrub slashingest columns in my arsenal.

Beat 13 was always meant to be a humor column but 9-11 changed it all. That event gave me my voice.

Some of my stuff was reprinted in NH Magazine and in a Wisconsin paper called The Local Opinion.

[maxanne]

37. I write for

The Conway Daily Sun - a daily - a free daily.

Wow - congratulations on the nomination - that's impressive!! You're the real thing! I'm just a local with attitude that can string a sentence together. We have some interesting columnists: an increasingly incoherant redneck, a homophobic schoolteacher, an environmentalist, a local entrepeneur who's run for public office, a real, live professional writer, and me. They asked me because they knew I could write legibly and stir up controversy. They've gotten far more than they bargained for!!

Did you know about RT? I work for NH Citizen's Alliance, one of the organizers - so I'll definitely be there. Veteran's Park - from 11-8. Should be a good time. Will Pitt will be there, too. Maybe we can round up a few other DU'ers from NH to join us. I know there are a few more from NH. Alant lives in Nashua, I think. We can hang out, listen to Hightower and Pitt - and have a party when you win the NH Press Association Award!! That is so cool, BLMH!!

[Lady Freedom]

32. Just send him $20 and you'll be fine!

Those guys are all alike! We have one here who is just as bad!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. Well it's been said that

one man's heaven is another man's hell. His kind of heaven sure sounds like intolerant, intolerable hell to me.

[maxanne]

38. and no doubt

filled with badly dressed individuals. Thanks - I'll pass!! :hi:

Those evangelists have no sense of style.