My daughter won't bring her b-f/ here. I think she's embarrassed....

[Maine Mary]

... about our (ahem) humble lifestyle. She grew up in a town w/no store, post office, or town office... just the elementary school. Recently someone put up a sign saying "Welcome to Embden, Home of 881 friendly people and one old Grouch"

Our home is a cape style on a modest 3 acres. Whomever owned the place before us cut the best timber. We've since replanted that along w/the other acreage we own. But it'll be years before we reap the harvest.

Mollie has worked hard to get to where she is. Syracuse U has an 88% acceptance rating yet the HS she attended was not even accredited. I'm very proud of her.

Her boyfriend is from Newton Mass. From what I gather, he's an upper middle class kid. His parents have taken her in and helped her get a summer job a/the Boston Globe in order to pay for the next semester. She's also looking for a second job too. I'm working 2 jobs as well...trying to help her. I've given up hope for myself but I have faith that my daughter will make it.

Also, I don't blame her for being embarassed about our poverty; After all,As beautiful as this area is, we stubborn "Mainiacs" have issues about those who question the dead cars in our front yards and goats (as well as other weird animals) wandering about. :eyes:


To Mollie ....

I love you SO Much !

Mama :-)

[TheWizardOfMudd]

1. Where is her dad?

Huh?

[Maine Mary]

2. In;

Tucson, Arizona

[TheWizardOfMudd]

3. Did you ever obtain a restraining order against him?

You don't have to answer that.

[Maine Mary]

5. Sorry, I should better explain.,,,,

Mollie's Dad and I both come from fundementel Christian families... I met him at age 15/he 20. At age 18 I got pregnant, we were forced to marry ; baptist boy began to rebel w/some sort of white substance, therefore we got evicted (praise the lord!!!)

At that point I was FREE. TO work, to walk outside, (even drive a car
if I had one) I got a job a the local shoe factory and for the first time ever, had no male contorolling the money I made! :-)

[TheWizardOfMudd]

7. A college professor of mine . . .

. . . grew up in your neck of the American woods. Her family was very well to do. She had a school-mate/friend that was quite poor. Most of the community felt sorry for the girl's family and helped them often. However, 2 or 3 times a year, the child would come out of her house, wearing a beautiful dress, and get into a luxurious car that had arrived to pick her up and take her somewhere.

After witnessing this event several times, my professor asked her young school-mate where she went, all dressed up in that fancy car!

The girl responded, "The White House."

My professor eventually made inquiries and put 2 and 2 together. Her little friend's last name was "Key," as in the direct descendant of Francis Scott Key.

The young lady was born with great social status, a generation or two removed, and poor as a church mouse.

I think there is a message in there somewhere, at least for our grandchildren.

[jukes]

8. M'Mary

congratulations on your escape. you've got a lot of guts.



:toast:

[Elidor]

4. You've given up hope for yourself?

You're one of those DUers I've always thought had it all together. Anyway, there is no shame in being poor. The higher the house, the lower the morals. I hate to sound like my own mother, but you need some positive visualization.

Then again, Maine is another universe, almost.

Best wishes for you both.

[otohara]

6. My Kid, Hangs With Kids From Ultra Wealthy Families

his best friend is the son of the wealthiest family in our state - He's flown on private jets with them.

We have a very small, but lovely home. So my son spends most of his time away from home, cuz he's hanging at the beautiful really, really big homes. It bothers me that those parents see more of my kid than I do. Sometimes it bugs me, most of the time it does not.

On the other hand, he's been able to experience many things that we could never have afforded him to do. Like travel a lot - free of charge. It's the craziest thing - rich people will pay for the friends of their kids to go on vacation, so their kid will be happy and occupied.

In the girl department, I worry about what you are experiencing now. But he's still young - one more year before he goes off to college. Then we really will be in the poor house.

[oblivious]

9. The goats wandering about sounds nice.

But the dead cars in the front yards really do mess up the neighbourhood.

What are the other weird animals? I once taught in a school where goats would wander through the classroom whenever they felt like trying the grass on the other side of the school.

Your home sounds very pleasant, certainly a home any daughter would be proud of. Maybe Molly needs a bit of time to deal with the new environment and concerns about the contrast to your town. I think you should try to initiate conversation about that, but not imply that she might be embarassed about her town or anything like that. She'll deal with it in her own good time. I mean, just talk about it as a friend, not as a mother. "What do you think someone from Newton, MA would think about our little town?"

Or maybe a leading question to make it easier for her to answer honestly: "What do you think someone from Newton, MA would think about our little town? He'd probably laugh at our dead cars and weird animals wandering around, wouldn't he."

It would be much more comfortable for both of you to somehow get it out in the open and talk about it naturally. But you can't be accusatory or make her feel guilty.

Anyway, that's my dumb opinion, not that you asked for it.:)

[peacefreak]

10. Oh, Maine Mary,

she's just getting a taste of the big world. My daughter moved to NYC at the age of 18. She lived there for 6 years & did quite well. You know what? She moved back last year. Had enough of the city & Maine is home. Give her a chance to look around & see what's out there.
Maybe she's underestimating Mr. Newton. Seems to me I see a LOT of Massachusetts plates on the highway. They are always in a big hurry to come to the place where life is as it should be.
I took a powder this weekend & pointed my car north. Ended up going down some beautiful back roads. I felt so grateful to live in a place where I could head for the mountains & be back to the coast at the end of the day. I was up Emden way & it's a slice of heaven.

[bearfan454]

11. You are a good Mama MaineMary.

I hadn't seen your posts for a while. Glad to see you back.

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

12. A long ramble...

Well, let me relate a little bit of background information that might be of some comfort to you. Coming, as I did, from what could be generously described as a "humble" background, I think I can feel your pain. I had the same issues with my parents' place, though I'm not sure if the words "humble" or "terribly messy" should be applied. Anyway, it sounds like somethig of a similar situation. For the longest time I tried to exist outside my roots in that place. (My parents were definitely what you'd consider blue-collar intellectuals.)
But enough of this gibberish. Let's address the real issue here - is she concerned that her boyfriend might be uncomfortable/embarassed, or is she concerned that *she* might be uncomfortable/embarassed. What is the real issue - is it the b/f's reaction, or is it her own? My guess, based upon nothing but personal experience, is that it's the latter.
It can take people a long time to become comfortable with their own roots - especially after making a major transition like rural->urban, hick->city. I have done this myself, and it was damned difficult. Hell, I'm 25 and I'm only now coming to terms with my own roots. When she's comfortable, she'll do it. No need to rush. It's perfectly normal for someone of that age to be concerned with that sort of thing (even if the concern is probably misplaced and unnecessary.)

As a parent, it can be difficult to deal with this sort of behavior from one of your own children, but in reality you've actually got a pretty good situation. She sounds like she's receptive to your input and not totally averse to the idea of having some sort of generation-to-generation family life. In that respect, you're lucky.

As for dead cars, maniacs, and goats...well, what the hell? Are there better ways to live? Probably. Are there worse ways to live? Most certainly. These things are all just added *character* Don't worry about it. Enjoy it. Revel in it. Be yourself.

-y

[Raven]

13. Hey Mary, I'm from Newton, MA!

And Will grew up there. It's pretty urban since it is right outside of Boston but it is also a pretty balanced community. There is alot of wealth but there are many many regular folks who live there too. It is a politically liberal community...Barney Frank has been Newton's rep for years. The bf's parents sound pretty nice...I would not prejudge them or put your lifestyle down. Maybe Molly is picking up vibes from you that are not positive.

"Making it" into the upper middle class of Newton is not my idea of making it...it means living on little postage stamp lots in big houses that are overpriced. It means always having to have what the guy next door has...it means tremendous pressure on kids to excell...it means "play dates" and very little unsupervised activity for kids. In many cases it means living way beyond your means.

Talk to Molly...get her to tell you how she feels about this. PM me the bf's name, maybe I know the family.