Question about parents

[Lady Freedom]

A 26 year old who cleans house and gives most of her money to the family (reason why 26 year old is stuck at parents home :( ) Monday through Friday. Should the 26 year old be able to spend the weekend with boyfriend without parents demanding her to come home to contribute to the family even more?
Your thoughts?

[DS1]

1. Yes

[Sirveri]

2. Well I would say that

the 26 year old is a fucking adult and can do whatever she pleases with herself.

[Droopy]

3. Your friend needs her own place

What's up with giving all her money to her parents? That sounds like a messed up situation. Do her parents expect her to live there her whole life?

[Lady Freedom]

6. That is what I have been working on

But with all the expences I can't save enough. As for my parents, they want me married. :(

[Droopy]

10. Your folks are taking advantage of you

Your parents sound more like slave masters than parents. You've got to find some way out of this. I can see charging rent if someone can afford to get their own place and won't, but what you are going through is bullshit. Your folks should be supportive of you getting out on your own right now, not sapping all your funds.

As far as them wanting you married goes, hey it's your life.

[Lady Freedom]

4. So I am not being out of line?

About being grumpy about this?

[camero]

5. No you're not out of line

You deserve your own space and autonomy. Too many parents are loath to give up their authority.

[SW FL Dem]

7. Yes. n/t

[Nevernose]

8. HELL MOTHERF*ING NO!!! You are WRONG!!!

Intellectually, I agree with you.

However.

As the father of a little girl, I have to tell you that you're out of your fucking mind. Running off for the weekend, in sin, with some guy, is disrespectful, inconsiderate, and just plain wrong. Sick. Immoral. How DARE you!?! You live under my roof, eat the food from my refrigerator, and this is how you repay me?!? Who the hell do you think you are? You pay rent, big fucking deal: I changed your diapers, I took you to ballet class, I paid for summer camp.

Know what your parents are really saying?

They're saying "No one will ever love you like WE love you. We know you've grown up, but you don't have to remind us of the fact." Especially your father -- I have a recurring nightmare involving my daughter's wedding.

Know what?

They're right.

As long as you live with them, don't rub it in their face. You will always be their little girl. Despite what Oprah says and despite what Lifetime movies suggest ... in their eyes, you are still eight years old and you will never grow up. In their eyes, you are still perfect. Be respectful, follow their rules, and love them.

[Lady Freedom]

11. Well

I pay for 1/3 of that food, I help put that roof back together after the fire, and I paid for that refrigerator. And I am not there little girl when they want money, I'm the bank.

[Nevernose]

13. Oh, sure, now you use "facts" and "details"

What the hell do those things have to do with my emotions?

I am assuming of course that you have parents who are good at heart. I've had a few friends whose parents used them for every cent they were worth, and were just generally shitty human beings. My firend from high school lived with his parents until he was 30, paying most of their bills; if they hadn't died, he'd still be living with them.

Giving your parents the benefit of the doubt, though, going away for the weekend is out of line. It's like rubbing it in their faces.

And once again, intellectually I agree with you. I'm thirty, and I still live two days a week with my mother (she's afraid to sleep in the house alone).

But as someone who has not only been in your exact situation, but is a father himself, I have to tell you that you're wrong. Maybe not morally, maybe not intellectually. Emotionally, however, you are wrong. How much you contribute is irrelevant; they're your parents.

I can only tell you how I would feel in that situation. I'd rather not have a 'frig and rather not have a roof than see my little girl run arouns like that -- and I'm someone who wan around like that every chance he got, and well before I was 26!

Marry him or sleep with him on the side; shit or get off the pot.

It doesn't have to make sense, it only has to be. Have you tried Buddhism?

I would also like to add to an already overlong post:
{argumentus sticks his fingers in his ears}
La La La La La La LA!!! Can't hear you!!! Daddy's little girl!!! La La La La La!

[Lady Freedom]

17. What about my emotions?

Now that it is summer, I work from 4:30am to about 8am, then I clean their house till 10pm, that is when I am finally allowed some peace and quiet to get some sleep. Thats 5 days a week. they have my attention all that time. I need some time to myself and to have a little TLC from and for boyfriend. Don't I deserve that much?

[smirkymonkey]

19. Your parents sound extremely co-dependent...

don't they have other things to occupy themselves besides you?

They are doing you a disservice by keeping you infantilized, but demanding that you assume the houshold responsibilities of a mature grown-up.

If you pay, you should have your freedom. If they want control, then they shouldn't be hitting you up for money. I would seriously consider finding a roommate or something - it's not a healthy sitution.

[LuLu550]

9. Although I am old enough to be your mother, my own kids are younger

Son in college does not now contribute to the household. When he is in my house, my rules, no sharing bed with females...I have a 16 year old daughter and we model proper behavior. As a single parent, I have never slept with anyone when they were in the house.

But, I know my son goes away with women and that is his business. Perhaps you need to make a more "contractual" agreement with your parents. Why are you giving them money? How much? If it is a lot, you can consider it rent and you are entitled to a degree of autonomy like a "renter."

Follow their rules in their house but if you want to go to your boyfriend's to sleep over, you are an adult, honey..Stand up for yourself...

[Feanorcurufinwe]

12. You gotta move out ASAP

One way or another, figure out the quickest way to extricate yourself from this situation. You deserve better.

[jukes]

14. LF

nobody can fix everything. if you're folks are invalid, they shd move to an assisted living community. if the problems are financial, you've got to do whatever it takes to break free.

you only got one life, girlfriend. & it passes in a blink. have some fun & LIVE!


:party:

[put out]

15. Here is my weirdo idea.

Get a weekend job (save the money) and stay with boyfriend while you are working that job. Promise your parents 3? 5? hours of labor over the weekend. You can make it clear that you have to be out of their house while you are working the weekend job.

That money is yours, to be kept separate from the other income you contribute. It could be used to establish your own household.

I'm just trying to think of a compromise that might work. I don't think this situation seems fair to you, as you have told it. My weirdo advise would leave you exhausted, but would the long term gains be worth it?

Best to you.

Kim

[sandnsea]

16. My daughter did at 18

And she didn't even pay us any money when she was living at home. 18, they're adults. The only way they become responsible adults is to live. And it's best if they're still taking some advice from mom and dad while they're starting out on their 'living'. That's the way I see it.

My oldest has lived with us and paid room/board on occasion. I treated him like a roommate. And if I had a roommate, I wouldn't want drunken slobs throwing up all over the place or drugs brought into the house. So I expected the same thing from him. Was never a problem. Out of respect, he never brought a girl home for a "sleep-over". (He did that elsewhere! And quite often for the week-end)

Yes, at 26, she's paying her own way and her time is her time. Good lord, my own parents weren't that rigid back in the 70's.

[truthspeaker]

18. cleaning the house from 8:30 am to 10 PM

WTF? This sounds like a seriously messed up situation.

Tell them you are going somewhere for the weekend, alone. It's none of they're business who you are staying with.

Do they have jobs?

Start saving some money until you can pay a rental deposit + first month's rent. I don't know what housing prices are in your area, but you shouldn't need more than $1600 to get started. You have a paying job so you shouldn't have trouble getting a lease.

I don't know all the details of your situation, but 26 is too old to be living with your parents in most circumstances.