I should be graduating today.

[BlondieK143]

With all my friends - walking across the stage feeling as if on door in my life has closed and another one has opened. I should be tearfully listening to the speeches and throwing my hat into the air with a feeling of relief and sadness. I should be posing in pictures with my mascara slightly smudged and shouting out last minute party plans. I should be looking into the eyes of my apathetic parents, who, for the first time in my 18 years of existence finally acknowledge me as their daughter. I should be walking across that stage (while trying my best not to fall) beaming with pride of just making it this far.

But life's full of should'ves and could'ves. I could've done better, I should've tried harder. Sad thing is, I can't even watch my friends walk across that stage today. So maybe this is one of life's biggest lessons and maybe there's another plan for me. One thing's for sure - I should be okay.

[Scooter24]

1. It will be ok...

:hug:

Here's a party just for you :party: :beer: :toast:

[BlondieK143]

4. Thank you!

:hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Oh my, what happened?

Are you ok? Were you in an accident of some kind? Or was it simply something messed up with your academic record? If it is the latter, I can tell you from experience that as you go on in life, that makes very little difference. I graduated a year early, and my husband graduated a year late. And you know what? It doesn't make a whit of difference now. We've both had jobs, lost jobs, and still go on living, doing the best we can, learning our lessons. That's all anyone can do.


I wish you the very best of luck. Keep your chin up.

[BlondieK143]

6. Actually.

I had a lot of problems my Junior year (this coming from someone who was an A/B student her entire life). I ended up failing three classes that year and was forced to move back in with my mom (which is like living with your worst enemy). My Senior year (first semester) my Algebra 2 teacher looked at me in mid-October and told me that I wasn't going to pass her class. I talked to the guidance counselors and basically my options were 1)go to class and not even try since it didn't matter or 2)drop out and figure out what to do with my life. So, I dropped out and I haven't gotten my GED yet because of a wreck and a few other things that have happened. That's pretty much the general idea.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and thank you for your thoughts! :hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

17. My neice got her GED

after moving in with her dad (sort of the opposite of what happened with you-she liked her dad). She's now quite successful and living with her husband and family in the Bay area of CA. You should be able to find a local tutor who can help you get your GED. Then go for whatever you want to do with your life! Good luck!

[BlondieK143]

20. That's great!

Congrats to her! I love hearing stories like that, it's definitely an inspiration. And thank you again for the well wishes. :hug: It means a lot!

[crimson333]

3. it will be fine

graduation is boring anyway

[BlondieK143]

7. I know, but come on...

at least we could all be bored together. :D

[Champ]

5. It'll be ok

I won't be at my graduation either. It's not really a big deal for me but I completely understand. I could've done ALOT better and made so many mistakes that I would take back in a heartbeat. But sometimes Im glad I made some mistakes because I learned from them and overall became a better person. :pals:

[BlondieK143]

8. You're right.

It's just really hard to deal with. I'm quite a mess. :(

[Champ]

9. Yeah I know

Many of things I would've done differently. You could always talk to me, I completely understand what you may be feeling. So anything new besides the graduation part?

[Paradise]

10. You, my sweet BlondieK, are among friends, here...

Doesn't sound like you've had a very good support system, if any, at all. The good part is, it seems to me, you've turned out pretty darn wonderful, in spite of it.

This may or may not help, but, for what it's worth, you're not alone, I assure you. I, personally, am very close to another 18 year old girl who has had the misfortune of being born to two of the ugliest creatures I've ever known. The only advice I've been able to give her, is to learn lessons, well, from their pitiful lives, and to be absolutely determined to use that knowledge to make the best life possible for herself, and for those around her.

My heart breaks for you, and for her but, now, you've both got to do the very best you can, for yourselves. One more very important thing, forgive them, and pray every night for those excuses-for-parents, that God may have mercy on their souls. I'm not a religious person, but, trust me, you'll feel so much better if you do, and your life will be a celebration of all that is good.

Read your own words, for you, BlondieK, are a natural-born, beautiful, and creative writer. You have graduated today, into a mature, lovely young woman.

"Love Thyself

Who will speak words of love to you,
if you do not speak them to yourself?
Arise every morning and give thanks to the Power
for your life,
your awareness,
your creativity,
and all that you hold dear.
Then speak words of love to yourself.
As you love yourself more and more,
the fountain within will flow more readily and persistently,
until it overflows the bricks and mortar of your heart-well
and brings forth life in all the corners of your garden.
You are beautiful.
You are unique.
You are my wonderful creation.
Love yourself each day before the pink dawn
has lost its blush.
Love yourself as the noonday sun
purifies the heavens.
Love yourself in the velvet shawl of twilight."

As I love you! :loveya:

http://www.mandarava.com/sacredfemale/love_thyself.htm

[BlondieK143]

11. I don't even know where to begin.

And I honestly don't have the words that would suffice as a reply to that. All I can say is Thank You. Thank you a million times. And if I could hug you, I'd hug you a million times. That's something you have no idea how much I needed to hear right now. Wow. I'm sorry, I'm just speechless. :hug:

[Paradise]

15. love is where you find it...

and yes, it's true, you'll never be able to regain this one "particular" day but, hey, think about it... This one day, may, no, this one day will change your life forever, and for better!
here's your :hug:, i got a million of 'em!
p.s. i may be crazy but, if you can bring yourself to do it, perhaps, you might be pleasantly surprised, if you joined in with a schoolmate/s celebration, know that you are going to graduate, tell your friend/s, in no-uncertain-terms, that you expect them to celebrate with you, when you do, and then find a way, and DO IT! just one thing i ask of you, remember me when you're a rich and famous writer because i truly believe, one "particular" day, you will be. c'mon now, BlondieK, let's see that big, beautiful :) of yours. try it, it works! :)

[BlondieK143]

19. Keep the hugs coming!

You'd be surprised at how many I'm able to take! :D

I plan on going to my closest friend's house today to help her celebrate. I just know that it's going to be hard because her family is really supportive of her and I envy the way they interact with one another. But regardless of how I'm feeling, I won't let that ruin her day and her accomplishments. I'm not the type of friend who lets her friends down.

And you're right - I'm going to throw a HUGE party! I'm going to celebrate life and being edumacated. :D Thanks for the idea, I'm not sure if I would've come to that thought on my own. A famous writer huh? Ironically, that's all I've wanted to do my entire life, just never thought I was any good at it. :hug: Thank you again and again and again...

[LastKnight]

12. we all have our regrets...

while i will be walking across the stage with my friends in a week and ending possibly one of the most depression-laden times of my life, i still have alot of things i would like to have changed.

i dont know you very well, so i dont know what to say, but i know i just cant stay silent, because i feel like im kinda half way in the same boat as far of 'should have, could have, would have' stuff. dont worry, everyone loves each other here, we ARE family here. we got your back.

:hug:

-LK

[BlondieK143]

13. Thank you.

You guys are giving me the warm fuzzies.

And an early congratulations to you! Hope that you have a wonderful time! :hug:

[FarmerOak]

14. Fret not!

'Tis but a passing event. It may not seem like it now, but in the grand scheme, it's not as big an event as they would have you believe. You will do well to get your GED or diploma at your own pace, but the ceremony is negligible. You seem like a sharp cookie, so I would be sorry to hear that you don't get either the GED or the diploma, and continue your education to your own satisfaction, but ceremonies are ultimately meaningless. As was so recently and eloquently said here, "The map is not the territory."

Get the education, and use the education for your betterment, and the betterment of your friends, your family(?), your loved ones, your community, and of Humanity. All else is vanity.

[BlondieK143]

16. You're exactly right.

"The map is not the territory." That's beautiful.

I do plan on getting my GED. There's not a chance that I won't - I won't allow myself to fail at that. Thank you for your words, they truly mean a lot!

[Paradise]

18. gotta go now

but see ya lata, unless, i hope, you're out celebrating! :hi:

[Astarho]

21. You'll be fine

Ultimately it (the who high school, graduation thing) doesn't mean much. I left high school after tenth grade and homeschooled the last two years. I got a diploma, but it is almost meaningless. I've never shown it to anyone and I'm not even sure where it's packed away. I've had other friends who dropped out and they would just lie about it on job applications, not that I'm encouraging you to do that. ;)

High school was a miserable time for me and I was glad to leave. There were only a few people I missed, and I've lost contact with all of them over time. I remember a few years later watching my sister graduate, I had much fewer regrets than I thought I would. When high school is all you know, it seems big, but after a year or two away from it, you discover it was not the be-all end-all you thought it was.

In the nearly ten years since for me, life has been interesting. I never went to collage, moved across the country and have since written four novels (which I really should work on publishing) and more on the way. Yeah, my day job is unfulfilling but I know it is only temporary. All you need is imagination and an unwillingness to give up, and you seem to have both.

See the world as you want it to be, not how you think it is.