Dumbest 70s Pop Hit Ever

[Enraged_Ape]

There are just so many... I'm talking songs that have no artistic or technical value to them whatsoever.

[MissMillie]

1. Don't recall as I know "Thunder Island"

or "Telephone Man" either.

[Enraged_Ape]

2. Oh, you missed out, Millie.

You surely did.

Thunder Island
by Jay Ferguson

Sha la la la la la my lady
In the sun with your hair undone
Can you hear me now calling
Your name from across the bay
A summer's day laughing and a-hiding
Chasing love out on Thunder Island

She was the color of the Indian summer
And we shared the hours without number
Until one day when the sky turned dark
And the winds grew wild
Caught by the rain and blinded by the lightning
We rode the storm out there on Thunder Island

I held her close until the storm passed
And we fell down laughing in the wet grass
Both our bodies drying in the sunshine, sweet sunshine
So sha la la la la la my lady
In the sun with your dress undone
Now ev'ry mile away and ev'ry day
Cuts a little bit deeper
I'll remember the nights in the cool sand
Making love out on Thunder Island


I can't find the lyrics to "Telephone Man". It was a big novelty hit by Meri Wilson in 1976. It was gawdawful.

[cleofus1]

14. jay ferguson

originally played with Spirit and Jo Jo Gunne...Joe Walsh played the lead guitar on Thunder Island...not such a bad song...

[TOhioLiberal]

21. Telephone man....

lyrics:

I went to my apartment on a Monday at one
A-singin' do lolly, lolly chicka-boom, chicka-boom
Started movin' in it on a Tuesday at two
A-singin' do lolly, lolly chicka-do, chicka-do
Wednesday at three I called the phone company, singin':
"Hey baby, put a phone in for me"
Thursday at four he came a-knockin' at my door, singin':

"Hey, baby, I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Can you believe that? And then he says:

"Now when other fellas call ya tell 'em how it all began"

Well...can you imagine?

My heart began a-thumpin' and my mind began to fly
And I knew I wasn't dealin' with no ordinary guy
So while he was a-talking I was thinkin' up my plan
Then my fingers did the walkin' on the telephone man

Singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Get it any way you can
Right? Ha ha ha, so...

I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was I got a ding-a-ling

A-singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Just-a doin' my thing

Ha, ha...I've never done anything like this before!

[arwalden]

23. Meri Wilson Died A Few Years Back

car accident.

She had released a follow-up to her Telephone Man song called "Internet Man"... or something like that. The accident was shortly thereafter. (I forget the details.)

-- Allen

[TOhioLiberal]

27. I've never heard...

..internet man. On one of my Dr. Demento aniversary CD's, she has a song called...wait for it...'Peter the meter reader' Chock full of double entendres as 'Telephone man'. I loved it...being a 'punny' person, and all.

Sorry to hear of her passing though.

[arwalden]

33. More Info In An Earlier Thread (Jan '04)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=646769#650932

[cleofus1]

8. jay ferguson?

or something like that....

[Burma Jones]

3. Three Come to Mind

Feelings - Morris Albert

Playground in my Mind - Clint Holmes

- and everybody's favorite -

Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band

[Enraged_Ape]

5. Dang, I forgot about "Playground in my Mind"!

I purposely left "Afternoon Delight" of the list because I think the song is technically (maybe not artistically) pretty decent. I tried to pick songs that have no artistic or technical merit whatsoever.

[sendero]

60. Afternoon Delight...

.... was sung by a bunch who probably couldn't muster any 'delight' in the afternoon or any other time. :) Easily my pick for worst! But I'm thinking it was an 80s song.

[newyawker99]

76. I hate this song too!

:puke:

[2bfree]

10. Actually I like Afternoon Delight..........

Catchy tune and I really like afternoon sex! :) My vote would go for The Night Chicago Died or Magic (the one that starts out with oh,wo, oh it's magic.........) ugh!

[southpaw]

24. I remember Magic very well...

I was about 10 or so when that song was popular, and my cousins and I joked about how the singer sounded like he was saying "Ho, ho, ho it's my dick..."

Ahhh those were the days...

[Burma Jones]

32. The Night Chicago Died is Truly Stupid

Magic is also just dumber than a bag of hammers.

More:

Dance with Me - Orleans
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast - Wayne Newton
Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves - Cher

Damn those Rhino "Have a Nice Day" CD complilations

[mac56]

34. "Daddy was a cop on the east side of Chicago..."

Isn't that the lake?!

[Burma Jones]

Well, maybe he was "SCUUUUBAAA COP"

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

62. I always thought that line was a hoot...shows what these guys knew.

....they where Brits, so knowledge of US geography was probably minmal, and yes the Chicago DJs did make wisecracks about that line, too....


Incidentally, there is an "East Chicago", but its in Indiana...an industrial "suburb".

[fudge stripe cookays]

4. I LOVE Telephone Man!

I still sing it 'round the house when I'm feeling rrrrrandy!

[jobycom]

6. Gee, I liked all of those.

One or two I could probably still like, with enough tequila. Sad that I don't drink much.

Convoy, though, that wasn't a song, that was a whole cultural tsunami.

You left out anything by the Beach Boys or the Eagles. How come? Then I could have voted.

[Enraged_Ape]

7. Because I'm a huge Beach Boys fan

But I could easily have put "Take it Easy" on that list. I hear ya about the Eagles.

[jobycom]

11. Well, if it's any consolation

I can live with the Beach Boys, at a party, at least. Harmonies were good.

Eagles... sigh. I liked some of Don Henley's stuff with them, but even there, it could have been done better. He was much better on his own.

[GOPisEvil]

13. Convoy's a great tune!

I have it on 45. Remember the movie?

[jobycom]

19. You know, I avoided the movie

It was based on the song, not the other way around. You probably remember that, though.

I remember my dad putting a twelve foot CB antenna on our Ford Pinto, and shattering flourescent lights pulling under a motel awning in Natchez one time.

Of course, as I've mentioned, I grew up redneck.

[GOPisEvil]

26. My dad managed to not install a CB in the family Mercury.

Although, in 1977 we moved to Hawaii - not much interstate trucking going on there.

Ah yes..."New Mexico, I 4-0, 'bout a mile outta Shakeytown" I need to get a record player and play that old 45.

[RebelOne]

75. Yes, I agree. It's a great tune.

[jobycom]

9. My write-in goes to "Hotel California"

What the heck was that about? Reminded me of the psuedo-surrealism poems my friends were trying to write in high school. "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." Ooooo, deeeppp.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

15. You need better taste

I'm not even an Eagles fan, and I can recognize that as a good song.

[jobycom]

17. Right back at you, then!

:-)

It sucked, AND it was overplayed. Give me Achy Breaky Heart any day.

[southpaw]

29. Take Achy Breaky Heart, then... PLEASE take it!

Hotel California was actually about a satanic cult that held court in a hotel in California. This scnario was actually inspired by the fact that Anton LaVey (spelling?) established the first Church of Satan in California and the members met at a hotel.

In fact, Anton LaVey appears in the balcony above a crowd of revelers in the album art on Hotel California (the album...)

Great song, excellent musicianship. The trade off guitar solos at the end of the song (Don Felder and Joe Walsh swapping licks) are classic...

but, hey... to each his own. Hope Billy Ray keeps your boots scootin'.

[jobycom]

44. Hate to destroy a beautiful theory with an ugly fact, but

http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/hotel.htm

quote

Hotel California is an allegory about hedonism and greed in Southern California in the 1970s. At the time of its release, the Eagles were riding high in the music world, experiencing material success on a frightening level. Though they thoroughly enjoyed the money, drugs, and women fame threw their way, they were disquieted by it all and sought to pour that sense of unease into their music and to warn others about the dark underside of such adulation.

In a 1995 interview, Don Henley said the song "sort of captured the zeitgeist of the time, which was a time of great excess in this country and in the music business in particular." In another interview that same year, he referred to it as being about a "loss of innocence."

end quote

[MissMillie]

36. I don't like it much either

And I do like a lot of the stuff the Eagles did.

[mac56]

12. Run, Joey, Run

Daddy, please don't
It wasn't his fault
He means the world to me
Daddy, please don't
We're gonna get married
Just you wait and see...

[jobycom]

16. Ooo, wish I could change my vote! nt

[BlackVelvetElvis]

69. Worst song EVER!

I dare anyone to listen to it and not believe that.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

18. Uhm, hello? Village People anyone??

They wrote nothing BUT stupid music!

[jobycom]

22. No, I think he said MUSIC

You have to draw the line somewhere!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

25. Great point

They definitely don't qualify

[tigereye]

58. yup it was time to leave my high school reunion

when they all started singing and acting out YMCA. I do like the song, but not to act it out. Yup. That was my high school re-union. Dark like a gym, no good beer or wine, cake and the same feeling of discomfort from junior high. Shudder. People were nice though.

[arwalden]

20. Heaven On The Seventh Floor

[terrya]

28. "Muskrat Love".The clear winner here.

[drumwolf]

30. how 'bout another one..... "Saturday Night" by the Bay City Rollers

"S-A! T-U-R! D-A-Y! night! S-A! T-U-R! D-A-Y! night!"

If it's not the dumbest and cheesiest pop hits from that decade, it comes close.... and I love that song for it!

:evilgrin:

[cleofus1]

31. the bay city rollers

they had a great twin guitar attack...sort of like the raspberries...great power pop sound.

[cleofus1]

35. ahhh the 70"s

[Hand]

46. GAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!

Good god, man... you might give a warning about these things...

:wow: :nuke:

[cleofus1]

49. ignore the high water plaid pants...

check out the strat and the gretsch...they pounded those puppy like there was no tomorrow....

[cleofus1]

50. and let us not forget their evil twins

the raspberries

[Gildor Inglorion]

71. Oooh, I STILL think they're hot!

Guys still showed baskets back then..none of these saggers or oversized shorts that look like skirts. *sigh* ahh, the good old days!

[DU GrovelBot]

37. ## Support Democratic Underground! ##

==================
GROVELBOT.EXE v2.0
==================
 
The time now is 10:05:54AM EDT, Wednesday, May 12, 2004.
 
There are exactly...
4 days,
13 hours,
54 minutes, and
6 seconds left in our fund drive.
 
This website could not survive without your generosity. Member donations 
pay for more than 84% of the Democratic Underground budget. Don't let
GrovelBot become the next victim of the Bush economy. Bzzzt.
 
Please take a moment to donate to DU right now. Thank you for your support.
 
- An automated message from the DU GrovelBot

Click here to donate.

[terrya]

42. Well, the lyrics weren't the most inspired. But it had a good beat...

and you could dance to it.

[Penndems]

38. "You Light Up My Life"

I LOATHE that song. :puke:

[SnohoDem]

39. Seasons in the Sun

Lyrics:


Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We’ve known each other
Since we were nine or ten
Together we’ve climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and ABC
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees
Goodbye my friend it’s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I’ll be there
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time
Goodbye papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along
Goodbye papa it’s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I’ll be there
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone
Goodbye Michelle my little one
You gave me love
And helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground
Goodbye Michelle it’s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach
Were just starfish on the beach
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach
Were just starfish on the beach
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone
We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time


The music was even worse.

[jobycom]

43. My best friend used to sing that song all the time, then he died

Seriously. It was a hit when we were eleven, and he used to sing it all the time. He was hit by a car around that time. Probably the last time I saw him we were singing that song.

That song can still shatter me. I once broke up with a girlfriend at a skating rink because that song came on, and I got withdrawn, and couldn't explain why.

I don't even know if it's a good song, it's been so long since I could listen to it.

The French version doesn't do that to me.

[SnohoDem]

47. I'm sorry about your friend

I certainly didn't post the song to hurt you. But I hated it with a passion.

[jobycom]

48. That's okay!

I wasn't trying to imply you had upset me, I was just commenting on the song. It was quite a long time ago.

[Enraged_Ape]

52. Funny story about "Seasons in the Sun"

Terry Jacks recorded it at his home studio but didn't think anyone would like it. He was playing it on his stereo one day when the paperboy came by to collect his subscription fee. While Terry went for the cash, the paperboy listened to the song and asked Jacks what it was, because he thought it was great! Jacks reconsidered the worth of the song and shopped it around. The rest, as they say, is rock 'n' roll history.

That's all-time guitar god Link Wray playing the twangy guitar on that tune, by the way.

[NoPasaran]

40. Which version of "Muskrat Love" are we talking about here?

The original by Willis Allen Ramsey?
or the cover by Captain & Tennealle?

They both sucked, that's for sure!

[terrya]

41. America did one, also. Se there are 3 versions...

[NoPasaran]

51. The horror!!!

[Enraged_Ape]

53. Gotta be Captain & Tennille...

with the synthesized burbling chimpmunk twitters.

[Hand]

45. Lonely Boy... obscure, but...

Boy, was that ever a REEKER! I mean to say. Hadn't thought about it in a good thirty years, and I hope I forget it again soon.

:puke:

Must... escape... 700 Club...

[Bombero1956]

54. Shaving Cream...yessh

A novelty song for sure but so stupid and sung by Bell Benny


I have a sad story to tell you.
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
last night, when I walked in my bathroom,
I stepped in a pile of...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean!
Shave every day, and you'll always look keen.

I think I'll break up with my girlfriend.
Her antics are queer, I'll admit.
Each time I say "Darling, I love you,"
She tells me that I'm full of...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean!
Shave every day, and you'll always look keen.

A baby fell out of the window.
You'd think that her head would be split.
But good luck was with her that morning.
She fell in a barrel of...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean!
Shave every day, and you'll always look keen.

When I was in France with the Army,
One day I looked into my kit.
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darn thing was loaded with...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean!
Shave every day, and you'll always look keen.

And now, folks, my story is ended.
I think it is time I should quit.
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel of...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean!
Shave every day, and you'll always look keen.

[SmileyBoy]

63. I LOVE "Shaving Cream"!!!

I think it's on some Dr. Demento record. Maybe a trip to the ol' independent record store is in order for me...:)

[Seeking Serenity]

66. Me, too!

I had that on 45. Oh, the hours of juvenile snickering and merriment!

[Donkeyboy75]

55. "Dream Weaver" - Gary Wright

Makes my skin crawl

[bigwillq]

56. I don't know any of these

Sorry.

[Canuckistanian]

57. Disco Duck

And I'm glad it was a hit, too, because for me, it represented the death of Disco.
I loathed the '70's Disco craze/fad/movement and all that sailed in her. The clothing, the dance moves, the artificiality, everything.
It's my theory that the Disco movement was so heated up, so commercial and so phoney that something had to give.
What made it give was....Disco Duck. All of a sudden people realized that Disco was ridiculous, some before others. But Disco eventually died. Thank Koresh.
And I owe it all to Rick Dees. Cheers, Rick!



:toast:

[ForrestGump]

59. I love "Disco Duck"!

Loved it when it came out and it's still a classic (in an it's-actually-a-piece-of-crap way). Also, it was recorded in 1975 and came out either that year or early in '76, so it was really in the vanguard of the disco craze rather than brining up the rear...closer to "Jive Talking" than "YMCA."

[SmileyBoy]

61. I hate "Convoy" more than those other songs.

It just sounds so musically WRONG.

[ForrestGump]

72. Love "Convoy," too

And the movie...

:D

Guess you just had to be there...

[solinvictus]

64. Damn, there are SO MANY from the '70's...

Let's see, "Alone Again, Naturally", "Mandy", "Afternoon Delight", anything by Bobby Goldsboro. Hell, this could go on forever.

[Seeking Serenity]

65. True, but you can't tell me . . .

that if you are alone in your car and that song comes on your Sirius radio, and if no one is looking, you'll sing along, at least once.

[SnohoDem]

68. Me and You and a Dog named Blue

or Boo?

Oh, and anything by "England Dan and some other idiot".

[cleofus1]

74. two great artists...three actually

LOBO and England Dan and John Ford Coley!

Lobo!

[Seeking Serenity]

67. What about these?

"Precious and Few" by Climax? :puke: Those long-haired, skinny rock-n-roller looking guys singing that schmaltz?

"Rock n Roll Part 2" by Gary (Child Porn) Glitter. How many times can you hear a crappy high school marching band play that at a football game and not be sickened?

"Eres Tu" by Mocedades. No, wait. I liked that one.

"Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" by Elton (That's Sir Elton to you, bucko) John and Kiki Dee.

I'll think of some others.

[Gildor Inglorion]

70. "Chevy Van" by Sammy Johns - nothing has EVER been worse....

Chevy Van
Sammy Johns

I gave a girl a ride in my wagon
She rolled (crawled?) in and took control
She was tired and (yeah?) her mind was a-draggin'
i said get some sleep and dream of rock and roll

Refrain:

Like a picture she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me

Her young face was like that of an angel
Her long legs were tanned and brown
Better keep your eyes on the road, son
Better slow this vehicle down

Refrain

I put her out in a town that was so small
You could throw rocks (a rock?) from end to end
A dirt-road Main Street, she walked off in bare feet
It's a shame I won't be passin' through again

'Cause like a picture she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van

[Lindsey]

73. I agree...

the 70's - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????...and if "Billy Don't be a Hero" wasn't bad enough....we later had disco to contend with.

[newyawker99]

77. If you love pina coladas

getting caught in the rain......


This song came out in the late 1970s.


:puke:

[Commendatori]

78. "Billy Don't be a Hero" was absolutely inexcuseable. (n/t)

[Mixxster]

79. Technically...

Puppy Love isn't a 70's tune. Paul Anka wrote and originally recorded it.