My father has no family, no past.

[m-jean03]

(Aside from his wife and kids, that is.) His parents died in the fifties when he was a teenager, his kid brother in the sixties when he was a young man. After their deaths, he completely left home and hasn't looked back since. He had cousins, uncles, grandparents. But hasn't seen them for almost half a century.

He has no photos, no letters, nothing.

Is this extremeley unusual ??? Or a normal response to the circumstances?

[toddzilla]

1. aside from my sister, and maybe my mother..

I could leave my entire family and not really think twice about it.

I have a brother, but he moved to california to throw his life away on drugs and christian fundamentalism, he's deaf and while i love him, i don't really know him or feel very connected to him.

[Bossy Monkey]

2. The circumstances are unusual. Hard to guess what a normal response

would be. If the pain of the loss of his immediate family caused him to draw away from the more extended family, I'd call that a not unreasonable response. You might do better to ask him, of course.

[m-jean03]

6. Can't ask him if he's unusual

He would say "of course." :-)

I find the whole thing absolutely intriguing, and would like to find out about my family through research, but I get the feeling he wouldn't like it much. There is something he is hiding, I think...

[mike_c]

3. I have virtually no contact with my family...

...and few memories worth preserving. I've recently reestablished contact with my mother, but have only spoken with my step-father and brothers once or twice in the last several decades. I have no information at all about my biological father other than his name and home town. I too left home at an early age and have broken as completely as possible from my childhood life.

I don't know how common this kind of thing is, and of course your father lost his parents involuntarily, but I'd bet there are lots of people whose family ties are tenuous at best.

[Raven]

4. When my mother passes on, that will be it for me.

My two brothers are jerks...distructive ones at that. I have a wonderful son and that is all I need. I won't look back.

[Skittles]

20. hey Raven

come on, spill it - what did William do for you for Mother's Day?

[NightTrain]

5. Your father and I have something in common.

When I became radicalized in my early 20s (I'm 38 now), I quietly severed all ties with my relatives, with whom I now realized I had nothing essential in common. I only remained in touch with my parents, but they're both dead now, and I'm an only child.

The last time I saw or spoke with any of my relatives was at my father's wake in January 1998. And to tell you the truth, I really don't miss them.

[m-jean03]

7. You have the same tastes in music, too.

I thought you were about 20 years older when I first started reading your music posts here. :-)

I can understand not getting along with one's family, I guess. But to completely abandon your roots, it is hard for me to fathom -though I understand where circumstances could make it an attractive option.

He's always been such a mystery in a sense. No childhood photos, no childhood friends. No family pictures, period. Heck, I haven't seen a picture of him younger than 35, I don't think..

[Donkeyboy75]

10. Is he one of those people who just won't talk about

themselves? My father is exactly the same way. In fact, he probably talks more to me about what he feels and thinks than anybody else (including my mom/his wife). This is perhaps because we are very similar in many ways.

This is going to sound like a joke, but do you ever go out and have a few beers with your dad? This is when my dad and I have some serious conversations...and I enjoy them because he is an exceedingly intelligent person, if not a little eccentric. I have also found out a LOT of interesting facts about his childhood doing this...things I never would have learned otherwise.

[m-jean03]

15. Kind of-

He really doesn't like to talk about his past, about the sixties, about the Vietnam Era.

He just won't talk about the details of his parents' death (train wreck) and I swear the circumstances of his brother's death have changed at least 3 times.

It's strange--I seem to be able to drag more out of him as time goes by, though...

I think his life was just a series of losses before he met my mom. It is no wonder he was so overprotective when I was a kid, huh?

[Donkeyboy75]

23. Be sure that you really want to know about someone's background.

I know my dad did some things in the 60s he's not proud of at all. He was a Vietnam vet, but upon his return was very into the counterculture anti-war thing...something that developed in the Army. He once told me he could still be in jail now if he was caught doing everything he did back then.

Although this probably won't happen to you, I found out some really nasty things about my grandfather that I would rather not have known. Once you open the box, it can't be shut again.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

8. Hey!!!! Welcome back....

I have known a couple of people like that. My father's family is kinda like that as well. He still has living relatives, but rarely communicates with them. No malice, they're just living their own lives.

[m-jean03]

13. Thank you

it's good to be back, detention sucks. I drew some dirty pictures though... ;-)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

17. DETENTION!?

Mara...I leave for a week, and you get into trouble!? What the hell! :evilgrin:
Duckie

[m-jean03]

18. Yup, I was banned for a day or two.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a bad-ass, you don't have to tell me. :-) Welcome back, btw!

Ciggies and booze behind the cafeteria, noon... ;-)

[Not Me]

9. I have been fortunate to have a great family...

but have many gay friends who have strained, and in some cases non-existent relationships with their parents, siblings and other family members. To them, "family" is redefined to mean that close circle of friends who they can count on for unconditional love and support.

[Skittles]

19. family is whoever you think of as family

:)

[Don_G]

11. I Have A Past But No Family

My Grandfather beat up Harlan Sanders twice as (a) Weasel POS as co-workers and again (b) because he couldn't feel it in his heart to pay his debts to my Grandpa's daughters.

The stories are there, but my fundie freeper family generally sees it a guide to greater riches through loopholes.

[LWolf]

12. I always thought it was unusual,

because I didn't know anyone else with no family. Maybe I've just never met any!

My mother was estranged from her family, all but one aunt, at the age of 17. For good reasons. She never looked back, and I have never had any contact with any of them at all, other than the aunt. Neither has she.

Going out into the world at 17 with a high school diploma, typing skills, no connections to any support system, and no experience interacting with non-dysfunctional people, my mom was never able to establish her own family, other than me. Two marriages, two divorces, the last when I was 5, and I had almost no contact with my father. I lived with him until I was 6 months old, and my mom stayed in contact with his two older boys, who were estranged from their own mother. I did see them regularly until I was 7. I was close to my father's father and stepmother; his own mother never acknowledged me. My grandfather died when I was 5, and we moved out of state when I was 7. I saw my father once right before we left, and once when I was 15. I saw my grandmother one last time when I was 15. I saw my great aunt regularly until her death. Other than that, my restless mom moved every year; I changed neighborhoods and schools every year. By the time I graduated from high school, I had attended 10 different schools. I made very few real friends, always leaving everyone behind. I have no siblings. I went into adulthood with a mother and 2 good friends. And no other family at all. I married a big family, discovered that they were abusive and dysfunctional, and eventually left them behind to raise my 2 sons on my own. After a few years of single-parenting, I reconnected with one of my two life-long friends; I ended up marrying him. After 12 years, he underwent a typical mid-life crisis, and that was the end of the marriage, and the friendship.

Today, I have a mother, 2 sons, an estranged grandson, 1 life-long friend, and several more casual friends. And no other personal connections to anyone at all.

[ikojo]

14. I have my siblings and my mom but other than

that I don't know any of my cousins. My mom and dad divorced when I was six and I know no one on my dad's side. I know OF them but don't really KNOW them.

I am the only one in my family who lives in St Louis and my sisters rarely come down to visit me. The last time a SIBLING came down to visit me was in 2001 and that was to bring things from my deceased brother's apartment to my apartment.

[iorg]

16. My dad's the oldest of 12

Heck, his grandmother is still alive at 96

[amazona]

21. I would guess he has a secret

He may have changed his identity or something early in life. I don't think it would pay to investigate this matter too closely. The reason I think so is the no photographs, no letters, etc. I don't think a young man who lost his parents as a teen would not keep a photo or two. The people I know in that situation are very much affected by it, the teen years are a hard one for parental death, and they do keep memorabilia of their parents. So, yes, this is unusual in my opinion but I also believe you should just let sleeping dogs lie.

P.S. Those who lost their family photos, documents, etc. in a natural disaster are usually very quick to tell you about it. I recently met a man who lost everything of that nature in his late teens in Hurricane Camille...and he was still talking about it all these decades later...to someone he met only hours before. I think you would know if there was a "normal" explanation such as fire, flood, etc. We natural disaster victims tend to be entirely too talkative.

[m-jean03]

22. Yep, I have always thought this too--

You're probably right, it is better not to investigate, at least while he is still around.
The curiosity is just awful sometimes, though! :-)

Someday, when I am very old and he is gone :cry: -- And I hope that is not for a VERY LONG time , as he is wonderful and very healthy!!! -- I would do research.

[SmileyBoy]

24. I have a very small extended/immediate family myself.

My mother, father and brother, my three cousins, and my two aunts and one uncle. Nine people. And five of them live in Turkey, and one lives in San Francisco. Everyone else has died. My last grandparent died when I was 6, and my younger brother was born after all his (mine) grandparents died.