What do you tell fundies when they say your going to hell?

[fujiyama]

A Muslim friend of mine was telling me I'd be goin' to hell for not accepting Allah. I'm not sure how serious he was or whether he was kidding, and I sure didn't take any offense to it.

My response was pretty simple -- "You'll be missing all the great parties, cuz they sure won't be in heaven".

I myself am secular humanist/athiest/not religious...

Have any funny comebacks when someone tells you, you're going to hell for not accepting Jesus/Allah/other diety? BTW, I don't want to get into a serious rational argument...I'm talking about some funny lines...something more lighthearted. I'm not really interested in trying to convincing others to give up their religion - but at the same time i'm not interested in joining anyone else's.

[Spinzonner]

1. See ya there

[rucky]

2. "You'll be reincarnated as a slug if you keep carrying on like that"

[JohnnyRingo]

3. I always figured Hell is for the evil elite

Buxh, Rumsfeld, etc. I imagine I'll go to heaven, but they'll make me get a job. Somebody's gotta make the beds and sweep up.

[RC]

7. That's gotta be better than

standing around for an eternity in blinding light and singing Hosanna and/or strumming a harp.

[pagerbear]

33. For some of us singing (good) church music for eternity WOULD BE heaven!

[radfringe]

4. i just say

...pride goeth before the fall, and I'll save you a seat

my view on ALL religions:

they have two things in common

1. they all believe in a higher power in one form or another

2. they all believe they are the only religion with the correct interpretation and everyone else is wrong

[ikojo]

13. No, Judaism does not hold the belief that it is the one

true faith. What Jews believe is that Judaism is right FOR JEWS but that all have a share in the world to come.

[pagerbear]

34. Not all Christian denominations believe they have the one answer

Some, in fact, encourage people to reason things out for themselves!

[rogerashton]

5. In the case of a Muslim, you might suggest that he read the Koran,

which says that God accepts all "people of the book."

Xians are tougher, but I would say that there are enough different kinds of Christians, each of which is sure that the other is going to hell, that there must be plenty of room in Hell for everybody.

As a UU, which stands for Unitarian Universalist, I do not believe in Hell, of course -- Universalism traditionally taught that God is too good to permit eternal punishment even for the worst of human beings.

[fujiyama]

17. Ah but that's the thing

I'm not a "person of the book". I wasn't raised as one (in that I wasn't raised in one of the top 3 monotheistic religions) and I have no interest in being part of them.

[brokensymmetry]

6. I smile.

Then I respond pleasantly "Why, yes, you're right. I am indeed." and walk off.

It isn't nice, but it is effective.

[girl gone mad]

8. I go with that old standard:

"At least I'll be in good company."

[JohnnyRingo]

9. You folks are way too kindly

For the concept of hell.
I don't think I could take too well to someone wishing eternal damnation on me. I don't know if I have no fundie "friends", or if they can tell by looking at me that I'm beyond salvation.

[H2O Man]

20. A variation of Mark Twain's:

"Heaven for the climate, hell for the company."

[Don_G]

10. Well, At Least Hell Isn't As Intolerant As You

And your fundie sect.

[TexasProgresive]

11. For Christian fundies- James 2:13

judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

Well actually the whole letter of James-which they'd like to throw out of the bible.

[fudge stripe cookays]

18. Oooh...that's a good one. I'll have to memorize it. Thanks!

n/t

[rebellious woman]

12. Living in it.......no need to worry anymore :)

[Skittles]

14. GOOD because that's where all my friends are going too

nt

[FDRrocks]

15. All my friends will be there anyway

So leave me alone, you pretentious ass.

Paraphrase of my typical reply.

[TNDemo]

16. See you there!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

19. I always say,

"God is just and merciful, so he didn't leave the decision in your hands."

[Hotler]

21. I'll be the one driving the bus.

n/t

[Bertha Venation]

22. I can't be funny about it with them because I used to BE them.

If I get so far into a discussion with a Fundy that s/he tells me I'm going to hell, I start with some of their own teaching.

The evangelicals I come from (Baptist & the like) believe in the doctrine of eternal security: "Once saved, always saved." They base this on Jesus' teaching, "my sheep hear my voice . . . no one will be able to take them from me." (Save the sheep jokes; I just admitted to having been one of them.) I tell them that I have been "saved." If they tell me (and they usually do) that I couldn't possibly have been sincere, I ask them if they've ever seen a six-year-old accept Christ, and point out that few adults could ever be that sincere. If they continue to question it, I ask them how my salvation at age six, followed by twenty years of unquestioning following of the Bible's teaching and living my life the way they now live theirs, can be construed as lacking sincerity. That usually does it.

By their own reasoning, I am absolutely going to heaven.

But if that doesn't shut them up, I just smile and say, as amiably as I can, that we're going to have to agree to disagree, because there is nothing they can say to get me to bow to who they think God is.

That shuts them up simply because they go away and I never hear from them again. Such people have no interest in being friends with me, and I have lost many friends over it. I still grieve for the loss of those friends, even though I realize it's their choice.

[bearfan454]

23. I say see you there.

I will save you a seat in the front row.

[Parrcrow]

24. As long as they're not there....

I don't give a damn what they call it.

[WillParkinson]

25. Oh, GREAT! We can be ROOMIES!

We can stay up all night and have pillow fights and invite our friends over and do their hair and nails and...you don't snore, do you? Anyway, we'll just have a fabulous time! I just can't wait.

[BiggJawn]

26. I say "Why, FUCK you very much!"

And that's what I also say when a Fundy says "I'll PRAY for YOU!", which is their version of "Fuck You"...

Hey, they just laid the strongest insult their religon allows on you. you're gonna stand there and smile and say "oh, don't say that..."

[Failure]

27. There is no hell...nt

[mvd]

28. Simple

"I don't believe in it. You seem to know a lot about it - you go."

[Khephra]

29. "Going? I'm already there."

[ldf]

30. if heaven is filled with the likes of you

i have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be there.

or my true feelings:

sorry, i'm an atheist. i don't believe. period. and i think you are going to be in for a major surprise, because when you're dead, you're dead. and that's it.

and even if there IS an afterlife, YOU sure won't be the one making the decisions as to who goes where. jesus would shun you in a new york minute.

[pagerbear]

35. Forgive me, but that sounds like a belief system in itself

For the record, if there's a heaven (and I certainly don't know whether there is not--I'm more interested in living this life well) I expect many people who call themselves atheists belong there and some who call themselves religious will be there only because God is merciful.

[Arugula Latte]

40. I hope there is a 20-minute afterlife

Just so fundies can realize they're dead, there ain't no heaven, and there's nothin' else to come: "Whaaa?"

[southpaw]

31. "The bible says two men ought not lay together...

...but you been real square dealin' with me.

I don't reckon the good lord would send a man like you to hades..."

-Carl Childers

[Egalitarian]

32. Hell is a metaphor for a metaphysical place, so do I have a choice?

[davsand]

36. Cool--then I'll always have a light for my joints!

Just between us? I haven't smoked in quite a while--but it shuts them up all the same.

If they are actually dumb enough to go that extra step, I've been known to tell them that as a witch, I really don't subscribe to what they view as hell. In fact, in my opinion, being forced to reincarnate with a bunch of fundies would probably constitute what hell would be.


Laura

[Atlas Mugged]

37. My favorite response:

"He's YOUR god...those are YOUR rules....YOU go to hell".

[Cursive_Knives512]

45. HA!

Best response ever!!! Thanks, I'm gonna be using that one =)

[Endangered Specie]

38. Well, if heaven is full of people like you...

I would turn down this whole heaven bit even if I was let in.

[SmileyBoy]

39. That's not typical of what Muslims believe, IMO.

My God as a Muslim is your God as a Christian, Jew, or whatever monotheistic religion.

This person was obviously ignorant, and probably an Osama supporter.

[Colin Ex]

41. To claim to know the will of God is blasphemy.

Fun fact.

-C

[Bonhomme Richard]

42. I say - Funny, I was just talking to him today and....................

he never mentioned a word about that to me.

[tigereye]

43. hell is a human concept

God seems more tolerant than that. :) Besides some of us have done a pretty good job of creating one here.

[NMDemDist2]

44. to a Muslim?? Here's a great one

Ya right, like I have the energy for 72 virgins!

[meow2u3]

46. God didn't die and leave you in charge!

eom