I need a quick comeback Republican joke

[Bill of Rights]

I am a participant on a non-political board. Someone just posted a stupid liberal joke. I'd like to comeback with a good joke that knocks down republicans. Can you help?

Here's the liberal joke:
What's the difference between a puppy and a liberal??

Answer...a puppy stops whining when it grows up

Thanks in advance.

[ET Awful]

1. What's the difference between a Republican and a puddle of pig puke?

I don't know either.

[LDS Jock]

2. bunch of stuff here

I'm sure you can find something of use.

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokes.htm

[Bill of Rights]

3. Thanks ldsjocktx

I'll check it out. It's a lesbian board that I post to. I couldn't believe a gay woman would post the joke, and nobody has refuted it yet.

on edit: misspellings

[Misunderestimator]

4. That's one of the confounding problems...

... I can't get my head around. How a lesbian could insult a liberal. She must be a closet hetero. :)

[Gore1FL]

5. What is the difference puppy and a Republican?

A puppy can learn more than one trick in it's lifetime.

[Misunderestimator]

6. It's long but it's pretty good

Things Republicans Believe

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

from ldsjocktx's suggested site: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokerepublicanbeliefs.htm

[Gore1FL]

7. What is the difference between a puppy and a Republican?

Puppies can be potty trained in a few weeks, but you always have clean up the shit Republicans produce.

[Gore1FL]

8. What's the difference between a puppy and a Republican?

Puppies chew up shoes, Republicans chew up the Constitution.

[Gore1FL]

9. What is the difference between a puppy and a Republican?

When a puppy gets itself into trouble it doesn't blame Clinton.

[Gore1FL]

10. What is the difference between a puppy and a Republican?

After they are weened, puppies don't suck.

[LDS Jock]

11. gee Gore1FL

you're on a roll. Keep it up.

[Gore1FL]

12. What is the difference between puppies and Republicans?

Puppies come in other colors besides white.

[Gore1FL]

13. What is the difference between puppies and Republicans?

Puppies show affection.

[Gore1FL]

14. What is the difference between puppies and Republicans?

Puppies think they should eat dogfood. Republicans think the poor should eat dogfood.

[Gore1FL]

15. I think I better stop there...

hope I helped.

[Bronco69]

16. What's the difference between a cockroach and a republican?

There are some things a cockroach just won't do!

[ET Awful]

17. It only takes a shoe to get rid of a cockroach :) n/t

[HFishbine]

18. What were the longest three years of Gearge W. Bush's life?

Fifth grade.

[Gore1FL]

19. OK one more

What's the difference between a puppy and a Republican?

When given the proper shots, a puppy won't become rabid.

[Brewman_Jax]

20. kick

:kick:

These are too funny to let get away!