Heavy thinking (satire)

[EstimatedProphet]

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more
than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew
it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and
finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at
lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the
office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing
here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had
turned off the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. He
spent that night at his mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called
me in. He said, "Shirley, I like you, and it hurts me to say this,
but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been
thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a
divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver "You think as much as
college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped
out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some
Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and
ran up to the big glass doors .. they didn't open. The library was
closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out
for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking
ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It
comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never
miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Dumb and Dumber." Then we share experience
about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my
job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.

[jedicord]

1. That's Me!

Gotta go get help this minute!

Isn't The Apprentice on re-runs tonight?

[pnorman]

2. That's the funniest I've seen in months.

I just passed it around (unattributed). Can you supplythe source of that little gem? Was that YOURS?

pnorman

[trof]

3. Have you tried Ketchup?

It has natural soothing and mellowing qualities.

Ketchup made me realize that thinking is not all it's cracked up to be.

By the way...where did THAT term come from?
"All it's cracked up to be."
What was cracked up and why?
If something isn't all it's cracked up to be, it's generally considered not to be as good as advertised.
Where did that come fr......
Woops.
There I go again.
Pass the Ketchup, please.*

*Brought to you by The Ketchup Advisory Board.