favorite George Carlin joke/bit?

[neoteric lefty]

7 words is always a great bit. Another great one is when he is talking about how Religion is the number one cause of death:

"Million of dead mother fuckers all because they gave the wrong answer to the 'God' question..

"Do you believe in God?"
"No" - Boom. Dead

"Do you believe in God?"
"Yes"
"Do you belive in my God?"
"No" - Boom. Dead

what are some ones that you all enjoy?

[Zomby Woof]

1. Ever notice most people who are against abortion...

...youu wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?

[JaySherman]

2. Cars and Driving.

The whole thing is hilarious, but the part about driving in NJ is the best, and sooo true.

[SmileyBoy]

3. I have a friend who absolutely LOOOVES Carlin.

I'm thinking he and I should watch some more of his videos. I think the best he ever did was his performance at UCLA.

[neoteric lefty]

4. What did you guys think of him in Jersey Girl

didn't have the normal Carlin edge but he was still funny as hell. That was the first time my girlfriend had ever seen/heard of George Carlin, so it was all worth it.

[Senjutsu]

5. Euphemisms

Smug, greedy well fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. It's as simple as that. The CIA doesn't kill people anymore, they neutralize people or they depopulate the area. The government doesn't lie, it engages in disinformation. The pentagon actually measures radiation in some thing they call sunshine units. Israeli murderers are called commandos. Arab commandos are called terrorists. Contra killers are called freedom fighters. Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part of it to us, do they.

--

Surprisingly apt, these days.

[neoteric lefty]

6. I remember that one

he is so right about a lot of the stuff he says.

[Senjutsu]

7. It's a brilliant bit

I managed to find the text of it. For some reason the rest of the page is in German (I'm guessing), but the bit itself is in English.

[Dees]

8. Carlin singing to the tune of America the Beautiful

America for smoggy sky...
Insecticided grain..
Strip mined mountain majesty...
Above the asphalt plain...
America America man sheds his waste on thee...
and hides the pines with billboard signs..
from sea to oily sea...

[FDRrocks]

9. You forgot the last lane to that skit

"My god has a bigger dick than yours" :)

My favorite skit is probably the one about golf courses for the homeless.

[Champ]

10. Great advice on State-wide prisons!!

Hell yeah!! That is my all time favorite.

[OneBlueSky]

11. he does a great bit comparing baseball and football . . .

don't remember the details right now, but I remember loving it when he did it on one of his HBO specials . . .

[wysimdnwyg]

12. I've got two favorites

Greetings - <speaking to the Pope> "How hangeth the hammer?"

And...

Sports - "Darts MIGHT be a sport, 'cause you might put someone's eye out." And soccer is not a sport because "NO GODDAMN DOTS ON THE BALL!"

[lpbk2713]

13. The dawg did it.

Yeah. I know it was the dawg cause I saw his ass move.

[Fenris]

14. GOD

"God loves you! And He needs your money."