FOR 1 DAY ONLY: Confess your evildoings & we'll blame it on Bill's Penis

[LynneSin]

Step right up ladies and gentle of DU. I'm creating this here post that you can use to ABSOLVE yourself of any EvilDoings that you have done recently.

By posting your sins, your wrongdoings, your grave mistakes, your slipups, your boo-boos, your 'whatever name you give to however you f*cked up in life', we absolve you of your sin by blaming Bill's penis instead.

Bill's Penis absolution has been used by the Bush Administration since January of 2001. Anytime someone in that adminisration did something wrong, they absolved themselves by blaming Bill's Penis. Just recently John Ashcroft testified before the 9/11 Commission and he too blamed Bill's Penis.

Now you too can have that same power - post your sins and we will absolve you by blaming Bill's Penis!!

[Goldom]

1. It's kinda like Jesus...

...wow, that stirs up some disturbing images in the mind...

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

15. Greatly fucked-up minds think alike.

:evilgrin:

[eyesroll]

2. I have spent way too much time this afternoon looking for Ashcroft updates

I wouldn't be looking for Ashcroft updates if he wasn't testifying, and Ashcroft wouldn't be testifying if not for 9/11, and 9/11 is the fault of Bill's Penis™.

Ergo, my screwing around at work is the fault of Bill's Penis™.

[StopTheMorans]

3. maybe you can help me

i slept with a girl i used to date who now has a boyfriend (i know him, he's a nice guy, met him once when i used to date the girl he is now dating) last week, and i feel kind of guilty about it. can bill's penis rid me of my guilt?

[rbnyc]

5. You never made a promise to this girl's boyfriend.

It's not on you, it's on her.

Don't beat yourself up. These things happen. Especially if you're young.

[StopTheMorans]

6. hey thanks, i didn't even have to turn to bill's penis!

n/t

[LynneSin]

13. Ask yourself this "What Would Bill's Penis Do?"

Go forth and sin no more!

[rbnyc]

4. I lied about the check being in the mail.

Then when they called me back I said I mailed it 2 weeks ago, I've been waiting for it to clear. Are you sure you haven't lost it?

I'm just a little behind this month because I was sick for 2 weeks and I don't have any sick time left because of the damn accident.

:grr:

Anyway, it's all the fault of that penis!

[LynneSin]

17. Honey, everything ok? Just ask

:bounce:

And btw, since Gore invented the internet, the US Postal Services have not been getting as much money since no one uses snail mail anymore. So the USPS is broke and the mailpersons are slacking at their job and Gore was Bill Clinton's Vice Prez.

So obviously Bill's Penis has caused all this heartache!

[rbnyc]

18. Cliff is only working part time and I lost 2 weeks pay...

...so things are tight. But Cliff has a lot of leads, and it shouldn't take me too long to get caught up. We also had a lot of expences at once when our car got stolen and trashed.

I want my settlement money!

One of the insurance companies we're suing called and offered to write a check for 25K if I'd drop the lawsuet. I told them that if they want to settle, they need to call my lawyer. I know these things take ages, but it would be great if we go something this year.

Anyway, thanks so much sweety. We'll be fine.

[elperromagico]

7. I don't really have any evildoings to confess,

but I had a flat tire last week. Can I blame Clinton's Cock for that? :D

[matcom]

8. i used Bill's Penis to

boink my wife

*whew! do I feel better!*

wait....um...

[Ladyhawk]

9. Forgive me, Bill Clinton's penis, for I have sinned.

My last confession was to God when I was 21, which was...many years ago. Now that I finally have something to believe in, I need to pretty much blame everything bad I've ever done on you, including any flames that may have been directed at members of this board.

Now that all the sins of the world are upon you, oh mighty Clenis, do we get to whip the living semen out of you, nail you to a board and stick it in the ground? We could make some money...The Passion of the Clenis.

[mike_c]

10. I think Anne Coulter is a hottie....

[elperromagico]

12. I think you need to blame that on crack cocaine instead.

Put down the pipe. Put down the pipe. You're not thinking rationally.

[JVS]

11. I killed a lot of people once

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

14. My first marriage was a huge mistake

And it happened in 1992 -- two months before Clinton was elected! Aha!

[LynneSin]

16. But maybe it was Bill's penis that made your marriage go bad

Had it not been for the Penis you might have still been married to her.

hmmm.......

[The Almighty Clenis]

19. See?

I'm a force for GOOD! But y'all knew that already.

[Ladyhawk]

20. As I said above...

Now that all the sins of the world are upon you, oh mighty Clenis, do we get to whip the living semen out of you, nail you to a board and stick it in the ground? We could make some money...The Passion of the Clenis.