Voldemort's Plans In Washington Move Forward

[Raster]

"Muggle Enslavement On Schedule" says Dark Lord

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has continued to wage a successful campaign to dominate politics in the United States' muggle capitol of Washington D.C. The Dark Lord has cleverly disguised his greater plans for Ultimate Evil by convincing center-and-right-wing Americans that the so-called "Republican Agenda" is actually about lower taxes for regular working Americans, smaller government with less intrusion, family values, homeland security, and the war on terrorism.

"Fear and deceit are tremendous weapons in the fight for the souls of wizards and muggles," said You-know-who, in an exclusive interview with DMY, his voice a terrifying high-pitched whisper. "While it might have been easier in the short run to cast a mass spell of delusion and control, such magic can wear off quickly, which is why we chose our latest methods of promoting patriotism, questioning dissent, and targeting other countries as 'enemies of the state.' We find the results much longer-lasting when people are afraid of vague threats like 'Islamic terrorism,' 'bleeding heart liberals,' and 'the economy.' Little do these groveling worthless maggots know, there is nothing more fearful than the fury of Lord Voldemort."

Mr. Mort's group has managed to use this successful strategy to place numerous muggle high officials such as George W. Bush, Tom Ridge, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and the Evil One's personal favorite, John Ashcroft.

"I'm exceptionally proud of my faithful servant Ashcroft. He truly convinces people that he's got their best interests at heart! Hahahahahahahaha! Ahem. Pardon me." He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named took a moment to wipe the tears of laughter from white cheeks with long, skeletal fingers, took a deep, hissing breath, and pulled himself back together. "As I was saying, that John, he's a real go-getter. I haven't even had to use the cruciatus curse on him. And that's saying something, coming from me. And I must add that he looks quite stylish in those Death Eater hood and robes. Sadly, the American people are not yet ready for that. Not in the North, anyway. Heh, heh. They will be soon enough."

<snippity doo dah>

Muggle Enslavement

[Sophree]

1. I'm sending this to my Mom right now!

She's a teacher 4th grade teacher, so she and her students are obviously WAY into Harry Potter.

That was too frickin funny! :D

On edit:

LOL!

"With the VOP's last two years of successes in the White House, you'd be crazy to doubt him."

Author of Harry Potter books is a genius. Shoot, can't remember her name. She's teaching a whole generation of kids Democratic (big D intentional) values.

Yay!!!

[Raster]

2. the fifth HP book is soooooo fitting right now.....

....well worth reading!!!!!!

[trogdor]

8. J. K. Rowling

Of course, the fact that the books teach values outside the boundaries of the fundy right has them hopping mad as usual.:evilgrin:

[Sophree]

14. Thank you!

And yes, I believe the fundies have been burning her books. For real.

[Chovexani]

3. ROFLMAO!

One correction though, I don't think Dubya and pals are Muggles. Somebody needs to check their arms for Dark Marks...

Dubya strikes me as what would have happened to Neville Longbottom had he ended up in Slytherin instead of Gryffindor.

[Sophree]

6. LOL!

Some are muggles for sure- Powell, Condi

Some are definitely part of Voldemort's Army of Darkness. Cheney, Perle

Haven't read past the first book, but I've seen both movies.

The second one REALLY slams the Anglo/American oligarchs- Bushes, royal family of England- all Slytherin "pure blood" inbred snobs who think their you know what doesn't stink.

Edited for horrible grammar! My Mom would be appalled! ;-)

[Chovexani]

10. The books get better and better

Money's been tight lately so I'm waiting to borrow book 5 from my friends when they get finished reading it. I've done 1-4 a few times now and they are all definitely worth reading when you get the chance. The end of book 4 is really creepy in light of current events. Not to spoil it, but basically the government is run by idiots and buffoons that would rather keep their nice cushy jobs than deal with problems.

[goddess40]

4. Death eaters

Bush and company are Death Eaters

[Chovexani]

5. Yeah tell me about it

I think they've put cruciacus curses on all the media whores...

[tnlefty]

7. Thanks, I needed a laugh. I also like the What Would Nixon Do sticker!

May have to get one of those just for kicks!

[Az]

9. Recent sighting in Ann Arbor

We were at the art fair in A² last weekend and saw a huge boulder with the phrase "Voldemort Lives, US is Slytherin" painted on it.

[dae]

11. LMBO, made me choke on my lunch. Will teach me to read and eat

at the same time.:)

[Raster]

12. Kick

:kick:

[Sophree]

13. Is that Pretzeldential Seal

Available in sticker form?

I want one! Although, I'd be too afraid to put it on my car here. Maybe the shop.

I love it!