Just In! .... How To Get Banned From The D U

[Ernesto]

(snip) As a public service to our readers we have compiled a list of the statements, in descending order, that will get you banned from the Democratic Underground the fastest.


http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=44338

[JHB]

1. Why, that was almost as funny as Mallard Fillmore...

...and there's nothing funny about playing second banana to a lame duck.

:boring:

[hatrack]

97. But lacking that cutting-edge inventiveness for which Mallard is known . .

:puke:

[C_U_L8R]

2. Ugh....

nothing worse than badly written jokes....
especially when they AREN'T EVEN FUNNY !

Though perhaps the truly funny thing is that brainless liitle freep-turds
think these are better than anything on Comedy Central and are spontaneously
blowing snot-soaked soda out their noses. Laugh it up freep. Har Har.


( I don't know... maybe we just have better material to work with )

[DBoon]

4. yes there is something worse

an unfunny Web site full of spyware laiden pop-up ads

[politicaholic]

3. I've actually used #1 and survived...

The list is alright, but I think it could have been funnier. It's that sort of "almost funny" republican humor.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

5. odd...

I think I've maybe said some form of 1,3,5,7 and 8 at one time or another.

I'm still here. :shrug:



:popcorn:

[Xenotime]

6. Freepers know we are right...

and are mad about it.

[atommom]

7. Obviously whoever wrote that got banned before he could observe

what the actual banning offenses are here...

[linazelle]

8. lame, lame, lame....Did I say it was lame? nt

[GreenPartyVoter]

35. Seconded

[BikeWriter]

54. Uh, personally, I thought it rather lame.

[ck4829]

9. Merry Christmas

Am I banned yet?

:nuke:

:hide:

:yoiks:

[OldLeftieLawyer]

11. Naw - but this might work:

"Let's all sing 'Happy Birthday' to the Baby Jesus, and, oh, by the way, fuck you."

Whaddaya think?

Am I still here? :shrug:

[DancingBear]

29. No

But someone bearing a strong resemblance to you is.

Why is that???

[OldLeftieLawyer]

39. My doG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My doppelganger has excaped from the Tampax case!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<thud>

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

13. Nope, Merry Christmas and

you know, maybe communism is not the answer.


Consumerism, however... now that is a world of hate.

[NorthELiberal]

10. Not only do I think Communism is not the answer..........

I think Communism pretty much sucks all around.

[SeveneightyWhoa]

14. Well that's great for you.

So is that your way of NOT getting banned?

:eyes:

[tx_dem41]

16. Well....I hope it wouldn't get you banned...

because Communism, in practice, has "sucked".

[SeveneightyWhoa]

19. Lol..

I know. My point was, a new poster coming in here to tell us that communism sucks, is probably their attempt to not get banned.. either that, or they're trying to differentiate themselves from all us ol' Commie Liberals. Because we all know Communism is just loved on this board, right?

[NorthELiberal]

20. "Well that's great for you."

"So is that your way of NOT getting banned?"

Hmmmm, I'm not really sure what gets people banned here. Doesn't pretty much everyone agree Communism sucks?

[Warren Stupidity]

32. Uh no.

Most of us are ardent communists. We tend to not point this out though, because we are trying to fool people into agreeing with our crypto-stalinist positions, you know stuff like universal healthcare, human rights over corporate rights, environmental protection, workplace safety, public education, free speech: all those clever 'librul' issues that are really just the slippery slope to full blown marxist revolution.

So try to be careful. Don't stress your anit-communist leanings too much.

[NorthELiberal]

40. All those things you mentioned......

........universal healthcare, human rights over corporate rights, environmental protection, workplace safety, public education, free speech.....

are not crypto stalinist....... they are the products of a liberal democracy and reforms of the capitalist system.

I guess I can go back to thinking Communism still sucks

[many a good man]

41. Funny how

all the NeoCon fathers are former Trotskyists.

[NorthELiberal]

43. "Funny how all the NeoCon fathers are former Trotskyists"

I guess they finally figured out Communism sucks......... Hey, if they were Trotskyists, I guess you can't say they didn't read Marx.....

[wellst0nev0ter]

86. Pssht! Freeptards Only Hate Communism

Because they can't make a profit off it. Otherwise, gulags? No problem. State-sponsored propoganda? You bet. One party state? You betcha! Torture? Give it to me!

[DemonFighterLives]

69. Communism is a big problem isn't it!

Just ask Joe McCarthy.
Welcome to DU!:)

[SeveneightyWhoa]

12. Banned from DU?

If someone makes either of these comments..

" "That Malkin makes some great points doesn't she?", or, "Did you listen to Limbaugh today? What a great sense of humor. And so well-informed!"

...they deserve to be banned from Planet Earth, not just DU.

[JAbuchan08]

55. I don't think trolls would use language like that

those sentences are lacking in "asshats" and "LIEbruls" etc.

[WernhamHogg]

71. I know what you mean

When I read that list, those two (the one about Malkin and the one about Limbaugh) caught my attention. The list isn't funny, but the idea of people actually believing either of those statements is true is hilarious.

If someone said either of those things, I would think that they were either

a) being sarcastic

or

b) suffering from some sort of serious brain disorder

[tandot]

15. Merry Christmas to all DUers

...still waiting...:popcorn:...still waiting...:popcorn:...still waiting...:popcorn:...


That list is so amazingly stupid. Only ignorant freeptards could come up with something like that.

[insane_cratic_gal]

17. Eww I can never get those 15 seconds back again

Not even remotely funny really.. like eating salt-free saltines

Just blah

[Greyhound]

18. Sorry I didn't see any humor of satire, just another Kool-aid stand. n/t

[Batgirl]

21. Not very funny, but I'm puzzled by the spparent lack of mean-spiritedness

Is it really of rightwing origin?

In real life I'd probably acknowledge their efforts with a polite fake chuckle.

[Straight Shooter]

22. Typical Repub humor. Derisive and without substance. n/t

[PetraPooh]

25. I find it difficult to understand why some are booted

I'll be tracking a thread, all seems fine, someone points out a few things in what seems to be a reasonable tone and upon reload they are deleted, their posts are all deleted, and anyone supporting them is deleted. Hmmm, will this post make me the next delete?

[Straight Shooter]

36. No, this post won't make you the next debate.

Sometimes someone will post in several threads, a couple threads all looks fine, but in one of the threads they erupt and go totally off the wall. That's probably what you've witnessed. Fweepers (yes, that's how I spell it) and trolls visit often and never read the rules for DU members. Why should they? They belong to a party (Repubs) that doesn't respect the rules of society.

I wish the deleted posts could be archived somewhere, because I never cease to be amazed and amused at the depths to which people will stoop in defense of the worst person ever to have existed.

Welcome to DU. :hi:

edit: I have my suspicions. Upon re-reading your post, you kind of went off the wall yourself when you said anybody supporting them is deleted. Not true. But welcome to DU, anyway. This is a great place to learn things, if you're so inclined.

[JAbuchan08]

56. I've always wanted to read the deleted posts

sometimes I miss the freepers here. It can be frustrating to argue with them, but after having avoided it for so long I'm missing that confrontation.

Maybe we could have like a zoo too keep them in...

[DemonFighterLives]

67. Occasionally DU gets it wrong

but usually freepers are given a couple shots. If they insist on standing tall, they get tombstoned. Sometimes the supporters of said tombstonee are freepers as well.
Be ever vigilant!
Welcome to DU!
:9

[951-Riverside]

23. "I shop at WAL-MART", "Kathleen Blanco got off to easy" and "Palestine"

I'm surprised those didnt make the list :P

[Sparkman]

24. OOWWW! I felt like a cricket in a hub cap! That'll leave a mark.

[Sparkman]

26. That Laura and the twins are so lovely, they do deserve to be our royalty.

[951-Riverside]

27. Its a damn shame they are true republicans...

*sigh*

Edit: The twins that is.

[w13rd0]

30. The twins being Republican...

...is a point of some debate. They certainly aren't card carrying members of the Religious Right, at least insofar as it requires one "be like Christ" in their public witness.

[DemonFighterLives]

70. They can have those ditzes

They may belong to the repukes just by virtue of being the spawn of satan. They may be able to switch if they come clean on daddy and grandpappy and renounce all relatives that follow b*shco.

[Dutch]

28. poorly observed and not remotely unfunny

Apart from that, genius...

[jimshoes]

31. Wow, reading that site

I get the same feeling as when I have to take a dead mouse out of the trap. Just eewwww yick.

[KansDem]

33. Man, what a lame site. Did you read it's "funny" "Top 9 Signs..."

Top 9 Signs That You Might Be A Prisoner At Guantanamo Bay

9. You have a real nasty case of the goose-bumps.

8. Robert Byrd has named a West Virginia interstate after you.

7. Jimmy Carter wrote to say, "When you get out, somebody is gonna build you a great big house and his name rhymes with Blimmy Zarter!"

6. Two words. Prickly heat.

5. Your head is still attached to your body.

4. (tie) White American college students are wearing really cool t-shirts with your image on them.

4. (tie) You have purchased "Someone Who Loves Me Vacationed At Gitmo And All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt!", shirts for the family at the prison store.

3. Oliver Stone wants to do an epic movie based on your life story. Sean Penn is already in Iraq doing research for the lead role.

2. The other islamofascists tease you about putting on the dreaded "Gitmo fifteen" from all of that carby, yet delicious infidel cafeteria food.

1. (tie) You just can't stop humming that infectious tune from the new Jay-Z song.

1. (tie) You have put "Get Dick Durbin's autograph" on the very top of your "Things I must do before killing innocent people in Allah's name" list.


??
:(

These aren't funny...really, not funny...

This material sounds forced, like the "conservative satirist" that wrote these remarks was trying too hard.

If you want to break up a cocktail party, just read this list out loud (it would help to feign a laugh after each item to further repulse the guests).

on edit: Oh, and how hilarious..."Top 9" instead of "Top 10!" Hahaha...haha...ha...ha...uh...right

[POAS]

50. Does this guy write for Faux News?

[TheFarseer]

53. "This material sounds forced"

Yeah, that's the word I'd use. They always say "it's funny 'cause it's true" Well, that's pretty much why RW humor isn't funny. Like a Seinfeld joke about how good airline food is and how short the lines at the DMV are.

[against all enemies]

34. Cheney probably would be a good candidate in 2008.

[Rex]

37. Sounds like a moran's moran, Hannity make this list?

This guy obviously wants to get down on his knees and service DUs collective might!

[Endangered Specie]

38. Funny, Ive used the following

1, reluctantly
3, in stronger words on multiple occasions
5, it is true, just like Hitler was a good speaker (oops I just broke #1 :evilgrin:)
8, like Abe Lincoln and Ike.

[Oeditpus Rex]

42. How to get banned from FR

1. "I don't own a gun."



:popcorn:

[atommom]

46. 2. You know, Clinton wasn't even all that liberal.

[FredScuttle]

47. How to get banned from FR, Part Deux

1) I have a college degree
2) I have a graduate degree
3) My drool is limited to sleep time
4) I haven't worn the flag as a diaper since I was in a Bicentennial parade as a baby
5) I know how to spell
5a) I especially know how to spell the word "moron"
6) I work....for a living
7) I value reason, logic and alternative viewpoints
8) Though not religious, I celebrate Christ's more progressive teachings, particularly those involving loving the least among us.
9) Did I mention I know how to spell?
10) I got over my obsession with the Clenis about, say, January of 1993

[Oeditpus Rex]

51. Well done, Sir!

:rofl:

[FredScuttle]

52. Thank you, I'll be here all week

[Straight Shooter]

57. You forgot ...

I enjoy my own sex life so much that I don't care about anyone else's. :7

[Hissyspit]

72. How to get banned from FR, Vol. III:

Use logic or compassion.

[begin_within]

87. But you're given a reprieve IF IT IS TYPED WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY STUCK

[SpiralHawk]

44. NeoCon propaganda

As usual. 'Nuf said.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

45. "Karl Rove is one heck of a strategist!"

Actually, that's a DU meme.

[AspenRose]

77. Really....I think the term the DUer used was

"Evil Genius."

[ComerPerro]

85. He IS one heck of a strategist

He realized that rules and ethics don't matter, which is a fantastic strategy. Without legal or ethical limitations, they can do whatever they want without worry...

And, his planning and strategy brought 9/11, which brought victories for the GOP in 2002, which brought us the Iraq war, which brought Bush a win in 2004.

[retread]

48. Anyone that thinks this stuff is funny probably laughs at

Dennis Miller's "jokes."

[me b zola]

49. Interesting, some of the creatures attracted to this thread.

:popcorn:

[Ernesto]

58. Yowza Yowza Yowza....... me b zola! You got that right tonight!

Cast out the bait & see what ya catch........ Hopefully, everybody involved will have a good time.

[NorthELiberal]

59. "Cast out the bait & see what ya catch"

You mean this thread is a trap??????

Hey man, that's not fair......... it's very rovian of you. Shame, shame, shame.

[Ernesto]

60. Welcome abourd NorthELiberal.........

Great to meet ya this way!

[NorthELiberal]

62. "Great to meet ya this way!"

Huh? Not sure I know what that means....... should I say thanks?

[0007]

61. Elpaso!

[NMMNG]

63. Ha ha

Not.

[Nuff]

64. They forgot:

1). I wanna have Dick Cheney's baby.

and

2). I want my kid to graduate from Liberty University.

[orleans]

65. i've seen comments similar to those here

but i never think they are sincerely written
and often they are followed by the ever-wonderful

:sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm:

[Vektor]

66. WTF is with the freeptards' bizarre obsession with Communism?

Their strange tendency to continuously associate DU with this economic system that America has never even utilized is truly baffling.

I have never seen a single "pro-Communism" post on DU, nor have I really seen Communism discussed much at all on DU.

They are odd little people indeed!

[hfojvt]

75. Let mine be the first then

Communism has not meant Stalinist Russia since about 1928 to most leftists. Here is George Orwell on socialism, which is usually conflated with both communism and Stalinist Russia by reactionaries:

"I suggest that the real objective of Socialism is not happiness. Happiness hitherto has been a by-product, and for all we know it may always remain so. The real objective of Socialism is human brotherhood. This is widely felt to be the case, though it is not usually said, or not said loudly enough. Men use up their lives in heart-breaking political struggles, or get themselves killed in civil wars, or tortured in the secret prisons of the Gestapo, not in order to establish some central-heated, air-conditioned, strip-lighted Paradise, but because they want a world in which human beings love one another instead of swindling and murdering one another."

yours for the revolution

[DemonFighterLives]

68. That list should be "The stupidest stuff ever written"

:boring:
This thread is much more entertaining, not counting the potential freeper's posts.
O8)

[Marie26]

73. Not funny

But I have a question. Would any of those statements really get you banned from DU?

[mitchum]

74. Lame

[Gregorian]

76. Hey, that Rumsfeld is pretty verile for his age, don't you think?

It's funny until they play around with DU.

I'll laugh harder when this whole thing is over and we are looking in retrospect.

[hyphenate]

78. We really all need to be more capitalistic

don't you agree? We need to be greedy mofos and we all need to emulate that wonderful group of people leading our country!

.............er, no. I can't do it. It hurts too much to try to not spell correctly, to try to even be in any way enthusiastic about any "repuke" values. Sorry. I could never be a freeper and get banned for any inherent puke thoughts. I just don't have any puke bones in my body.

OTOH, I could probably get banned at FR with only one posting!

As far as things that can get you banned at DU, I find that there is really only one major thing that can ultimately get you banned here, and it's not one word, many words or anything even close. It's your attitude. If you come looking for an argument above and before all else, regardless of what your views are, you will put your ass in the proverbial sling. Many true liberals (as well as all the trolls and freepers) have had that happen to them here simply by virtue of their inability to compromise and back down, even when it would have been the wise thing to do. Sometimes, compromise seems to be the difficult position to take when you're in the middle of a heated discussion and you know you are right, but human beings in general have never been known for sagacity when it is truly necessary. ;)

Hindsight is always 20-20.

[Mr_Spock]

79. 1. "Hitler? Come on. Isn't that maybe just a bit over the top?"

Damn, I either wrote that or responded to it - I can't find it in a search though. I'm kinda curious about the post now!

[begin_within]

80. They forgot "Being gay might not be a choice, but having sex certainly is.

[DemonFighterLives]

81. Awesome Billboard!

:thumbsup:

[begin_within]

88. Thanks - distribute freely and widely

[DemonFighterLives]

95. I sent it to my friend who proudly displayed it on

Dweebcabal.com The righties already had their undies in a bunch over some stuff against bush and Lieberman too. Believe it or not. :rofl:

[JacquesMolay]

82. How about using your first post ....

... to say Karl Marx was my hero. It's not the kind of thing I say in public, though.

[myrna minx]

91. You mean the Knights Templar were commies!?! What a world!

:7 Welcome to Du. :hi:

[JacquesMolay]

98. And you mean Ignatius J's Girlfriend is still kickin' ....

... have a drink on me, sweet thing.

[Stockholm]

83. Hope these people have day jobs

n/t

[ComerPerro]

84. Ever notice that conservative "humor" isn't ever funny

and that their idea of "satire" is just pathetic bullshit?

And, let's see, "News so fake you'll swear it came from the mainstream media" ????

WTF?

Its amazing how even when the media is actively working to advance Bush and the GOP, and works to hide and cover every negative story about him, they still don't think that the media is sycophantic enough!

[donco6]

90. I think it's because they have no wit.

Wit:

The natural ability to perceive and understand; intelligence.

Keenness and quickness of perception or discernment; ingenuity. Often used in the plural: living by one's wits.

Particularly this aspect:

The ability to perceive and express in an ingeniously humorous manner the relationship between seemingly incongruous or disparate things.

I never see this in conservative humor.

[ComerPerro]

92. Its always just a pathetic attempt at satire

I figure part of the reason is the same reason Dennis Miller is no longer funny:

Its hard to call yourself a satarist when all you are is the President's court jester...

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

89. You Should Neal Befur Bush You Morans, I'm Series!!!!!!1111

What about that one? That one will do it every time LOL

[iconoclastNYC]

93. So not funny.

I can't believe how deranged you'd have to be to actually think that was funny.

The best way to get a thread killed is to point out the shortcomings of the DU software.

[mattclearing]

94. Ahhh...nothing like conservative 'humor'

Humor that re-inforces the establishment is inherently flawed; unfunny.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

96. 'Conservative satirist' is an oxymoron

For example: P.J. O'Rourke.