Christnukah

[tenshi816]

The question is: Do I send this to Bill O'Reilly or not?

Holiday Merger

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal has been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christnukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords-a-leaping and maids-a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters of the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A Great Miracle Happened Here," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic, "Miraculous Stuff Happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be parve.

All sides appeared happy about this. A spokesman for Christnukah, Inc. declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed have been seen as unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help maintain the competitive balance.

The press conference ended by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey Maria”.

[Maddy McCall]

1. Someone at DU came up with Chriskwanukah.

Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Chanukah, all rolled up into one. :D

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. We wish you a merry Mazeltov!

Does this mean that everyone gets Channukah geld in their stockings? And is the star at the top of the tree six pointed?

[mrcheerful]

5. Nah you get a coupon in your stocking

for a free brisk, by appointment only.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. but I'm a lady!

I'm assuming you meant bris-but if not, I don't know the term.

[mrcheerful]

8. Yeah well I'm not a jew

and only heard the word, but your right, its bris,lol. Btw, for the ladies, you get a coupon for free locks an begals lol.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

9. Hey, it helps to have Jewish in-laws

even if they are "secular Jews".....

[rpannier]

3. I like it

Saves on the wrangling and arguing. One size fits all.

[Dunvegan]

4. How about calling it...

..."ChristNuclear" instead?

That would go right to the wrong-wing front of the line, I should think.

[Buns_of_Fire]

6. Virgin Mobile has been calling it "Christmahanukwanzakah"

for a few years now, bless their mercenary little hearts. http://www.virginmobileusa.com

Although the jury's still out on whether finding a soggy matzoh ball in the toe of your Nikes is much of an improvement to finding a lump of coal in your stocking.

[obreaslan]

10. I prefer....

CHRISTMAHANAKWANSOLTURNALIAFITZMAFESTIVILCE

That just about covers it I think

:)

on edit: I may have to change it if you think of more than:
Christmas
Hanukkah
Kwanza
Saturnalia
Solstice
and Festivus

:)