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Let's Out-Christmas the Christians!

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Ian David Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:35 PM
Original message
Let's Out-Christmas the Christians!
Edited on Wed Dec-07-05 02:36 PM by IanDB1
The only way to win is to play their own game and shout "Merry Christmas" alongside them until they're pissing eggnog and their farts smell like chestnuts roasting in an open fire.

We can start by putting up Christmas lights on all our houses and then keeping them up all year.

When the neighbors and authorities complain, we can accuse them of hating Jesus and fighting against Christmas.

"But... but... it's August!"

To which you answer, "Is there ever a wrong time of year to praise Jesus? Now, excuse me, when you stand there the spotlight can't swivel back and forth across all of my animatronic reindeer. And try not to unplug the snow-maker."

We should make it a point to go Christmas Caroling every night all year outside our local churches.

It's Ash Wednesday? Well, Merry Christmas!

Jackie Mason's synagogue is down your street? Well, let's go caroling there on Yom Kippur!

FOX News is doing a live stand-out in front of City Hall? Let's stand behind the reporter and start singing "The Little Drummer Boy" as soon as they're live!

Let's Out-Christmas the Christians.

And don't let them forget-- Jesus' birthday is The 15th of Tishri, during The Jewish Feast of Tabernacles.

If they didn't wish Jesus a Happy Birthday on October 18th, then somewhere Baby Jesus is crying.

Remember last year when the fundies decided to protest The ACLU by Christmas Caroling outside their office? And then The ACLU staffers all came downstairs to join them?

I'm going to call The ACLU and suggest they start holding Christmas Caroling fundraisers.

And when The ACLU and Americans United answers their telephones, they should start by saying "Merry Christmas!"

And let's do that all year long.

We'll cram Christmas so far down their throats that they'll be able to see Rudolph's nose shining out their asses.

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Debau2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:38 PM
Response to Original message
1. Count me in...
:bounce:
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Loonman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:39 PM
Response to Original message
2. Christmas everyday!
I can dig it.
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scarface2004 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:40 PM
Response to Original message
3. wal mart will love it
having to line up at 5 every morning to buy chinese made drek..yoo fucking hoo!!!
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SmokingJacket Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:42 PM
Response to Original message
4. Great idea.
Unfortunately, they're not "reality-based." What we or anyone *actually do* doesn't seem to matter to O'Reilly and his minions.
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MadisonProgressive Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:42 PM
Response to Original message
5. That has to be the stupidest idea I've eva hoid
But very funny!
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CottonBear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:42 PM
Response to Original message
6. LOL!
"We'll cram Christmas so far down their throats that they'll be able to see Rudolph's nose shining out their asses."

:rofl: I laughed outloud at my desk.
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:45 PM
Response to Original message
7. "...and their farts smell like chestnuts ..."
:spray: :rofl: :popcorn:
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Hardrada Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:49 PM
Response to Original message
8. I wish there were a Buddhamas to overcelebrate
So I could recite a sutra or something every day of the year. And just let the rest of the Xmas consumerizing singing plum pudding eating false beard wearing Latin chanting driving on crappy icy roads world go by.
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Sal316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:49 PM
Response to Original message
9. How about some new rules for Christmas, too?
Rules for celebrating a 'Christian' Christmas.

1) Do not celebrate on Dec. 25th. – Prior to the 4th Century CE, the birth of Christ was celebrated either in the springtime or on the Epiphany (Jan 6th). The Romans co-opted the Pagan Winter Solstice festival in order to swell the numbers of the new Church.

Additionally, December 25th comes on the 8th day of Saturnalia, or the Pagan Winter Solstice festival. One of the pagan deities honored during this festival was Mithra. Mithra, by the way, was born on December 25, of a virgin. His birth was witnessed by shepherds and magicians . Mithra raised the dead and healed the sick and cast out demons. He returned to heaven at the spring equinox and before doing so had a last supper with his 12 disciples (representing the 12 signs of the zodiac), eating mizd, a piece of bread marked with a cross (an almost universal symbol of the sun).

Early Americans did not even celebrate Christmas. The Puritans banned Christmas altogether and during the Cromwellian period in England, anyone celebrating Christmas was jailed for heresy.

In America, Christmas was generally outlawed until the end of the last century. In Boston, up to 1870, anyone missing work on Christmas Day would be fired. Factory owners customarily required employees to come to work at 5 a.m. on Christmas -- to insure they wouldn't have time to go to church that day. And any student who failed to go to school on December 25 would be expelled. Only the arrival of large numbers of Irish and northern European immigrants brought acceptance of Christmas in this country. (Davis, Rel (Rev.): "St. Nick, Old Nick and the Good God Thor"

2) Do not put up a “Christmas” Tree - The idea of decorating trees at the time of the Winter Solstice was at one time highly frowned upon by the Christians as a pagan activity. The early Roman households would decorate trees during the Calends of January, to celebrate the New Year.

3) Do not kiss under the mistletoe. - Mistletoe is an old Celtic symbol of regeneration and eternal life. The Romans valued it as a symbol of peace and this eventually led to its usage as one of the common symbols of Christmas. Kissing under mistletoe was a Roman custom, due to its' being regarded as a symbol of fertility.

4) Do not bring up ‘Santa’. - Vestiges of fire Holly King can be seen in our modern Santa Claus, who also wears red, dons a spring of holly in his hat, lives but one night a year, and drives a team of eight deer. Santa has Eight Reindeer. Reindeer are symbolic of the Pagan Stag god. The number 8 is the number for a new beginning, and, when laid on its side, is the occultic symbol for Infinity.

5) Do not shop at stores that wish you ‘Merry Christmas’. – This promotes commercialization of the birth of Christ. We all remember what Jesus did to the moneychangers in the Temple!

6) Do not give gifts. - The celebration of Saturnalia was a new year's festival of Pagan Rome where gifts were given in honor of loved ones who had died during the previous year. Early Roman explorers brought this tradition to Ireland where it remained as part of the Yule celebration.

In fact, according to the Bible, God specifically forbids his people from celebrating what we now know as Christmas. In Jeremiah 10:1-4, we read:
"Hear ye the word, which the Lord speaketh unto you, O house of Israel:

"Thus saith the Lord, “Learn NOT the way of the heathen, and be NOT dismayed at the signs of heaven, for the heathen are dismayed at them.”

"For the customs of the people are futile: for one cuts a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the ax.
They decorate it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not."


(Authors Note – This was created with a substantial dose of sarcasm. The intended lesson is to point out how ridiculous this whole ‘War on Christmas’ is when you look at the Christmas celebration in its historical context. On that note, I would like to take this moment to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Kwaanza, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year. May you and your families enjoy the peace of the season, enjoy each others company, and remember that love truly makes the world go around.)
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Hardrada Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. A great post. Bless your heart!
But what about a Happy Solstice too?
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Sal316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:55 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. True, I missed that one...
I tried to think of an all encompassing greeting, but came up blank. I think I had my fill last night with this 'war on christmas' crap and thought, in my usual sarcastic history buff way, I'd come up with some new rules.

tee hee
:evilgrin:
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rd_kent Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:54 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. None of that is true! You made it up!!!
That is what the xtians will tell you when you attempt to place the facts at their feet. Some will even go so far as to say "it's in the bible", which is complete nonsense. I have tried for years to get these true facts about christmas out to my xtian neibors, but alas, I end up making enemies instead!!!
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Sal316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:56 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. LMAO! I know.
Just point out to them that passage from Jeremiah. That ought to make their heads explode.
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Ian David Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 04:18 PM
Response to Reply #9
17. May you be touched by his noodly appendage!


Ramen.
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cap Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:51 PM
Response to Original message
10. how about a boycott of the malls and a season of prayerfulness
and meditation on peace on earth good will to men...
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sojourner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 03:01 PM
Response to Reply #10
16. ack! now you've touched on the REAL war on Xmas fear....
and the fundies will attack you for depriving the God fearing CEOs at Walmart of their just due. Not to mention screwing up the entire US economy. You treacherous traitor! :sarcasm:

do i have to say how much i hate what these people are doing to my country?
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MallRat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-07-05 02:58 PM
Response to Original message
15. Make December 24th "National Sleep-In-a-Manger Day."
Yeah, it might be a bit chilly in the Northern climes, but Jesus would've wanted you to catch pneumonia to celebrate his birth.

-MR
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