Dumbasses in Kansas Approve Intelligent Design. New Dark Ages! - Humor

[Ioo]

I wrote this this morning, I think it is funny, I hope you do as well.
http://www.bushsamerica.com/index.php/2005/11/09/dumbasses_in_kansas_approve_intelligent_

Kansas, has ushered in what we like to call, the New Dark Ages! The Kansas board of education has approved the new science teachings of “intelligent design”, and the questionings of the foundations of modern biology, Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. Oddly the very theory that they loath is the reason why this was allowed to happen.

You see, a long time ago, a group of dumbasses showed up in Kansas, they had sex with the other dumbasses and had dumbass children, time passes, and in a state that prides itself on being full of dumbasses, all the smart people were not able to find partners to have sex with, because smart people screw dumbasses for fun, not for children. So because only dumbasses were able to breed, and the dumber you are, the more desirable you are the population of Kansas became dumber and dumber, this is the keystone to Darwin’s theory, in Kansas’ world, survival of the dumbest. Being a dumbass makes you susceptible to a lot of strange disorders, and Kansas is not immune. It was plagued by what we outside of Kansas call, “Misguided Evangelicalism not based in Reality” (MENbR). It is not really Christianity, because it relies on the teachings of an elder in church, and not on the writings of Jesus. So time passes and now Kansas is so full of dumbasses infected with MENbR, so they question anything that is more complicated than the lever and wedge.

Before we go on, you should know some of the symptoms of MENbR. Uncontrollable Voting for Republicans, even it they are using you, or do not care about you. Blind faith in the teachings of your church, not the bible. Mental block on anything called Science. Uncontrollable urination when confronted by facts. and more.

Evolution is hard to fathom, so it has to go, and it did. In a 6 to 4 vote the Kansas school board okayed the teaching of Intelligent Design. Now that that is over, they can tackle the other issues that are destroying the dumbass matrix that Kansas has spend generations creating. Next on the Agenda, “Copernicus was wrong. – The Earth is the center of the Universe.” “Gravity, prove it!” and “The Moon is Made of Cheese, but what kind.”
If you are smart, avoid Kansas, it is packed full of dumbasses, those that are not dumbasses should look for a way out. Do not fear MENbR, it can only infect dumbasses.

News Story from USAToday

[mmonk]

1. brutal but funny.

[madeline_con]

2. Absolutely...

When a state has to redefine the word "science", they're already circling the drain in the gene pool...

[DanCa]

3. Intellegient Design is an anti choice trojan horse meant to invade our

schools. I helped out with sunday school and let me tell you friends I bet half the people backin this program dont even realize it wont reflect thier church but it will also be an attempt to merge everything in one nation state religion. As barney fife would saay we got to nip it, nip it in the bud.

[rwheeler31]

4. What is so truly yukky about Kansas

they were so willing to buy any commercial.

[MuseRider]

5. You should post this

in the Kansas forum. :eyes:

[Ioo]

6. I don't dare...

[MuseRider]

7. I would

hope the fuck not. There are a lot of us here and we did not vote for this it was a school board decision from a board elected on their personal facts not on how they would vote on any issues. We were not given that information. So for a bunch of dumbasses we did the best we could with the little information we were given but then you can't expect much from a genetic pool circling the drain. :mad:

[Mabus]

24. You know I got a post deleted a while back for saying "it is the South"

in a thread asking why/how someone would mow down the crosses at Camp Casey in the middle of the night. I responded by posting about the small-mindedness of some our fellow Southerners based on my own life experiences.

I expressed the opinion, based upon my experience as a woman of mixed racial heritage (American Indian, Black and White) growing up in Oklahoma during the late 60's and throughout 70's, that attempted to answer the question of "how could anyone mow down the Camp Casey crosses" as "It is the south". If I had stopped there, with a sweeping indictment I could understand why my post was deleted but I didn't stop there because I didn't want anyone to think I was a small-minded bigot. Instead I included in my post some of the experiences my family and I had (endured, lived through) while I was growing up in the South, like the times when my mom was mistaken for "the help" in our predominantly white neighborhood to the time my older brother was attacked and had several bones broken by some members of his own football team who didn't like minorities & sure the hell didn't like them on their team, in their school, not to mention that he fouled the shower room by using it (the sales of Lysol increased dramatically in our neighborhood).

I guess though, that actually having real experiences of how small minded some people are by virtue of having lived in the south myself and having relatives who still live there - Texas, Mississippi, Oklahoma - and who continue to share their experiences about crap they contend with on a daily basis with me doesn't give me enough credibility to express an opinion based entirely on truth. My post was deleted because it wasn't in keeping with the standards of DU although I got at least one message I remember from someone who agreed with everything I said about some southerners because they still lived in the south and knew what I was talking about. There were two posters who complained about my post - and apparently my life experiences of growing up in the South - by responding that my post was disgusting and prejudicial and they were alerting the moderators to have it removed. Guess what, they were both Northerners and were more concerned with political correctness than the truth.

But this current thread, based on absolutely nothing substantive and meant only to cause further derision of all Kansans is okay. Poetic license is great. I wonder if my post would have stayed on the forum if I had written about my and my family's experiences as fiction and in a humorous manner. I guess it is also different when it comes to someone bashing all Kansans with no cogent facts but instead with a heavy reliance on prejudicial musings it is okay. At least he didn't say we were all related by incest, so we're off the hook there. I suppose if you go overboard and suggest sweeping indictments of the residents of a whole state that you can pass off your own ignorance in the guise of a humorous literary endeavor.

Face it Muse, we've become the red-headed stepchild of DU and, like Valerie Plame, we're fair game. Hey, at least we have each other (you, me, proud, comer, gilbert, putout, etc. - okay maybe not comer) and we know what the truth is :grouphug:

By the way, I must remember to thank Lou the next time I talk to him for helping to make the web what it is now so we can receive support and understanding from our fellow DU'ers.

But you ask "Who is Lou?" I'm talking about Lou Montulli. What did Lou do? Here's an excerpt from his bio posted on his website. I feel so bad about leaving him off my earlier list of other dumbass Kansans.

Short Bio

* In 1991, while at The University of Kansas, I started writing a program that eventually became known as Lynx. (One of the first web browsers)
* While working on Lynx, I was heavily involved with the development of HTTP and HTML, and was responsible for innovations such as web proxying. That time period was one of most exciting and fast paced periods I can remember. Innovations that are completely ubiquitous now, were proposed and implemented in incredibly fast cycles. It wasn't until the later days at Netscape that we coined the term "Internet Time". I recently came across archived messages of the original WWW-Talk mailing list and found the thread that sparked the creation of forms on the web.
* In 1994 I moved to California to become one of the founding engineers at Mosaic Communications Corporation, which later changed it's name to Netscape.
* At Netscape I engineered all the networking code as well as many of the back end subsystems for the first several versions of the browser, proxy and parts of other server products.
* I'm largely to blame for several innovations on the web including, cookies, the blink tag, server push and client pull, HTTP proxying, proxy authentication, HTTP byte ranges, HTTPS over SSL, and encouraging the implementation of animated GIFS into the browser.
* If you remember that very first HTML interface news reader from the pre Navigator 2.0 days, that was me. Unfortunately very few other people believed in HTML as an interface back then, so it got scrapped. It's ironic how things have come full circle again.

from Lou's website

I think we can consider Lou another dumbass backward Kansan. Yep, the world would be better off if all Kansans dropped dead tonight.

On the other hand, if we accepted Ioo's premise, I could reasonably conclude that the only reason we're trying to dumb down our own population is because it is apparently light years ahead of the rest of the country. And apparently, as usual, we excel at what we put our minds to, hence the recent decision by the KBOE. The only other explanation I can come up with for this type of post is jealousy which is so unbecoming especially when it comes from our alleged friends here on DU but hey, we're Kansans, we can take it.

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. Some DUers just don't get it

Thankfully there are many who do.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x2238132

[proud2BlibKansan]

8. Hey thanks for your support

It is great to come home after a long day teaching in red state hell and log on to DU to see these inspiring words about my home state. :sarcasm:

I love being called a dumb ass. :sarcasm:

Here's hoping the fleas of a thousand camels find their way to your armpits. :not sarcasm:

[upi402]

10. I bet it was directed at the righties in Kansas.

All in fun, unless you're tormented daily and surrounded by cons until you can barely breathe. I know that thing my own self.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. Now what righties from Kansas do you think read DU??

We lefties here have a hard enough time when we walk out our front doors every day in red state hell. We don't need to see this kind of crap on DU.

[DanCa]

12. Well superman is from kansas and he's as blue as blue can be.

Maybe that's why Johnathan Kent is ticked off all the time. It aint easy to be blue in Kansas.

[proud2BlibKansan]

13. Metropolis in is Illinois.

Even Superman got out of Kansas. :cry:

[Mabus]

14. Smallville was originally in Maryland

Amazing World of DC Comics #14. You can't trust everything you see on television or in the movies. :P

The actual location of Smallville, like those of other fictional DC Universe cities, originally was never specifically stated in the comics.

Smallville's location varied widely throughout many stories, most of which placed Smallville close to Metropolis and Midvale, home of Supergirl. In 1970s Amazing World of DC Comics #14, Smallville was stated to be in Maryland. Smallville was first placed in Kansas in the 1970s and 1980s Superman movies. Superman writer Elliot S! Maggin incorporated the Kansas location into the DC Universe in his 1981 Superman novel, Miracle Monday. Comic writer and artist John Byrne also placed Smallville in Kansas in his 1986 rewrite of Superman's origin.

The town was first given the name "Smallville, USA" in Superboy (volume 1) #2 (1949).

In issue #13 of the Superman/Batman series (2004), Smallville is mentioned as being adjacent to the (equally fictional) town of Granville, Kansas. The name "Granville" comes from the 2000s television series Smallville; Smallville is filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, where there is a small island called Granville Island, as well as several major arterial roads in the area named "Granville."

source: Smallville

[DanCa]

17. I only watch smallville sparringly.

Aqua was the last episode i seen. But seriously thanks for the md tip you learn something new every day.

[Mabus]

18. That's why I love DU

I learn something new every single day as a result of DU. Once in a while it is even worth knowing and passing on. I've never seen Smallville. I usually watch HBO series. On commercial television I watch Countdown, Stewart, Colbert, National Geographic, CSI and Survivor. Otherwise my world is DU and KU basketball. I know I should get out more.

[Canadian Socialist]

27. Superman was created by a Canadian n/t

[Mabus]

36. Actually, there were two creators, a Canadian and an American

Joe Shuster was born a Canadian and Jerry Siegel was an American. They met in Glenville, Ohio as teens and created Superman.

[Telly Savalas]

29. OP's just jealous that Kansas has a Democratic governor.

[Bullwinkle925]

15. PRECISELY the reason that I am an EX-KANSAN!!

:bounce:

[proud2BlibKansan]

19. You knew they were going to change the science standards?

Are you psychic or did you just leave recently?

[Bullwinkle925]

34. Actually - I awakened the day after the 1968 Presidential election

to find that Tricky Dick won and was sick of the conservative rhetoric in my state. Opted to leave for the greener fields of California. It saddens me that the mindset hasn't changed in all these years.

[proud2BlibKansan]

37. Kansas hasn't voted for the Dem in the prez race

since Roosevelt.

[Mabus]

16. on behalf of the following dumbasses, I thank you for your thoughts

I share my proud "dumbass" Kansas heritage with the following people. From the looks of the list maybe you shouldn't be so down on Kansas dumbasses who procreate. I think we've done a lot more good in the world than the few dumbasses on our current Board of Education.

Hugh Beaumont, born Lawrence, Kansas February 1909 Best known as "Ward Cleaver" on the "Leave It To Beaver" series

Jack Kilby, Great Bend inventor of the microchip

Dr. Forrest C. "Phog" Allen, University of Kansas men's varsity basketball coach, viewed by many as one of the greatest basketball coaches of all time

Delano Lewis, Topeka and Arkansas City, U.S. Department of Justice attorney, director of the Peace Corps in Nigeria and Uganda, first African American president of National Public Radio

Emmett Kelly, 1898 - 1979, Sedan, circus clown

Adolph "The Baron" Rupp, 1901 - 1977, Halstead, basketball coach, played basketball at Kansas University under coach Forrest "Phog" Allen, served four decades as coach at the University of Kentucky, Kentucky Wildcats were named national champions three years after his arrival, retired in 1972

Earl Sutherland, 1915 - 1974, Burlingame, winner of the Nobel Prize for physiology and medicine in 1971

Gwendolyn Brooks, 1917 - 2000, Topeka, Pulitzer Prize-winning poet
John Brown, 1800 - 1859, Osawatomie, abolitionist

George Washington Carver, circa 1864 - 1943, Ness County, agricultural scientist, mortgaged his Kanas homestead to go to college

Clyde Cessna, 1879 - 1954, Rago and Wichita, airplane manufacturer

Walter P. Chrysler, 1875 - 1940, Wamego and Ellis, estalished the Chrysler Corporation

Glenn Cunningham, 1909 - 1988, Elkhart, held the world record in the mile run in the 1930s

Erin Brockovich, 1960, Lawrence, Kansas, researcher activist

Eva Jessye, 1895 - 1992, Coffeyville, Caney, Iola, and Pittsburg, singer actress, composer, choral director, author, and poet

Aaron Douglas, Topeka, prominent artist-illustrator recognized for celebrating African-American achievement. Douglas is also located in the Notable Kansans of African Descent

(James) Langston Hughes, 1902 - 1967, Topeka and Lawrence, poet and author

Steve Hawley, 1952, Ottawa and Salina, mission specialist on the maiden flight of the Space Shuttle Discovery

Gordon Parks, 1912, Fort Scott, photographer, writer, and motion picture director

Amelia Earhart, 1897 - 1937?, Atchison, the first woman granted a pilot's license by the National Aeronautics Association and the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean

Clyde Tombaugh, 1906 - 1997, Burdette, astronomer, discovered the planet Pluto in 1930

William Allen White, 1868 - 1944, Emporia, editor and publisher, Pulitzer Prize winner, author of noted editorials "What's the Matter With Kansas?" and "Mary White."

Hattie McDaniel, 1895 - 1952, Wichita, film actress, Academy Award winner

William "Bill" Kurtis, 1940, Independence and Topeka, television news anchor

Ron Evans, 1933 - 1990, Topeka, commander of the pilot ship on Apollo 17

Georgia Neese Clark Gray, 1900 - 1995, Richland, the first woman to serve as U.S. Treasurer

William Inge, 1913 - 1973, Independence, Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright

Marilyn Schreffler, 1945 - 1988, Topeka, voice of Olive Oyl in the Popeye cartoon series

Charlie "Yardbird" Parker, 1920 - 1955, Kansas City, jazz saxophonist

Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1890 - 1969, Abilene, five-star U.S. Army General, Supreme Allied Commander of European theater, and President of the United States

Milburn Stone (Burrton) "Gunsmoke"

Peggy Hull (Bennington)the first accredited woman war correspondent in the United States

Vivian Vance (Cherryvale) Lucy's cohort "Ethel"

Shirley Knight 1936 (Goessel) Tony award winning actress

Buster Keaton (Piqua) famed actor and director, was given the nickname "Buster" by Harry Houdini when he was six months and he tumbled down a flight of stairs unharmed. The Keatons were traveling with Harry Houdini W.C. Fields, Bill Robinson ("Bojangles"), Eddie Cantor and Al Jolson as The Three Keatons which were Buster, his father Joe Keaton and mother Myra Keaton.

Mike Love (Hutchinson), of the Beach Boys

Charles "Buddy" Rogers (Olathe)

Lynette Woodard (Wichita)

Russell Stover, candy maker

Yep, we're all a bunch of dumbasses who will pass into history unnoticed and the world will be a better place for it. :sarcasm:

[proud2BlibKansan]

20. Ward Cleaver is from Lawrence?

Learn something new every day. :)

Great post Mabus.

[Mabus]

22. Would I lie to you? Of course Binky is from Kansas.

One of the most recognizable television Dads is from Lawrence. Eugene Hugh Beaumont

I would have listed more but I had to take the dogs out for their mid-afternoon walk and make something for me and the Admiral to eat. I'm a proud Kansan.

[proud2BlibKansan]

23. Hey my dad was from Kansas too!

That is so cool - Beaver and I have something in common. :)

[Mabus]

25. I used to do well in Trivial Pursuit

because I know so much useless information. I first learned about Hugh being from Lawrence when one of my relatives mentioned it. Apparently his family didn't live that far from my grandma.

[proud2BlibKansan]

26. Yes you ARE a proud Kansan

and you know everyone. At least that's what Comer said.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=153x2914#2934

[Mabus]

28. Aggravating isn't it?

LOL. Did you see my reply?


I have met jgrr. For some reason I happen to be lucky enough to know a lot of good people in Kansas like you, Muse, Comer, Gilbert, putout and then there's everyone else! It pays to be a busy body.
One thing all of you have in common (besides being lucky enough to know me :P )is that you each make our world a better place than you found it.

[Telly Savalas]

30. Greatest person in history chose to spend his final years in Kansas.

[Mabus]

35. Be still my heart!

I'm a huge basketball fan. I've followed my Jayhawks to Final Fours and remain friends with some of the former players. Don't even get me started on athletes with a Kansas connection - Gayle Sayres, Wilt Chamberlain, Jim Thorpe, Billy Mills, John Riggins, Bobby Douglas, Al Oerter, Paul Pierce, there are just so many.

James wasn't the only one who came to Lawrence and decided to stay. William S. Burroughs lived in my neighborhood until his death a few years ago. Over the years I would see him out shopping at the local grocery store. Every once in a while he'd have someone like Allen Ginsberg in tow.



I think a lot of people would be surprised if I did a list of people who lived in our state. My previous list was pretty much limited to those people born in Kansas.

[upi402]

31. Kansas killed Charlie Parker?

dang, i hate that when that happens...
LOL
j/k
Good times!

[proud2BlibKansan]

33. I thought it was heroin

that killed him.

[Initech]

21. A bit harsh, but they speak the truth!

[upi402]

32. A scientific theory is a set of facts that tells a story

Fundies get so hung up on the wrong context of the word.