Why I oppose the 2,000-foot rule for child molesters...

[CoffeeCat]

I was molested as a child--by my father and his best friend--who just happened to be a police officer.

I apologize if this is upsetting.

However, I'm here to tell you that it wouldn't have mattered if my perpetrators had lived 2,000 feet from any schools or day-care centers. It wouldn't have mattered if they had been banished to their own community--miles away from civilization.

They still would have molested me--because they had what 90 percent of perpetrators have--direct access to their victims on a daily basis.

My situation bears out the statistics. Nearly all child molesters LIVE WITH their victim or know their victim very well. Stranger molestations are incredibly rare. The monsters are inside our homes. They are trusted friends and soccer coaches. They are accountants, lawyers and politicians. They are everywhere we are.

I've met hundreds of sexual-abuse victims, through support groups and volunteer work. Although I know that stranger abductions and molestations happen, I have yet to meet any survivor who didn't know her perpetrator very well. The majority of survivors that I have met--were victimized by either their father or their stepfather.

What are we doing, as a society? We're banning sex offenders, as if the monster is outside lurking in a park. When we enact crazy, useless laws like this--we ignore the reality of sexual abuse. We pacify the masses, but we do nothing to solve the real problem of childhood sexual abuse. This is insulting to survivors and harmful to someone facing the reality of sexual abuse today.

Furthermore, we aid and abet perpetrators when we enact laws that create myths about sexual abuse. These laws give people the impression that most molesters scan the parks for unsuspecting victims. In fact, most molesters don't have to scan parks because their victims live under the same roof.

Recently, my community passed laws that ban sex offenders from living near a school or daycare. In effect, convicted sex offenders were banned from the city limits. Ironically, I was told not too long ago--that the men who molested me when I was a child, would not be held accountable.

I was told, that since I had no proof--and that since the molestation happened years ago--that they would not do anything.

I was told that we would have to wait for my perpetrators to molest another child--before anything could be done. In their words, they needed "a fresh case".

I find it very disconcerting that we would spend so much time worrying about where these people live---and so little time investigating and taking seriously the victims who do come forward and educating the public on the true reality.

I may not (and probably won't ever) get justice. However, I plan to use my life to empower victims and to educate the world about this reality that no one seems to want to face.

[niyad]

1. I am so sorry for what you have gone through, and there are no words that

can offer any sort of comfort. Thank you for your post, which desperately needed saying, and thank you for continuing the fight.

[CoffeeCat]

4. Thanks for your kind words. (nt)

[lildreamer316]

2. Someone very close to me had the same problem

ironically enough, he (the molester) was a police officer too.

I wish we could get to the root of this problem instead of just half-assed treating the effects.

I am so sorry this happened for you, and that you seem to not be able to get justice in this world. Maybe the next.......

Anything I can do.

[CoffeeCat]

7. Thanks....and I agree...

...that we need to figure out better ways to treat and rehabilitate offenders.

Also--today's victims are tomorrow's perpetrators. When we make it difficult (if not impossible) for victims to come forward--they remain silent and that causes greater trauma--and may create perpetrators out of them.

Ignoring the ugly reality only protects the perpetrator--and creates new perpetrators.

I think it's time that we faced feeling really uncomfortable for a while--so we can begin to solve the problem.

[lildreamer316]

38. Definately.

The person close to me who was abused, has come through it as well as can be expected, and I see absolutely no signs of them abusing their child (trust me, I would know). This person has an alcohol problem though,because they are repressing their anger and embarassment at what happened to them. It is very frustrating to me to not be able to help them, but they are not ready for help.

We really do need to face the ugly truth that this is mostly as cyclical thing.Almost all abuse is.
WHY does this happen? What is REALLY the underlying cause? I want to know the answers to these questions in my lifetime!!

[gardenista]

34. Same here.

I won't go into my experience, but this happened to me, but nowhere near the magnitude of the OP. And it happened (different cop) to the child of a friend of mine. A very smart friend who figured out what was going on while it was still in the fondling stage. It took a tremendous amount of courage for her to protect her child, and meant that she had to cut off her family.

I also want to point out that the courage of the OP in sharing this story opens the door for others to get the support they need, and helps parents understand these dynamics so that they can protect their children more effectively. If it weren't for people like the OP, people like my friend would may not have the courage to confront abusers.

[beam me up scottie]

3. I agree.

And I commend you for having the courage to speak up and for using your experience to help others.

Nominated.

[The Traveler]

5. You will have justice

When you die, you will be missed. People who love you will be with you. You will go out knowing you made a positive mark on the people around you. When they die, no one will mourn, and they will face that moment of ultimate uncertainty with only the company of their crime.

You will grow stronger, and they will wither. Keep going ... you bring wisdowm to this matter.

[CoffeeCat]

9. Wow...

...your words really touched me.

Thank you so much for your compassion and your insight.

You are so right.

I have two little girls and a wonderful husband. I could never imagine harming my children. All I want to do is love and protect them. I know that feeling those things and being a good mom means that I've won--they didn't beat me.

Thanks a million for what you said...it was very uplifting.

[The Traveler]

66. Actually, it si the other way around

Knowing people like you who have grown strong and wise in the face of pain uplifts me. Thanks for bringing your experience and insight to the table.

[classof56]

6. I am so sorry for what you have endured and I commend you

for the ways you are helping others. My only hope and sincere prayer is that the people who prey upon and harm children have a special place in hell, and that they reach it long before they leave this earth. Justice is elusive and sometimes non-existence in this world, it seems, but somewhere, sometime, there must be a place and a way in which these evil monsters will get their due. I only pray it is before they can harm even more children and rob them of their innocence. You have articulated well the difficulties facing those among us who have been abused and the terrible consequences that plague us all our lives. Bless you for all you're doing to keep others from falling victim to these horrors. May there be a special place in heaven for you, and may you find peace on your journey there.

[CoffeeCat]

16. You're right...

...justice may not happen, but peace will.

In a way--finding that peace is justice.

Thanks for your insight. I agree that people who harm kids commit the most evil of crimes. Children are unable to defend themselves, or to even understand the adult ramifications of what is happening to them. That's why the crime is so shocking--because the victim is so defenseless.

Thanks for your comforting words.

[MazeRat7]

8. Those rules are not meant to protect the (potential) victims...

They are there to make the general population "feel" safer and to help the politicians score points in their district.

Your post was dead on....

MZr7

[pacalo]

30. I get that impression, too.

The postcards of warning with the offender's name & new address sent out to area residents reminds me of The Scarlet Letter of the 16th Century. Murderers, rapists, & thieves aren't required to warn the community when they're released from prison.

(And bless your heart, TwoSparkles. You're amazing.)

[expatriot]

10. thank you - your bitter experience adds critical perspective. ...

You are of course correct... a vast majority of crimes against children are committed by those who have an established relationship with the child and I don't think it is not a stretch to bring in what I think there to be some stark ideological differences between conservatives and progressives on this.

It serves the conservative worldview to perpetuate the stranger offering candy or searching for his lost puppy myth (while no doubt these type of predators exist these incidents are greatly less than those perpetrated by established relationships.. the conservative view is that the parental sovereignty over the family unit is an absolute and infallible and "society at large" is the enemy of the family. This view of family and soceity obviously extends politically to their individualistic, non-social views of government's role where the paternalistic institutions of the past reign supreme. Progressives, however, have a more "functional" and "democratic" view of soceity, government being the institutional manifestation of society's collective will that can and should have the power to rescue children and women from the often times tyrranical autonomy of the family.

on edit: Just wanted to add that I commend your courage for speaking out on this, silence is the ally of all that is wrong in our society.

[CoffeeCat]

15. I agree....

The more I learn about sexual abuse, the more I feel as if Republicans are leveraging policies and beliefs that perpetuate the underlying causes of abuse.

Republicans are very patriarchal. They appear to believe that the male is the head of the household. This attitude can perpetuate abuse by suggesting that the male has the power--and the wife and children are his subjects. Most abusers have that attitude.

I agree with you that Dems are more pro-family in their policies and beliefs. However, isn't it ironic and odd that the Republicans tout that "family values" banner--as if they are more pro family. Clearly, they are not--and most often side with corporate interests over families and average citizens.

Thanks for your kind words, too.

[Maraya1969]

82. Yup. Banning gay men from the boy scouts is a perfect example

If a man is openly gay then he is openly saying that he likes gay MEN. By banning gay men the boy scouts have just opened the door wider for all the married with children pedophiles. I think it was a VERY stupid move.

The girl scouts don't have any rules about the sexual orientation of the leaders.

[proud patriot]

11. Thanks for your courage in speaking out

:hug:

[CoffeeCat]

21. Thanks for the hugs...

...I like your sig.

That's great. It would make a great bumper sticker.

:)

[proud patriot]

98. here's another

:hug: Feel free to use it .

I must confess though I have a T-shirt that
I Purchased awhile back the says

"I support out troops it's bush I can't stand"

since bush can't run again I figured a little
tweak on that would work for a few years :-)

[mestup]

12. So incredibly sad.

:hug:

And also sad to say that one of the things fueling (some) viewer interest in sex offender registries, etc., is in maintaining the illusion that perpetrators are always "strangers." Nothing could be further from the truth.

[beam me up scottie]

13. If you haven't already submitted this,

it would make an outstanding LTTE.

[CoffeeCat]

20. I am considering doing this...

I would definitely tweak this and submit it as a guest editorial.

Thanks for your encouragement.

[Kire]

14. I was molested more than 2000 feet away from a school or park

in my home, too

I don't know if you're talking about this town, but there is one near me that banned pedophiles from 99.5% of town because of all of the parks and schools.

There was an interesting editorial in yesterday's paper:

Phillipsburg's new anti-pedophile ordinance is a great law, except for two things. It probably won't make kids living in Phillipsburg any safer, and it might place kids living outside Phillipsburg in greater danger.

...

As a practical matter, if selected towns ban sex offenders, they're relegating them to other towns -- in this case, to Easton, to Washington, to the suburbs. What's worse, instead of living with a relative or in a halfway house, many offenders barred from their hometowns will go underground, making them reportable to no one, and that's the greatest danger of all.

More: http://www.nj.com/editorials/expresstimes/index.ssf?/base/news-0/1131012345281880.xml&coll=2

[Horse with no Name]

59. In our town

Convicted sex offenders (of any flavor) are banned from being outdoors on Halloween. If they are caught, they are sent to jail.
A list of addresses is printed in the paper for parents to avoid those homes for trick or treating.
It is appalling to me.

[Kire]

89. I think that's why there were so few kids out this year.

I only got 10% of the kids I got last year. Also, I'm terrified to not answer my door. I'm a single male living alone.

[Corgigal]

17. I'm sorry for what you went through as a child

I just disagree. While it's true that molesters usually are not strangers , (some stat's below)

• Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators.
-Finkelhor, D. 1994.

• 89% of child sexual assault cases involve persons known to the child, such as a caretaker or family acquaintance.
-Diana Russell Survey, 1978

• 29% of child sexual abuse offenders are relatives, 60% are acquaintances, and only 11% are strangers.
-Diana Russell, The Secret Trauma, NY:Basic Books, 1986.

http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html


We also have child murders to think about and I think that most, if not all of the children were murdered because of sexual motivations. Since the child is no longer alive and molestation doesn't leave marks the homicide detectives rarely go after the criminal for that charge. They can get evidence of a rape but rarely a molestation charge.

[Aimah]

23. I agree..

Although the 2,000 feet rule is very weak. I don't see much else law makers can do. Besides education on clear signs of some molesters mode of operation there really is no set profile for a child molester. After looking on my states registry after our neighborhood association alerted us that there were 2 child molesters yards from us I was shocked at the number of female molesters. It's hard to say whether the 2,000 rule has helped at all but I don't think it should be scraped until something else more fitting comes about.

[CoffeeCat]

35. I do agree with much of what you said...

I think we all can agree, as parents, that we want to do everything to protect our children.

When we realize that there are sex offenders in our cities and neighborhoods--it is very scary. I looked on our sex offender registry and I was shocked, as well.

I do understand that many well-intentioned, caring parents don't want these people living near their children.

My biggest point of contention is that these laws do nothing to stop most of the childhood sexual abuse that happens. If this law was a part of a bigger-picture solution---it might make more sense.

However, this law is being leveraged as a rational solution that will make children safer and drastically reduce the incidence of child sexual abuse.

Since most molesters live with their victims--about 90 percent of the cases--these laws will make very little (if any) impact on the safety of children.

The molesters who abuse their own children will go on to do these heinous crimes. The molesters that we've shuffled off to rural areas, will find victims in the new areas in which they live.

So really---these laws do not address the reality of sexual abuse.

And again--I cannot argue with your desire to want to protect your child. I understand those feelings so well, and I hope we can all work together to make our cities, neighborhoods and homes safe for our children.

You are a terrific parent, for being so vigilant and so careful about your childrens' surroundings.

[Maraya1969]

85. I want to say something about female molesters. I think there should

be more of a distinction between the TYPE of molestation. A 20 year old with a 16 year old would be considered a sex offender now. That is a big difference between a 20 year old and a 10 year old. The second seems like a true pedophile.

As far as women I know a woman close to my house who is a registered sex offender. She is also an alcoholic, in recovery now. The story goes that she was drunk and had sex with a 16 year old boy.

I really do not think she should be on the same page with the other monsters. Heck, I remember reading some memoirs of my fathers and he said his first sexual experience was with an (slightly) older woman when he was 16 and according to his writing he was very happy about it. If that happened today and they got cause the woman - or girl because I think she was only around 20 - would be considered a child molester.

We definitely need better lines and descriptions.

[lakemonster11]

96. I don't think this argument is merely limited to female offenders

A 20-year-old boy who has sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend is a far cry from a step-father molesting his 8-year-old daughter.

To me, the biggest difference between "technical" violations of the law and true pedophilia is how old the minor looks. I know this is a subjective judgment, but it makes sense to me.

If a twenty-year-old is attracted to a fifteen-year-old who looks eighteen, they're responding to a (physically) sexually mature individual. This is not pedophilia (IMO). (It's still illegal for them to have sex, of course.)

If, on the other hand, a twenty-year-old is attracted to a fifteen-year-old who looks eleven, then they're responding to a sexually immature individual. This is pedophilia---a "sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object" (dictionary.com).

I hate to see people labeled as pedophiles when they aren't. This isn't to say that there shouldn't be laws in place to protect minors from predatory adults, but there should be enough leniancy in the laws so that the judge can make an appropriate decision about punishment and about inclusion on "sex offender" lists. If we falsely label people as child molesters, then it makes it more difficult for the government to keep track of those who are actually dangerous to children.

(This is from a girl who, at 21, was thoroughly kissed by a friend who she later found out had only been 18 for a few weeks :blush:).

[Maraya1969]

97. Your points are spot on. And I hope you had a fun make out session!

:toast:

[Skittles]

18. you are correct

all those boogie-man rules neglect to take into account the #1 segment of child molesters - fathers, uncles, grandfathers

[Jed Dilligan]

19. The other problem...

Try drawing a 2,000-foot buffer around every school, park, church, day care center, and community center in your town. Check out what's left... There are already "sex-offender ghettoes" springing up in cities where this has been instituted. Picture apartment blocks full of nothing but rapists and child molesters. This is actually happening--one more example of our bloated prison system spilling over the walls.

[CoffeeCat]

24. Our local news showed that this is happening...

Our city is 250,000--it's a mid-sized city.

Sex offenders cannot live within city limits due to these laws, and they have all moved into one hourly-rate motel--near the outskirts of the city. The motel rents by the week as well--and there are many lower-income families living there.

Our local news did a story on this hotel. The owner had no idea that the barrage of new rentals was due to sex offenders moving in.

Wouldn't it be better to treat and take seriously these offenders, instead of shuffling them off to someplace else--where they will still molest children anyway?

[beam me up scottie]

27. So they'll end up living in poor neighborhoods.

Where people can't afford to move or have the power to dictate who their neighbors are.

Let me guess who favors such legislation.

[Jed Dilligan]

41. Though econ. segregation's already doing a good job

My friend was a reporter on a high-profile child disappearance case in Vallejo, CA (turned out she was raped and murdered, a nine-year-old). Very low-income neighborhood, parents were meth fiends. Off the record a cop told my friend that the investigation was slowed down because they were interviewing OVER 300 reg. sex offenders who lived within ONE SQUARE MILE of the victim... This is not good for anyone.

[beam me up scottie]

43. It's good for the rich folks.

And the peeps in the burbs.

Except they are too stupid or delusional to realize that the monsters are usually right around the corner, and they know them by name.

[Hippo_Tron]

75. Yup, nonviolent drug users in prison, sex offenders out on the streets

[951-Riverside]

22. Because you don't have children of your own?

[beam me up scottie]

25. If that's an example of one of your "random views"

I think I'll skip the rest, thank you very much.

[gardenista]

26. Did you even READ the post? If you did, you would know that your

illusion of safety is a joke.

These kinds of laws are there to appease people such as yourself, who are ignorant of the sad realities of life and think that this kind of measure will make them or their children safer.

[951-Riverside]

52. Why yes I did....

...and the only conclusion I could come down to is that this person must not have any children, personally I'm for any law that keeps these CONVICTED offenders away from children I don't see how anyone with children can say with a straight face that they would want to get rid of any laws that might hinder a child sex pervert from gaining easier access to their child.

I understand your point that there are people within the "community" who will continue to molest children regardless of these laws but as I see it when a child finds the courage to report it, these people first of all need to be put away and second when they get out kept away from children, putting these laws in place does not offer a false sense of security it offers protection from CONVICTED sex perverts who will think twice before grabbing a little girl of boy.

People continue to steal and kill but we havent taken murder and theft laws off the books why should should sex perverts get special treatment?

[gardenista]

68. Jumping to conclusions is a sign of a flawed thought process.

You don't know anything about the OP, and frankly, your one-line response looked like an attack to me.

Your final sentence is just absurd, and has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion. This is a typical right-wing strawman tactic. Just like saying that people who didn't want a pre-emptive war in Iraq are supporters of Saddam.

It is the responsibility of parents to supervise their children, and laws like this give them a false sense of security. That is what the OP was trying to say. I am quite sure that the OP has done far more to prevent child sex abuse than this law ever will. What have you done besides support this bandaid legislation?

Let's hope it starts, if you have children, with knowing where they are at all times, who they are with, and whether that person is a safe person who will not harm them. Uncle John may not have been convicted, but IF he is a sex offender, he is FAR MORE DANGEROUS TO YOUR CHILD than Mr. Smith, who was convicted of exposing himself to old ladies, even if Mr. Smith lives right next to the school.

[951-Riverside]

77. Re:

You don't know anything about the OP, and frankly, your one-line response looked like an attack to me.

Who says I have to, he or she posted his/her comments and I have a right to respond but let me make myself clear before you twist my words again to fit your opinion I have nothing against TwoSparkles I just disagree with him/her and again I don't see how anyone who is a VICTIM and possibly a parent could do away with laws that offers some protection from these horrid filthy low-life child sex perverts.

Your final sentence is just absurd, and has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion. This is a typical right-wing strawman tactic. Just like saying that people who didn't want a pre-emptive war in Iraq are supporters of Saddam.

That is a really low thing to say considering the type of people were discussing here.

In case something gets distorted along the lines this is what I actually said and stand by

People continue to steal and kill but we haven't taken murder and theft laws off the books why should should sex perverts get special treatment?

It is the responsibility of parents to supervise their children,

Yes but they can't possibly be there all the time like around schools, etc and thanks to the Bush admin alot of these parents are working two jobs so they can't be there 24/7.

and laws like this give them a false sense of security.

BIG DEAL! Something better than nothing!

If these perverts are caught hanging around children they will be throw in jail again I don't see how that is BAD for the kids compared to the other option of letting them lurk freely.

That is what the OP was trying to say.

and I disagree with him/her I strongly believe that these people deserve nothing less than being kept away from children, getting rid of those laws only makes things worst for the children and easier for them.

I am quite sure that the OP has done far more to prevent child sex abuse than this law ever will.

"You don't know anything about the OP" and "Jumping to conclusions is a sign of a flawed thought process."

What have you done besides support this bandaid legislation?

I don't have to do anything YET I'll leave that up to current laws.

Let's hope it starts, if you have children, with knowing where they are at all times, who they are with, and whether that person is a safe person who will not harm them.

Let's hope when that day comes people like yourself won't be able to give these CONVICTED perverts to right to hang around my children.

Uncle John may not have been convicted, but IF he is a sex offender, he is FAR MORE DANGEROUS TO YOUR CHILD than Mr. Smith,

When "Uncle John" is caught and convicted and still allowed to hang around children then what... oh right he'll be less dangerous then "Uncle Doe"... SURE.

who was convicted of exposing himself to old ladies,

Oh come on! We're not talking about Flashers stop trying to minimize it.

even if Mr. Smith lives right next to the school.

...Right because Mr. Smith won't get a little "worked up" watching school kids in his window all day after-all he's "rehabilitated"... GET REAL!

[The Witch]

84. Sigh.

People continue to steal and kill but we haven't taken murder and theft laws off the books why should should sex perverts get special treatment?

Thieves who are released from prison don't have to stay 2,000 feet from something they don't own. Murderers who are released from prison (it happens) don't have to stay 2,000 feet away from other people. So why should sex perverts get special treatment?

[951-Riverside]

87. Re: Sigh.

Thieves who are released from prison don't have to stay 2,000 feet from something they don't own. Murderers who are released from prison (it happens) don't have to stay 2,000 feet away from other people. So why should sex perverts get special treatment?

That wasn't my point I take it from reading the Ops post that he/she is against laws that 1. Prevents Child Molesters from going near children* and 2. He/She wants "us" to spend less time worrying where these monsters live*, my question is why are "we" expected to toss current and upcoming sex offender laws out of the window just because the molester down the street hasn't been reported, if someone steals for K-MART and doesn't get caught we don't say "Hey that one got away lets get rid of the theft laws" or if someone kills another and is never caught we don't say "Hey that one got away lets get rid of the murder laws they don't work!" so again why are we expected to give these sick child sex perverts "special treatment"?









Full ref quotes:
*

(1)Why I oppose the 2,000-foot rule for child molesters...

*

(2) I find it very disconcerting that we would spend so much time worrying about where these people live---and so little time investigating and taking seriously the victims who do come forward and educating the public on the true reality.

[The Witch]

99. Not caught yet != already caught/served time

That wasn't my point I take it from reading the Ops post that he/she is against laws that 1. Prevents Child Molesters from going near children*

Exactly my point. Why are there rules for people who have been released from prison after serving time for child molestation when there aren't such rules for people who have been released from prison for any other crime?

We're not talking about the people who don't get caught here. We're talking about people who are convicted and serve time and are then released. Trust me, if we could register the ones that don't get caught it'd be a whole different story. But that would require having some precogs stashed in the FBI like in Minority Report.

There is a difference between folks that haven't been caught yet and ones that have, have been in prison, and have been released. Which ball is YOUR eye on?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

28. What a dumb comment

I mean, really.....if you are trying to be witty, guess what? You aren't.

[Aimah]

32. Can you explain what you're trying to say?

[Pacifist Patriot]

55. I do and that does not alter the fact that the post is dead on accurate.

Parents who don't open their eyes to what this person is saying are allowing themselves to be dictated by fear mongering. I think it's another example of exaggerating an unlikely threat through sensationalism. And unfortunately when that is done, often the true threat goes unacknowledged.

Nothing can replace vigilance, education and an open trusting relationship with your children.

[gardenista]

29. For a person to have endured such betrayal and come through it with

such courage, growth, and wisdom; one must have tremendous depth of character and strength.

I commend you, and thank you for this post.

You deserved much better, and you are giving so much better to the world.

Thank you.

[sandnsea]

31. band-aid justice

You make a really astute point, one that I have made with the death penalty. Many of these so-called tough on crime solutions aren't tough at all because they don't address the core problems and they don't work. Having said that, I happen to support two strikes and you're gone for life for sexual offenders because the emotional damage is horrific. It seems to me the most violent adults have sexual abuse as a common denominator, more than anything else. But it is also true that the registers are a band-aid that leave the problem festering below the surface and leave our children vulnerable. That is an excellent op-ed and should be in every paper in the country.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

33. A feel good rule that makes no kid any safer from these monsters

Wow, so now they have to drive to the playground or the school to pick up potential victims. Nevermind the fact that most molestation, as the OP pointed out, is more about building trust over time by being either a family member or "friend". These laws do little to stop that.

[REP]

36. A Real Solution: Treat Sexual Offenses Against All Like Real Crimes

Anyone convicted of a sexual assault against an adult or a child should not be paroled and on the streets in five (or fewer) years. Treat these crimes like the serious crimes they are, and then we won't have to worry about community notifications and buffer zones (which I agree are useless, "feel good" bandaids).

[Yoda Yada]

37. familywatchdog.us

Type in your address, city, state, zip

[beam me up scottie]

40. Is that the same as 1-800-WITCH HUNT ?

Cuz it sure sounds like it.

[lildreamer316]

42. Hey, now

You've gotta go a mile in the parent's shoes too,now. Don't get me wrong, I actually DO understand that no matter how repulsive they may be to me, a convicted sex offender that has served their time and is out has rights also, and I freely admit that the movement to track them 24/7 globally has me a bit nervous for setting a precedent. Having said that, I have an almost-2 year old son, and I would kill without compunction any person who ever laid a finger on him in that way. Sorry. It is a very hard line to walk. The damage that sex offenders do...........some days, most victims would rather be dead. It is an infectious disease on families and souls.

[beam me up scottie]

45. And how does this help?

It hurts society not just by creating a false sense of security, but by also encouraging would be vigilantes.

[Yoda Yada]

44. No

It's step one. You know the one that comes before you ask the police to put out an Amber Alert because your 5 year old daughter is missing.

[beam me up scottie]

46. You mean the one who was abducted by a relative or family friend?

And not the guy down the street who wears the scarlet letter?

[Yoda Yada]

47. No, I mean the little ones...the innocents...

..like Samantha Runion in Orange County (Stanton) California....and the little girl in the news in Florida, I think her name was Jessica. They were not abducted by a relative or family friend. They were sexually assaulted and then murdered...by a stranger.

[beam me up scottie]

48. Right.

And how many more are molested by the people they trust?

While their deluded parents are busy crucifying the guy down the street who didn't rape and murder any kids.

[mrcheerful]

49. Also

the two cases in florida your talking about weren't even on the list The first gave a false address and the second never bothered to register after moving to florida. So what good was the list? BTW, the second guy did know the victim, he had been dating the girls mother. Nice try at ignoring the fact that out of over 250,000 registered sex offenders nation wide, your basing your reasoning on 3 cases and out of those 3 cases 2 weren't even registered.

[beam me up scottie]

51. Great research.

:thumbsup:

[sufrommich]

63. Well,

Isn't it better to know that a sexual predator lives on your street BEFORE he becomes a Friend to a child ?It would seem to me that knowing ahead of time that the nice man down the street is really a pervert is a good thing.I personally don't care how uncomfortable a child molester feels in this society .Why are we calling laws meant to protect kids band aids for the masses,as if fear of a stranger coming for your child is just SO pedestrian.,who cares if it protects only a few?This thread is political correctness run amok and truly cringe worthy.Ugh.

[Jed Dilligan]

69. You should go out and encounter reality a little

The OP's molesters were probably never tried, let alone convicted. Lists, buffers, etc. are totally useless. Only parents can protect kids--this, by the way, includes being able to tell if someone HAS BEEN IN PRISON AND SHOULDN'T BE LEFT ALONE WITH YOUR FUCKING KID.

Fuck ALL the new "protect the kids" laws... It's just another version of the War on Drugs. Do your own parenting, I'm not paying for it anymore.

:grr: :mad:

[sufrommich]

74. Here's reality.

Parents can't be with their kids all day every day.I would rather know,when the kids go out to play,that every parent can point to the house that the child molester lives in and say"stay away from that guy under any and all circumstances".What is so hard to understand about that?How does a parent "learn" how to be able to tell that Mr. X down the street has been in jail for child molestation?"Hey,by the way neighbor,are you a child predator"?I'm sure he'll answer honestly.How does this topic relate to the war on drugs?

[Jed Dilligan]

80. When I was a kid

"Don't talk to strangers" worked pretty well. Why do you want to waste tax money on the false security of a database?

It's exactly like the War on Drugs because paranoid, negligent parents are thinking the govt. can do their job for them.

[mrcheerful]

39. What you said is very true and

its just more prof that he sex offenders lists won't work on keeping one kid safe. Its just like everything else that the government does, use a few examples and punish everyone. I know the sex offenders list in michigan has every sex crime under the book on it and then uses criminal code as a description of the persons crime. Its really a shame because from people around me I have talked with are saying CSC 2nd degree ( person under 13 ) is the crime was a guy having sex with someone under 13. In michigan CSC is broken down to 4 degrees, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th. 1st degree and 3rd degree are criminal code for sex or attempted sex. 2nd and 4th are indecent exposer and touch cases, its a matter of age on weather the person is charged with 2nd or 4th. If a person under 13 see's you peeing out doors and they are under 13 then its 2nd degree, if the person is 13 or older then it's 4th degree. It's very confusing and mis-leading to use criminal code to describe the crime. But the real danger is while your watching everyone thats on the list around you, the molester is already sitting in your home. The intention of the list was to put dangerous predators on a list so people could watch out for them. It's impossible to do that when the list has everyone convicted of a sex crime on it and the dangerous predators get lost in the list. Btw, here there are men on the list for peeing out doors and a child saw them. One guy I know got 4 years for peeing behind his garage, in a rural area, his nearest neighbor was 1/2 a mile away and his garage was surrounded by trees, his house was over 1,000 feet from the garage and he didn't know the neighbor girls were playing in the woods.The girls were 11 and 13 so he was charged with 2nd and 4th degree CSC. He is now a registered sex offender for the next 25 years.

[Rich Hunt]

50. thank you

Thanks for having the guts to speak up.

Far too many people speak of child molestation as if it is only committed by strangers.

The facts don't bear that out.


Thanks again.

[Qibing Zero]

53. Exactly.

And it gets even more disturbing, sadly.

Look at the amount of divorce and child custody cases going to the abusive father nowadays. They claim 'child alienation' as if one parent is turning the child against the other and making them lie about being abused... it's scary that it holds any weight in court.

Then you have all of these new laws against 'sex offenders' in general. Every city and county around here (central florida) is trying to restrict their movement completely. Normally this wouldn't be a huge deal (it's still stupid mainly for the reasons you list), but the problem lies in who is a 'sex offender'. Cases like 16 year olds who have sex with 15 year olds (and in some places other ages, of course) whose parents found out and were pissed. It's surprising just how many kids out there have that happen to them and are fucked over for their entire life because of it - I didn't even know a thing about it until recently.

[Jed Dilligan]

70. Like all laws

Disproportionately applies to the poor and minorities. I wish I could introduce the naysayers in this thread to a group of convicted, and a group of non-convicted child molesters. I bet the latter group would be much more like the people they know and trust (people who own computers, know how to type and use standard English, etc.)

[wake.up.america]

54. This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for you.

[lostnfound]

56. You've started an important discussion here, thanks.

I'm sure that many of us have learned from it and will walk away better able to understand and discuss the issue. Like so many other problems in our society, public discourse typically pretends it is a simple problem of keeping the "others" -- the bad people -- away from "us" -- the good people.

And the politicians are awfully good at selling a 'false sense of security'.

[CoffeeCat]

94. I think it is important to have these discussions...

...as you said--politicians also perpetuate the problem, by providing people with "a false sense of security".

This discussion went very well here. I was a bit afraid to post about this. However, I'm considering submitting a guest editorial to our city newspaper--which is distributed statewide.

Thanks for your kind words.

[fishnfla]

57. The monsters you know verses those you dont

Should a convicted drunk driver be allowed to drive school buses? Isnt predatory sexual behavior a compulsion that is hard to control?

We are comparing apples and oranges, I think. Your experience and those of the majority, as well as the survivors you've met in the 90% group occurred, I assume, by unconvicted molesters. Your point is to try and stop this type of abuse, which these laws cant. These are the hidden monsters that are unknown to children other than their victims.

But what happens after these predators are caught, tried, convicted and released into society? These are the monsters that are now known to society and to their victims. But they are not known to all children, are they? I think these laws are designed to protect the other 10%, stranger abductions. I also think that you will not talk to many children who survive these type of abductions. They are fewer in numbers of occurance, as you point out, but the victims most likely do not survive at all.

The monsters have a compulsion to commit their crimes. The predators are opportunists who will use situations to get their ways. Of course these laws will do nothing to protect the abuse that occurs under ones roof. But if it protects one child out on the streets, I'm all for it

[mrcheerful]

64. Actuality your presumption about the 10% is wrong

you forgot one very important group that makes up 8 to 9%, other trusted people, ie.. doctors, police, teachers and clergy. So your actually talking about 1 to 2% that are abductors. Your child has a better chance of being killed by a drive by shooter, a robber, a drunk driver or a drug dealer selling them bad drugs, then of being abducted by a predator. A study done by the michigan department of corrections done on 10 years of study, between the years 1990 to 2000, show that people released from prison with CSC charges has a 89% chance of staying out of trouble. The study also dis-proved another myth, 89% managed to stay out of trouble, 7% went back to prison on parole violations, the other 4% went back to prison on different crimes. 0% went back on sex related crimes. So the myth of the prisons releasing dangerous people out on to the streets is false. That is unlike any other group of convicts out there, on all other crimes theres only a 74% chance of them staying out of prison and theres also a 15% percent chance of them committing the same crime as they did to be in-prisoned. This information was obtained from the MDOC.

[Horse with no Name]

58. I can't imagine the pain you have gone through

I'm very sorry.
I totally agree. Being a divorced woman with two young girls, I watched several of my friends go through relationships with men they invited in their homes as boyfriends who turned out to be child molesters.
I had always heard that with molestation, fear what you know more than what you don't know. I have always held that to be true.
Most of the men I dated my kids never met. I planned my social gatherings when my kids were at their Dad's. IF I dated someone that I introduced to my kids (I believe there was only two of these), they were never with my kids alone. NEVER.
They never stayed over the night.
They never picked up my kids from school or other activities.
Many molesters target women with children. It makes it easier to get at their victims. I have tried and tried to instill this in my 20 year old daughter who has a young daughter, but I don't think she quite "get's it" and it scares the bejesus out of me.
There are LOTS of "born agains" in my age group. Many that I have met in my area. Those are the ones that scare me most. My ex has a "born again" working for him. This guy is single. Trolls the internet for women advertising Christianity as his selling point. He spends a great deal of time looking at internet porn. He is scary. Oh--he is also a coach.:eyes:
Now, my kids are finally grown and I am older. I doubt I will ever remarry. I feel like I missed the boat. But I don't regret it. It should be a sacrifice any mother should be willing to make if you have kids. Be careful about letting the fox into the henhouse.

[NashVegas]

60. I Too, Was Sexually Abused, But

The 2000 ft laws are silly, but I don't mind the notification laws and registries. In my case, it was a neighbor, and a priest, not family members. My mom thought the neighbor was such a *nice* old man to take interest in me.

I don't have children, but I'd like to think that if I did, and found out a convicted sexual abuser of children was in the neighborhood, I'd like to think I had the nerve - and the compassion - to:

Pay said neighbor a visit.
Explain I was aware of the crime they committed and let it be known I was instructing my child to keep their distance and never be alone with them.
Explain that while my family wasn't going to be their best new friend, there would be no hostilities as long as he (or she, to be fair, but ...) made no attempt to lay any special attention on my kids, or anyone else's in the neighborhood I was aware of.
Go home and have a talk with my kid.

I agree with others who've indicated, if not said outright, the 2000 ft law comforts parents into thinking they may not have to be pro-active in doing some of the more difficult things to protect their children. My mom talked about candy and strangers, and getting into strange cars, but she never said WHY. And when I asked her where babies come from at the age of 6, she totally ducked the issue. If she'd had the fortitude to address the issues honestly, I would have been much better prepared to deal with dirty old men.

[CoffeeCat]

93. I'm sorry about what happened to you...

...and I appreciate your insight.

I liked your description of what you would do if a molester moved into your neighborhood. You are a good, proactive parent who is not afraid to stand up for your child.

Most parents do stand up for their children, but there are so many sexual abuse victims who end up repeating the cycle--and remaining a helpless victim. Then, their children get abused because they pick abusers as husbands/boyfriends and go into denial when signs of abuse appear in their own children.

You've obviously healed a great deal and have come through a strong and conscientious person.

Your child is lucky to have a mom like you!

[bertha katzenengel]

61. "we ignore the reality of sexual abuse" -- because the reality is just too

hard for most people to face. Even people who are in a position to HELP, like my youth pastor's wife who, when I told her (shaking) and asked her what I should do, cited the commandment "honor thy father and thy mother."

You're right. Reality has little to do with the perv in the park (not discounting those survivors) and everything to do with how a little girl is supposed to try to lock her bedroom door.

[CoffeeCat]

92. I'm sorry that youth pastor's wife let you down...

...you deserved help and compassion.

"Honor they father and thy mother", in my opinion, becomes moot when the father or mother perpetrate evil on their child. There is nothing to honor--from someone who would harm their own child. They've torn up their parenting cards.

It's too bad a pastor's wife--of all people--would give such rotten advise.

If I was there, I would have told you how brave you were for telling, and I would have pointed you toward resources and therapists who could help. I would have stood by you, called the authorities or involved social services. That's what you deserved and I'm sorry this inept pastor's wife was unable to rise to the challenge.

You are very brave for speaking out. Most children don't. You were strong and resilient as a child, and I'm sure those traits have served you well in your life.

I hope you are doing well. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Solly Mack]

62. Thank you - for your courage and your voice.

But most of all, thank you for you.

[Tsiyu]

65. Thanks for sharing your story

The enemies of the victim are the ways people demonize the victim and the secrecy surrounding this crime.

I just had a 17-year-old at work confess to me that a 52-year-old exposed himself to her repeatedly and sexually harrassed her continually.

She was afraid to tell anyone else. Like many victims, she thinks she did something to cause this.

To other co-workers, she is known as a "slut." She deserves it. To which I say, I don't give a damn who a person has slept with. They don't deserve to be cornered at work and treated this way by a co-worker.

I handled the situation in my own special way, but this dude is an alcoholic (reeks of it at work) and isn't going to change his behavior because of some threats.

And he won't get fired because our management seems to foster a culture of "raiding the slaves to find some womenfolk to do." What else is new?

Inappropriate, criminal behavior trickles down, too.

[LWolf]

67. I don't mind those rules,

as long as nobody tries to pretend that they protect all those vulnerable. In today's world, that's not too likely, is it?

They obviously don't protect the kids in the molesters' homes. How do we protect them? How do we shine the light on this invisible elephant, and make sure that all kids can be safe in their own homes, and in their own communities?

I don't know, but I'm willing to bet that you, and others like you, have some ideas. I'd like to hear them.

After years of working with other people's kids, and seeing the damage inflicted by the dysfunctional, my immediate reaction is to abolish child-bearing, requiring a license, and proof of fitness, to breed. Of course, I don't really mean that. I'm well aware of all the reasons NOT to legislate reproduction. That's just the frustration speaking, and the rage and anguish of someone who has dealt firsthand with the damage done to the innocent that happens way more often than many "good" Americans are comfortable acknowledging.

[Coventina]

71. When I was 15 a stranger attempted to abduct me.

But this assinine 2000 foot rule would not have prevented that.

These "feel-good" rules do nothing to protect children. They are only political grandstanding.

My two cents, from someone who almost *had* the experience of a stranger abduction.

[Midlodemocrat]

72. I am very sorry for what you went through

but I totally disagree with you. I know the stats on stranger versus family members in terms of child sexual abuse, but any law that keeps these monsters away from a child, or removes their ability to potentiate friendships with a child is fine with me.

I am a child and adolescent psychologist and the damage wrought by sexual predators is something I will never, ever forget. Yes, most of the time it was a family member, but sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes it was the man who befriended the lonely child with no one to play with.

Horrific isn't a strong enough word for what some of these little people went through, as you well know. Anything that keeps these disgusting predators away from children is fine by me. Hell isn't enough of a punishment for what some of these 'people' put children through.

[mongo]

73. Thank you for posting this

I am sorry for what you had to go through - and very glad that you can rise above that and call out these laws to unfairly punish an unpopular group.

Thanks. You are an inspiration.

[Nikia]

76. Thank you for speaking out

There does definitly need to be a better approach. Accusations need to be taken more seriously. Children need to know what happened is not their fault. When the perpetrator is a family member, mom's boyfriend, or another trusted person, I think the emotional devestation on the child is greater than when the perpetrator is someone unknown to the child. These perpetrators need to be punished. When they are realeased, they shouldn't be around children. While I understand your point about the 2000 foot rule, I think that there should be some kind of rule that prevents them from hanging around children. While the released offender shouldn't be prevented from living down the street from the school, he shouldn't be hanging out at the playground either.

[Silent3]

78. I think the 2000 ft. rule is ridiculous...

...along with the whole concept of sex offender registries.

If there's any point to having such rules and such registries, it would be to keep predatory sexual offenders away from children. But if someone's offense is for predatory behavior, what would they doing out of jail in the first place? If somebody is predatory and out of jail, how much of a difference will a few thousand feet make so long as the predator can walk or drive?

Is this really about the safety of children, or irrational hysteria over anything related to sex? Are there laws that forbid anyone who's ever been convicted of DUI from driving within 2000 feet of a school or day care center?

I think part of what happens here is that a lot of people create this undifferentiated mental category of "sex offender". A person either is or isn't a sex offender. If a person is a sex offender, he or she is capable of anything that sex offenders do. Well, maybe not really, but you know, for the sake of the children, we just have to treat them that way, just in case.

This isn't purely hypothetical for me. When I was around 10 years old, an older relative "played doctor" with me. There was touching, but no very involved sexual activity. It was a one time event, there was no sign then or ever since that this was some sort of predatory or compulsive or addictive behavior, that he/she would ever really harm anyone, and I certainly wasn't "scarred for life" by the experience.

I'm damn glad that he/she never got caught. Although what he/she did was inappropriate and not to be condoned, the idea that this was an unforgivable act for which he/she must wear the Scarlet Letter for the rest of his/her life is totally absurd and has nothing to do with any reasonable notion of justice.

[electron_blue]

79. I've often wondered about this

I know an insanely high number of people who were molested by a family member or friend of the family, that it's made me wonder whether the true rate of childhood molestation rates is close to the 50% level.

An unspeakable epidemic. I think popularization of the stranger molestation idea distracts us from the reality of many children's horrible homelife and permits us to live in denial - we get to think it's mostly strangers who do this, and not people under our nose. Because to face the reality is too much for most people to deal with.

[mrcheerful]

83. You hit the nail on the head.

Fact is most danger comes from within the home and not by those on the list. If you relie on the list to keep your kids safe, then you lost the battle. The best thing a person can do is have open, honest communication with their kids and who their kids hang around with. Most of those who were molested had no one to ask until after its to late. This isn't something that just started up in the 80's, sexual predators have been around for ever, just now its being brought out in the open.

[CoffeeCat]

90. Spot on...

Society does not want to deal with the number of children who are being sexually abused in this country.

If they take the time to think about the issue, it's most likely in the context of a stranger abduction. Remember how much publicity the Elizabeth Smart case received? People rally around cases like that, because the monsters are so far removed from their own lives. It feels safe to deal with sexual abuse from ten degrees away.

The media rarely talks about incest or non-stranger sexual abuse. However, 90 percent of molestations are non-stranger--most likely a father, stepfather, grandfather or uncle.

The result is silence from the victims. How can a survivor (let alone a child) reveal something that society as a whole cannot face?

When I began to talk about my abuse, I called my childhood neighbors, doctors, and friends to find out if I ever said anything or acted in a way that indicated abuse. I was shocked at the defensive, unhelpful responses I received. A woman who knew me since childhood said, "Oh NO! That can't be true. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it! Your parents loved you so much. Are you sure you aren't mistaken? Do you have a bad therapist who made you make this up?".

Most people seemed afraid--afraid that my father--a well-known business man, and "normal" family guy--could do these things. When I tried to track down my medical records--I was told they were "lost". When I told the nurse how important they were and that I was looking for proof of abuse--to help in my recovery--she practically snipped at me and told me there was nothing she could do to help me. I posted my story at a message board that allows people to ask police officers questions. I was told not to return because asking questions about sexual abuse was "uncomfortable" for everyone.

My grim analysis is that there are so many victims and perpetrators out there--that most people just cannot "go there." Denial is a beautiful thing. It saved my life. However, it also impedes growth and healing. If society continues in collective denial about sexual abuse--the epidemic will continue and the cycle will never be broken.

[Maraya1969]

81. My molester was our church minister when I was a child. I tried to do

something about it years later but the church authorities said it was too late and I was afraid to go to the police.

But at one point I did talk to HIM and HIS WIFE in a parking lot of a restaurant where I saw them. I went up to him and started telling him he was wrong and he hurt me and I didn't do anything wrong. I was yelling at him. He finally sat down on a stoop and said: "If I did anything to hurt you I am very sorry" That was about 15 years ago. (His wife was wide eyed saying "What happened" and my friend looked at her and said: "Your husband molested my friend!" I wonder what they talked about on the way home?)

And last year, after the priest scandals my mother called me and apologized for dismissing me after I told her what happened way back then. We cried together on the phone. It was really wonderful for her to do that.

Of course my brother, the new MINISTER who also dismissed me when I told what happened, (I told at around the age of 20) has never said one word about it and actually accepted an invitation to speak at that church for that minister. I threw a fit and he changed his mind but he has never acknowledged that he believed me - still - to this day.

A few years ago I went to a church and talked to their gay male minister and he looked me straight in the eye and said: "I'm so sorry that happened to you" I realized that even if you are not a perpetrator of any wrong doing it is healing for you to say to a person that you are sorry for what happened to them. And NEVER let your fear of what you think you can't stand to know get in front of your willingness to believe and accept when someone tells you they were hurt. I've heard of this happening way too often also and that is almost as bad as the actual abuse. In my case I sometimes think it was worse.

I don't know why that ramble started but I do want to tell you TwoSparkles that I am truly sorry that that happened to you and I appreciate you sharing this with us. You are a brave person. I'm sending you blessings and love light for your healing. :hug:

[CoffeeCat]

91. Wow...you are an incredibly brave and amazing person...

I am truly amazed at your tenacity. First, you report the crimes to the church and you are stonewalled.

Then, you see your perpetrator and you find the courage to speak the truth and demand accountability. I'm so glad that you yelled at and said those important words, "I didn't do anything wrong." It's awesome that you KNOW that, and also that you said it to him.

I'm also very happy for you that he admitted it. That is incredibly rare. Usually, they deny in spades.

I confronted my father and he put on an academy-award-winning performance. He moped around the house, declaring to anyone who would listen that I "ruined his life" by accusing him of molesting me. So distraught, he sought guidance from a priest (who I know well and was my high school principal). He told the priest that I had fallen off the deep end and was being reckless and telling lies.

It was awful for me--because the priest believed my father. He told my father "sometimes it's better to let people go". In effect, my father has permission, from the Catholic Church to dump me, never apologize, never be held accountable for his actions.

I am glad that you were able to get that validation. It doesn't change what happened or lessen the pain. However, you stood up to that man. You stood up for the child in you who wasn't able to--so many years ago.

Again, you're amazing. So proud of you! Sending you loads of blessings too, and some sparkly light, as well.

Thanks for your nice message.

[Maraya1969]

95. I'd like to smack that priest right into 2006! This is exactly what

I meant about not letting your fear of knowing prevent you from knowing! And how ironic it is that a priest is suggesting a cover up.

I had a lot of counseling before hand but YES, I think it was an amazing and powerful moment for me to confront that man.

You never know what will happen. Remember my mother apologized last year after, (calculating here +-+-+-==) I told her 27 years ago! But even if your father never admits it you are the one with the power. And you don't have to give it over to him either.

BTW - I sent your post around my email list, (anonymously of course). I think other people need to hear what you said. I hope you don't mind.

:hug:

[Kolesar]

86. Thank you for illuminating this issue

and peace.

[CoffeeCat]

88. Thanks so much. Peace to you, too! (nt)

[Dorian Gray]

100. TwoSparkles...

You are braver than I! Thank you for your words. You are sadly so right about the perpetrators usually having open access to the children they violate. Thank you for standing up for them, and thank you for persevering. :)