The Doomsday Machine: America's Best Hope for a Working BMD System

[jmowreader]

BMD means Ballistic Missile Defense.

Bush wants to spend trillions of dollars on a BMD system that won't work and can't work because it relies on the technique of shooting down the inbounds.

As your president, I will spend $250 million on a Doomsday Machine which is guaranteed to work better than that shit Bush is pushing.

The Doomsday Machine relies on a constellation of twelve low-orbit satellites. These birds will be equipped with launch sensors and shell-tracking radars. If one of them detects a missile launch anywhere in the world, the Doomsday Machine will determine where the missile was launched from.

If the launch was not declared to the United Nations as a test shot, the United States will launch counterbattery fire. We will fire two missiles. One of them will be aimed at the firing nation's capitol building. The other will be aimed at the firing nation's leader's house. As long as the missiles are accurate, we wouldn't even need to use nuclear warheads--a 2000-pound iron bomb hooked to a twenty-ton rocket that's coming in at 11,000 feet per second is going to cause substantial damage.

Any government that launches a missile has proven that it does not respect life, hence will not mind being destroyed.

The intent of the Doomsday Machine, of course, is to generate in the enemy the fear to attack--if a foreign government attacks anyone else, that foreign government will be destroyed, but with conventional warheads only the government would have to suffer.

[bonito]

1. nope.n/t

[david_vincent]

2. I have a better idea

Since this program is nothing but corporate welfare piled high, we should just fork over to the companies involved all of the money without having them develop anything at all. This would accomplish the purpose of the program while sparing us from the bullshit delusions that anything like this would actually work and make us safer.

[jmowreader]

5. Isn't that what we do already?

We give the Big Star Wars Company three hundred quadrillion dollars.

The Big Star Wars Company figures out that you can't shoot down an ICBM and we're the biggest market for any country that has ICBMs. (Why would you blow up your largest trading partner? Makes no sense.)

They then spend almost all of the money holding junkets to Thailand, where hookers and booze are freely available.

Because the contract specified "you must produce a BMD item" they spend $5000 making a huge impressive-looking machine. Because BMD won't work, this doesn't have to. They repair to White Sands Missile Range, where the device fails to work.

Because the device fails to work, the government gives them ANOTHER three hundred quadrillion dollars to figure out why it didn't work. (The company president chortles when he hears this news..."it didn't work because it was a box filled with used pinball machine parts.")

[RC]

3. How can more death and destruction make us safer?

The only way the road to war can bring peace it to kill everything off.

Where does the United States get off thinking it can rule the world? Who elected or appointed us for that job?

The first time the death machine targets anything in China or Russia is to insure large sections of this country being turned into a glass parking lot.

The wholesale death and destruction the United States exports has got to stop. We were so close to world peace in 2000.

[SpiralHawk]

4. "Sometimes you have to make war to have peace." - Karen Hughes

in the Middle East.

War is peace.
Ignorance is strength.
We have always been at war with Terra.
Choco-Rations will be increased 2 mg. per consumer-citizen unit next quarter (mid-range probability).
Big BushCo loves you.

[Junkdrawer]

6. Oopsie...Sorry about that Syria...Sensor malfunction...

After your civil war is over, and a new government chosen, I'm sure you will see your way to forgiving us for an honest mistake.

[OrlandoGator]

7. My plan for ballistic missile defense:

Execute a foreign policy that makes people NOT want to shoot ballistic missiles at you.

It's a hell of a lot cheaper than rail guns and lasers in space, and more effective, too.