Top Ten Conservative Idiots of the Week (so far!!!)

[SammyBlue]

The Blown Away By Incompetence and Indifference Edition

Officially, the Top Ten is off for two weeks, but I love the article, so this is my fourth attempt to make a list. So, we have a massive natural disaster and George W. Bush (1, 2, 6, 8, 10) looks even more asshole-ish than usualy, Condi Rice (5) shops as New Orleans floods, Compassionate Conservatism (4) rears its head and Big Oil (3) takes advantage. Also, we have the Chicago Police Department (7) wearing Klan hoods and Department of Homeland Paranoia types (9) classifying people as terrorists. Enjoy!

GEORGE W. BUSH

Grab vomit bag, insert head and vomit! When the sky was falling and Katrina was wiping New Orleans and the gulf coast off the face of the map, President George W. Bush was back in Washington monitoring the events, coordinating FEMA and the National Guard and working to allocate money to rebuild the storm torn areas. What, are you on cocaine or something??? He was no where NEAR Washington DC. Bush slithered his snake oil salesman act to California and Arizona respectively. First he was in Rancho Cucamonga, CA touting his prescription benefits plan to seniors. According to this Bush’s nazi insane freeper base was out in full force. After that bullshit session ended, it was off to Arizona where John McCain licked Bush’s ass yet again (I thought he was supposed to be a straight shooter, an independent! Right! I’m in Arizona. He’s a partisan Republican axeman). You know, Mr. Vacationer-In-Chief, we just had a hurricane of epic proportions hit the Gulf Coast. Maybe you should go there? Nah. . .better to stay in scripted “town hall” meetings in extremely conservative venues where your spin masters can make it look like your approval ratings aren’t at 36%. What a putz!

GEORGE W. BUSH

What are George Bush’s priorities at the current moment? He wants us to believe he is completely in charge now and wants his actions (VERY s-s-s-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-w-w actions) in the aftermath of Katrina to be what people give him more positive poll numbers! Except, on the day Katrina hit, what was he doing? Was he preparing a response with money and troops? Was he telling neighboring states to prepare for the flood of refugees? Was he getting supplies necessary so people won’t die of disease, starvation or thirst? Hells no. . .he was in Coronado, California, drumming up his newest asshole reason for the blood-bath in Iraq. We are now there to protect Iraq’s “vast oil fields” so that they would not “fall under the control of terrorist extremists.” Yes, no blood for oil. This is about WMDs. . .this is about Freedom. . .this is about. . .aw fuck it. It’s all about oil. The Chimp just said so!

OIL PRICE GOUGERS!

Step right up, Free Market Defenders. The gas prices are now $3 wholesale. At least that is what gas was on Tuesday. According to Reuthers, “On Tuesday, a gallon of gasoline traded in the Houston-based Gulf Coast physical marketing hub cost about $3.15 a gallon -- sharply higher than the national average retail price of about $2.60 a gallon.” Nice huh (It’s $2.89 in my backyard now!) Don’t worry. We have an oilman as the President and Vice President, and the Secretary of State worked for Chevron. Gas prices and the Big Oil’s gouging won’t last long, right? Here is a picture of a BP outside of Atlanta, Georgia.

Yeah right!

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVES

We have a lot of Compassionate Conservatives making their way to the front of the “Enormous Assholes” line. First and foremost was Our Great Leader who had this tidbit of wisdom while looking at the devastation from his comfortable Air Force One seat: “It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground.” He actually said that!!! Why don’t you go down to the disaster zone and SEE FOR YOURSELF!!! But that entails you going down and being around the little people and. . .gasp; poor black people! And we know, but his lack of being at the NAACP Convention for his entire presidency what Bush thinks about black people. Second was Dennis Hastert who claimed that it isn’t sensible to rebuild the city. What? Is this fucking idiot kidding? Why, because they are poor blacks? Because hurricanes hit the gulf coast all the time? Next time Chicago gets a blizzard where people freeze to death and six feet of snow falls, I’m sure the Speaker of the House will at the front of the line pandering for money. And maybe we all should decide whether or not Chicago is worth it. Next up Freepers, who stated on their Site O’Bullshit that it’s HUD Houses were built too strong. Why? So Katrina could kill more poor blacks. . .even more than the “Thousands” that the Mayor of New Orleans has estimated! Finally, Yahoo gets into the act with these pictures

Notice how the black man “loots” while the while couple “finds.” Nah, there isn’t racism involved in this response. I wonder what would happen if Katrina hit Beverly Hills, South Hampton or Boca Raton? The world is watching, and I am sickened!

CONDALEEZA RICE

Bush isn’t the only one who fiddles as America burns (more on that later). Contradicta Rice is showing her concern for the poor blacks and the people of the Gulf Coast by. . .having a huge splurge on herself in New York City. First, she parties at a Broadway play while people are starving and dying. Nice, huh? According to the Drudge Report (I’m sorry), “Sec of State Condi Rice laughs it up at 'Spamalot' while Gulf Coast lays in tatters. Theater goers on New York' City's Great White Way were shocked to see the President's former National Security Advisor at the Monty Python farce last night -- as the rest of the cabinet responds to Hurricane Katrina.” There’s a little bit of spin (It’s Matt Drudge, what do you expect) in the “cabinest responds to Hurricane Katrina?” How. . .waiting two days while Bunny Pants enjoys his vacation??? Then, after a Broadway play, it’s uptown for a whirl-wind shopping spree where Rice spends Imelda Marcos money at Ferragamo on 5th Avenue on shoes! SHOES!!!! People are scrounging in the dumpers looking for shows, and this bitch spends an arm and a leg on shoes she doesn’t need. What about donating that money to the aid effort!?! There is one good thing out of this. According to Gawker.com, “A fellow shopper, unable to fathom the absurdity of Rice’s timing, went up to the Secretary and reportedly shouted, “How dare you shop for shoes while thousands are dying and homeless!” Never one to have her fashion choices questioned, Rice had security PHYSICALLY REMOVE the woman.” Nice, huh! Bother these neo-conservative cocksuckers while shopping and their nazi-goon squad kicks you out. And, as Gawker says finishing up the article: “Angry Lady, whoever you are, we love you. You are a true American, and we’ll go shoe shopping with you anytime.” Here, here and well said!

GEORGE W BUSH

First and foremost, here’s another good Asshole quote: “President Bush says while 9/11 was a man-made attack and Hurricane Katrina natural, their aftermath is "just as serious. . .New Orleans is more devastated than New York was." WTF!?!?!?! He has to drum up 9/11 after this! Mother fucking pandering, useless, dickless, brainless twit! G-d, this man makes me sick. How much more of this do we have to stomach? How about a man killing his sister over a bag of ice!?! Bush has said there will be a
zero tolerance policy towards looting, but that’s how these people are surviving. So what will Bush do to stop this and alleviate this horrid and tear-enducing problem? By telling the rest of the world to take their assistance and the aid they are offering and shove it. 24 countries have offered aid but Bush said to that: “I’m not expecting much from foreign nations because we hadn’t asked for it. I do expect a lot of sympathy and perhaps some will send cash dollars. But this country’s going to rise up and take care of it.” ASSHOLE!!!! FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! FUCKING DOUCHEBAG ASSHOLE!!! Even when he are hurt, he takes it attempt to stick it to our allies who offer to help. ASSHOLE!!! GET ME A PAPER BAG!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

*********p * a * u * s * e **********f * o * r********c * a * l *m * d * o * w * n*********

CHICAGO POLICE DEPARTMENT

Let’s get off the Hurricane for one second to show how much people in this country care about blacks. Another place, Chicago, shows us they care about blacks by having their police agency tortures black suspects. Well, sign them up because Six Flags Guantanamo Bay and the Abu Garib World Five Star Hotel need more people who love to torture. According to news.com.au, “The allegations said police detectives staged mock executions, shocked the ears and genitalia of suspects with a makeshift torture device, suffocated them with plastic and slammed them with telephone books so as not to leave bruises, the lawyers said. At least 135 black male suspects were tortured, they said.” Wow! We wouldn’t torture Ken Lay or rich white White-Collar criminals. But poor blacks get tortured by state sponsored thugs with badges. No wonder the police have little support or trust. No wonder blacks and poor people hate the police. Too bad Nature makes bones too hard, right Mr. “HUD’s houses are too strong” Freeper! Please get me another vomit bag.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Yes, it’s time for an economic update. Let’s take a look at some figures. According to Coveringkidsandfamilies.org, there are 44 million Americans with no health insurance (8.4 million of them children), a widening income gap and an increase of unemployment, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, but all is not bad in Bushco land. In fact, some positive news cams out of Washington las week. Hold on to your hats. It appears that the poverty rate has increased. YEAH!!! According to the AP, “Overall, there were 37 million people living in poverty, up 1.1 million people from 2003.” Woah! That was when Bush signed his second Economic Toilet Flush tax cuts for the rich. Some groups had poverty rate decreases to be fair (Asians had the largest decrease, while the elderly had a slight decrease), but “The last decline in overall poverty was in 2000, when 31.1 million people lived under the threshold — 11.3 percent of the population. Since then, the poverty rate has increased steadily from 11.7 percent in 2001, when the economy slipped into recession, to 12.5 percent in 2003.” Who was President in 2000? I believe his name is Bill Clinton! Wow! Who was President in 2003? You guessed it. . .Chimpy McVacationer! But don’t worry about those down-on-their-luck CEOs. According to CNN, they will get paid even more than before. Thank G-d fags can’t marry.

ANTI TERRORIST WATCHDOGS

Another veer off the hurricane story to bring up this: Peace, Gay Activist and Black Civic groups are now terror groups according to the FBI. Yes, an FBI report labeled, "Domestic Terrorism Symposium” labeled, among other, “Direct Action, an anti-war group, and BAMN (By Any Means Necessary), a national organization dedicated to defending affirmative action, integration, and other gains of the civil rights movement of the 1960s,” though BAMN “has been peaceful in the past” according to “information” from the Michigan State Police. In Bush’s bizarro world, peace and civil rights are terrorist notions. But, what aren’t? Cuban Terrorists According to the Tampa Tribune, “A Cuban militant and accused terrorist is not eligible for asylum in the United States but shouldn't be sent back to Cuba, a lawyer for the government told a judge in the opening day of the man's deportation hearing.” Why? Well, the official reason is that the US Attorney in charge “cited concerns about torture in opposing his potential deportation to Cuba.” Torture, like what we do the black suspects? But, here’s the official reason. . .ready! Cubans in Florida vote Republican and hate Communist Castro. And you thought the Cold War ended when the Berlin Wall and the Soviet Union fell?

GEORGE W. BUSH

As one DUer put it, Chimpy fiddles as New Orleans floods. Nice, huh? Where’s that compassionate conservatism we hear so much about? For some reason, this picture does not bring up images of populism and grass roots activism. It brings up an imagine of an asshole of a President so clueless about the world around him. After Hurricane Katrina swamped Western Gulf Cost, martial law was declared in New Orleans. Shepard Smith, Fox News media whore even gushed "There are no civil rights in the city of New Orleans... anyone caught on the street after dark will be arrested." Why arrest them? Why not either shoot people or Six Flag Abu Garib them? Nice to see the adults are back in charge. And for a final insult, here’s a little bit of spin to add to your nausea, Fox News style: “President Bush is cutting his vacation in Crawford, Texas, short and returning to Washington on Wednesday instead of Friday to monitor the recovery effort.” So nice of him to cut two days out of his 33 “working” vacation. It’s like what he did with Terry’s law. Please get me a vomit bag. Still, I’m sure coming back two days early will make most of those red-state buffoons think “wow, he really cares about us.” Be prepared for shameless photo-oping and quotes like “Hurricanes and Himicanes are a threat to national security. Now, if the Hurricane was name Kenneth, it would have leveled everything because we all know himicanes are deadlier”

I will write another one next week when my head has recovered from exploding. I can't take this administration or this bullshit anymore!