I tried to reserve front-row seats in hell for Bush and Cheney.

[Cyrano]

I'm a devout agnostic, but given what's available on line today, I figured, hey, why not give it a try? After an hour of working my way through the recorded-choice menu, I got to talk to someone.

Someone: Hello, how may I help you?

Me: Uh, hi. I'd like to reserve two front-row seats in hell for George Bush and Dick Cheney.

Someone: May I have your name, credit card number, social security number, mother's maiden name, a character reference from Pat Robertson, and a list of sins you've committed since you were born.

Me: Can you define sin?

Someone: Hold on. I'm flipping through my Moral Values dictionary. Ahhh, here it is. Have you ever enjoyed yourself?

Me: Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Someone: Sorry, I can't accommodate your seating request at this time.

The loud click of the phone being hung up made me suspicious that I had actually dialed the White House switchboard.