From a friend: "Disease model for 'thinking'"

[hector459]

The disease model for thinking?

It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more
than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally, I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.

One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning
of life. She spent the night at her mother's. I began to think on the
job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking . . . "
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But, Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as a
college professor, and college professors don't make any money. So if
you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.

"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You
probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I registered to vote as a Republican.

[kiraboo]

1. Excellent! Applies to 99.9% of the Republicans I know.

A foolish and narrow bunch.

[bemildred]

2. Do you have a thinking problem?

Answer the following questions and find out.

1.) Does your thinking begin earlier in the
day than it used to?

2.) Do you find yourself craving a think at
a specific time each day?

3.) Have you ever had a blackout as a result
of thinking?

4.) Do you think alone?

5.) Has your thinking ever caused you to perform
an act which you later discerned to be
certifiably insane or incredibly stupid.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions,
you could be among the millions of people in this
country who have lost the ability to control their
thinking, a disease which, if left untreated, can
result in jails, institutions, or frontal lobotomy.
And just because you don't think every day doesn't
mean you don't have a problem. Many problem thinkers
go for days or weeks without thinking, only to
eventually find themselves on the inveitable three
or four day thinking binge.

THINKENDERS can help you stop thinking. Call for
our free brochure, "No thought for today" and find
out how.

[silverweb]

3. *LOL*

Priceless and perfect!

[applegrove]

4. Well done.

[punpirate]

5. Reminds me of my...

... new favorite t-shirt, which I got free when I bought a copy of Richard Feynmann's letters, collected by his daughter. On the front, it says: "Don't you have time to think?" :)