Non-filibuster related rant: What the hell is wrong with parents?!?!

[kweerwolf]

A couple of weekends ago I was with some friends who wanted to stop by a suburban Wal-Mart. I wondered the store with them for a while and then decided that I'd wait outside by the garden department while they finished shopping.

On the way out I stopped in the men's room and there was a young boy, maybe 4 or 5 years old, in there. I assumed that his father was in one of the stalls and the boy was waiting for him, but the man in the stall left without even a glance at the boy. Meanwhile, there I am at the urinal with the boy asking "What's your name? ... What's your name?" over and over. Finally he walk up and tugged on the back of my shirt to get my attention.

As a gay man, there are few situations that scare me worse then being alone with a young boy in a restroom. Far from being the pediphiles the religious right believes we are, the vast majority of gay men at "pediphobes" who have a visceral fear of children because we know that there's a sizeable portion of the population that think we would stop at nothing to "recruit" kids and lust after them as sexual conquests.

I did my best to ignore the kid, but he couldn't quite reach the soap dispenser and I had to hit the button for him so he could wash his hands as I rushed out the door. There were no anxious parents waiting outside the restroom for him and I considered stopping at the desk to report that the kid was wondering around the restroom. In the end I decided against even getting involved in that tiny way out of fear.

That night I watched the news carefully to make sure there was no child abduction reported and was relieved that no young boys were reported missing. But the more I thought about it, the madder I got not only at my own fear of getting involved, but at parents who would let a youngster wonder around on his own and talk to strangers in the men's room.

What the hell is wrong with parents? Do they think that just because they live in the affluent suburbs that their kids are safe?

[EFerrari]

1. Yes. Mush for brains.

I'm sorry you were put in that position. Makes me furious. :nuke:

[Maddy McCall]

2. I'm not raggin ya.

But you should have stopped to report it, so that those negligent parents would have had to deal with it.

You're a good guy, though, and it's a shame that some people don't care about their kids.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

3. I don't blame you one bit for your reaction.

And parents fucking blow. No one has any fucking clue how to raise children. Then they wonder why everyone comes out screwed up.

[insane_cratic_gal]

4. Gawd

I allow my 7 year old to go to the bathroom alone ONLY when I am standing rightoutside.

I don't take my eyes off the door !

[notadmblnd]

5. I didn't let my son use the mens restroom until he was about 10

he's 12 now and I still stand right outside the door. I know how long it takes for him to pee and If he's not out in 2 minutes, I'm coming in.

[ohio_liberal]

13. I'm glad it isn't just me

My two youngest boys (9 and 6) still go in the ladies room with me unless the oldest two (16 and 20) are with us.

[notadmblnd]

24. I don't blame you at all

their safty is our jobs.

[SteppingRazor]

6. Maybe I'm just jaded and cynical, but....

Okay, okay. I KNOW I'm jaded and cynical, but I'm always kinda amazed that people are still shocked by things like this. I mean, seriously? You were surprised by this? Doesn't this happen every single day, a few gazillion times?

I'm not saying it's right, mind you, I'm just saying I've lost my ability to get outraged by it. I guess that's why I like following politics. The only way I can still feel morally indignant is when people are being screwed over ona seriously macro level :)

[barb162]

7. well you could have had the experience I had where a little boy

about 5 -7 yrs. old was openly urinating about 20 feet in front of the front door of the Wallies on a hot Saturday afternoon. His parent was chewing on a hotdog and siblings watching this kid spraying it. Scene out of "Tobacoo Road."

[enlightenment]

8. A friend of a friend tells this story --

She's in a smallish shop. A small child is running around loose, annoying the cr*p out of everyone.

Friend of a friend calls out (loudly) to the manager, "Sir, I believe this child must be lost. I think you should call the police."

The parent, who is (naturally) ignoring the child while she shops responds, "Wait a minute. This is my child!"

Friend of a friend responds, "I don't believe you. Manager, please call the police. This woman is trying to abduct this child. NO DECENT parent would allow their child to run around, unsupervised, in this fashion."

Parent snatches up child and leaves. Other patrons applaud.

It isn't just a question of safety, although that is paramount. It's a complete and utter failure of some people to PARENT. Period.

[MsUnderstood]

11. excellent story of how to handle the situation! n/t

[EFerrari]

9. If you can believe this,

I was in the women's shower room in Camp Curry, Yosemite, and all of a sudden, this woman starts hitting her beautiful little girl on the head with a hair brush. The baby could have been all of three.

I stepped in and asked the "lady" if she needed a break. I told her, I'd watch the little girl while she calmed down. She sneered at me and said, "Oh, yeah, sure!".

I was too young to go report her felonius ass, I was 19. But that's the last time I didn't step in when I saw a child in danger or being abused.

[Ms_Mary]

19. My store is close to a gynmastics center.

I was talking to my mother outside and putting my son in the car after closing up and I heard this woman just screetching at her little girl. I asked my mom to stay with my son and I walked over and asked her if she needed help and was everything okay. She said her daughter was having a tempter tantrum, but I hadn't heard a thing from the daughter. It did break the momentum though, and she calmed down.

[EFerrari]

25. Yeah, breaking up the momentum of the escalation does help.

Two of my neighbors and I have decided to become Mrs. Kravitz. Whenever we hear angry voices on the block, we go check it out. The last time, it was a mom (probably a stressed out tired one) again, beating a small child on her head.

I went over and told her loudly enough for all the neighbors to hear, that we all saw her and that we had no problem calling the police. And to make my point, I went on for about ten minutes. And after I scared the sh!t out of her, I tried to make nice, calm her down. I was as manipulative as hell but she won't forget that.

Reality check: you don't beat small children on the head just because you can. If you're tired or stressed out, you deal with that as the "adult" in the situation.

God knows how many more she had at home. There were three in the stroller. :(

[Ysolde]

10. Parents can't be bothered

to take the time that it takes to raise their children! Parenting is more than a full-time job. It is 24x7, 365. In this day and age of I, me, mine most are too selfish to actually do the work that it takes to raise children. My brother is like that as are many folks that I know.

That boy and his parents were lucky that it was you in that restroom. The statistics really show that our children are actually far safer than in the past, but each incident is so widely publicized that good parents live in constant fear.

I think you should have taken that boy to the customer service desk so that you knew he was safe. It would have scared the bejeezus out of whoever he was with so that maybe next time they won't be that laissez-faire. It also would have given you peace of mind. I know it's scary to get involved, but we all must. Again, it's easy for me to say that as I'm a white woman with 2 small children so no one would question my motives. The reality is that most people would not hurt children and we, as a society, need to stop looking at all adults as sex offenders.

[MsUnderstood]

14. friendly reminder to all posting their stereotypes of parents

I understand this is a RANT post but when making your general sweeps of PARENTS don't forget there are some parents who frequent this board.

"Parents can't be bothered . . ." and "Parents don't know what their doing . . ." is so over dramatic and unnecessary. At least soften your general dislike for the breeders by using "Some parents " or "Most parents . . ." so you can backpedal and tell us DUers who have kids "Oh I didn't mean you. . ."

Hey glad to hear you know how to raise kids. . .how many do you have? I hope none because I would hate to see self depreciation on that level.

And one more rant. . I was in a meeting last week where a gal without any kids of her own was talking about the teenagers today and how "Parents need to disipline their child. ..schools need corpal punishment cause these kids are so out of line. . ." sound like some RW generalizing how kids need to be raised. . .guess how close you are to her now!

[Debi]

18. Thank you

From a mother who knows how to raise her child. :hi:

[Ms_Mary]

20. Thank you.

[EFerrari]

21. Two, thank you. And I didn't post about "stereotypes" but

about experience with people who shouldn't have been allowed to breed.

[Ysolde]

28. Maybe...

I should have qualified my statement about parents, but what qualification would have made you happy? And, I disagree that I stereo-typed. I did not say ALL parents. Why did you take such offense?

And, if you had read my entire post, I have 2 children. One of whom is 4, just like the boy in the OP. So, I am not self-loathing, I am just concerned about the quality of parenting in this country. I also do not delude myself that I am a perfect parent. Everyone makes mistakes. That's why I suggested that kweerwolf take the kid to the customer service desk. Hopefully, the parent would learn a lesson about how vulnerable their child is and be more vigilent in the future.

I live in OK and a significant majority (sadly) of parents believe in corporal punishment and lots of other horrendous things about raising their children. I see unattended children and children running wild too often here. And, because of so many difficult issues in this poor state, there are too many children who will never have the benefit of good parenting.

[kweerwolf]

31. You're right ...

... I should have posted about "some" parents rather than making it overly general.

There are a lot of great parents out there who are doing fantastic jobs of raising kids. It's just a few bad apples that reflect poorly on everyone else.

[GreenPartyVoter]

12. My mom would never let my brother go to the bathroom alone because

she had a very clear memory of a news report around that time of a man sutting the penis of a 3 yo off while in a public restroom.

My boys never go alone either.

[FreedomAngel82]

15. I've seen that too

Against my will pretty much I was against going to WalMart with my Mom but went anyways. While we were shopping around I noticed the parents left their kids alone. I saw two girls who were old enough. They were pre-teens so they could be able to handle themselves and know what to do. Then I was in the jewlery section with my Mom and there were two little kids about five or six and they were running around like it was a playground! I thought they were going to knock something over or me or my Mom over. I so wanted to tell them off but, like you, didn't want to get involved and just wanted to hurry up and get out. I just don't get it either. When my brother was younger he used to go to the entertainment section and look at the video game's and stuff. We always knew where to find him and he'd be there the whole time. He was a little older (pre-teen) so it wasn't too bad. When my brother and I were younger we'd always have to stay with my parents or have someone go with us. If I had kids I wouldn't let them go off by themselves unless they were pre-teens and I had a nice long chat with them about protecting themselves from strangers.

[in_cog_ni_to]

16. My son wasn't allowed in the men's restroom alone until he was 8 years old

My husband took him or he went in the ladies with me. Then, when he started going in the men's room without me or his dad, I waited right outside the door and if he was slow in coming out, I opend the door and said his name until he responded.. :) You probably should have reported it to management. Not only should he never have been allowed to go into the restroom ALONE, he shouldn't have been wandering around the store alone! THAT is scary! :scared:

[Ms_Mary]

17. That bothers me two ways

First, I hate that gay people even have to have that concern. My best friend is a gay man and recently we were talking about how some of the guys at work kept their distance. It pisses me off. Yes, an amazing and kind human being - so scary. :sarcasm:

Secondly, as a mom to a 6 year old, I am very wary of public situations. He pretty much stays right beside me. If there is a single bathroom, then I'll let him go in and stand outside. Otherwise, he comes with me. Because he is getting big enough to want privacy and for some women to be uncomfortable with him in a women's room, I try to make stops beforehand at home or at single restrooms. But what it boils down to is that he's my son and I am going to make sure I keep him as safe as I can.

[seabeyond]

22. my boys insist on boys room, 10 and 7

sunday took 7 year old into girls bathroom because brother wasnt with him. otherwise i stand at the door. not opposed to opening it with my back to room and yelling in is everything ok, if they have been in there too long for my comfort. the best i can do, and allow my boys to honor their boy by using mens room.

no it is not good and bummer so scary to allow a boy to use the boys room.

[ComerPerro]

23. Something similar happened to one of my friends at work

We were working retail, we were 17. He was in the washroom when a three year old kid came out of the stall with his pants completely down around his ankles. So he told the kid to wait there (the store was pretty empty) and he ran to a phone to page parents and a manager.

So the parents show up after about 3 minutes (its not a big store) after a few employees and the Assistant Store Manager were already there with the kid, making sure he was ok. The mom grabs the child, and she and the father immediately start yelling at the manager and at my friend (because he was in the restroom with him).

The manager snapped back at them, told them not to insult my friend, and reminded them that their sloppy parenting let the situation happen. He then added that they should consider themselves lucky that a good person found their son and not someone dangerous.

[EFerrari]

26. Good for him. n/t

[LibDemAlways]

27. I am the mother of a twelve-year-old daughter and

have always kept a very close eye on her in public. But there are parents out there who are simply negligent and some who put their children into very dangerous situations.

My daughter used to take a weekly class at a dance school nearby. The school is popular and needed more studio space so the owner created a small studio at the rear of the building accessible only through a door off an alley just beyond a blind curve. My daughter's class met there when she was six. Some of the children in her class were as young as four. Every week I arrived early with my daughter and waited for the teacher to show up. Then I came back early at pick-up time to be there when class was over. I spent a lot of time in that alley, and my daughter was never alone back there.

Some parents, however, rounded the corner, opened the car door, let their little ones out, and took off - leaving their four and five year olds standing in a narrow alley not knowing when or if the teacher was even going to show up. It blew me away that these people cared so little for their children's well-being that they could leave them alone like that. Same thing at pick-up time. Kids would be standing back there waiting for absent parents long after class was over.

If people don't have the time or interest to take good care of their kids, they shouldn't have them. What I witnessed firsthand was nothing less than child endangerment. By the way that back-alley studio was eventually shut down after some of us complained.

[troubleinwinter]

29. My friend came upon a woman in a parking lot

who was screaming in the face of her tiny child.

My friend walked up to the woman while pulling a small notepad and pen from her purse. She said, "M'am, I am with Child Protective Services. Would you like to give me your name?"

Of course, the woman got into her car and drove off. But I thought this lie that my pal told her was a good message... that she'd better be thinking about the inappropriate treatment of her child, as it was indeed abusive and not acceptable.

My friend said to me, "Well, I AM 'with' Child Protective Services, in that I believe in the service of protecting children!"

It takes a village.

[kweerwolf]

32. LOL! Great response!

Bless your friend for her willingness to get involved!

And how true that we are all "in the service of protecting children."

[Triana]

30. Many of them should not BE parents...

..that's part of the problem (by no means all of it). Society pushes people so hard to have kids and never, ever offers the option of NOT having them as being just as OK too. This is why such a simple thing as birth control is so controversial. A result of this is, I think, that we have a whole lotta people out there being parents, that should never have been - just because it's expected of them by our fundie-based 'society'.

[davsand]

33. There are parents who care and those who don't.

My 8 year old can go to the bathroom alone IF I can see the door to the bathroom. Even then, I'm in there after her if she isn't out in a short amount of time.

We JUST had that happen last weekend at a Meijer store. She needed to go and the bathroom door was right there at the end of the checkout lane. She went ahead and went but was not out in the amount of time I thought it should have taken. I left my cart and went in after her. Turns out she had to wait in line to go...

I have to say, however, that I do not see a similar care for kids from other parents. I coach my daughter's softball team (5-8 year olds) and I had a mom leave her five year old at the ballpark with only her 7 year old brother there with her. I literally heard that mom tell her little boy and his sister to "walk to the Grade School" when the ballgame was over. That little girl was playing ball with no parents or adults there with her except the volunteer coaches (And she sure never asked if we minded looking after that child!)

I was pissed about it. I walked the kids to the school after the game and told the Mom that in the future her kid needed to have some kind of responsible adult there when she played ball. It may not be in the league rules, but by gawd, I refuse to be responsible for that lady's kid unless she at least asks me first. Since then that poor little kid has been at games with other kids' parents several times and her Dad once, but at least they made arrangements to get her home safely.

I may be a paranoid Mommy, I might even just be a busybody worrying about those kids. Either way, I'd not forgive myself if I'd not said something and one of those kids had been hurt or gone missing.


Laura