Are we heading back toward large extended families living together?

[wildflower]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. What with...

-People losing jobs
-Health care costs rising (when you can get it at all)
-Credit card squeeze
-The bankruptcy bill
-Inflation
-Interests rising
-Housing bubble
-Loss of Medicaid
-Possible loss of Social Security and long-term care
-Possible loss of livable land because of various environmental problems
...and more.

I look into the future and I see people losing their homes, working harder and longer, parents not able to take care of their children, older people unable to care for themselves.

So, as a result, will many large families (with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.) begin moving in together again as a result? To save money and take care of each other?

Are any of you there already?

Either way, how do you feel about it?

-wildflower

ON EDIT: I realize there are already segments of society that live this way. I just wonder if we will become a two-class society which basically consists of tenements and "landed gentry"?

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I hope so.

We just moved my father in law down here to live with us and it has been wonderful. My dad lived with us before he had to go into a nursing home, that was wonderful too. I think it enriches everyone, especially my children, so I am all for it.

[eleny]

5. Good for you!!!

My folks lived with us for the better part of 10 years and I loved it. When I was little and my aunt's hubby died in his 20s, my dad insisted that she and my grandmother, who had been living in her own apartment, both come live with us. A full house can be a very happy place when people decide to pull together and get along.

One more thought - When mom and dad came to live here, one day I was doing dishes and all of a sudden heard my dad playing his accordion out in the yard. It took me back over 25 years and I could have thrown down my dishrag and cried. It was overwhelming in the best of ways.

[Midlodemocrat]

8. Oh, man, I hear you.

Having my dad here and having him interact with my kids was a special gift that I still weep over. I only wish he were still here. He was a great, great guy.

[Stinky The Clown]

48. Oh eleny

:hug:

[wildflower]

11. I can see it being a good thing in many cases.

I guess it depends on the situation.

I do remember reading once that the cause for so much depression in America is that people are so isolated.

It's food for thought.

If it means the people living in extended families are all poor, I don't know.

There's a book (and movie) which I haven't yet seen called "City of Joy." From what I understand, it shows that the poorest people in the city of Calcutta are happy, because they aren't isolated from each other and they're not materialistic - focusing on people and meaning rather than things. Sort of "it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable."

If you (or anyone else reading this post) has read/seen "City of Joy," is that your take?

-wildflower

[Midlodemocrat]

17. I haven't read it, but I would be interested in reading it.

I have a very supportive, strong family. Three brothers, little ones, two sisters-in-law, (one is deceased, unfortunately) and we had a very strong desire to make my parents' last years happy ones. That included being around, doing little things, talking to them on the phone, that kind of thing. You know, the type of thing that doesn't cost a ton of money.

I don't live near any relatives, so the fact that my husband's father is now living with us is so wonderful for my kids. Yes, it is more work for me, because he is a little bit altered, but in the long run, I think it is worth it. Plus, it gives him such joy to go to a lacrosse game, or a field hockey game.

[H2O Man]

18. Our present culture

has the most barren forms of "family" in human history. Hunters & gatherers, agriculturalists, and pastoral nomads all had extended family systems, which provide the greatest amount of support for all family members. Industrial society required nuclear families, with lesser supports for the young and old. High-tech society requires the shattered or single-parent family. We need to go back to the type of system that creates the greatest support for families and individuals, rather than for corporations. (* I fully agree with the post that mentions "communes" in the sense that blood relatives are not necessarily "family." They can be. They can also be your enemy. Stick with those of similar values and beliefs.)

[wildflower]

30. This is true.

And I agree about the effects of isolation.

But if the extended family (of whatever type) results from a country where one large class is dominated by one much smaller class which owns most of the land (there are various names for that system), is that a good thing?

-wildflower

[H2O Man]

35. Good question!

And one that actually helps us identify with the potential good that comes from redefining family. The stresses of modern society are all very real, and certainly are building. Hence, redefining and building upon the skeletal frame we think of as "family" is necessary first and foremost to provide the support individuals need to survive.

Let me give but one simple example. In my lonely, isolated corner of America, there is a program called Big Brother/Big Sister. The need is great -- far greater than the number of qualified adult volunteers -- and that need is because of the break-up of the family.

If a person leaves the small cities and every town in my area, where there are hundreds of boys and girls living in tiny apartments with one parent and several silings .... and travel off the highway and onto the country roads .... there are the small hamlets of the agricultural days, where the large farmhouse, with an extension for grandparents, has similar houses for neighbors .... where aunts and uncles and cousins lived. That hamlet may be "Smithville," if that family was the Smiths. And every kid had a well-developed support system, so that IF dad went off to war or died, the other adults and older cousins siblings filled in the gap on the social fabric that supportes the kid.

Changes in the economic system moved generations off those farms, into towns with factories, and in another generation, to distant cities in far-away states. Rather than having near-constant extended family support, families begin to get together seasonally, for holidays. Kids lose out on the enrichment that great grandparents and similar elders provide.

In decades of social work, I encountered very few cases that were not tied in some fairly direct way to this theme. We need to move forward, not to dwell on wishing for a "golden age." But we can learn what works best for families: for kids, for parents, and for elders.

And that -- and only that -- will help us survive the coming difficulties.

[wildflower]

38. The general societal attitude toward elders grieves me so.

I believe in the system in which elders are revered, respected, looked up to by the tribe/community as the wise ones (and I feel this is the natural way of things). That may still exist in other countries, but here...anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent.

While I see the benefits of the extended family, I also have to agree with what Warpy said below. I know that some families or family members aren't healthy to live with.

I think modern developments and modern medicine have a part in both issues above, though I feel odd saying that, as though I'm wishing for regression.

-wildflower

[H2O Man]

41. I agree .....

redefining family includes the concept that there are people who you share genetic material but not values .... and who do you or your loved ones harm .... and they are not really "family" in any good or healthy sense. There are also people who we are not related to by blood, so to speak, but who we love and share values with. These are indeed family.

The issue of elders, which is connected with children, is absolutely true: no healthy society can devalue either the young or old. And no society that does not value children or elders can possibly be healthy.

[proud2BlibKansan]

49. Is it true

that they have no nursing homes in China?

[wildflower]

77. My understanding is that they have been on the rise...

Having trouble finding a link on this.

-wildflower

ON EDIT: Here is an interesting article on health care and elder care in Asia (it's a few years old): http://www.asiaweek.com/asiaweek/magazine/2000/0728/cs.health.reform.html

[eleny]

31. I saw the movie

It was good.

[Warpy]

28. You're lucky

My mother and I once discussed this before her final illness. We agreed that it would be a very bad idea to put us both under the same roof, that I'd hear her searching for the meat cleaver in the middle of the night and that she'd be able to taste the arsenic in her soup.

With social security and their savings, she was able to die at home, and yes, I went to care for her at the end. I'll do the same for my dad.

Not every family can cope with the extended family sharing quarters ideal. Friction is going to erupt, and we should prepare ourselves to see much more elder abuse and people falling over the edge and becoming violent toward the whole family. Some families haven't spoken for years. Others have wars among the siblings over who gets what when the inevitable happens, with the caretaker sibling getting very little say.
This, too, can spark violence.

Extended families are like nuclear families, they work well only when everyone is healthy. That doesn't happen often enough.

[all.of.me]

55. this would be the case with my parents and brother, too

it is no accident i live 2,000 miles away from them. it was and still is very unhealthy.

this is when we get to choose our own family - our friends, our kids. i have a huge family of people that love me, that will go out of their way for me if need be, people i'll know for the rest of my life. i don't always see them often, but i know they're there.

it would be great to have a functioning commune, but they get so political and off-balance, it's hard to keep one going. that is actually the answer to extended family.

[anitar1]

68. Respect for one another is the key.

When living together one MUST develop rules or it does not work. I am not just saying this, I am living it and have for many years. We acknowledge each others space and privacy. It is not easy in the beginning, but we have worked it out.I was raised this way and tried to teach my children the same ways. It can work if people are open to communicating with each other.My grandchildren take it for granted.It might be more difficult in a smaller space, but I think it can be done .

[expatriate]

69. Excellent point. There are toxic families.

I came from one. I would not live in an extended family situation with any of my surviving family members at gunpoint. There are many people in a similar situation. They've had to fight hard to get away from the family that was so sick and negative. I live fifteen thousand miles from my nearest family member, and I have never been happier. I wish I could get even farther away, but that would entail moving to Antarctica.

My father moved his mother into our house and particularly into my room when I was a kid. It was a nightmare, like living with a harpy that never slept and never stopped scolding, blaming and nagging. She would lie in her bed and bitch at me all night long. I was eleven and barely slept for two years. She set up one family member against the other and greatly enjoyed the arguments and violence that often resulted. She was a real agitator in what had already been a very toxic family situation. I have known other people who have had similar experiences with negative family members coming to live with them.

I'm glad that so many people here have had good experiences with extended family living, and I wish I had experienced something like that. I've often wondered what it would have been like to have a loving and supportive family - but that wasn't the hand I got dealt.

Because there are so many different family stories out there, I can't see living as extended families as any kind of solution to many social problems. It might work very well for some, but it would be either sheer hell or completely out of the question for others.

[Donailin]

46. same here and most cultures in the world have always been this way

only the west came up with this stupid idea that not only should generations be separate, but children need their own rooms, their own beds from the moment they're born. This accounts for much of our dysfunction. We're disconnecting from our own. Not natural, it's learned.

[evlbstrd]

2. We've had various family members in and out of our house

at various times over recent years.
Some may return.

[H2O Man]

3. Yes, in large part ....

also, the term "extended family" will be redefined in a way closer to the word "clanna" and/or "tribe."

[rzemanfl]

4. Going back to this style of living would require major changes,

like the head of household having the power of life and death as in ancient Rome, exposing newborns like in ancient Greece, that sort of thing.

Don't really know how facetious I am being in this post. Seems like we are hurtling backward in time right now and passing through the middle ages...

[eleny]

7. I don't think it would get that harsh

In our family, there was more a spirit of compromise as we blended my folks in with hubby and me. You explore the grey areas more deeply.

[jwirr]

83. Your changes are pretty drastic. Here are a few that

I think would help. Social programs should allow family to mean "individuals" rather than "all persons living in the household". This would allow each individual to apply for assistance in their own right. As it stands now if a low-income adult moves in with their family members who are just making it the poorer member is no longer eligible for things like food stamps because it is household income they look at. Instead of punishing people for trying to help each other they ought to be recognizing that it is good. The household standard of living should not be pulled down because the family takes grandma in. I reread this and I am having a hard time explaining what I mean. You have to have been there to understand.

[DemocracyInaction]

6. Wait until they make people legally responsible for their parents

You think that's far fetched???----the Repubs tried to do this in my state several years ago and the people went nuts. What that means is that YOU will pay for all their medical care, horrendous drug bills, nursing care if they cannot be taken care of at home, etc. The Republicans call it family values----it's actually a way for them to dump any and all programs from SS to Medicare to anything that keeps the elderly afloat. That should short out the Christian Right as they scream "that's not fair".

[Theres-a]

23. Damn.

[Deja Q]

9. Or 'communes', for lack of better title...

Friends living together as roommates or 'families' of a different sort.

Blood isn't thicker than water. Shared interests is.

[Sydnie]

27. That's how I live right now

and have to an even greater extent in the past. I share my house with a friend and her child, adding my two children makes five of us. Two single moms working together to try to keep a house running on our own. It's quite the juggling act sometimes.

I have been saying for years that this will be the way things will be forced to happen in our lifetime. With housing prices soaring, there is not enough hours in the day for me to work enough jobs, and spend any time with my kids, to keep the house running on my own.

Thank goodness the house is large enough for all of us to have a bit of "private" space, most of the time anyway.

I think communes will be reappearing in this country very soon.

[Solly Mack]

10. I grew up with relatives coming for a "visit" and staying for months

and longer...

My mother would take in our friends who needed a home.

I like the idea of combining homes and resources to take care of each other.

[Hamlette]

12. it should be a choice, not a necessity

we are already working 3-4 jobs per couple, that should be enough to allow us to live a private life.

We've been talking about this same issue. I'm not sure for me, the daughter, it would be so bad but my mom would hate it. Maybe its a cultural thing but she wants to see herself as independent.

I'm not sure what sort of America the GOP sees, doing away with pensions (United Airlines) doing away with social security, allowing health care cost to skyrocket beyond the means of most people. Is that thier utopia? Do they want us to push our kids so they make tons of money so they can care for us in our old age? Do they want us to save on our own? No pensions, no social security?

I don't understand the GOP anymore.

[Hello_Kitty]

13. Can my sister and I move in with one of your families then?

Our parents have died and we don't have any other relatives that we know of and we're both unmarried and childless. We don't eat much and we're really helpful around the house:)

All kidding aside, I'm worried too.

[Spinzonner]

16. Well, you could pretend you're southerners and ...

Guess I better not go there, too Faulkerian

[wildflower]

22. I'm sorry, I wish I had a family you could move in with.

Oops, I see I wrote above in my OP "many large families moving in together." That wasn't phrased very well...I meant large numbers of people living in many houses would reorganize into large extended families living in fewer houses (or more likely, apartments), if that makes sense.

-wildflower

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. It has already happened

Haven't you seen the newspaper articles about increasing numbers of twentysomethings and thirtysomethings who are living with their parents?

For some younger people, the choice is either working two jobs or bunking in your old room at Mom and Dad's place.

My brothers and I all did that for various lengths of time during the Reagan recession, as did one of our cousins.

However, it was not an unmixed blessing. The generation gap was sometimes too huge to overcome peaceably. I was happy to move out.

[wildflower]

20. Yes...and also, caring for parents and children at the same time...

is incredibly difficult. But in large extended families there would also be aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and they'd all help each other. (I have seen families like this, though I haven't had the experience myself.)

-wildflower

[Samurai_Writer]

56. My son is living with my mom right now...

He's almost 24 but has been living on his own for 4 years until recently. Between roommates screwing him around and his low pay, he decided to move in with my mom, to save some money and to help her (I also have a sister who lives with my mom, who has severe medical problems). So far it is working out. I live 1100 miles away, or I would probably be living there as well, or close enough to go there several times a week. I have been trying to find a job in my field in that area for the past 3+ years. Everything is low-paying, contract work. I just help my son out financially when I can (I help him with his car payment) and also do things for my mom when I can (and when she lets me! stubborn woman).

We had my great-uncle live with us until he died, and also my grandmother until she died. I had moved back home to go to college at the time, when my son was 3-7. So it was my 2 parents, several siblings, me, my son, and either my great-uncle or grandmother for several years. I do think we will be going back to that way of life, because of the economy.

Peace,
Bella

[caligirl]

15. In the bay area it is. two families on my street alone,(short street)

have adult children at home, although to be fair in one family two adult
sons fried their brains on snifing of lsd or something. Freakish looking too.

[BrklynLiberal]

19. Yes. I think the economic necessities will force it. Perhaps it will have

some unforeseen positive results.

[Cleita]

21. Err, not unless you have a large extended house to

put them in. Three generations in a one bedroom apartment, although it has been done, is not a good way to live.

Back when people farmed and ranched, a large extended family was almost necessary to have enough hands to do the work. Farmhouses are pretty large with lots of bedrooms and often other buildings that can house people.

But I think you might see a lot more homeless people.

[wildflower]

25. I've known immigrant families living 8-12 people to an apt. or townhouse

with a couple of bedrooms...doubling up in two beds or mattresses per bedroom, and putting mattresses in other rooms on the floor.

You're right, the homeless will increase too.

What is the homeless population like in other countries, compared to ours?

-wildflower

[Cleita]

29. Depends on the country.

Some countries have very few and these are usually people who have chosen to live that way and others have people who live on the streets and die there who didn't have a choice.

A friend of mine, who was a world traveler, went to Calcutta, India, on one of her trips. Her airplane arrived at dawn. On the bus to her hotel, she saw workers picking up those street people who had died overnight and loading the bodies onto carts. When she got to her hotel she made reservations to fly out on the first available flight to somewhere outside of India and she never went back.

[wildflower]

32. That is so sad.

And it's interesting because the book/movie I mentioned above ("City of Joy") is about Calcutta (I believe). Have you read or seen it?

-wildflower

[Cleita]

42. No I haven't.

If I went to India though I would look at it with a different eye than my friend. There is a lot to learn and see besides the poverty.

[nittygritty]

79. This is what I have worked towards for years

after coming to the realization that society seems to be breaking down as result of unrestrained capitalism, cutting of social programs, the decaying of the public school system, the pervasiveness of television and video games upon this generation, the 'dumbing-down' of americans through propagandized media and tainted history, and the 'bubble-ization' of the economy and real estate markets...etc, etc.

I convinced my immediate family to invest in a large 5 bedroom country house on 10 acres (10 miles from a small town) across the river from an 80 acre now-defunct farm (much farther from town) that has been in my family for 3 generations, just sitting there doing nothing for the last 30 years - working tractor and plow hookups, old time tools, everything. 40 miles from property to property by car, 5 miles by crossing the canal by boat. I've just started a very large organic garden on the 10 acres, if it was any bigger, i'd be farming. Planted a huge clover field also, for the deer (if and when we hunt) and in event we start investing in livestock. Pole Barn going up this summer.
Clean wells on both properties, wood stoves, plenty of forest - private and state and national. Looking into solar and wind power next year. I do carpentry and electrican work, however this work can be scarce around here and requires lots of driving and gas so I've supplemented income with a part-time job in town at the local natural foods co-op - excellent way to get plugged in to progressives and others in the area involved in organic farming and the like.

The way this is working is that incomes from me, my retired father and mother, my grandmother, and my brother are combined for these investments and improvements. I have an uncle and a few cousins downstate in the city who are now interested in investing some money for this self-sufficient infrastructure, in the event that shit hits the fan they can come here to live. It's a big enough house that in an emergency or economic downturn about 12 or so folks (2 per room)could comfortably live and work.

If you don't have the means to aquire property or the family to help invest, there are also many progressive intentional communities across the country (and worldwide) gearing up and or forming, and some are very well established and proven. Most of them are accepting new members and are happy to have inquiring folks visit with arrangements made. There is one VERY large (2,200 acres) in the very early stages of forming right now in Northern California, possibly also combining several existing successful intentional communities (link: http://directory.ic.org/records/?action=view&page=view&record_id=2436)

For an excellent start on investigating these communities, here is the link for the Fellowship of Intentional Communities Directory:
http://directory.ic.org/?PHPSESSID=cda967dab0b1093518daa71f5410891b

[HeeBGBz]

24. I'm moving in with my daughter and grandson

We're combining resources while she attends nursing school.

Plus I get to finally be Granny HeeBGBz.

I imagine others in similar situations will consolidate as the need arises.

[LeftyMom]

26. I think so

My maternal aunt and uncle are staying with my father and adult sister, my best friend is selling her house (she's had it all of a year and a half, if that) and moving back in with family. Several of my neighbors have moved out and went to live with relatives, others have had friends and roommates move in with them in ordr to make ends meet.

It's a rational response to the outrageous cost of housing thse days and allows people to pool resources and live reasonably comfortable lives on less income. It's a good idea from an ecological perspective.

That said, I moved out as soon as I was old enough for a reason, my family drives me nuts.

[proud2BlibKansan]

53. No way could I live with my mother

ever again. I love her but could never live with her again.

[MountainLaurel]

33. "Sandwich generation"

The term used for the current situation of three generations of a family in one house: parents raising their kids, who then have to take in their own parents due to illness or age. Or, adult children with families who can't afford a place of their own, or undergo a major crisis, such as a medical emergency, a fire, a job loss.

[seabeyond]

34. no, No, nO, NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO

lol lol i cant live with either side., no no no no. dont even say

no

i mean

no.

i am to australia before that

they would all live in my house. we have a downstairs that can be made into another house. i have already thought of this

no

[wildflower]

37. LOL, seabeyond

And if the downstairs as another house doesn't work out, there's always this option:

http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/houses.htm

:)

-wildflower

[jwirr]

85. I would actually love to have one of the

Tumbleweed houses in my daughters backyard.

[seabeyond]

90. i think they are nifty too

we have a big enough yard, front and back. lol lol. lets see, that would be about 5 i would need, lol lol

will keep this in mind if the need arises

the are comfy lookin. can be in big house for a while, then this for alone time and totally comfortable.

[Ranec]

36. Aren't the forces of sprawl and surbanization

working in the opposite direction.

As I see open space being slowly eaten up by more and more single family homes with 1/2 acre lawns, I hope that the tide will turn and a different style of living will become the norm.

Republicans just want us poor and powerless.

[Ladyhawk]

39. I hope not.

My family is nuts.

[demgurl]

40. This will not effect me since my family will never live with me.

I am dead to both my parents as, sadly, they are to me. There is no chance my husband would ever have his siblings move in with us. His Dad could pay off everyone's houses with the money he has in the bank so there is not much worry there either.

[alarimer]

43. I really hope not

I would hate having to live with my family again. No privacy, dad hogging the TV LOL. no thanks. I'd sooner live in my car.

[The Magistrate]

44. The Intention Of The Republican Party Leadership, Ma'am

Is indeed what you describe: a two class society of landed gentry and tenements, with a great and unbridgeable gulf between.

[KT2000]

45. McMansions now have a use!

The one in the family that has one of those abominations will be the new boarding house for families.

The cost of long term care if amazing.
The wife tends to the husband through his final illness and has turned to long term care for herself. $100,000 will last less than a year and a half under those circumstances. The average stay in long-term care is about 3 years though it could be much longer.

Medicaid is what has come to the rescue when the private funds run out but with such severe cutbacks already and the repug belief that these programs must be "starved," what else would there be to do if that alternative does not exist?

There will be more uninsured as business dumps their coverage. What else could people do when their families gets caught in that mess?

So - yes, I think there will be extended families living together.

[ultraist]

60. LOL!

McMansions will become boarding houses. Hey, that's not a bad idea for investors to scoop up the McMansions when they get foreclosed on and turn them into boarding houses. Rooming houses are cash cows. ;)

I agree though. With rising poverty rates, increasing life spans, and a retiring baby boomer population, we likely will see more extended families livng together. (And of course, the exorbitant costs of extended care).

In some cultures, this is the norm. As H2O pointed out, here, we have very fragmented families. In many ways, it is very unhealthy for people to be so isolated and lack a sense of community.

[proud2BlibKansan]

47. I have two kids in their 20s

and neither one can afford to move out of our house. My youngest has two jobs.

[Donailin]

52. I can't imagine minding if my kids hang around for awhile

I love them and dread the thought of the empty nest.

[proud2BlibKansan]

73. I want the older one to leave

he needs to be on his own. The younger one is still in school, so he needs to stay at home until he finishes his degree.

[Jack_DeLeon]

50. I dont see anything wrong with it per se...

nuclear familiy is kind of a retarded concept IMO.

[On the Road]

51. We're Already There

I have several rental units in a working-class neighborhood, and once they're rented, they tend to fill up with parents, kids, grandkids, friends, and anyone else who fits. I don't particularly mind as long as the rent is paid, but it's a clear indication of how unaffordable housing is.

The other trend that's reemerging is shared houses and single-room occupancy. There's a great demand among young single people who have difficulty swinging an entire apartment.

[ultraist]

61. That is not really a new trend among poorer populations

Middle class white people haven't lived with extended family in large part, but multigenerational households amongst the poor have always existed.

I know a family that has 4 generations in one household! Amazing.

[On the Road]

65. That May be True

It's just an impression I have that since housing has skyrocketed, the trend has increased.

[understandinglife]

54. A Fristian dream come true. Lot's of slaves and fodder for perpetual war ..

.... so that Bu$h and his neoconster buddies can keep their armor-plated, stretch SUVs rushing them from golf course to cocktail party and then back home to anally rape the wife.

Peace.

www.missionnotaccomplished.us - Be it MNA Day 3 or 8 or 15 or .... the day will come when 10s of millions of Americans and others stop their typical activities for 24 hours and urge 10 times that many to join should another MNA Day be required. On that glorious day America will have begun truly to be "America," again.

[BlueStateGirl]

57. Both of my brothers recently moved back home, with their children

and , in one case, a girl friend.
One of my brother's is recently divorced and has primary custody of his daughter. He wanted to move back home to save money, and surround his daughter with family. My youngest brother and his grilfriend moved in when she became pregnant. My parents built an extrension onto the house for them.

It's crazy at times, but it works. The support my brother's, and my niece and nephew recieve is amazing.

[Blue_In_AK]

58. Already there

My daughter and two grandsons live in the other half of our duplex. Even though I've given her a real good deal on the rent, it still covers about 2/3 of our mortgage. It works for all of us + I think it's really good for the kids to be so close to grandma and grandpa so we can spoil them on a regular basis.

[Liberty Belle]

59. No, we'll lose our houses in bankruptcies & become street people first,

I'm afraid. No room for Gram and Gramps in those cardboard boxes.

[Singular73]

62. Two things. 1) Don't live off of your parents 2) Its part of the plan

Wait till interest rates go up, and all the people that took hybrid loans get stuck with a balloon payment they can no longer afford. They then get to move in with their parents, who are then forced to burn through their 401K money and recycle it back into the economy.

This generation is totally fucked, circumstancially.

[tedoll78]

63. I see it happening.

And even if the forces you've listed become weaker, I'll still have my parents move in with me. I'm only 26, and they're only 50, but considerable thought has already been given to the issue. They know this, my sister knows this, and I've let my partner know this a loong time ago (before we got too serious). I love 'em, and thank goodness we get along really well.. even when living under the same roof. Granted, I'll probably have a portion/wing of the house set-aside for them, for sanity's sake.

There's even a small part of me looking forward to it. I like living with them. :)

[nashville_brook]

64. notice how folks who already share are upbeat

it's great to have family around.

for those of us who know better than to let our mothers stay with us, think about how you have formed a surrogate tribe. i've had many roommates and people who are very close to me who i consider family. i feel better with people i love around me. it;s a good in itself. but if you can turn that desire for family into an informal extended family that can help each other out -- all the better.

on another note -- before clinton came into office there was lots of trend writing on adult children living at home. it;'s not a new thing. and if you think about immigrant and frontier culture, it's REALLY not a new thing. when the going gets tough the tough share rent.

[nittygritty]

81. it is great to have family around.

There was a time when I didn't get along too well (during my 'awakening'), but I have learned to be more tolerant of folks who don't know 'any better'. I still am gently, but constantly reminding them of things like recycling, buying environmentally safe products, energy conservation, as well as helping to keep them politically involved by drafting up letters to elected officials for them to send and by keeping them up to date on the 'facts' as they still depend on MSM for their daily dose.

It's all about patience, but they are beginning to come around especially now that they are seeing that all the things i've been ranting and raving about for the last 10 years are starting to come true, particularly since * has been in office.

[anitar1]

66. My Family Is Not There Yet, But

if the worst comes , we have our plans. 20 years ago I bought a place large enough with enough land to accomodate my family if need be.Even then, I had many doubts about the future in this country.Guess my intuition was right.

[kineneb]

67. Only if I get to choose the members of my "family"

I wouldn't mind my grandparents, if they were still alive, but I will not live with my parents. My grandparents raised me, thank goodness. When the parents get old, I'm going to let Little Brother take care of them. There is a reason I live 150 miles away, up in the hills. Not everyone has a "happy" family; I like my parents, but at a distance.

We have an "extended family" of friends in the village where we live. Some are friends from the Grange and others are folks we have known for years. But we take care of each other.

[sleipnir]

70. I hope not!

I for one do not like extended families and can't really stand mine.

I would have gone insane if my ext-fam lived together. I really would.

It's just me, but I'm not a big family guy. I prefer my own world. As they say, you can choose your friends, but sadly you can't choose your family.

I do love my immediate family, it's just my extended that drives me crazy and there's no way I could live with them for more than 24 hours.

[grasswire]

71. two thoughts

1. My niece goes on humanitarian missions to Eastern Europe for an organization that helps impoverished villages improve economic conditions. The people there think Americans are nuts to have bedrooms. A room just for sleeping? Crazy. There, beds are in the rooms that are shared during the day, by three or more generations. Life is rich, even with so little of what we call necessities.

2. I'm observing a family where a grandmother and 34-year-old single daughter have moved in with the other daughter (38) and her two pre-teen children and her fiance. It appears to be hardest on the grandmother. Her load of work in the household is so great that former personal interests have been set aside. Her health has been affected negatively by the change from a serene and independent existence to a bustling cacophony. She feels as if she is living someone else's life; all of her belongings have gone into storage. Those are a few of the problems that have to be worked out.

[bluedonkey]

72. I grew up

in an extended family with Grandma,Grandpa,5 Aunts their Husbands and kids.It was a large property with every family having their own private space,but we were all together.Great way to grow up,kids are never left alone and we were always included in all activities.Now we're scattered all over this planet,but are still close.
My mother moved in with me after my divorce until her death.My son didn't move out til last year when he got married,he was 23yo.They are now looking for a house with enough space for me when I want it.
Right now I'm happy to be by myself,but it does get lonely at times.Maybe when they have kids...
I think the key to living together like this is mutual respect.I stay out of their affairs unless they ask my opinion.

[lonestarnot]

74. Oh how I miss those hippy communes!

[wildflower]

75. Did you live on one? Are any still around today?

I've always been curious about this, and what they are/were like, since I never lived on one.

-wildflower

[lonestarnot]

78. Yes one of sorts.... It was a real "gas"... LOL

There were approximately 14 of us and 3 children. Ah those days were so different, yet so similar.

[nittygritty]

80. yes they are sprouting up all over again

and some never went away. see my post above.

excellent link for investigating intentional communties:
http://directory.ic.org/?PHPSESSID=cda967dab0b1093518daa71f5410891b

[Burma Jones]

76. My Neighborhood has MANY 3 generation households

But, I live on a Chinese street - the Real Estate Agent that sold the empty lots on which these homes were built steered all the sales to Chinese immigrant professionals (scientists, engineers, etc.). Each family, except the childless couple next door, have at least one grandparent or Great Aunt/Uncle in the home along with their kids. So, Mom and Dad both work some pretty high paying jobs and they have family day care in the house. Also, there is nearly always someone out on our street sort of checking things out...

[jwirr]

82. I already am. We live in a four generation

household. I moved in with my daughter and her youngest son so I could use my money to help all of my children and their families. Then my grandson and his family moved in with us because they cannot afford a home of their own. We are getting along pretty well but it takes work. Noise is the biggest problem and the little 1 1/2 year old child has realized that she can take shelter in great-grandma's room when she is in trouble. This is one way of answering the problems but I would much rather that a few of us had more private places to shelter.

[Ilsa]

84. As much as I'd like to build a small house, I'm thinking

we'll need a bigger place to help one another out. Including more than one kitchen area. But it won't be a large "executive" home. It will be more like a farmhouse (energy and water efficient) when it is all said and done. I hope.

[Jose Diablo]

86. Social adaptability of humans

Looking at the wide variety in the animal kingdom of how they cope with their enviroment with a myriad of different social organizations, then comparing their organization to ours, it is startling to note how we humans seem to be able to use our intelligence and more or less choose the form of organization we want when faced with changes in the environmental conditions.

It seems like with animals, much of their social organizing ability has a strong component of inherited 'personality' traits or behavior, such as how cats hunt or how they train their youth for example. But with the animals there is also a tendency of some 'personality' traits or behaviors to be trained into youth by their experiences interacting with others of their kind, for example young monkeys being taught by their elders and others to 'fish' for termites with a stick.

If a young animal is taken from its supporting 'pride', say a cat for example, that cat can become domesticated. Not to say that it is completely obedient, but it is more like the cat forgets who it is and starts to think of others in the household as actually just strange looking cats rather than being other completely different animals, to be eaten if given the chance. The youg cat adopts itself into its new social organization.

But with us humans, we seem to have lost almost all of our inherited personality traits or behaviors and MUST learn all our social skills by interacting with others of our kind. And also, we can actually choose how we as individuals will fit-in to a social organization. In this way, we humans are extremely adaptable as environmental conditions change. Seemingly able to be 'lone wolves' (which isn't really true BTW) or team members in semi-related larger social organizations or social organizations in which no member is related to another.

As to IF extended families are "better", its hard to say. If we mean "better" as in more happy, maybe yes, maybe no. It depends on the individuals. There is a lot to admire about living independently as a 'sailor at sea' and conversely have 'home and security' as has been sang. Either way is workable depending on the individual likes.

One thing that is definitely true, I think, extended family social organizations are very successful in a harsh enviroment. Fully capable of meeting practically anything this world can throw at it. But as for being 'happier' in some ways yes, or in some ways no. Depends on if individuals are people with traits that allows others to easily live with them. Look into the past, their are examples of individuals being expelled or banished from closely knit extended families or tribes for serious crimes against each other. Even today, what we define as crimes are really efforts to enforce a level of behavior that supports the communities within which the individual lives.

Are we 'happier' in extended families? I don't know.

Edit: Thinking further on this, if we change the focus or objective from individual happiness to successfully raising children. I think that the answer on if extended families are better from the standpoint of raising children, then I would say yes, children seem to thrive within a extended family social structures. Elders and youth seem to be better able to live within extended families. In a sense, I think children also prefer to be taught by elders rather than their own parents for some strange reason. In my personal case, I 'like' my grandchildren more than my own direct children. Why is that?

Edit2: Thinking further, in my own case, raised in a small family with both parents working and myself more or less alone, when not at school, it was very lonesome. I wouldn't say I was happy at all. But I got through it. As an adult, it was my responsibility to provide practically all the resourses my own family needed to prosper, and I did. But again, I was the 'big meany' as I worked many many very long days and when coming home, it was all I could do to just eat and then go to sleep. Now, not being responsible to 'bring home the bacon', children are more 'fun' and I can just sit back and enjoy them. I think this is why I enjoy my grandchildren more than my direct children. It's not that I dislike my direct children, it is just that I feel so responsible for them. Maybe this is it.

[Media_Lies_Daily]

87. It's already started....take a good close look at where you live.

[nittygritty]

88. .

[Geek_Girl]

89. When My mother stops taking care of my grandmother

she will either have to move in with us or we will have to move in with her. She can't afford to keep her house.