The Daily Show revealed some Wisdom from www.ready.gov (USDHS)

[Up2Late]

Ready.gov is from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
Great advice like this:

Nuclear Blast



1. Take cover immediately, below ground if possible, though any shield or shelter will help protect you from the immediate effects of the blast and the pressure wave.



2. Consider if you can get out of the area;




3. Or if it would be better to go inside a building and follow your plan to shelter-in-place.



4. In order to limit the amount of radiation you are exposed to, think about shielding, distance and time.

Shielding: If you have a thick shield between yourself and the radioactive materials more of the radiation will be absorbed, and you will be exposed to less



Distance: The farther away from the blast and the fallout the lower your exposure.



Time: Minimizing time spent exposed will also reduce your risk.

(Funny, they don't mention that you might just be instantly vaporized, or die an agonizing death from radiation burns.)

OR there is always

[alittlelark]

1. Fun and games w/ nuclear fallout......

.... I don't think they want to have us contemplate thet one.... they might have to think.

[JohnnyRingo]

2. What happened to hiding under my school desk?

In grade school, we had a girl whose job it was to close the windows.

Duck and Cover.

[kaygore]

8. I was thinking the same thing

Isn't it sad that we have to live with the terror of the bomb again? Every American should have to read John Hersey's "Hiroshima." Maybe then we can get people to step away from the Kool Aide and rise up against the darkness of the Bush administration.

[Up2Late]

18. That is so funny, I laugh every time I read what you wrote...

...about the girl with the "Job" to close the windows.:rofl:

[rooboy]

3. Seriously though, for a government department in the 21st century...

to be peddling this sort of SHIT is so staggeringly pathetic that someone should not only be fired, they should be jailed.

[mogster]

11. True

I've commented on this pictures/routines before, especially the picture where you should 'get out of the area'. It looks like the nuclear blast would be limited to one block only :crazy:

This has no value at all if the aim is to protect/help the citizens.

Friggin' unbelieveable.

[mogster]

12. OK, I pilfered through old post at some board

03.31.2004
Duck - and cover!

The US administration has picked up old tricks from the 50's to prepare the population for new terrorist attacks. On a easy navigated website made as a pamphlet, the Americans can get help to up their paranoia more effectively.

Duck - and cover was a slogan used by the American governement during the Cold War, known for it's almost absurd optimism about the results of a nuclear attack.

There was made cartoons, leaflets, jingles and plays - all with the simple message to duck and hide if some megatons went off in the neighbouhood.


The goal was perhaps to calm (pacify?) the population, to test the MAD doctrine without resistance -- done by normalizing the extreme situation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutual_assured_destruction

Now it is again time to normalize the threat, and this time it's done by some kind of emergency exit-brochure of the kind you'll find in the pocket of airline seats.
And again it's an oversimplified picture being portrayed, just look at this picture from the Homeland Security website:


http://www.ready.gov/nuclear_visual.html
Duck - and cover...
Truth is: one would have been blown to smithereens.

The most important, though, isn't what the brochure tells you to DO but what it tells you to FEEL; that terrorism is here, it's here to stay and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

To make the exception normal - that's how you'll gather support for your own extreme ideas, and no one raises an eyebrow when something actually happens, but fall in line behind the Prez.

And elects him for a second term.

[XemaSab]

20. Be like Bert: Duck and Cover!

http://www.cddc.vt.edu/host/atomic/civildef/duckncvr.htm

[true_notes]

4. Maybe they are speaking of

A dirty bomb blast. The radiation expended from one isn't quite as much as a warhead. Hell if I hear any kind of explosion, my ass is going in the opposite direction! The govt. has dulled the minds of America so much that it has to implant common sense into them through horseshit like this.

[Up2Late]

9. Nope, no such luck, Dirty bombs are on a different page

Here's the link:

<http://www.ready.gov/radiation_visual.html>



1. A radiation threat or "Dirty Bomb" is the use of common explosives to spread radioactive materials.



2. It is not a nuclear blast. The force of the explosion and radioactive contamination will be more localized. In order to limit the amount of radiation you are exposed to, think about shielding, distance and time.



3. Shielding: If you have a thick shield between yourself and the radioactive materials more of the radiation will be absorbed by the thick shield, and you will be exposed to less.

(Don't for get to stand behind you 3" thick Lead Shielding (of course, it doesn't tell you anywhere that the "shielding" is a thick Lead wall)
Oh, and this is great advice too::eyes:



6. Local authorities may not be able to immediately provide information on what is happening and what you should do. However, you should watch TV, listen to the radio, or check the Internet often for official news and information as it becomes available.

I still like the sites for Kids, the FBI has one too.

[TahitiNut]

5. Duck 'n' cover, kids!

:eyes: I grew up with that crap.

[althecat]

6. This is MUCH FUNNIER...

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blductandcover.htm

[Up2Late]

10. Oh that IS some funny stuff, I guess you have to laugh...

...when your government creates stuff this dumb.:evilfrown:

[mogster]

14. OK. This freaked me out

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

:rofl:

[lectrobyte]

16. too funny. but if we could do that, civilization would have collapsed

long ago, as no male would have lived past puberty.

[mogster]

17. LOL!

True. And every male has tried, yes? ;-)

[msanthrope]

19. I laughed 'til soda came out my nose........n/t

[tridim]

7. What the HELL??

So I'll get less radiation if I'm two blocks away from the blast center?

I can't believe this is real. I know it is, but I still can't believe it.

[lectrobyte]

15. two blocks? maybe two miles... two blocks is not even the crater...

Let's see, wooden structures (aka houses) destroyed up to a mile and a half.

[Bluebear]

13. Hehehehehehehehe

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.



Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.