Spanking kids- yes or no?

[Modem Butterfly]

I was spanked when I was a kid. It didn't happen often, but it did happen. My dad used to spank me with his belt. My mom once spanked me with a hairbrush, but the head broke off and hit my brother between the eyes, so she made my dad spank me after that. My grandmother used to make me pick out my own switch from the willow tree, and may God have mercy on your soul if you picked one too small. Once, my neighbor lady spanked me when she saw me playing in the street. I complained to my dad, who spanked me again. I was a better kid for it. Basically, well-behaved. Our parents also used time-outs pretty effectively, too. But some activities got an immediate spanking.

My brother was spanked, and he was a rotten kid. Willfull, rude, smart-alecky. He never learned anything. He grew up into a jerk of an adult who's now a Freeper-type. He spanks his kids. We don't talk much. The kid who lives with his mom has turned out pretty good, though.

So how about you? Were you spanked? Do you spank now? Is it barbaric, or is it a good way to get through a kid's sometimes thick skull?

[CO Liberal]

1. We'd Be Better Off Spanking James Dobson

Often and hard.

No, wait - he might enjoy that.....

[tjdee]

2. No. It indicates you're out of ideas.

I said that in the other thread, too.

[jayfish]

12. I Would Say Rarely.

In some circumstances there isn't time to come up with any new ideas.

Jay

[Worst Username Ever]

3. Yes

and I turned out fine.

[BurtWorm]

4. No.

I was spanked, and my parents made it clear it was only when they were too thickheaded to know what else to do. I don't spank my own daughter.

[saltpoint]

No.

[Dutch]

5. No

Hitting children (or anyone, but particularly those that are more vulnerable) is wrong. And spanking is a cosy word for hitting.

[BOSSHOG]

6. I don't have children but

I remember when I was a young lad full of vim and vigor I occasionally got the belt; but I always knew why and it was always on the buttocks, didn't take long and it never resulted in damage or lasting pain. My Dad was always the administrator and as I look back I respect my parents for the way they meted out punishment. I do believe it could lead to abuse; but if the child knows why and the spanking is not performed by an overzealous parent it could result in a positive.

[meatloaf]

7. Absolutely not. A terrible shame that a supposedly civilized society

still has to have this debate.

Sends all the wrong messages and is ultimately ineffective and counter-productive.

And yes I was spanked a few times as child. All I really remember is the fear, it instilled. Nothing else.

[luvLLB]

37. but did you do it again? (whatever caused the spanking?)

[meatloaf]

45. Many times, I just learned not to get caught, or lied like the Dickens

when I did get caught.

All CP does is demonstrate that an adult has been outwitted by a child and resorted to the last option they can think of.

[Mistress Quickly]

Yes I was spanked

and I spank now, but only to truly get a childs mind around the bad behavior - like RUNNING INTO A STREET!!!!

But positive reinforcement works sooo-ooo much better.

But my kids know I will.

[UdoKier]

18. Yes.

"but positive reinforcement works sooo-ooo much better."


Definitely.

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[lolamio]

9. No. I don't hit my children n/t

[sui generis]

10. I got whupped every once in a long while

What I learned:

1. Sometimes No means No and it's not negotiable
2. Temper tantrums have consequences
3. Sometimes no negotiation is possible. There is usually a pretty good reason for this.
4. There is no such thing as a six year old lawyer.

And I turned out just fine.

But I got a wallop now and then, quite different from a full on Skull and Bones spanking ritual that some get/give.

[Modem Butterfly]

14. Abuse is a very different animal

But I don't think most spanking constitutes abuse.

[Book Lover]

11. Never was spanked, but my mom

did once belt me across the face when I was 13. I don't think I deserved it; all I had done was fib about hanging out with a guy instead of my girlfriends. See what shame brings?

My thinking on the subject is that when you spank, the goal is to instill fear - you want your kid to think that if they do whatever again, they will fear the retribution; in this case, the pain and humiliation of being spanked. I can do that with a few words, spoken in the correct tone. Frankly, I cannot imagine raising my hand to my child as long as he is a child.

[Modem Butterfly]

20. Some things just call for spankings, in my book

Stealing, for one. Anything dangerous, like playing with matches or playing in the road for another.

One of my co-workers just spanked his daughter last night for accepting a ride from a stranger. His wife was home from work early and was home when a man she knew from work pulled up with her daughter in the car. The daughter did not know the woman. The daughter had a flat tire on her bike and the woman, who recognized her from the picture on her mother's desk, offered to take her and her bike home. The girl is eight years old and eagerly accepted a ride from a stranger. It scared the hell out of my co-worker, and when he went home, he administered a spanking. He almost never spanks her, and he said he cried like a baby when it was all done.

[Book Lover]

41. Well, as I said above

I think my way is best for me and mine. Violence does not have to be physical (and let's face it, spanking is a kind of violent act). I think I'll find my verbal anger will affect my child enough to get the point across. Let's get together in a decade or so, and I'll let you know how it went :-)

[seabeyond]

59. that would be the thing my parents spank for.....wow

i hear ya. i just havent had anything that would warrant, but that is a pretty big one

[seemslikeadream]

13. No

Mental picture

Imagine how you would feel if someone 3 times the size of yourself, 18ft. tall? hitting you with a belt, brush, etc.

[Ian David]

15. Only if it's other people's kids and their parents aren't looking

[sui generis]

16. Funny the difference in judgemental attitudes between the two

you stuck up none spankers mighta turned out a little less high and mighty with a smack on the ass.

:piffle:

:evilgrin:

[UdoKier]

17. I was spanked very rarely. I think it works when used very sparingly.

The threat of a spanking as an "ultimate punishment" is more effective than doling out spankings on a regular basis.

Any more often than once or twice a year is too much, IMO. Positive rewards and other forms of discipline are better on a regular basis.

But I don't think spanking is necessary to have a well-behaved kid. I know many people who never do it and have good kids.

[TalkingDog]

19. Extreme emergencies only

When the child is doing something so dangerously stupid that swift and immediate focus needs to be brought to bear.

I can remember the number of times I was spanked (usually switched, with the torturous pick your own method)

Playing with matches. age 6
This was my last physcial punishment. After this my mom understood that we could have a "reasoned" discussion about the infraction and my punishment would fit the crime.

Using up an entire tube of lipstick on my face. age 4

Shooting my sister in the face, close range, with a suction cup dart gun. age 4

Playing with a sharp knife (I actually didn't do this, it was my sister; she cut the seats on our new dining room chairs) age 3
When my mother figured out my sister had lied to prevent being punished, she was spanked for lying.

The fact that I remember each incident very clearly is, to me, an indication that light corporal punishment can work. But only if used very sparingly.

[keithjx]

21. Yes. Hitting my kid's butt is necessary sometimes.

I have one child, a boy that is now 3 1/2. There are times when talking simply does not break through, and he needs to know immediate ramifications that are negative due the his actions. Running into the street it a prime example.

Second, his mom does it, and I support her in doing that. He had to know that I would be willing to do it too, and believe me, he tested it out a few times.

No switches, no belts, just my hand. And yes, I was spanked as a boy, again with hands only. Do I think it helped? Yep. I was a punk and it worked on me. And I think it works for my son. I agree that it doesn't work for some, and works too well for others (whatever that means).

KJ

[napi21]

22. I agree with spanking, but I think we disagree with what spanking is.

Oh God, I feel like Bill Clinton now. I believe in swating a 1 1/2 to 4 year old on the behind when they do things that will hurt them or defy authority. I had 2 sons. One was paddled maybe 3 times in his life, and the other got a smack on his hand, or a smack on the butt almost every day.

Very small children simply don't understand anything that doesn't feel bad. I tried the stand in the corner. They didn't care about that. They'd stand there and laugh or something else to amuse them while passing the time. Taking toys away didn't work...they'd just play sith something else, or make up a game they didn't need any props for.

I don't agree with any spanking that could cause any physical harm, that's insane. I also have always said, if you haven't convinced your children who is the authority figure by the time they are 8 or 9 years old, you are a failed parent!

[Mistress Quickly]

34. I agree with the older

child shouldn't have to be spanked. My oldest child is much more effectively punished now by loss of priviledges/freedoms, but even that rarely happens. He's just a good kid, and is constantly amazed at the misbehavior of other kids.

My youngest however is still hell on 2 feet, and gets popped on the ass almost daily.

The trick is to do it consistantly, and don't over do the 'no' to everything, and especially point out and PRAISE THE POSITIVE.

And for those who don't spank, remember, words can feel like a slap in the face sometimes.

[meatloaf]

23. If hitting is such an effective disciplinary tool, why aren't we allowed

to hit adults?

[northzax]

30. we are

or have you not been to a bondage club lately?

it's worth noting that I can't send an adult to their room, revoke their TV priviledges or even make them eat brussels sprouts. So I guess we can't do those to children either?

[meatloaf]

47. Bondage club is consenting adults. Not many children I know consent to

being hit.

You're making my point exactly. Withholding privleges and such may be enough for a given scenario, and the same methods can and are applied to adults, many a husband can attest to being denied... We tailor the punishment to fit the individual and the circumstance without resorting to violence. We respect adults enough to find alternative ways of reaching an acceptable outcome, why can't we show children the same respect?

[seabeyond]

81. why arent we allowed to ground an adult? n/t

[rene moon]

24. I was and I am ok

I do not have any negative feelings about it. I was only spanked when I really needed it and looking back at the few times as I was spanked, what I did was awful!

I dont have kids now but if I do, I think that type of punishment will be doled out only when abosolutely needed.

Sorry but "time-out" or other touchy-feely stuff doesnt work.

A "firm talking-to" seems to work fine for my sister with my niece. I like that.

[Book Lover]

42. I think you misunderstand the purpose of timeouts

They are meant to give a child the chance to calm down and regroup. It's not a punishment unto itself.

[enki23]

25. i'd do it for certain extreme circumstances

almost certainly only for issues which might require some strong conditioning, and where reward might not be easy or feasible. for instance, if i had a toddler who insisted on trying to squirm away and run somewhere where near traffic. i'd strongly consider spanking them immediately. but if i didn't then, i wouldn't spank them later and try to explain the reason for it. trying to turn it into a cognitive exercise seems pretty fruitless with a young kid. i'd want to make it an immediate, consistent bit of punishment to be directly associated with a particularly dangerous behavior.

but i don't think i'd do it for any behavior which didn't carry a significant risk to my kid's life or health (or similar risk to others.) i'd spank them to save their life, not to "break their will." i want my kid to respect me, not fear me. i'd use other rewards/punishments to discourage less dangerous behaviors.

[ObaMania]

26. Yes.

What do you think is the problem with many of the punks of today?

They get timed-out, rarely punished, neglected, and are given everything they want just so they'll stay off their busy parent's backs.

They grow up spoiled brats and think there are no consequences for their actions.

When I was growing up, not only did my parents smack me upside the head when I did something stupid, by neighbors did also with my parent's blessings.

If you ask me, it's not the Gov't leaving children behind. It's the 'rents.

[conflictgirl]

57. Spanking is not the only way to give consequences for a child's actions. n

nt

[newportdadde]

27. I was spanked but only rarely.

For myself I don't plan on using it very much only if the situation puts my kids in immediate danger.

[seabeyond]

28. yes i was spanked with belt, every once in a great while

hated it, despised it and really made me walk the line. my middle brother it did nothing to curtail his behavior. was effective with oldest brother. i am not bothered with it today, didnt see it as abuse when i was little. was well aware my parents loved me and it was punishment. after whoopin, done and over with and all forgiven.

my oldest brother isnt bothered with the spankings either. neither he nor i spank our kids. my middle brother oh, he was and is so abused, and he spanks his kids

i know there is a difference between abusing a child and using spanking as discipline. though i dont use it, i dont judge others that do. i think my parenting is more effective, of course i do, why i do my way and not anothers


would probably be an effective punishment for my oldest son. would not be an effective punishment for youngest son

[A Brand New World]

29. I was spanked as a child I'm sure but honestly I don't remember

it. Probably just a swat on the bottom occasionally, enough to get my attention.

As far as my own child, he received swats on the bottom occasionally also. I vowed never to spank him with anything but my hand, no more than 3 swats at a time. It was enough to get his attention, to know I'd had enough of whatever was occurring. He has turned into a fine, upstanding young man of 23, Eagle Scout & college graduate.

Occasional swats I think are quite different than child abuse. I didn't feel abused and I don't think he did either.

[In_The_Wind]

31. It's barbaric !

[_TJ_]

32. No. No hitting kids PLEASE!

I think you know how I feel about this :)

[NewHampshireDem]

33. Yes I was and No I don't

Did I 'turn out fine'? Yes, but it was probably despite the spankings rather than because of them. As they say, correlation does not mean causality.

The spankings we got never kept my brother and I from beating the crap out of each other, getting into things we ought not have, nearly burning down my grandmother's garage (okay, that was 100% my brother, but I knew he was playing with matches and the spray cans in there), sneaking booze, etc etc etc.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

35. It's easier just not have any of the little thugs.

Considering the world is overpopulated as it is, and such a pain in the ass to try to raise them, why bother?

My ex had a couple of them when I married her. I sympathize with parents who actually try to civilize them but my experience with those two (I never spanked them - maybe I should have) convinced me having kids is like installing a bowling alley in your head.

[American Tragedy]

43. It's funny, every day I stumble upon more reasons not to reproduce.

I would never begrudge those who choose the responsibility of parenthood and bear it well, but I'm definitely not sold on the idea myself.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

49. Cats are easier to herd and they listen better.

Cheaper to dress and feed too.

[Book Lover]

58. Actually, the big secret is

that it is killer fun to raise kids. And it doesn't have to cost that much, either in money or planetary impact, either...

[mondo joe]

75. I agree. My kids are so cool and I love being with them.

But I think that has a lot to do with how they're raised.

[American Tragedy]

36. No. My parents never hit me, and I would never hit my own, if I had any

As I stated on the other thread, my mother and father believed that striking a child would ultimately teach him or her that violence was a legitimate solution to interpersonal problems. I tend to agree with their reasoning.

Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that my mom's verbal corrections and disapproval had a far greater and more lasting effect than merely slapping me could have possibly achieved. Sometimes all she had to do was give me the evil look.

As with dogs and other pack animals, I find that people are naturally inclined to want to please those above them, especially children. I suspect the overwhelming majority of them would be willing to modify their behavior, not to evade physical pain, but just to avoid disappointing their parents. I know that sounds horribly naive and flawed - I'm just recounting how I felt when I was that age.

[scarlett1]

38. No, I once smacked my dog on the nose

and felt guilty for a week. She forgave me however. No, children are not for hitting. I represent too many people who do hit their children, I could never do it.

[luvLLB]

39. I was, and I did with my kids. Ya gotta do what works with your own

kids.

[wideopen]

40. Yes.sometimes

it works w/some children and some it doesn't. I can count on one hand with a couple fingers left over the # of times I spanked my 5yo girl because she learned early on I will do what I say, always. She is old enough to listen and understand consecuences of her actions. My 3yo boy is different, he is constantly trying to see where his limits are. He gets spanked for things he KNOWS are definitley outside the boundries such as biting or other destructive behavior.

[warrens]

44. No

All it does is traumatize.

[conflictgirl]

46. I was spanked. I don't spank my kids.

I was spanked as a kid, not frequently but it made quite the impression. Not a good one, either. Basically it just made me afraid of my parents, but not afraid enough to stop some habitual kid-type behaviors they hoped they could beat out of me.

I don't spank my kids. All sorts of parents who had older kids assured me when my first was little that the day would come when I would change my mind and realize that I HAVE TO spank. Well, my oldest is now 7.5, I also have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. All boys. I've never spanked any of them. That's not to say I've been a stellar parent all the time. And I am certainly not an overly permissive parent. You can still have well-behaved children - and I do - without spanking. What it takes is consistency of message and firm limits. That's not a guarantee all kids will turn out well, of course, but when spanking results in "good" kids I don't think it's because of the spanking but because the parent is consistent about enforcing limits. Total strangers comment on how well-behaved my kids are, especially since they're all boys and are relatively close in age. I'm proud of them - and proud that I've turned out well-behaved kids so far without spanking.

There are "good" kids and "bad" kids, and if you've ever noticed, spanking kids doesn't always equal well-behaved. Not spanking doesn't always equal out-of-control little brats, either. It's all about consistency.

[seabeyond]

48. this is how i see it, kinda like kerry and abortion

i am opposed to spanking. i dont like it. i dont do it. yet, i am not going to decide for another parent. all my friends spanked. i was spanked. i can see the use of it as a punishment. i dont hold to it being abuse. though i dont like it and dont it with my own

i dont like abortion. i wont have an abortion. i wont tell others not to have an abortion

[Balbus]

60. Well said!

:applause:

[Swamp Rat]

50. NO!

Never!

[Amaya]

51. it depends

I spank my kids when all else fails. My kids are very well behaved and it's not because of fear, but because they have boundaries.

[nonconformist]

52. I don't think it's a black and white issue

Spanking can be used effectively. It can also be overused and abusive. It depends on HOW you use it and your own personal issues with control - some start hitting and lose it. I have a temper, so I've always been aware of this fault of mine. I'm not a fan of spanking in anger for that reason.

Me, I was spanked - rarely as a kid though. Your line about the switch, I could have wrote that! That was my granny's method of choice too. We'd bring back tiny twigs, she'd go out and get a limb. God love her though, I miss her terribly. I never felt abused - misunderstood a time or two, but never abused.

I have spanked my children. Palm on clothed bottom only, and rarely. If it's overused, it's not effective. I used it when my children did something dangerous and needed something dramatic to get their attention to nail home 'NEVER do that again!'. Like dashing into traffic and the like. Now that they're older (9 and 7), I no longer use spanking at all because I can effectively communicate with them and take away privileges if they need to be punished for something. I doubt I'll ever spank them again, but I wouldn't necessarily rule it out either if they did something I felt warranted it. For example, my youngest is a bit of a daredevil. If I caught him climbing on the roof or some such, yes I'd probably spank him. I'd rather smack his bottom than rush him to the emergency room.

[meatloaf]

53. Lets put it simply. The only reason anyone does spank is because they

never learned a better way. Most people do what was done to them. Despite the oft heard childhood quote... "When I'm a parent I'll never say or do that to my kids!!!", most parents learned how to parent from their own, so if they were spanked they tend to spank.

Some parents do it from a basis of love others from anger, others from masochsim and all from ignorance.

I've seen miracles worked in half an hour by people with the proper training; on two year-olds and younger. If I hadn't seen it for myself I wouldn't have believed it. The problem is it takes education, actual parenting and disciplinary classes, and most parents don't have the time and/or aren't willing to admit that they don't have control of their children. The truly sad part is it's the children who ultimately suffer, often for the long haul.

[_TJ_]

56. Very good points!

Parents who want to hit their kids are mostly suffering from ignorance - that's why they are sent for parenting lessons in Sweden. A good idea IMO :D

[mondo joe]

74. Spanking is an adult having a tantrum, my friend used to say.

I'm pretty sure she's right.

[Kosmos Mariner]

54. YES

...But only when absolutely necessary. I was only spanked a few times as a child, and I don't resent it. When I am a parent, I plan on using it as a last resort. Kids need it once in awhile.


:dem:

[redqueen]

55. No. I was spanked. I do not spank.

It is barbaric. A last resort for frustrated parents, IMO.

You can get through kids' "thick skulls" with better results using more creative methods.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/spankin2.htm

"Drs. T. Berry Brazelton, Penelope Leach, and Benjamin Spock, probably the most influential child psychologists and pediatricians, all recommend against spanking. So does the American Psychological Association and the National Association of Social Workers. The American Academy of Pediatrics seems to be having difficulty reaching a consensus. However, 90% of their membership recommend either that spanking never be used, or that it be used on only very rare occasions.

"Focus on the Family, a Fundamentalist Christian group centered in Colorado surveyed visitors to their web site during late 2003-SEP. Those taking the survey are believed to be overwhelmingly Fundamentalist or other Evangelical Christian. As such, most probably believe in the inerrancy of the Bible, and follow the key verses in the book of Proverbs which advocate corporal punishment of children. They found that: 91% of those who have children spank them. 9% do not."

http://www.religioustolerance.org/spankin5.htm

"1995: Corporal punishment and adult addiction and psychiatric problems:

Psychiatric and addiction: Dr. Harriet McMillan of McMaster University in Hamilton, ON Canada led a six-person team which studied the possible association between childhood spanking and subsequent behavior problems in adulthood. 3 They based their study on data collected as part of a 1990 population health survey by the Ontario Ministry of Health of 10,000 adults in the province. Five thousand of the subjects had been asked questions about spanking during childhood. Unlike many previous studies, the researchers deleted from the sample group anyone who recalled being physically or sexually abused. This left adults who had only been spanked and/or slapped during childhood. Incidences of adult disorders were:Adult disorder

...................................Never spanked / Rarely spanked / Sometimes/often spanked
Anxiety...............................16.3%...........18.8%.................21.3%
Major depression...................4.6%............4.8%..................6.9%
Alcohol abuse or addiction.......5.8%...........10.2%.................13.2%
More than one disorder *.........7.5%...........12.6%.................16.7%

* More than one disorder included illicit drug abuse, addictions & antisocial behavior.

Their results were published in the Canadian Medical Journal for 1995-OCT. 4 They reported that "there appears to be a linear association between the frequency of slapping and spanking during childhood and a lifetime prevalence of anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse or dependence and externalizing problems."

[stanwyck]

61. This is what happened when my son got spanked

he quickly decided the punishment was easily worth whatever he did to deserve it. The kid is hard to hurt. (maybe that's why he enjoys sports so much and is now a Marine...who just loved boot camp.) Spanking just was not a deterrant.
But taking his video games away. And his freedom. Now that was different.
His twin sister was never spanked. Not that she was an angel. We just found that expressing our disapproval to her was her biggest punishment.
I'm no advocate of spanking. What you're teaching is: I'm bigger and stronger so I get to hurt you.
That could rebound in a very negative way in the kid's future.

[_TJ_]

62. You are a smart cookie

That's what I call parenting :)

My mom couldn't hurt me either - she nearly broke her hand across
my face one when I was 7. No effect except to make me mad!

When she treated me and my body with respect she got my respect back!

[Burma Jones]

63. Well, I used to get spanked, well, bruised up more like it

But anyway, what ended up happening was that I used to beat the hell out of my little brothers. I also got to the point that it didn't really hurt anymore. In short, violence only begets violence and people that wail on their kids are scum. I guess I would say, if you leave a bruise, you have beaten your kid and should be watched for violence toward children.

I have kids now, a 7 year old son and a 4 (5 in May) year old daughter. My son was thought to be possibly mildly autistic, like an Aspie. Those with any exposure to these kids know how exasperating they can be. Fortunately, I got married and had kids a little later in life - my son was born when I was 37, so I had enough maturity to handle the extra stuff needed when you have a borderline autistic kid.

Neither child has been spanked (their Mother never was) or otherwise hit except that both kids have had their hands slapped. Both kids have been yelled at when they have done things that endanger themselves.

Both kids do suffer some sort of penalty for ANY infraction of rules we set down. These punishments consist mainly of taking possessions away or not allowing them computer or pinball (I have a couple machines) time.

My son is in first grade, reads at a fifth grade level, can carry on a simple dialog in Chinese with our neighbors, and has not even been given a warning for behavior in his school. Granted, we send him to a private school with half the class size as is in the local public school (Matsunaga - largest Elementary School in Maryland with over 1100 students).

My Daughter starts all day Kindergarten next year and she reads all of my son's first grade level texts and writes her own letters to her grandparents.

I believe that by showing kindness, especially when it was real difficult to do so, and at the same time, enforcing strict codes of behavior and always meting out consequences for wrong behavior, you can raise polite, kind and well behaved kids.

I do have to say that we're lucky in that I work at home, and have done so for the last six years and am always a presence in the house along with my wife who teaches Yoga at her convenience, so there's always Mom and/or Dad around.

[sonicx]

64. I was spanked and I did not appreciate it at all.

It probably did more harm than good. I won't spank my kid when I have one.

[bunkerbuster1]

65. More people should spank their monkeys

this would be a better world.

[Deja Q]

66. So was I.

As with your brother, the action doesn't change everybody.

[katsy]

67. From an exhausted parent...

I never got spanked and don't spank my children. I won't take away things they like as punishment either. They aren't old enough to send to their rooms yet. Many of my own friends who have been spanked laugh of about those "good old days". There's nothing weird about their behavior. Likewise the friends who were never spanked. Maybe it's all about the degree of punishment... I don't know.

When my kids were old enough to understand "no", I made a sad face hoping they'd equate being naughty with sadness. Now that they're 4, we talk about why a certain behavior is unacceptable. They are NEVER punished for telling the truth and we keep our deals. Time-outs failed for me BIG TIME. Most everything is related back to the treating other the way you expect to be treated. I've taught them to box and yet they've not once been aggressive towards classmates or animals. Just me.

Having said that... I have no idea how creative they'll be as they get older or what I'll do in the future. There's times when I bite my keyboard and tear my palms with my own fingernails because my gang is so wayyyyyy over the edge... except where it counts: they are kind and compassionate. If you aren't requiring kindness or compassion, they are bouncing off the walls. I can accept that so far.

I have no idea if I'm growing healthy children or miniature genghis khans. SO I won't pass judgment on parents who spank. Hell I'm too tired to pass judgment on other parents. IMO, as long as everyone's still standing when those kids go off on their own... you win.

Every child is and situation is unique. Kids have that "natural insanity" about them. Most parents, those who spank and the stupid (non-spankers like me) alike, want the best for their children.

One thing that would set me off on a murderous rage is if some freaking cop ever tried to cuff my kids in elementary school. On the other hand, I daydream about doing just that some days. SEE? I got parenting down pat!

:crazy:

[Kablooie]

68. I don't believe in spanking ...

.. because I find that long kitchen knives are much more effective.

[ulysses]

69. I was spanked

maybe four times in my childhood. Plus my dad slapped me once when I was a teenager and richly deserved and needed it. These were good and right actions on my parents' part.

There's no "one size fits all" answer to this, to my mind. I don't plan to make use of it often when we do start a family, but I'm not going to say that I'll never do it either.

[radwriter0555]

70. Spanking is okay only if your neighbor can come over and hit you for not

liking your behavior.

Or your wife. Or your husband.

Sure, if you permit someone you know or love to hit you out of disapproval, then we can remove assault laws as they apply to the general population.

[ChaoticSilly]

71. Depends on the kid

Time outs, being sent to my room, and taking away toys just didn't work with me. Being sent to my room was more of a reward than punishment. Take away my toys or put me in time out and I would just find something else to do - even if it was just sitting & daydreaming. A light swat on the butt and a stern NO was about the only thing that would let me know whatever it was I was doing was wrong. It didn't take too long before the NO was all that was needed.

My sister, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. She just ignored spankings, but send her to her room or take away her toys & it seemed like her world was coming to an end. Just the threat of a time out would be enough to get her attention.

[vcrtime1]

72. looks like a 50/50 split

[mondo joe]

73. Absolutely not. The first hit should only ever be directed at someone big

enough to kick the shit out of you.

I wasn't spanked, neither were my kids.

[youthere]

76. In general no,

In life threatening situations you bet. (darting into the street and the like)

That's the only time I was spanked as a child (or so I've been told, I really don't remember it).

[GodHelpUsAll2]

77. Yes

And yes. I was spanked as a child. And I have spanked my kids. As a parent, you do what works for your situation. I judge no one on this topic. You do it your way, I'll do it mine. But I will never agree with those who view it as black and white and cry how it is abuse in any situation.

[DanCa]

78. Nuanced here

It really depends on a) what the kid did and b) the temperment of the parent doing the spanking and c) the nature of the spanking (where the kid is spanked and how hard). I was spanked with the bristlely end of a horse brush and I think I turned out well. I also think that theres only so many times a kid will stand in our corner and have it be effect.
Personally though I do believe that alot of problems can be corrected before a kid is spanked. For example if you take a kid shopping tell him if he starts up in the store no video games for the week before you go in. That type of thing.
I also think that having kids do work around the house, and I mean hard physical work when they misbehave, is alot less damaging then locking them in a room or yelling at them. Like i said theyre are too many variables I need some hard examples before i can give you a straight up or down answer.

[XOKCowboy]

79. Yes..

and I deserved every lick I got. It taught me that there are consequences for bad behavior. I'm lucky that I wasn't ever struck in anger and truthfully it didn't stop me from doing stupid things but I learned.

[XOKCowboy]

80. Also...

My next door neighbors were allowed to spank me as well. I had two brothers and my neighbors had 4 sons. No girls in either family. We're all still good friends and Mrs. G is one of the finest women I've ever known.

[porphyrian]

82. Spanking is an option, not a rule.

I was spanked (bare hand), and I always knew I'd get it when I did whatever it was that got me spanked in the first place. It prevented me from doing certain things unless I was really comitted to the crime, and then I felt it was worth it. That's me.

I think all children are different. I don't think you should declare any absolutes with regards to using spanking until you evaluate the child you intend to use it on. Some children can be permanently damaged from spanking, either emotionally or even physically. Some children laugh it off and continue with their unacceptable behavior. I think it's a parent's decision and responsibility to know whether or not to spank a child. That said, with the number of shitty, unqualified parents out there, I'm leaning towards favoring other methods of discipline, at least until all other possible methods are eliminated.

[Eloriel]

83. No. It's humiliating, and abusive. Period. How do I know?

Because my son told me so, when he was 4-1/2. I'd just spanked him and he went to his room and I went to mine (the kitchen) to cool off and pretty soon he came out of his room, stood in front of me with his little hand on his hip and said:

Would you like to be spanked if you were a kid?

He always did much better being talked to anyway: "That's not appropriate behavior." Really. More parents ought to try it. I talked to him all the damn time, showed him things and explained things to him wherever we went (and we went a lot of places together 'cause there was no money for babysitter/childcare).

I'll never forget when he wasn't talking yet himself, and we went next door to the neighbor's to visit. She'd just planted some little flowers in front of her porch and my son was sort of staggering among them a bit, or perhaps just threatening to. I pulled him aside and showed him the plants and said, "If we don't step on them, they'll bloom and make pretty flowers soon...so, let's not play in there, okay?" He never went near them again -- HE understood perfectly, even well before he was able to talk on his own except for a few words. ANd he was more than happy to comply.

Children WANT to learn, they WANT to know what "appropriate behavior" is so they can grow up to be wonderful, competent adults. Once upon a time I heard (or read) the advice to treat your kids like "apprentice adults," which is exactly what they are -- I thought that was the best advice I'd probably ever heard, and whenever I followed it or used it as a guiding principle in my parenting life, I was never unhappy with the results.

I think it's also helpful to remember that we don't really "own" our children -- they're human beings, and not little slaves which are "owned" by us parents. Our job (back to that "apprentice adult" thing) is to facilitate their growth, education, blossoming and ultimately transition to adulthood. The more we can appreciate their inherent, innate "personhood," which is what my son was trying to get my attention on when he asked me if I'd like to be spanked, the better we'll all do, I think.