Can you be discriminated against for being divorced?

[iconoclastNYC]

I know it doesn't happen, but could it?

[supernova]

1. It could if fundamentalists reinforce the old stigmas

that there was something bad about you, immoral, if you got divorced.

I'm divorced, so I've wondered the same thing.

[teenagebambam]

34. Are you kidding?

With all the divorced Fundies running around?

[supernova]

38. Fundies' love of sinning is exceeded

only by their love of upbraiding one another for said "sins."

[Zerex71]

2. I think so.

But then again, I'm one of the ones who might be considered discriminatory. Not in actual practice with regards to things like salaries, housing, etc. because I'm not in a position to discriminate on those things, but someone who's been divorced, in my book, is still (a bit) tainted. That's my opinion, of course, your mileage may vary.

[gpandas]

6. how perfectly shallow you are! n/t

[gollygee]

8. I am desperate to know

how a person who is divorced is tainted. Please expand on that a bit.

[Zerex71]

42. I knew this was going to happen.

So, I will explain it as best I can while remaining doubtful that any of you will understand what I'm driving at.

I've been single now forever. Sure, I've had some relationships, maybe two that really left an impact on me, the rest being just transitory stories. So that's my story.

But also, there is a very strong feeling of liberating empowerment in being single, and in watching people get all giddy entering into marriage for what seems these days more like the ceremony and the clinking glasses and the Chicken Dance than it is for sitting down, understanding what a lifelong commitment means, and understanding that the thing's got to be rock-solid, otherwise you're going to end up divorced or at the very least, have some serious problems.

My point is that I take pride in the fact that I have not allowed myself to be suckered into any situations just because it was the thing to do, I was weak, or anything like that. I'm sure that a lot of people think when they are getting married that the marriage act alone just automatically solves any problems that might arise. Fact is, it won't. Caveat emptor applies here more than anywhere.

I expect in people the mature understanding that you have to be keenly attuned to the other person, to be skeptical in a good way, and trust your intuition about the suitability of that person (or in knowing oneself good enough) to marry. Commensurate with that is the understanding that this should be the person you'd like to have as your mate, best friend, lover and lifelong partner if marriage is to retain that sort of sanctity (as opposed to the overblown 'sanctity' touted by the Wrong).

It is not a sufficient excuse for me to hear people blame divorce on some tangible act i.e. "he shtupped his secretary". My question to those people is, How did you not see he was the kind to do that? Unless one's feelings are blind to such a thing, and I have to say, people don't just suddenly do things without any warning.

Of course, there are a number of people to whom one could be married for twenty years and then find out they've been cheating/molesting/axe murdering people, but then I ask, How blind does a person have to be? Have you ever heard of asking questions or forcing accountability?

I don't have a lot of sympathy for divorced people these days -- and herein lies the taint -- because this culture produces a feeling of disposability about everything. Don't like your spouse? Ahh, just get a new one. That kind of mindset -- going into something as weighty as marriage with the idea tucked away in the back of one's mind that "well, if it gets so I can't handle it, I can always get out via a divorce" -- only promulgates the notion of laziness, of not working, or committing to something.

In point of fact I am effectively married to the Muse of music. But you know what? No matter how hard music's been for me, no matter how humbled or asskicked or sad I've been by it, I still stick it out, because I know that committing to something, dealing with its problems, and working these things out are how you're supposed to relate to something -- not bail because "ehh, it's tooo harrrrdd" (said in whiny voice).

Like abortion, I think divorce should only be used as a last resort -- not as an "out".

Could I like a divorced woman? Sure, and I probably have. Could I love one? Quite probably? Would I marry one? Doubtful -- and it's because I'm not there to be someone's "second choice" once they figured out they screwed up with the wrong guy. I'm worthy enough of being someone's first choice when they are exquisite enough to realize "hey, this guy's better than all the abusive, slothful, no-culture-having shlubs out there, someone who'll be there for me through thick and thin, values me like the person I want to be valued for, and will love me with all his capabilities", not thinking about porking some slut at a bar on a business trip out of town.

[gollygee]

45. Do you have a rule that women you date should be virgins?

or is it ok if they've had sex before?

[Love Bug]

46. I can hardly wait to see what paragon of virtue you find to marry

If you can indeed find one. Good luck. The rest of us fallible humans will just have to cope with what we can find.

I hope when you ask women out you at least find out ahead of time if they've been divorced so you don't waste their time. Truth in advertising, and all that.

Someone once told me to be careful who you judge because very often a person becomes that very thing they condemn.

[Wickerman]

47. I don't believe the question of sympathy was asked

it was discrimination. Being a fallible human being and not omnipresent you really can't make judgment on each and every case of divorce and nor should you.

Yes, its true, sometimes folks make the mistake of marrying someone who goes on to diddle someone else. Are they guilty of bad judgment because they should've known better? I believe that is your thesis. Perhaps, but more likely they are guilty only of trusting someone. It is a necessary component of having a relationship.

Trusting someone leaves you open to violations of that trust. You take pride that you have never made that mistake. I find that so sad on so many levels.

Good luck to you, Sir, in your quest.

[geniph]

52. "Tainted". Hmm. Reminds me of a friend's definition of "taint"

He said the perineum was the "taint" - 'cause it t'aint ass and t'aint pussy!

You, on the other hand, are just ignorant. People change. Sometimes they change in a way neither of them could foresee which makes them completely incompatible. So, because they were foolish enough to once be in love and believe that neither of them would ever change, in your opinion, they should both remain together, miserable, just to honor some piece of paper?

Sorry, don't agree with that, no way, no how. I personally have never understood why a marriage contract is always assumed to be lifelong anyway - I think it should be renewable five-year terms. I certainly don't think anyone under 30 should be allowed to marry "for life." People change. People SHOULD change.

[Wickerman]

11. tainted?

explain, please.

[supernova]

15. Wow! Please explain "tainted"

There are many reasons people get divorced.

[eyesroll]

16. Woo hoo! I'm tainted!

:bounce:

[supernova]

20. Here's to being tainted

:toast: :toast: :D

[Wickerman]

24. we could all start our own little tainted group, eh?

:woohoo: :toast: :woohoo:

[supernova]

26. Taint me anytime, baby!

:woohoo: :bounce: :woohoo: :bounce:

[thecai]

50. Me Too!

rather than still be married to a cheater/abuser/alcoholic...
Actually, my marriage tainted me, not my divorce.

[Individualist]

33. Count me in

:toast:

[Blue-Jay]

43. Nah.

You're just a taint. :D

[Lisa0825]

35. Tainted Love, ooooooh!

Touch me baby, taint me!!!

:loveya:

[MADem]

3. It happens in the catholic church--no wafer for YOU!

Course, if you aren't famous, who's gonna know?

[WillowTree]

21. As a matter of fact...

....that's completely untrue and a widely-held misunderstanding about the Catholic Church.

Divorce does not disqualify a Catholic from receiving any of the Church's sacraments except Matrimony, and that is restored if the Church grants an annulment. It is only if a divorced Catholic remarries outside the Church without benefit of an annulment that access to the other sacraments are denied.

[MADem]

49. Well, remarriage was implied, I probably should have so stated

If you are the "victim" of the breakup, the injured party, you are fine, so long as there's no remarrying sans permiso. But if you abandon your marital duties to go play in the field of the bored, then technically, you are off the rolls.

In actual fact, there's no way they can tell you by your scarlet D, unless you are in a small nosy parish.

[nonconformist]

55. My mom is Catholic and her marriage is not recognized by the Church

Because her husband (also Catholic) was married for 3 yrs and divorced prior to their marriage instead of having that marriage annulled.

What is sad is that she cares and she still wants to get that marriage annulled and then have a church ceremony so it will be recognized. They've been married for 22 yrs now...

Even sadder is that MY marriage is recognized by the Church, since it was a first marriage for both, no prior children and we married in a church - but I don't give a rat's ass. The only validation I need that my marriage is *sound* is from my husband. It makes me sad for her since it obviously bothers her.

Is it true discrimination though? I dunno. She's Catholic by choice, and that's a tenet of Catholicism.

[tridim]

4. I'm discriminated against because I'm single / never married

Does that count?

[DU9598]

5. Kinda

You could be discriminated against due to a divorce, but it is not illegal discrimination. Just like being gay - yes, you will be discriminated against but unless there is a state law or city ordinances in effect it doesn't become illegal.

[KitchenWitch]

7. I do know that a divorced person cannot be a pastor in certain xtian

churches. One of my friend's brother had a mid-life career change (from stock trader to Lutheran minister), ended up getting a divorce (his wife was used to the money), and ended up losing his job because he got divorced.

[BattyDem]

9. Give it time

Since pharmacists are fighting for the right to "discriminate" against certains types of medication based upon their religious and moral views and doctors are fighting for the right to discriminate against gay people (in Michigan) based upon their religious and moral views, I can't help but wonder how long it will be before other people, including employers, will be allowed to discriminate against anyone they choose ... based upon their religious and moral views. :eyes:

[bunkerbuster1]

14. nah, genie's out of the bottle

Ronnie Raygun was President, Randal Terry heads the leading domestic-terror outfit, Newt Gingrich thinks he can be the next President.

All divorced, and plenty more where they came from.

"christians" believe in choice--for their menfolk, when something younger and slinkier comes along.

[BattyDem]

17. True, but they could discriminate against divorced women ...

but not against divorced men. That would be so typical of them! :mad:

[supernova]

23. That was the way of it originally

The batchelor or widowed guy was a fixture int he workplace. Those were the euphamisms we used then.

But a woman was expected to get married again, to have her husband look after her, and not get a job.

[Zynx]

10. It's not a protected class under the ADA or any state laws I know

So theoretically, yes.

[eyesroll]

13. Actually, in Wisconsin:

http://www.dwd.state.wi.us/er/discrimination_civil_rights/publication_erd_6160_pweb.htm

Protected Classes Year WI
Adopted Federal
Laws

Marital Status Status of being married, single, divorced, separated or widowed.
1982
N/A

[eyesroll]

12. Legally, in most areas -- no.

I'm not sure if "marital status" is a protected class federally, but it is in most states.

However, plenty of people have built-in biases, and won't vote for/rent an apartment to/hire someone who's of a different race/disabled/divorced -- and there's really not much you can do, since it's hard to prove. Especially with hiring -- usually, an interviewer can give a perfectly legitimate reason for not hiring someone; you have to prove a pattern.

[thecai]

18. Yes, It DOES Happen

I've been discriminated against for being divorced, for being disabled, for being indigent, for being Christian, for being female, for being anti-corruption, for being young, (and later, for being older), for being... well, even just for BEING.

[seabeyond]

19. damn well better if we can discriminate against gays per bible

they had better be getting more consistant. divorce is right next to gay and many many more places thru out

you know how many divorced baptists there are, i am just amazed. two three marriages

[iconoclastNYC]

27. great quote --Joe Scarborough

"There are some people out there who are Christians...who believe that homosexuality is a sin. You know what? I'm a Christian. I do believe that it's a sin. You know what else? I believe divorce is a sin. Guess what? I've been divorced. Guess what? Jesus talks about divorce a lot more than he talks about homosexuality. I don't know why people obsess over it so much, but they do. Wait a second, I do know why they obsess over it. Because they get votes bashing gays."
--Joe Scarborough

[seabeyond]

28. yes, was amazing watching him spew this

truly, for his obtuse and looking hte other way as he preaches, for him to have concluded this, i thought wow. bill maher. yes i heard. and just right

another thing that has to start being said, against abortion, wear condoms dudes. we have a lot of men telling women to have their babies, they are producing without accepting a single responsibility. we have religions telling of the sin of woman that choices yet not a word to the males.

this is the absurdity in these moral judging issues, and why this is law this is not..........cannot work

yes i was surprised with scarsborough and so true. tried to back out once it dawned on him what he said, as maher jumped on it

[etherealtruth]

30. I'm still shaking...

I can't believe I agree with most of what Scarborough just said ...

[seabeyond]

37. lol lol it was a mouth dropping open moment, n/t

[thecai]

51. Jesus Said Nothing About Gays

other than "Love your neighbor".
And for divorce, The Bible says it's ok in the case of adultery.

[Biology]

22. Absolutely!

Especially if you are a male. I've got a 50/50 court ordered shared custody arrangement. Get a call from a school nurse that your kid is sick? Oh - your the Dad and divorced? I need to speak with the mother. Oh, your kid is injured and in the emergency room? Where's the mother for permission?

[seabeyond]

25. woma here, i hear ya...........pisses me off

my brother trying to keep up with daughters grades and schoolin and was in the court order. man he had to fight

you are right and this is bullshit. one of the things us women have to jump on.

[sam sarrha]

29. In the South your are discrimanated for everything if you arent a bible

Banger..

[CottonBear]

31. That is simply not true. I'm from the South and I live here.

Please, no Southern bashing.

[In_The_Wind]

32. It happens and it's wrong !

[CottonBear]

36. I was told that my Allstate car insurance cost would go up

because of my divorce. This was in Georgia.

They had a rule that if you were under 25 the rates were higher for singles than married people. But, if you get divorced and you were over 25 and a woman, then your premium went up. WTF?

I immediately switched companies.

I'm with one of the three top rated companies in the USA now.

My agent was and is a Democratic State Representative.
Isn't that ironic, don't ya think?

[Singleterri]

41. Just about all insurance companies give better rates

to married couples no matter what the age. I doubt it had to do with you getting divorced.

[nonconformist]

54. I think that's because you went from married to single

Not divorced, per say. Most companies offer discounts for more than one driver, like they do for more than one vehicle. I know that when we dropped a vehicle once on a policy, our rate went UP which made no sense. More to insure one car than two? But there you have it.

[murphymom]

39. One indirect way

A lot of times when people break up, especially if it's an especially acrimonious divorce, it can shoot their credit rating to hell. Especially if there is squabbling over who is responsible for certain bills, or one person gets "taken to the cleaners" in the divorce settlement.

These days they check your credit rating not just for loans, but for things like job applications where I don't think it's really relevant.

[Singleterri]

40. It isn't practical

With 50% of all marriages headed for divorce it just wouldn't work. Although I wouldn't want a divercee giving me marriage advice!

[Bunny]

44. You don't think you could benefit from learning about someone

else's mistakes? Maybe someone who has been divorced is able to recognize what (if anything) they did wrong.

[TexasSissy]

48. It would be kinda hard to do that, since most adults in the U.S. are

divorced, aren't they? Don't you have to be a minority to be discriminated against?

[Lilith Velkor]

53. Married people are a privileged class

One can be discriminated against for anything, including privilege.