Oh man, I need HELP

[sandnsea]

Oh, not that kind of help, but I know some of ya'll have been wishing I'd get some!!

I just checked the churches that are going to be participating in the Frist Fundy Frenzy on Sunday. I personally know the pastor of the ONE church in Eugene that is going to be participating. Here's the deal. My daughter was going through her wild teen stuff, and then started going to a local church with some different friends. At the time, this same pastor was the youth pastor. He and his wife were wonderful to my daughter, I mean wonderful. They are the nicest, most normal people you'd ever want to know. I am not kidding. I genuinely like them and they were never your typical fundie. I cannot even believe they're involved in this thing.

So, do I consider how much they did for my daughter, which was ALOT, and leave them alone. Or, do I go ahead and contact them and at least try to give them the rest of the story in the off chance reason will prevail. Or that they'll at least have all the information.

:shrug: Really don't know what to do.

[Luminous Animal]

1. Maybe

You could tell him about Social Justice Sunday.

See here : http://www.clnnlc.org/
Ande here: http://www.drivedemocracy.org/blog/

[sandnsea]

6. Oh excellent

That's exactly what I needed. I'd seen that before and was very impressed. Take the pro-active faith approach instead of the defensive. Yes. Thank you.

Maybe some others will have more good ideas like this.

[HuskiesHowls]

2. To survive a democracy needs an informed electorate....

and I'm sorry, but only hearing one side of any story is far from being informed.

I'd say, since there is evidently some history here, if you can approach him simply as a friend, and quietly try to give him some extra information that he may not have.

You may find out, too, that this church is only involved because of the board, or some big-time contributor said so.

[FreedomAngel82]

9. I agree

I'd talk to them about it. Tell them your views and others you've heard as well. Don't be afraid of them.

[sandnsea]

14. It's not fear, it's respect

I would hate for an old friend or acquaintance to find my name on my web site and decide that they needed to correct my views. What a complete lack of respect for my intelligence and privacy. I do respect them, and I'll always be grateful for how good they were to my daughter. I don't want to do anything that would diminish those feelings.

OTOH, these are such extraordinary times. I'm trying to sort pure motive from justification. Ack.

[rkc3]

11. I too agree, however (and there's always a but isn't there),

most repubs don't believe there is another side (the whole good v. evil thing) and even if they did think there was another view taking time to investigate it would take precious time away from watching Survivor.

[wtbymark]

3. Truth is best

If the pastor is truely a family friend, then he will honestly listen and possibly heed your words. If he shrugs you off while you're trying to be an honest friend to him, well i guess you'll know then what kind of family friend he really was.

[lukasahero]

4. I think you should call them

It really is possible they don't know what they've gotten into (hey, alot of people don't really know what's going on these days). If they really did wonderful things for your daughter, perhaps this is something wonderful you can do for them in return. :-)

If you sense when you're talking to them that they already know and have turned totally fundie, just drop it and get out. Then say a prayer for them.

[NoSheep]

5. I would speak with them in a respectful way since they have been so nice

to your daughter. Do it as if you want more info...after you get it, tell them what you know. You could easily pull it off without seeming to crticize them. Just get into a conversation about it. Trade ideas and knowledge, but avoid argument. Be willing to accept what they say and if they sound wacko-just avoid them as much as possible! I can't imagine not telling them what you "know"....I guess I thnk it's our responsibility to inform the ignorant wherever possible.

[sandnsea]

7. You dont know me, lol

I could NEVER pull that off. I am genuinely shocked and that's the only way I could approach them. I had so much respect for them and am just genuinely shocked. Perhaps they don't know the whole situation.

We aren't personal friends and they live 60 miles away, so I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about coming off as an ungrateful shrew. The woman did my daughter's 16th birthday for her. They had a lock-in at the church. When I said ALOT, I meant ALOT.

[NoSheep]

22. I'm glad to hear they live far away...sorry to hear they're brainwashed.

:-( Good luck to you.:pals:

[tubbacheez]

8. A good friend would respectfully make his concerns known.

You don't have to treat him like a hardcore freeper or anything.

But IMHO it would be a tragic failing of the relationship to remain silent.




This is different from evangelicals getting in your business out of purported concern for you. If a history of trust has not been established, there is no reason to believe in any altruism.





But since you have a good relationship with this pastor, I think it's well within the bounds of the friendship to air your concerns.

You'd want your trusted friends to do the same for you, right?

[MissB]

10. I think that the best route would be to contact him and voice your concern

After all, they helped you. Consider it your duty to help them, even if you feel it may fall on deaf ears. Consider it debt repayment.

I figure it is your obligation to help them, as they have helped you.

[Alizaryn]

12. Be honest about your feelings and

open to what he says is my only advice.

[Just Me]

13. Since they have been so kind to your daughter, maybe you should,...

,...feel even more morally compelled to inform them. It is quite possible, even probable, that they have been completely MISinformed and they deserve to have all the facts.

:shrug:

[sandnsea]

15. Update

Wow. I am naive.

I just got off the phone with my daughter who said the reason she stopped going was because she was starting to feel brainwashed. They were nice at first, but then every time she questioned something, they told her that was satan working. She said they told the kids to be nice, friendly, smile and tell everybody about Jesus and come to church. She said it was like Army recruiters. lol.

They sure bamboozled me. She said that sending these people any kind of dissenting info would just make them decide you are evil and of satan.

I swear to you, these are the most middle class normal people you'd ever come across. Apparently, according to my daughter, they put on that front to suck you in. They pretend to be open minded, then gradually intimidate you into not expressing any dissenting opinion. They're trained to do it. Freaky.

[anarchy1999]

16. Walk away, in peace. Your daughter sounds very wise. Let it go.

You'll feel better.

[deutsey]

18. I lost a good friend from college who appeared "normal"

He and I were in school together and kept in touch over the years since graduation. I always liked his offbeat sense of humor and we shared a lot of other things in common.

The years go by and we stay in touch mostly through email. He was never what I considered a liberal, but he was never conservative and definitely not a fundamentalist. Then he sends me this email slap at Kerry and Howard Stern (this was before the election when Stern had turned anti-Bush). I wrote back and said I preferred Stern and Kerry over Limbaugh and Bush (and explained that I wasn't a huge fan of either Kerry or Stern).

Well. I'll spare you the long story, but basically I found out my friend had REALLY changed over the years and was now a politically ultra-conservative Christian fundamentalist. Some of the emails he sent during our email "debate" that followed the Stern/Kerry email really disturbed me. He basically said that I was in the clutches of Satan and was going to hell. That is no exaggeration.

I had seen him a few months before and I picked up no clue that he had become so cracked.

[sandnsea]

20. Scary, isn't it?

Used to be you could spot the fundies easily, it as all Jesus, all the time. It's frightening to think they've realized that they have to be more subtle to entice people in. Now I feel like I have to walk around my little town wondering who is one of "them" and how pervasive this religious extremism really is. No wonder these church people voted for Bush. If anybody disagreed with something, they were probably told it was satan trying to confuse them.

[goodboy]

17. stick to your beliefs at all costs...that's what they do, and you owe it

to yourself and your daughter to fight for what is right.


blood's thicker than water.

[wideopen]

19. Keep this in perspective

Did they call you and try to inform you of the rest of the story? Leave it alone, remember this is just politics, and alienating someone that seems to have had a signifigant positive impact on your daughters life just doesn't seem worth it to me. I'm sure this will probably piss off everybody else but my $.02.

[sandnsea]

21. "just politics"

No, it isn't. Please read my update. I don't know what I'm going to do, after talking to my daughter. But this is definitely not "just politics". I'm so tired of people not understanding that our entire way of living is under attack by these religious extremists. And it doesn't look like it's the small group that it used to be either.

[wideopen]

24. Well damn,

I got sidetracked in the middle of my post and came back after the update. That certainly changes the whole situation, I was under the impression your daughter really had a lot of respect for these people. I see why you are so conflicted now. I'm still not sure I would just call to tell them you think they are wrong after they helped you out of a difficult situation. If I were them I'd probably think you are an ungrateful s.o.b. if you did.

[sandnsea]

25. exactly

I was appreciative at the time. It wasn't all that difficult a situation, but they were good to her. Or so I thought until it appears like they were more interested in warm bodies than her as a person. She's older now and better able to articulate what happened then she was then, we'd never really talked about it since then. But I still don't want to come off like an ungrateful s.o.b.

[Cleita]

23. If you think that highly of them then it would seem to be your

duty to tell them what you think and what you know. If they turn away from you after that, it's not your fault. You tried and they have taken a drink from the Kool-Aid, a sad reality, but one many of us will be facing up to.