I have to get this off my chest. Did I go overboard??

[pissed_American]

OK, let`s try this again - iwas soooo pissed last time that it got pulled for editing.

About a month ago my son went to the mall with his friend. He had 7 dollars. he came back with a $ 7.99 CD. When I asked him how he bought it he told be he panhandled some money. I immediately told him NOT to do that ever again, and explained to him about the moral values and dangers, especially during these times.

I handled it !

On Tuesday my some came home and told me that his principle had called him into the office and verbally reprimanded him, and made him write and sign a statement "solemly swearing" not to ever do that again. He told him "I know this has nothing to do with school, but..."

I was livid!!

I went to the school yesterday to hear the principles side. He said he was acting as a concerned parent. BULLSHIT ! If he was such a concerned parent why did I never receive a phone call?! He said that he had my son call me from his office, but the line was busy. That is not the point ! He brought him into the office and THEN had him call me, instead of the principle calling me first. This is the better part of a month after the initial incident. I asked the principle if he had seen him do it and he said "Well no, but another concerned parent told me." Total HEARSAY !! I was so pissed I left without doing the one thing I planned on doing - seeing this "contract".


I went back today and told him that I wanted the signed "contract". He gave it to me, but said he would need a copy?? LIKE HELL ! I told him that NO, he doesn`t need a copy of this illegal "contract" He had No athority over what happens OFF school campus during NON school hours. What will he try to control next? - what time he goes to bed, what he eats for dinner, what sports he should play, what his political and religous views should be. He didn`t like it when I said that. "But, but, but...."


And this is in California. LAcounnty no less.

I called the school board and told them that I wanted to file a formal written complaint yesterday - I got the forms today (pretty fast} I want a written apology to my son.

Is there anything else that could or should be done??

I hope you can understand my screen name
:mad:

[jojo54]

1. I don't understand how the school found out about this...

Wasn't this a family matter??? Wasn't this between you and your son?
I'm getting really sick and tired of the way that schools, politicians, clergy and everyone else in between think they have the right to come into your home (so to speak) with their opinions.


Damn right you should sign the complaint and ask for a formal apology. I would!

[Squatch]

2. Nope. Well done.

I hate it when people stick their noses where they don't belong.

[caligirl]

3. He over stepped his boundaries, you called him on it, file the

complaint. We had to take on our school district and school principal, even bringing in the office of civil rights(OCR) and a lawyer to enforce the protections our child needed as a diabetic in school. You have to call their bluff, enforce yours and your childs lawful rights, and put it in writing within the complaint process time limit. Make detailed notes of everything that was said, who said it, save all emails and notes on phone calls(log sheet). Note any treatment or mistreatment from here on out(retaliation for enforcing your rights and your childs)

I think he over reacted, he is not the parent, his actions are goverened by California ed code, get familiar with it.

[cheezus]

4. yes

[anarchy1999]

5. Take it straight to the top, go to the school board and whoever is in

charge at the ISD (independent school district) level. Don't stop, don't let it go and do not be intimidated. Outrageous and I as a parent would be outraged. Good luck.

[Last Lemming]

6. Call me crazy. . .

but I suspect there is more to the story. Nail down your facts before you go postal. And you may want to consider teaching your son how to be pragmatic about dealing with sons-of-bitches, if in fact that's what happened, because he will being interacting with many for the rest of his life.

[pissed_American]

11. OK, you`re crazy...

I did get the facts. I heard both sides. The principle himself said "This has nothing to do with school, but.." & "No, I didn`t actually see him do this" That was enough fact for me.

pragmatism is great for adults, but being a 13 year called into the priciple`s office can still be very intimidating. But I do like the sons-of-bitches reference.

[evlbstrd]

7. No.

I had a principal report us to the Division of Family Services for abuse/neglect because we won't medicate our teenaged son for ADHD. We have been trying to get him to a therapist, but constantly run into "not taking new patients," etc.
We had no choice but to comply with the investigation (which found no basis for the complaint).
This is a College Prep HS in our district. We are constantly told that it's not the "right school" for him. My reply is consistent-it's a public school, you must educate him.
Same thing, though. Rather than communicate with the parents first, it was assume the worst and go for the jugular.

[Yupster]

19. Not to divert the thread, but

I have to vent.

I coach Little League and at practice today, a parent came to me and told me that their boy is on medication for ADHD. I never would have known. Seems like a perfectly normal kid, but here's the kicker ...

This is the fourth kid on the team that I know about who is on medication for ADD. That's that I know about. There are 12 boys on the team.

What are we doing to our children? This can't have good long-term results.

Sorry to divert from the point of discussion.

[seabeyond]

20. i agree

school (private to poster below) wanted to put oldest on drugs from kindergarten. told them no, we would just have to be patient and work with him and know this is ultimately who he is. he is mellowing as he is going thru the grades, still challenges, but man he is gifted. who knows if that drug wouldnt quiet that gift a little. he is add so doesnt have the hyper, just tough to focus, distracts easily. but he is learning tools to deal with this, and how to make this part of him stronger. will be a life long gift without drugs

[evlbstrd]

21. No diversion.

It seems to me that this thread is about school officials over-reaching, and the point of my particular post. She reported us to Family Services to force us to drug our son into submission. There are too many parents who will buy into it or get bullied into it. That's why you have so many medicated kids.
And ours is still med-free and in school.

[ihaveaquestion]

8. IMO, you did not go overboard.

That is, unless foul or abusive language was used. Other than that, I think your outrage was justified and a formal complaint might be in order, but that's your call.

[pissed_American]

9. Thanks to all for your replies...

I knew I was right, I just wanted others to know that this neocon agenda shit is Waaaaaay out of control.

The man had no idea if I had talked to my son about this or not.

If a kid continually came to school with a black eye, then the principle has the right/obligation to contact CPS and let them handle it, but acting on something that is 2nd hand information at best is truly sickening and wrong.

The part that really burns my ass is the "solemly swear" part of the written paper. Swear to whom ? Him ? What happens this summer or next year in H.S. if he does do it again ? Hmm ? WACKY I tell ya, just plain WACKY.

[R. A. Fuqua]

14. hmmm he may have acted inappropriately,

but I know who this man is although I do not know him personally (thanks to you posting his name and contact information in your previous post--and thanks to my doing organizing work for the California's Teachers Union).

Why are you calling this man a neocon? he is a prominent Democratic activist and a well respected leader in the CTU. I would not even be surprised if he is a member of this board (many teachers and administrators are).

[pissed_American]

15. "Why are you calling this man a neocon ?"

"Why are you calling this man a neocon ?"

I don`t know this man`s political views, NOR do I care.

A neocon agenda is the only way I can describe this type of overstepping of one`s grounds as a senior educator at a PUBLIC school.

[Sapphire Blue]

18. PUBLIC school???? Might this PUBLIC (COUGH COUGH) school be "committed

... to developing strong moral and ethical values so that students can become responsible and contributing members of society"?

Might this PUBLIC school "seek to provide an atmosphere where the average student can thrive without being sidetracked by disruptive influences"?

Might this PUBLIC school have a policy based on "high moral standards" of a particular ethic?

Do LA County PUBLIC school principals typically chastize students for off-campus behaviors & activities? Do LA County 'concerned parents' typically go to the PUBLIC school principals to inform them of other students' off-campus behaviors & activities?

My goodness, what's happened to these PUBLIC schools?! You should enroll you child in a PRIVATE school away from such 'NEOCONS'!

[MissMarple]

10. Unprofessional conduct, I'm sad to say. But we get what we pay for.

Positions in public education are all too frequently filled by warm bodies and not intelligent, well trained professionals. I also fault the teacher training and graduate schools who churn these folks out. Too often, the programs are shallow and do not adequately address how schools should address the very real problems and issues that occur in diverse populations of developing young people. This cluelessness is unnecessary. I only hope your principal is on a learning curve, and employs better strategies for such contingencies in the future.

And I don't mean the administrators and teachers who are truly fine, dedicated professionals. Thank you very much for the work that you do. :-)

[seabeyond]

12. well, i almost always see things a bit different

now that this principle did this, without having talked to you finding out you were aware and had handled it is where i have the issue, as you do too. but.............it is just a re inforcement to your son the offensiveness of his action to have enough money for a want, a material thing. this is the big deal in this event. going beyond, to make a big deal of the principles action in my view minimizes your sons action and takes away form the seriousness of his own action, allows him to redirect blame. (though creative of your son and a simple discussion of honesty and integrity is all that is needed here i believe)

but no, i wouldnt have made the to do with principle, nor would i have gone over principles head, because in essence, you agreed with the principles outrage of your sons behavior. you dont like the fact he got involved. and this fact you addressed

at this point, what i may do, even though exploding with principle, i would go in again, and bring it to grace. i would thank the principle for having the passion for integrity for your sons behavior to bother him, but, too much school is taking the role of parent, and you dont need, nor do you ask, this of him. and in the future, you would like him to trust and respect that is your role. and appreciate working together to help your son along thru his school years

[pissed_American]

16. "well, i almost always see things a bit different"

obviously he did too?

"to make a big deal of the principles action in my view minimizes your sons action and takes away form the seriousness of his own action, allows him to redirect blame."

HOW SO ?

It doesn`t take away from the seriousness or allow him to redirect blame whatsoever. What it does do is allow my son to recognize the role AND non-role of teachers so this type of harrassment will not go unreported in the future - by any student

"and appreciate working together to help your son along thru his school years"

He couldn`t two shits about helping with his school years after he moves on to H.S., he will be concerned with the next batch of K-8 kids that are coming up. THAT is his job. Have you ever had your 8th grade principle call you to see how your grades were coming along ?

[seabeyond]

17. i have first grade and fourth grade,

and my kids have always been ones to get attention from teachers and superintendents and principles, because i am continually in contact with all of them. for various things. mainly academic. they went to a private school for a while just in public school now.


your focus is now on the principle, no longer your sons actions, correct? that is how it minimizes your sons action.
agree dont agree, i dont give two hoots what you do, yours to do. sharing an opinion, that is all

regardless of if sons had poor teachers, second grade for oldest, kindergarten for youngest, regardless if they have learning challenges, add for oldest,......i have never given the attention to the teacher or another or the learning challenge, taken away from children. the way i parent. if you have a poor teacher, or the teaching style doesnt fit the student, then the student just needs to be aware and accomodate. learning challenges, just have to work harder on those weakness, understanding they are there, but not use them for excuse.

just the way i parent.

and no i didnt think what the principle did was a big deal, i would have taken the opportunity the principle presented as a further lesson for the son. i would have made sure the principle realized i did do my job though, and he could work with me not seperate of me

[Hobarticus]

13. Your anger and actions are justified...and welcome to DU!!!