Stop the Corporate madness! Smuckers patents PB&J?!?!

[havocmom]

OK, I searched and didn't get any hits. Can't believe the evildoers didn't post this one:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7408857/

<snip> It turns out that's the way J.M. Smucker makes them, sold as a product called "Uncrustables." The company says it's worth U.S. government protection because of the way it keeps its famous jelly from leaking out.

<snip> Smuckers actually has a patent on the peanut butter shield, to stop the jelly from soaking into the bread, unlike a sandwich with peanut butter on just one side, which gets soggy when the jelly gets through.


Uh, how do we inform Smuckers that many folks have been making PB&Js that way for DECADES? So, do we have to pay a royalty when we indulge?

Is it just me or are the corporations sorta going berserk? Is Congress gonna be cracking down on seven year olds making pirated sandwiches? Will the DOJ be sending Storm Troopers to monitor lunchrooms is schools all across America and protect corporate interests from kids who like a lot of peanutbutter on their sandwhiches? :wtf:

Is Smuckers doing it to or for the children?

OK, I am ready to have a fatal heart attack now. This crap is just too much.

[Placebo]

1. mmm, i could go for one of those right now!

:9

but i like the crust on the bread, boo-hoo :cry:

[Redstone]

2. That's not the worst patent...

A couple of years back, an 11-year-old kid (son of a patent attorney, natch) was actually issued a patent for the following:

Sitting on a swing and, by alternately pulling on the left and right chains, swinging sideways instead of front-and-back.

I shit you not. Look it up by searching at www.uspto.gov (I don't have time to right now.) If you can't find it, I'll look it up. But not until tomorrow. Right now I'm half-blind from a cluster headache so it's time to shut down the Powerbook.

Redstoen

[havocmom]

4. Hope the headaches stop

Man, I feel for ya. Had cluster headaches for years. Take care, Redstone.

edited cuz I get a different kind of headache now and can't think and type.

[buddysmellgood]

3. Why aren't they working on something important like setting standards

for salads. There are no standards. You put mayonaise with tuna, it's tuna salad. Put mayo with chicken...chicken salad. That's just not right. There ought to be a standard. Where are the lawyers?

[Placebo]

7. If elected, I will call a commission to investigate the issue...

and I promise a national salad standard by 2008, so help me God!

:party: Placebo for President :hi:

[buddysmellgood]

10. You have my vote. God bless you.

[MrMonk]

5. And here it is . . .

U.S. Pat. No. 6,004,596

Plug the number into this search engine:
http://patft.uspto.gov/netahtml/srchnum.htm

Click on "Images" to see the actual document.
(Requires a TIF viewer.)

[havocmom]

9. Before I try that and get all frustrated when it doesn't work...

what is a TIF viewer & how do I find out if my computer has one on it?

Is this gonna be one of those things that makes you wanna throw the computer through the tv set? I just don't think I am up to pitching any more fits today.

[MrMonk]

13. The Image Viewer

TIF (or TIFF) is an image format.
I don't know whether it comes as part of any browser.

All I can say is, try to load the patent image (click on the bar above the text). If the patent image doesn't load, you can download a TIFF viewer here:
http://www.uspto.gov/patft/help/images.htm

BTW: I tried to look for two worse documents, but couldn't find them.
One is a patent on faster-than-light communication. The other is a patent application for a method of reincarnation.

EDIT: TWO reincarnation patent applications: 20040005535, 20030152907.
Go here and plug in the number: http://appft1.uspto.gov/netahtml/PTO/srchnum.html

My view on these applications: the guy paid his fees, he deserves a chance to argue for a patent grant. This guy chose to walk, rather than fight.

[Old and In the Way]

14. TIF viewers are fairly common...I think XP comes with it bundled.

My faxes are rendered as .tif files. You can probably get a freebie viewer on the need....try download.com.com

[alcibiades_mystery]

6. Smuckers robs the commons

With a name like Smuckers, they've gotta be a pack of despicable fucking thieves.

[Atman]

8. It's no biggie...don't get your crust toasted over this!

They're selling a PB&J ravioli, essentially. No big whoop. But it is hardly their fault for attempting to get a patent on it. There are over 350,000 new patent applications every year, and only a handful of patent office personel to actually review them all. So, most patents these days are simply rubber stamped. Smuckers clearly hopes this one will be treated thusly, too.

The trouble is the precedent (isn't it always?). This case has revealed the farce that is the patent approval process, and that is sure to cause some stinky court cases in the future!

[havocmom]

11. Don't worry 'bout me. Just having a Lewis Black Attack

It will pass and my retinas will heal in a couple of weeks.

[TreasonousBastard]

12. It was on the nightly nooz...

I forget which one the teevee happened to be on at the time. Probably all of them mentioned it since it's BIG NEWS that Smuckers wants to expand it's present PB&J patent, and it's one of the dumber patewnts to come out of a major corporation. It's also one that everyone can understand, unlike submarine patents, so the newsies can do a story that gets the point across without making everyone's eyes glaze over.

(You have no idea how many stories get spiked simply because they can't figure out how to do them so that the average slob gets the point and doesn't change the channel.)

They mentioned the sideways swing patent and the problem with the Patent Office having hundreds of thousands to review every year with a limited staff.

They also mentioned one Patent Offcice reviewer (since gone) who actually hid piles of applications in the ceiling so he could show his desk was clear. And a patent attorney who said that sort of thing has been done for years, so should not be patentable. (Anyone ever bought a Hostess fruit pie?)

The Patent Office has been having problems for years, and hardly has a handle on what's going on. Stands to reason everyone with a lawyer on retainer is working the system as much as they can.