On the Existence/Non-Existence of "The End Times"

[UdoKier]

On the Existence/Non-Existence of "The End Times"

[punpirate]

1. This end times stuff is gettin' old....

I'm gonna start a new religion with its central tenet that space tugs from Alpha Centauri will drag the planet away in 2142, to a planet where sentient 19-foot tall purple onions on roller skates will raise us and then deep-fry us for snack food. :P

Makes just as much sense as the Rapture....

[TreasonousBastard]

8. "It's a COOKBOOK!"

[punpirate]

11. LOL!

Of course, there's the latter part of the text, where we secretly develop the sacred onion slicer and learn how to make the holy batter, and turn the table on our oppressors and make onion rings the rest of our days. :)

[TreasonousBastard]

14. Two missonaries...

are in a cannibal's stewpot, and one is grinning.

"Why are you so happy? In a few minutes we'll be boiled and then we're dinner!"

"I just spoiled their soup."

[BlackVelvetElvis]

2. A way for the power-mad to control us.

I see no real love in that madness.

[Midnight Rambler]

3. People have been predicting the end of time...

...since the beginning of time

[lenidog]

4. I always thought it was funny for

the so called Biblical scholars to root through the Bible and come up with these passages that gives us the signs of the end and when its going to happen. When Jesus himself said only god knows and its going to sneak up on you like a thief in the night. Talk about reading something and then not getting the fvcking point.

[Tux]

5. Yeah

I love it when they take different verses out of context and use it to prove thier point. If I had a Bible, I could prove god prefers the antions that have geneticly engineered super monkeys.

[lenidog]

6. Exactly

The other funny and frightening thing is how many people take it literally and have no idea of the background of the Bible. They have no historical, cultural, linguistic, etc context to read the Bible in. (I found this out from personal experience) Basically they read it or have told to them and thats it. They never ask the who, what, when, where and hows. I am a lapsed Catholic, whose basically ended up as a deist, and if I had to pick a religion would end up as a pagan and I know more about the total background and Bible itself then many of these so called Bible experts and true believers. Sorry I don't know how I got onto this rant. Might be a mixture of the holiday, a movie I just watched and a very cool discussion I had with my girlfriend earlier born out of the movie.

[Tux]

10. Deist?

I'm a UU Deist/Buddhist myself. I was raised Protestant myself. My old Church of Christ had many that took the Bible near literally or just a bunch of stories with history (minister). However, they weren't hateful in general and the haters were eventualy kicked out for bieng disruptive. They believed that Jesus was god and did as he did as the best they can.

I still believe that reason leads to god, Buddhism is great therapy while offering a cool spiritual perspective, and all religious texts have some good in them. But I do hold a grudge against fundies.

They don't know it but they are making Christianity look bad even to many Christians.

[lenidog]

15. I kinda an old school type of deist

I believe in God but I am not sure what the deal is religion wise and I don't trust most organized religions. WHich is kinda intresting because I am fascinated by religous texts themselves and the web of itneractions that created them. I have a great set of the major religous texts of the world (done by Oxford University Press) and read all of them. Tracked down the Appocrypha of the Old and New Testaments, Gnostic Gospels and such. The only one I haven't laid my hands on and read is the Book of Mormon. ( Always tempted to get a free one from one of those commercials. Just don't wantMormons knocking on my door afterwords.)Its kinda weird in a way I am a religous scholar without being religous. I do agree with you I hate fundies of ANY religion.

My most intresting time was when I took a Bible study class with my girlfriend at her parents church. She is much like me and had a mistaken hope that it would be much like the courses I took at college. They were true believers who had no concept of how the Bible in front of them got there or any of the background that may have given them a richer appreciation or understanding of it. I had to laugh one time we were naming the books of the Old Testament and I mentioned a couple of them that are considered Apocrypha by Protestants and aren't many Protestant leaning Bibles. The women writing them down on the board almost said that it wasn't a Christian book. I was good and only gave a raised eyebrow at the slip of the tongue. I did not mention that a billion Catholic and Orthodox Christians may beg to differ.

[maxudargo]

7. I will never forget Hal Lindsey's ads on TV in the 70s

promoting his book, The Late, Great Planet Earth. I must have seen that commercial a million times, because I remember his introduction almost verbatim:

"Nearly two thousand years ago, the Bible predicted the fall of the Roman Empire and its replacement by a ten-nation confederacy. This year, the tenth and final nation joined the European Economic Community, fulfilling this ancient prophecy."

How many members do they have now? Twenty-five? I guess that ten-headed dragon or whatever meant something else, Hal.

For so many years the end-of-times people were claiming the the events of the Cold War were OBVIOUSLY predicted in Revelations, et al. You had to be a FOOL not to see how everything was playing out just as the Bible had told. And it was all going to end with a nuclear war between America and Israel on one side, and the godless Soviet Union and it's communist allies on the other. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS TO ANYBODY WILLING TO READ THE BIBLE WITH AN OPEN MIND AND ACCEPT THE TRUTH.

Now the Soviet Union is gone and...ahem... IT IS SO OBVIOUS OUR WAR WITH THE MUSLIM TERRORISTS IS WHAT WAS PREDICTED 2000 YEARS AGO IN THE BIBLE. YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A FOOL NOT TO SEE IT.

What the fuck ever. That shit used to give me nightmares when I was a kid. Fuck em.

[lenidog]

9. The lousiest end of time prophets have got to be

the Jehovah's Witness's they are up to 3 or 4 times predicting the end of the world is near in about a hundred years and obviously fell flat every time.

[Midnight Rambler]

12. There's a great quote from religioustoleracne.org

All end-of-the-world preditcions have one thing in common: not a single one of them has cone true.

[TreasonousBastard]

13. "Mainstream" biblical scholars...

like Lutherans, United Church of Christ, Catholics...

generally take Revelation (It's the the Book of Revelation, the Revelation of St. John the Divine, or Apocalypse-- not Revelations. Idjits can't even get the name right) to be a coded prescription for the growth of the early Church under the Roman empire.

There has always been some argument whether or not it should even be in the New Testament, and there is certainly argument over just who authored it.

The second return of Christ, as prophesied in the Gospels, was apparently to happen in the lifetimes of the Disciples. At least, they seemed to think so. Since it didn't happen back then, and hasn't happened for 2,000 years, modern scholars are thinking that something else was meant.

That something else was using Christ's return as a metaphor for the growth of the religion, and continuing the symbolism. In Revelation, the repeated use of number 7, for instance, refers to the seven major church centers that existed at the time. Some of the symbols, such as the four horsemen, bulls, etc., are more obscure.

One of the first things one learns in a legitimate Bible study program is that every so often someone claims to have found the "key" to Revelation, and every single one of them has been ridiculously wrong.

This has been going on for 2,000 years, and will probably go on for a long time to come.

[lenidog]

17. I always thought that Revelations was inspired by that same

moldy rye bread that caused the Salem Witch Trials.

[TreasonousBastard]

18. Tsk, tsk...

do you think the same of Lovecraft's works? Or Lord of the Rings? Dune? The Aeneid? Hamlet?

Symbolic literature has been around for a long time, and just because some of it ends up in religious canon and taken the wrong way by zealots doesn't necessarily require snarky remarks.

[lenidog]

19. Well at least with Cthulhu its simple.

The stars are right, Ryleh arises, Cthulhu awakens and the world is destroyed. Straight and to the point. :evilgrin:

[TreasonousBastard]

24. And Lovecraft is...

a much better read than any book in the Bible.

(and, come to think of it, it's tough to believe he came up with all that without a little something for the head)

[lenidog]

26. Either that if he some incredibly frightening nightmares

[lenidog]

21. On the other hand nothing should be sacred from snarky remarks

especially the movie version of Dune done by David Lynch. That just sits up and begs for snarky remarks.

[TrustingDog]

16. Strange angle here...

There is some truth and lies in everything we think we know. If we can imagine it, or invent it,dream it... it is possible. We are the creators.

[queeg]

20. Isn't the "end of the times" usually the food and life section?

[sam sarrha]

22. the book of Revelation was written 80 years after the death of Jesus

it was written by a man named john, but it was a coded rant, to protect the author, against the Roman Empires treatment of Christians. the Church has known this for a long long time.

[Devlzown]

25. That's what my professor said.

I went to a Baptist college -- long story, I'll spare you the details. Anyway, we were required to take courses in the Old and New Testaments. My New Testament Professor was a learned man. He'd studied apocalyptic writings at Oxford, he knew Greek well, and was a rather controversial figure. Anyhow, he told us that Revelation was just another apocalyptic book that we shouldn't take too literally or too seriously. He said that if Revelation predicted anything that it was the fall of the Roman Empire. He also mentioned that many Christian scholars didn't consider it worthy to be a part of the canon. Being told that by such a scholarly man was a very liberating experience. I'd grown up thinking that the world was going to end any time. We find liberation in the strangest of places.

[jdots]

23. The fundy scum can have thier bullshit end times

had to delete rant