Get every faith healer who is scamming money on the TV together,

[efhmc]

go to Terri in Florida, call on God/Jesus to heal her and when it doesn't work, then it is God's will that she die and let her goooooo.

[flakey_foont]

1. I agree

time for those wankers to Put up or Shut up

[efhmc]

2. Wouldn't that just be the greatest show. Why haven't they been called to

assist in person?

[PaganPreacher]

3. To be fair, they tried.....

but Jan Crouch's hair got stuck in the doorway, and they couldn't get out.



The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[efhmc]

4. You are naughty, but funny.

[PaganPreacher]

5. I watch the TV preachers, so you don't have to.

THE PAGAN PREACHER'S GUIDE TO TELEVANGELISTS:

Jim Bakker, Paul Crouch: Separated at Birth? Bisexual evangelicals, filled with self-loathing. What do old preachers taste like? Depends.

Tammy Faye Bakker, Jan Crouch: Separated conjoined twins, formerly joined at the eyelashes. It took 40 days and 40 nights to cut them apart.

Benny Hinn, Faith Healer Dude: Don't shake his hand- everyone he touches falls to the ground! Maybe he uses the Super Joy Buzzer 3000 by Taser.

"Dad" Hagee: Obsessed with the 6th commandment; he gets all sweaty and wiggly when he talks about fornication, adultery and sodomy. Don't shake his hand, either (eeeeew!).

Mr. T: He pities the fool, and has no time for jibba-jabba. The only TV preacher I have seen who uses a crayon to write his sermons. Wears 15 different crosses, all made of gold. Since somebody told him that steroids grew on a certain tree in the Garden of Eden, he has started to sag.

Kirk Cameron: Found Jaheezus at the same time he lost his regular acting career. Married the cutest girl at the altar call, but has never consummated the marriage (that would be "icky"). Still thinks of himself as 13 years old, and famous.

Chelsea Noble: With a name that should belong to a high class stripper, she is the dewy-eyed wife of Kirk Cameron. Saving "it" for the Holy Spirit, she sees a virgin birth in her future. Since she married a 13 year old eunich, that is the only way she'll reproduce.

Jack Van Impe: speaks in tongues, and even he doesn't know what the hell he's saying. Rexella knows, though! It's the same sounds he makes during orgasm.

Rexella Van Impe: Rexella (not to be confused with "Rexzilla") doesn't know what noises she makes during orgasm; it's never happened for her. In bed, she fantasizes about Mr. T. In her heart she fears that Jack does, too.

The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[efhmc]

6. Wow! thanks for the expose. Now I am really in the know.

[PaganPreacher]

7. My pleasure! I live to serve....

I wrote that last year, after a week of TBN (I was sick for a week, and decided to watch "something completely different").

Imagine the gaggle of them at Terri Schiavo's bedside, wailing and rolling around. I can't decide whether it would be more funny or painful to watch.

The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[efhmc]

14. They would NEVER agree to do this. It would expose them for the

charlatans they are.

[Andy_Stephenson]

9. Jan...went to the Tami Faye school

of hair and makeup.

Edit: I swear if she has one more face lift she will have a goatee.

[PaganPreacher]

10. Maybe the big pink wig....

hides all of that extra loose skin.

If she took out the clips, she'd look like a shar-pei.



The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[efhmc]

12. Never could be that cute. Look at that sweet face.

[PaganPreacher]

15. You're right.... too cute by half.

Although Jan may look that good under the makeup.

No way for us to tell.


The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

[efhmc]

11. Okay, it took me a minute but that is pretty gross.

[northzax]

8. someone call FOX! it's even better than "married by america"!!!

"healed by America"! every week, three new severly injured or terminal patients would be featured on the show. You can text message your prayers to the number of the one you think most deserves healing! the more prayers, the greater chance of healing being accomplished!

<rubbing hands together> excellent

[efhmc]

13. Is there really a show "Married by America"? Weren't any of these people

taught that marriage is a sacrament, not a circus side show?