A call for Help! How can I discourage faith-based intervention?

[Blue Belle]

I recently received an email from one of my Aunts stating that she plans to admit her grand daughter in Heritage Village, which was founded by none other than "Mr. No Tolerance" Himself - Dr. Dobson.

Here is an excerpt from her email: "Our grand daughter slashed her wrists late Friday night. Her life was never in danger, but we feel she needs us to be with her right now while we are waiting to enroll her in Heritage Village in New York. It'll take a couple of weeks to get her in there. It is a faith based program started by Dr. James Dobson. Check it out no line by going to www.heritagevillageusa.com. A great program. So please pray that the Lord will help to get our beautiful grand daughter straight with the world."

The girl she is talking about is very troubled, she's tried to take her life twice now... but I feel she needs more help than a healthy dose of "that ole time religion". I don't think my Aunt knows everything she needs to on Dr. Dobson... and if she did, she wouldn't be so fired up to send her Grand Daughter off for indoctrination (she was very Pro-Kerry in the last election, and thinks Bush is an ass). What works for her is facts, and I'm coming up short with my searches for a) Heritage House in New York, and b) anything that is con Dr. Dobson that doesn't involve Sponge Bob.

Can anyone help me out with reputable links to info??

[schultzee]

1. Help with dobson problem

If you know a good secular thinking Clinical Psychologist or Psychairatrist and can get them to talk to the aunt that might do it. Most of those "christian" healing are pure bunk and they could make the poor girl worse.

[spikesmom]

4. Christian healing is like putting salt on a wound

and watching it get worse and worse. Go with secular psychology, something geared to the young woman's problem and age group. Also , a therapy residence that would also integrate some aspect of art or dance therapy (or other form of arts) has had a great impact on young people.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. First, their web page does not work

Second, almost all of these "Christian" teen rehab centers are nothing more than gulags for kids.

Ask your aunt how well the girl would like being placed in a "posey" (straitjacket) or locked in a small room for two days to a week for "reflection and repentance" (solitary confinement). Or trading a few slashes of her wrists for, say, 20 "spanks" with the "paddle" (better translated as "20 blows with a flat club") in front of 20-30 jeering teenagers.

And use Google to check out these keywords: Christian teen gulag

Then try this website: http://www.teenliberty.org/index.html

Good luck.

--p!

[Norquist Nemesis]

3. I'm a little curious as to how they became aware of Heritage Vllge

in the first place. She states "her life was never in danger", but that's obviously not the case if this is the grand daughters third (known) attempt at suicide. She can't wait two weeks. Nor should she have to.

It's good that your Aunt has recognized they are not equipped to handle the situation and are seeking help. Without knowing where they are in terms of resources, it's hard to suggest.

But my first suggestion would be to offer alternatives and/or other options first. If you immediately begin throwing facts at her about Dobson and Heritage without giving her alternatives, she may very well reject everything you are showing. It's going to make her feel even more helpless and ready to run straight down the path you fear the most.

[crispini]

5. Very, very good point.

Carrot *and* stick -- can you guide her to a reputable program or therapist in the area? if you do the research and give her two or three good choices rather than forcing her to do the research herself (which she might not do) then that would be a great help to them I'm sure.

If she's still unsure, hit 'em with what you find about Dobson.

[Blue Belle]

8. You are right about using alternatives...

The problem is, she's seen the alternatives first hand and may be reacting as opposed to being rational now. My Aunt has had a history of clinical Depression and has been in and out hospitals, seen numerous therapists, and has had the gamut of medications foisted upon her... all of which have given marginally positive results. It is my guess that her experiences with secular therapists and medical help may have left her with a bad taste in her mouth (probably literally) and she doesn't want to see the same thing happen to her Grand Daughter. I would like to give her some alternatives, but my knowledge base in this area is limited... that is why have poised the question to the think-tank of the DU.

[Norquist Nemesis]

9. Understandable given her personal experience

If she is leaving toward faith-based though, do you know her minister? Or maybe even talk with yours and get some help. Explain your concerns. It's worth a shot and can't hurt to try. :)

[crispini]

6. It's important to realize that even in Dobson's own writings

he advocates corporal punishment, spanking, etc.

Here ya go, from the Wikipedia entry on Dobson:

Dobson advocates the spanking of children from 15-18 months to eight years old. According to Dobson, "pain is a marvelous purifier" especially for rebellious children. (Dare to Discipline, p.6) He does not advocate harsh spanking, "it is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely." (Ibid., p.7.)

In The Strong-Willed Child (p.73), Dobson writes: "Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked, and their wishes should be granted." To help determine the amount of punishment, he suggests that "two or three stinging strokes on the legs or buttocks with a switch are usually sufficient to emphasize the point, 'You must obey me.'" (The Strong-Willed Child, pp. 53-4.)

Dobson suggests that by correctly portraying authority to a child, the child will understand how to interact with other authority figures. "By learning to yield to the loving authority...of his parents, a child learns to submit to other forms of authority which will confront him later in his life -- his teachers, school principal, police, neighbors and employers." (The Strong-Willed Child, p. 235.)

Dobson stresses that parents must uphold their authority and do so consistently, "When you are defiantly challenged, win decisively." (Dare to Discipline, p. 36.)

In The Strong-Willed Child, Dobson draws an analogy between the defiance of a family pet and that of a small child. He tells a story in which the family dog refuses to leave his resting place on the lid of the toilet seat. A "vicious fight" between him and the dog results and he "fought him up one wall and down the other, with both of us scratching and clawing and growling and swinging the belt ." He concludes that "just as surely as a dog will occasionally challenge the authority of his leaders, so will a little child--only more so." (emphasis Dobson)

To deal with especially defiant children, Dobson recommends persistence: "Real crying usually lasts two minutes or less but may continue for five. After that point, the child is merely complaining, and the change can be recognized in the tone and intensity of his voice. I would require him to stop the protest crying, usually by offering him a little more of whatever caused the original tears." <3> (http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public/%5C@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/twi_012701.cfm?channel=Parenting%20Children&topic=Discipline&sssct=Questions%20and%20Answers)

Anti-spanking groups disagree with Dobson's views, suggesting they are too simplistic and even dangerous for children.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Dobson

[crispini]

7. interesting book on Dobson:

http://www.postfun.com/pfp/books/reviews/dobson.html