My mom stopped eating a week before she died from colon cancer, AND:

[goodboy]

She stopped taking pain meds a week prior to that! She was not in pain,. She was peaceful. The body is an amazing thing...it prepares for your transition by shutting down in a pre-determined way to reduce suffering, and eliminate feelings of fear or uncertainty. It really is a miracle unto itself to think that for a year or more, my mom's body had cancer destroying it, and she was in incredible pain from it. Also her body was subjected to Chemo, and radiation 4 times (For 6 week sessions) and after all that, she stopped eating, stopped feeling pain, became calm and peaceful, and passed away quietly in her sleep.


Terri's transition will be peaceful too.

[mondo joe]

1. Thanks for adding some facts to the hysteria that has crept into

DU.

There's a lot of misinformation out there.

[goodboy]

2. You're welcome. I thought some personal experience might bring

a little critical thinking to this madness.

[Career Prole]

3. My condolences.

My Mom asked for the respirator to be permanently removed for better or worse after they'd failed four times over the course of a week to "wean" her from it.
She passed quite peacefully, and I think gratefully.

[goodboy]

4. thanks...and my condolences to you as well. The transition

was very peaceful, and that is part of the incredible 'design' (i use the term loosely) of the body's systems.

[unhappycamper]

5. my mother also passed away this February

Different causes, but the result was the same. She was also in peace the last few days.

[goodboy]

6. Imagine the view she's got now...and I hope that brings you some

peace in this tough time.

[unhappycamper]

7. Thank you.

I KNOW she is in a better place.

[goodboy]

9. Of course she is. Her consciousness is part of the collective and she's

absorbed all the knowledge in all the universe...she's home.

[jmcgowanjm]

25. A year ago, Mardi Gras February04, my Mom passed away

She and my sister both loved MG.

Mom was diagnosed w/ lung cancer 2 weeks
before she died. We think it was colon cancer which had
spred. She'd been wasting away, losing weight (hindsight,
I should 've known) for 6 months before we got her
in hospital.

In November the hospital said she had pneumonia.
And sent her home with Benadryl. I was so
pissed. I knew it was more than that.

She died of a heart attack in my sister's arms
in the chemo waiting room. Like you said,
the body knows when it's time to check out.
She had a do not
resusitate order and we made sure it was
enforced, and the doctors respected it.

God Bless You and Yours,
James

[goodboy]

27. Wow...thanks and same to you, James...would you say she

had a peaceful transition? Did she pass away outright due to the heart attack?

[jmcgowanjm]

80. Peaceful transition

Yes, it was. She was in hospital, my sister's an RN.
It was the heart attack, but she was just
too frail(a big boned woman). Six months earlier,
maybe, she could've worked the program.
But not in her last days.

She'd done one chemo in the hospital
and the experience was just outrageous.
I'll never do chemo. And like someone
else, I think it was you,goodboy, on this thread stated,
the body knows when it's time to check out.
I've seen it time and again with my relatives.

My sister had just built a new home. It
was almost done. My Mom was taken by it on
the way to hospital, raised her head to look
at it and told Sis that she would be happy
there (I'm watering up now). Like my Mom knew
she was lookin' at that house for the last time.

Good memories. Thanx for bringing them up
again for me, goodboy,

James

[goodboy]

82. My mom would've done 3 more rounds of chemo if she could've

but her body couldn't take any more.


The thing is, and this pertains to this whole fucking mess: My mom's body was riddled with cancer, brain, lungs, liver, colon, everywhere...and she stopped taking pain meds about 2 weeks before she died, and she stopped eating a week before she died. She was not in pain, it's a natural part of the dying process, and that's it.

These sanctimonious fucking repukes infuriate me with their feigned sadness and compassion.

Fuck EM.

[ProfessorGAC]

8. I Can Reinforce

My mother-in-law (1993) and my dad (2001) both had the same thing occur. Barely conscious, no pain, completely peaceful. No food. No meds. Just faded away.

Peaceful departures, both.
The Professor

[goodboy]

10. thanks for participating in this...I guess we can only hope our

transitions will be just as peaceful.

[ProfessorGAC]

13. Another Point

My dad's vascular system was collapsing due to runaway diabetes. At one point, there was doubt he would make it another month, 6 weeks at most, but vascular damage to his foot made it obvious that his right foot wouldn't last 2 weeks. We approved the surgery (partly insured, the rest we paid out of pocket) because we, unlike the demented Shindlers, were unwilling to prolong my dad's life by taking a piece of his body off at a time.

We had the surgery done, and then let him pass with dignity. These two sociopaths in Florida really need profesional help.
The Professor

[goodboy]

16. You know the major difference here, (besides the obvious lack in

cognitive function of all the schindlers, compared to you and your family) is that your dad was still your dad...he had a consciousness.

With terri, the lights are on, but nobody's home.

[ProfessorGAC]

20. Correct!

My point was that we preferred to let him go, and he WASN'T already gone. Terri's already gone, and they still won't let her go.
The Professor

[goodboy]

21. and would you say that your father wanted to go as well? the courts

and terri's husband (who by law makes the decision) all say the same thing.

[ProfessorGAC]

28. Yes He Did!

He told us he was going to stop the meds. He said he was tired of "all this". We knew what he meant.

There was no way a single one of us would have asked to resus, when we knew he specifically did not want it.
The Professor

[goodboy]

29. That decision to carry out his wishes shows how much you love him.

[ProfessorGAC]

30. And The Schindler's Inability To Carry Out Their Daughter's. . .

. . .wishes shows how much they love themselves and their own vision of reality.
The Professor

[goodboy]

31. and the Republican party. (nt)

[grace0418]

36. I don't think her parents are people who only love themselves

I think they're scared, and frustrated, and have their judgment clouded by the nerve impulses that run across her face and make her seem alive. They're also probably pretty simple people who get spooked by the idea that they'll wind up in hell for "murdering" their daughter by letting her die in peace.

[ProfessorGAC]

38. Sociopaths

I've gone through it. Everyone is depressed and scared. We were. But, we did the right thing.

Monsters want to pursue the ghoulish path they've chosen. Being ignorant of medical fact is not an excuse for doing the wrong thing. They've done the wrong thing. It's selfish and hateful, and they've allowed their precious daughter to become a political bargaining chip, and they approve of it. As long as there's something in it for them.
The Professor

[goodboy]

39. but the weird thing is, that they admit she's in a persistive vegetative

state which says to me they're not totally ignorant of medical fact...so why are they doing this?

[ProfessorGAC]

42. Because They're Sociopaths

They don't care about human life. They don't care about their daughter. They care completely about themselves & their own vision of salvation. If there is a salvation, they're toast. This self-centeredness just cannot be what god has in mind.
The Professor

[goodboy]

43. gotcha....nt

[Blue_In_AK]

68. My mother had a stroke in 1999 which left her quite weak...

...and unable to communicate with us. She was in the hospital for a while, but was real resistant to any efforts at rehabilitation. After a couple of weeks, the hospital more or less "kicked her out," saying that they had done all they could for her, and we placed her in an assisted living home. The rehabilitation therapists continued to come see her, but she refused to cooperate. I remember one morning, we were all sitting around a table at the home with all the caregivers and my mother -- they were talking about her prognosis and what their plans were for her treatment, and she suddenly became very angry, stood up out of her wheelchair and banged on the table, and let out a horrible moan, as if to say JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. The next day she had a heart attack and went back to the hospital, where she was put on a slow morphine drip and passed away a few days later, peacefully, surrounded by her children and grandchildren. To this day I believe she WILLED herself to have that heart attack, that she had absolutely no desire to continue living in the condition she was in.

My guess is Terri Schiavo, if she were able, would do the same thing.

[ProfessorGAC]

69. Thank You For Sharing That Experience

And i think you read the situation correctly.
The Professor

[goodboy]

72. That's quite a story. I think you're right about sometimes choosing

to go...I believe my mom waited until we were all asleep to go.

We were at her bedside sitting in chairs...and I promised I wouldn't go to sleep...then a split second later, my dad was waking me up telling me it was time to say goodbye.

[Daphne08]

83. This occurred with my maternal grandmother.

My mother and I were taking turns staying in the hospital room with her; however, at one point we both had to leave the room, and it was at that moment that my grandmother passed away peacefully.

I'll always believe she left her body under her own terms... just as she had always lived her life.

[goodboy]

87. I wonder if there are any medical studies regarding this phenomenon

several people on this thread have had similar experiences.

[northamericancitizen]

14. Thank you guys for sharing your wisdom and experiences. nt

[goodboy]

22. You're welcome, and thank you for reading them. nm

[classof56]

11. My mother was in terrible pain shortly before she died.

This from an undiagnosed fast-acting cancer. Mercifully, the doctor put her on a morphine drip and she died within 24 hours. She was quite elderly and it was time. I was just grateful there was a way to make her last few hours pain-free and that allowed her to die peacefully. She had more than earned that. I live in fear that doctors will be denied the chance to use the meds necessary to relieve patients' suffering. Not everyone's body shuts down in the way you mentioned and takes care of its own pain. I am glad your mother died peacefully, as did mine. Such a hard loss, but more than anything in my life, after caring for my mom for a long time, I did not want her to suffer. I shall forever bless the emergency room doctor who eased her pain.

May all our transitions be peaceful, especially Terri Schiavo's. She, too, has earned that.

Blessings!

[goodboy]

12. Thank you for using the word the right has been misusing: Mercy.

[goodboy]

26. was she conscious during this time?

[flyarm]

45. I HAD TO USE DNR ON BOTH PARENTS...AND IT WAS PAINFUL..

STILL IS PAINFUL..ALWAYS WONDERING DID I DO RIGHT THING...BUT MY REALISTIC SIDE SAYS..THERE WAS NO OTHER OPTION.. for both parents to die and have to make those decisions is awful...but i did not want either to suffer any more than they already had..
with my mom..the dr took me in room and said there was nothing they could do but keep her out of pain and he could give her enough morphine to let her go...she had been given barrium by a previous hospital ( mal practice) when her esophogus was shut down..and the barrium went into her lungs and her chest cavity because she choked on it cause her espophogus was closed tight... there was no way to get the barrium out of her lungs...

the doc then gave her the morphine...a huge dose and before i could even tell her what was going on she was not able to speak or react...but i wispered in her ear over and over that i loved her..and held her hand and told her if she understood me to rub my hand..and she did..
she had a pacemaker so it took all day for the pacemaker to stop..but she died before the pacemaker actually stopped working...that was the agonizing time...
..it is the most difficult time to let our loved ones go...but it is very selfish to make them stay and live beyond what they are meant to..when the body and mind fails...it is time to go to a better place..and it is soooooooo unkind to prolong that for selfish reasons...
not a day goes by that i dont miss both my parents...but it was their time...

my sons best friends brother was in an accident ( not car) but a stupid spring break accident ..18 yrs old and was brain dead...the parents had to choose the toughest thing any parent has to face...they chose to donate his organs and 9 people are today alive with parts of Mikey...it gives the parents a solitude that he lives on...that to me is love..to do the unselfish ...

i think Terris parents have been manipulated and brainwashed ..the scientology has taken over the whole area where Teri is...and they are alot behind this..

i think Terri's husband is the only one in this that is unselfishand really is considering Terri...

and i have seen the protests daily as i live real close to where Terri is.

These nut cases that use her have made a total circus out of her misfortune! and it makes me sick.

[goodboy]

49. You're right about the Scientology...Clearwater FL is where

the Fort Harrison hotel is. A compound for L. Ron Hubbard's clones.

[flyarm]

62. i drive by them every day!!

there are hundreds of 18-22 yr olds...when one stops at a light in downtown clearwater..they enmass cross the street..i wave to them every day...and its beyond describtion..not one of them smiles..not one smile..they are like zombie kids...like they are drugged..i have a 27 yr old son and i can assure you at that age he smiled and waved to everyone..i wave and smile at them as a test...and i have yet to see one of them smile or smile back or wave..and i wave alot...they are on scarey lot...and these people are behind this whole teri stuff..count on it..i see them and they are the same group that let 2 young people die from the flu when the hospital was a block away...because the parents wanted to claim their kids back from this cult..and yes siree its a cult!! these two young people died because the scientologists would not seek medical care for them!!

these people are fing pigs!~!

i can not stand them!!

and they have taken over my lovely clearwater!!

and you can count on it that they are the ones pushing teris parents!!

take that to the bank...the movie is getting made by the scientologists..cause they run a great deal of hollywood now as well!!

fly from clearwater beach

[goodboy]

75. I had to go there to fix a Yamaha Disklavier piano that quit working

and there was propaganda everywhere inside the place...It turns out that Chick Corea donated ths piano to the Ft. Harrison hotel. FWIW, I was trying to sell them two more pianos, and I was gonna charge them full retail for them. I worked for the yamaha dealer on Ulmerton Rd. At US-19.

[flyarm]

106. i am on sand key! n/t

[goodboy]

107. huh...that's cool. I lived on Seminole Blvd. just south of west bay.

[phylny]

79. My goodness, the story about Mikey is really inspiring

and is the meaning of "right to life," isn't it?

Good for his parents to see beyond their grief, and to make other people's lives better. What a wonderful tribute to their son.

[goodboy]

81. Thank you for participating in this discussion. (nm)

[Southsideirish]

121. My mom and I used to lie in bed and say "Hail Mary's" that God would

hurry and take her. He did but it still took a couple of weeks.

[classof56]

123. I think God blesses us when we pray for our loved ones in pain.

After almost 2 years, I'm still having a problem fully realizing my mom's gone, but I took care of her for many years and so guess it's not surprising given the change in my life caused by her death. But--and I'm guessing this is how you feel about your mom--my mother deserved to be free from her pain and taken to be home with the Lord she loved and served so well all her life. We have our wonderful memories and can know we loved and cared for the one who loved and cared for us all her life.

I might mention that my mother lost a child, my only sister (also my best friend), and lived with that sorrow till the end of her life, but she dealt with it and was glad my sister did not suffer (died suddenly in a traffic accident). I would hope I'd feel that way about a child of mine should the time come. I've had to make the decision to let a couple of people in my life, people I loved dearly, be released from this life. It was awful and heart-wrenching, but I did it and Terri Schiavo's parents could do it, because at some point we have to let go of those we love the most. God gives us the strength to deal with what we have to.

Blessings to you!

[goodboy]

126. thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:


isn't DU a great place?

[classof56]

128. And thank you for sharing yours.

DU is indeed a great place. It's what's helping keep me stay sane lately. As I like to say--truth is spoken here. And we can speak from the heart, too!

Blessings!

[goodboy]

129. it's the least I could do...peace...

[goodboy]

125. did she go peacefully?

[goodboy]

127. I also prayed with my mom before she became unconscious...(nt)

[Love Bug]

15. My mother passed from Alzheimer's

and she got to the point where she began refusing all food and water about 2-3 weeks before she died. Prior to this we had discussed whether or not we would use a feeding tube but decided there was no point in prolonging the "life" of someone with stage-3 Alzheimer's. We had decided early on in her treatment that the quality of her life would trump quantity.

The doctor explained to us that they also would not use IV fluids at that point because when the body is trying to shut down the extra fluids do cause discomfort and interfere with the natural dying process. They also were prepared to use pain meds if necessary.

It took about 2 weeks total but mom died peacefully in my sister's arms. We have no regrets regarding the decisions we made for her care.

My sympathies for your mother's passing. I know how hard it is to watch someone waste away. There are some things worse than death, and poor Terri Shaivo is in it right now. If we didn't fear death so much in this culture, there would be fewer of these situations.

[goodboy]

18. Well said, Love Bug. Well said. Great quote here:

"There are some things worse than death, and poor Terri Shaivo is in it right now. If we didn't fear death so much in this culture, there would be fewer of these situations."

[LynneSin]

17. My grandfather did the same thing...

..and in the last days, he had my mother drive him around the rural area where he lived all of his life so he could view the world where he lived one last time before he passed away.

It was like he knew it was time!

[goodboy]

19. They know. My mom waited for all of us to fall asleep before she

took her last breath. It was surreal.

[coffeenap]

34. Mine too--two years ago April 15. nt

[LynneSin]

35. same with my grandfather, my mother had left for the day

when he passed away.

He actually still lived at home with my mother, my great-aunt and hospice taking care of him. I mean, he was functional and could get around, but he was just declining quickly. I think the toughest for him was when he was no longer allowed to drive his car. At that point he realized it was time to pack up shop and move on to a better realm!

[goodboy]

37. Isn't hospice a great thing? I raise as much money for them as I can.

They helped my mom die at home also.

[coffeenap]

44. YES--they helped my mom then and my dad a few months ago. nt

[goodboy]

52. I'm convinced that hospice caregivers are angels on earth.

[sonicx]

23. What? You mean Terri won't be in gut-wrenching, aganizing pain?

:wow:

How could Tom DeLay be wrong?!?! :P

[goodboy]

24. nope...she can't feel...she's not "Terri" anymore...she's basically

an animated corpse.

No cognitive function whatsoever.

[Desertrose]

32. My Mom, did the same...

She'd had cancer surgery a year before (at age 90!) and had a good year and got to see her grandkids again...then about a year later, the cancer came back ...
She was ready to go & just quit eating and finally no fluids. I was with her the last few days - she was aware I was there but not able to verbally respond...but we had a lovely visit anyway.

They gave her morphine drops and she faded away...very peacefully and I waas there when she took her last breath, I thought it was on eof the most beautiful and empowering moments we ever shared...2/2/02...at 2 AM!

They should free Terri....how cruel & selfish of them.

[goodboy]

33. what a beautiful story, Desertrose. FREE TERRI from her mortal coil!

[Hamlette]

40. the exact same thing with my father

but he lost the ability to swallow and we all decided no feeding tube. He died four days later, no pain medication, no discomfort, very peaceful. The only pain he had was when we had to turn him to change the sheets. His ailments were cancer and Parkinsons.

[goodboy]

41. The body really has a process for shutting down that eliminates pain and

fear. It's really amazing. Maybe I'll post some medical evidence here.

[luvLLB]

65. Same with my mom,

I think her colon had shut down days or even weeks earlier, and she had told me she didn't want a feeding tube . I honored all of her wishes, and she passed peacefully 5 days later. No pain or agony, no starvation, she simply did not want to eat, and that was that.

[goodboy]

77. thank you for sharing your story...(nt)

[goodboy]

46. Preparing for the Dying Process:

First, the body begins to shut down physically, a process that ends when all the physical systems cease to function. Usually, these changes are orderly and progressive, and are not medical emergencies requiring invasive interventions. These physical changes are natural ways in which the body prepares itself to stop, and the most appropriate kinds of responses are comfort measures. Be aware that your loved one's physical changes might happen rapidly or the changes might not happen at all.


http://www.stvincent.org/ourservices/hospice/preparing/default.htm

[jonnyblitz]

47. thanks for starting this thread goodboy.

I appreciate you and the other DUers posting for sharing experiences I haven't had to deal with yet but will eventually. :hi:

[goodboy]

50. You're welcome...thanks for reading them, and I hope this helps you

when you need to deal with this unfortunate, but inevitable situation.


And by the look of things, there's a lot of loving, supporting good people here.

[DeepModem Mom]

48. Same in our family, recently, two mothers/grandmothers...

and even a beloved cat, all of whom, at a certain point, simply refused food and water.

[goodboy]

51. I hope they all passed peacefully. (nt)

[DeepModem Mom]

57. All did, goodboy --

thank you.

[lebkuchen]

53. A family member is recovering from colon cancer

I'm sorry your mother didn't. Thanks for the info.

[goodboy]

55. well ironically, colon cancer has a high survival rate so long as it's

caught early and treated aggressively. Otherwise, it is on of the most deadly forms of cancer.


Thanks for your kind words...and may your family member be healed completely, physically, and spiritually.

[seabeyond]

54. i just talked to a catholic friend that experienced her moms cancer

death. and i specifically asked about what her body did in preparation for death. for her, and her research just a year ago and experience with hospice, it was a real duh, that body stops taking liquid and food in preparation for death

[goodboy]

56. Yep...because the body is conserving energy to complete the process

the metabolism slows way down...etc...

[atommom]

58. My mom died of ALS. It progressed quickly, but she had a chance

to tell us what she wanted. So we spent her last night with her as she struggled for breath, and she died the next morning among all her children. It was heartbreaking, but putting her on life support against her wishes would have been terribly wrong.

[coffeenap]

60. A friend of mine, age 40, died of ALS.

He spent his last days in his own bed surrounded by his wife and children--loving him until his last breath. Incredible sadness, but with loving acceptance.

[xxqqqzme]

59. this was also

how my Grandfather passed. At home just my Grandmother & me with him. He had stopped eating days earlier, stopped talking, except for the morning of his death. He had questions keeping him connected which we found answers to, which helped him ease into his passing. He spoke to no one after I left that morning. When I returned about 7 hours later, the transformation of his body was astounding. There was no living spirit present even though he continued to breathe. The support from the hospice home service was very sustaining and a great comfort to my Grandmother. I highly recommend their services.

[goodboy]

63. hospice employs the most compassionate people I've ever met.

[Harlequin]

61. That was beautiful. Thank you.

No kidding -- I feel better in my own mortality for it.

[goodboy]

64. thank you for reading this...(nt)

[Blue_In_AK]

66. I wonder when these people will realize that death

is as natural as life, and that we don't need to "fear the reaper." None of us are going to live forever.

[goodboy]

70. I think for the most part, super religious people are truly afraid of it,

although according to their dogma, they shouldn't be afraid at all

[Blue_In_AK]

73. It does seem that way...

...which makes no sense to me. I'm not overly religious, but I have no fear of dying at all. Either you die and there's just nothing, or you die and you get reincarnated, or you die and go to a better place. And if they're worried that somehow she's been "bad" and is facing down eternal damnation, what difference is it going to make if they just postpone the inevitable. She sure doesn't have the will now to "accept Jesus as her savior and be saved." It all just seems so hypocritical to me.

[goodboy]

74. The inevitability of it comforts me...it's gonna happen no matter what

as for being punished by someone's vision of what god is, I fear not. I'm living peacefully, and I love my fellow human beings, and I try to be a good person. I view the notion that God is a separate entity from us to be blasphemous.

[Blue_In_AK]

76. Amen to that, GoodBoy...

The Kingdom of Heaven is within us.

[goodboy]

78. right on. You should watch:

What the Bleep do we know?


changed my life.

[Midlodemocrat]

67. My sister in law had her tube pulled

and lasted for seven weeks. God Bless Her, she had a little girl and was so desperate to live.

All of the MDs at one of the country's absolutely finest hospitals indicated that she would not feel any pain, nor hunger. She didn't. She was very, very peaceful at the end.

She didn't starve to death. She didn't suffer. She suffered battling the cancer. Terri has suffered enough. It is time for them to let her go.

[goodboy]

71. Great post....everyone should read this...(nt)

[goodboy]

84. my mom's body was riddled with cancer in her brain, lungs, liver,

colon...everywhere...and broken down by chemo and radiation...


My mom's body began shutting down about a week before she died, and the first thing that happened is she stopped eating. Then her various systems shut down one by one, and that was it.


MY MOM DID NOT STARVE TO DEATH, AND NEITHER WILL TERRY/

[Chicago Democrat]

85. Thanks for sharing... that helps ease my concerns

because dying of thirst or starving sounds horrible

[goodboy]

86. when it is not part of the natural dying process,it indeed sounds bad, but

terry's been dying for 15 years....what's worse? (rhetorical)

[Infomaniac]

88. I went through this with both my parents and Grandmother.

My grandmother suffered from congestive heart failure. She asked to be brought home from the hospital. I remember she wanted to watch her favorite baseball team so we sat in the den and watched with her. The doctor told us she would probably just fall asleep and that's what happened. She passed away during the game. No pain.

Mom's kidneys failed due to diabetes and she was a poor candidate for dialysis. She refused treatment and we brought her home. She stopped eating and drinking about a week before she died. She fell into a heavy sleep. No pain. Her breathing became slower and slower. She died surrounded by her family.

Dad had colon cancer with a horrific complication. He had a tumor growing around a major artery in his abdomen. His doctor told us that if that burst he would have a very painful death. The colon cancer had spread to his lungs, kidneys and liver so we were praying he died of organ failure before the aorta could rupture. Dad was on very heavy morphine. We weren't really worried about addiction. Morphine surpresses respiration and can help the dying process along and that's what happened. He passed in his sleep without pain surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

What confounds me in this process seems to be the people who are so sure of eternal life don't seem in a very great hurry to leave this one behind. I wonder how many of the "saved" really want to be plugged into the local power plant to stay "alive."

[goodboy]

89. I'm so glad you shared this with me...everyone should read your post

and get educated on how people die, so maybe we can put an end to this madness.

[obxdreamer]

90. "My mom stopped eating a week before she died from colon cancer, AND:"

I have been following this thread all day at work, but could not post until I returned home.

My mother passed very peacefully on 1/3/03. She had only been at the hospice for a week but she had been ill with COPD for many years. For the last week she didn't eat anything except for a piece of lemon meringue pie. She always worried about her weight, but she could NEVER resist a piece of lemon meringue. And she scarfed that pie!
All of my Mom's brothers and sisters had left the hospice that last night (she was one of nine)expecting to come back the next morning. My brother, sisters and I decided to stay. This was the first time that we had been together as a family for over 15 years. The hospice had chairs that could be converted into single beds, so we set ourselves up for the night. We started to talk and reminisce and I remember thinking to myself that Mom is hanging on because this is exactly what she most wanted. For her family to be reunited finally after all of these years.
Her breathing over the hours became slower and slower. She was in no pain, or any discomfort (thank God for morphine). One of my sisters who is a MSW and works at a nursing home, walked over to the window and opened it slightly. She said that it was a tradition at her nursing home that the window be opened so that the "soul can fly".
We sat there and listened as the timing between breaths became longer and longer..we called a nurse. She said that Mom was still breathing.....no, check again, we don't think that she is still here.
Ah, yes, you guys are right, she is gone. Yes, we already knew.
And I am sure that the hospice nurses that were there that night at still talking about the laughter that was coming out of that room after my mother died....what was there to laugh about? Well, when we were collecting my mothers belongings, we discovered that my mother had arranged and paid for her own funeral. My mother who never paid full price for anything in her life, paid for her funeral with a coupon. My Mom to the end!

[Batgirl]

92. love this story -- thank you n/t

[goodboy]

93. that's a heartwarming story. celebrating the memory of your mom

as she observed you in 'glory' must've been a wonderfully spiritual event. I was listening to my mom's breathing for what seemed like a couple hours...she would take a short shallow breath in, and let out a long deep one...moments would pass, i'd thought i'd heard her last breath, nope...again. I promised myself I wouldn't fall asleep. and then:

what seemed like a flash, and my dad was shaking me awake, "time to say goodbye". I thought it was all a dream.

This thread is to inform people about the dying process, specifically how the body is 'designed' to shut down is such a way as to alleviate pain, and eliminate fear or uncertainty. Sometimes the body stops eating and drinking for a week or more before the eventual passing, but is still considered a part of the process.

I was home alone a day or two after mom died, doing something downstairs. I heard what sounded like footsteps in the hallway upstairs heading toward my mom and dad's room. I thought someone had come home so I went upstairs. Nobody there, but in the hallway I could 'smell' my mom! You know how people have a smell? I'm shaking my head as I type this remembering some of the truly strange things that've happened since then, but I know, as you must also, that something awaits us after we die. Perhaps not heaven as it is traditionally thought of, but maybe the consciousness joining the collective consciousness of the universe, observing.

[sonicx]

91. kick

[sonicx]

122. smack

[spanone]

94. My mother did the same with brain/lung cancer.

She had the help of morphine felt no pain whatsoever and died very peacefully looking into my eyes. This is not cruel as it is being portrayed. Many people are willing to lie for their agenda.

[goodboy]

95. Yeah...I was so sickened by the pukes attempt during the debate on

sunday to claim that she was having hunger pangs etc. Not true. Serves one purpose: to further their politicization of a personal matter.

[Politicub]

96. Thank you for this thread

My eyes are filled with tears from all of the stories that everyone is sharing. My great grandmother had a stroke and was confined to the nursing home. Against her wishes, her daughter had a feeding tube inserted. After about two months, she had another stroke and my family made the agaonizing decision to remove the feeding tube.

I consumed all material I could about the process of death -- It was amazing to learn how the body goes through a natural process. The people at the nursing home were wonderful to her. My great grandmother had more peace in those last four days than she did in the last year of her life. She clearly wasn't in pain or thirsty or hungry.

Thank you for sharing your story. :hug:

[goodboy]

97. You are most welcome, and thank you for participating in it. Your

story should be read by everyone in here with misgivings about how terri's body will shut down.

Your loved one was given peace...with one major difference. She was still your great-grandmother! She still had a consciousness! Terri is no longer Terri. The lights are on, but nobody's home. I just don't see why the faithful won't let her leave purgatory and enter paradise. Why pitch the phrase "culture of life" when we let 53,000+ let me say again: 53,000 people ACTUALLY STARVE to death EVERY SINGLE DAY! Where's the culture of life philosophy with regard to that situation? Where were the protestors when the hospital disconnected that poor 6mo old boy from life support last week against his parents wishes? Where are the pro-lifers protest to the 100,000 innocent civilians we killed in Iraq so far? Biggest farce of the year: Culture of life.

[Politicub]

98. That is a big difference

Terri's story is so tragic.

The right places no value on life. If they did, they wouldn't be using this poor woman to further their agenda. Tom Delay is the biggest ghoul of them all, by using Terri as the fig leaf for his own transgressions.

[goodboy]

99. and the best part is delay got caught red handed in a recording

did you hear about that?

[Politicub]

116. I didn't!

I love to hear about the rigth getting their asses handed to them, though. :)

[goodboy]

118. let me try to find a link for you...hang on a sec....

[goodboy]

119. Here: Enjoy!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=102&topic_id=1334603

[AzDar]

100. My dad died in hospice from lung cancer in 1994...the last 4-5 days

he was in sort of the same unconscious state Terri appears to be in. the cancer had metastasized to his brain, and he moved his arm reflexively back and forth. Hospice did not give him iv nutrients or fluids..I stood by his bedside and swabbed his lips with these lemon-scented moisturizing swabs when his mouth looked parched.We just held his hand, and sang his favorite songs to him, and told him how much we loved him. And that's the way it should be IMHO. Hospice of the Valley (where he died)were WONDERFUL. I am still so grateful to them. These people who are using Terri for their own purposes are
f*&king GHOULS. The very antithesis of any Christian teaching that I am familiar with.Hopefully, they will all pay a heavy political price for this outrage.

[goodboy]

101. and your dad's passing was peaceful? was he in pain?

[AzDar]

103. He seemed to be in no pain whatsoever during the last days..

when he actually clinically "died", I had gone home to take a shower,
(great timing, no?)but I was assured that it was peaceful..that his breathing just became very markedly labored, and then stopped. The way that I look at it is those last few days he was already "gone", he just had to formally shake the mortal coil...
Love you, Dad.

[goodboy]

104. and to be absolutely clear...he didn't starve to death, did he...

by the way...your dad is smiling right now as he reads this thread from where he is.

[AzDar]

109. No, his organs just shut down one by one after the cancer reached his

brain. I was hysterical when I first realized that they weren't going to give him nutrients or fluids via an I.V., but the good people at Hospice explained to me that it is just unnecessary at that stage...
We just tried to keep him as comfortable (relative, I know) as we could.

[goodboy]

112. Hospice is the most compassionate organization I've ever run across

and you did the right thing because you loved your dad so much.


on edit: wouldn't it be nice if hospice got on TV to explain what's happening in this situation, to calm the masses? It shouldn't be this way, but I fear this might be the only option at this point/

[AzDar]

114. I would fear for the safety of Hospices across the country if they tried

to rationally explain to these irrational nutbags just what is going on.
These people are INSANE...Jeb Bushs' language in his news conference
today seemed to me to sort of ENDORSE any behavior, illegal or not,
to satisfy their agenda. Sounded (sorry I don't have a link)almost like a "coded" call to arms to me.

[goodboy]

115. oh you're absolutely right about that. They will demonize and villify

anyone who gets in their way. But on the other hand, the number of extremists is very small, and I think the majority of people with misgivings just.don't.understand.

Much like how you felt before hospice explained what was happening to you.

[AzDar]

117. That's very true..... n/t

[mondo joe]

102. Thank you ALL for sharing these. I wish more DU posters could read

them and stop talking about the barbarity of agony of this process.

[goodboy]

105. I'd like to extend my thanks once again to all participants...nt

[mondo joe]

108. If I were terminal I think I'd opt for starvation, with morphine, over

euthenasia.

I think it's part of the process of living, and I'd prefer to be as present for it as I can reasonably be.

I know some would flame me for this, but I think of it partially in the same ay I do childbirth. For some time in this country it was deemed a horrible experience, and women would be literally drugged out of consciousness while giving birth.

A lot of women these days opt to go through the experience with fewer and even no drugs. It's difficult, it's painful, but it's also an important experience.

And that's how I feel about this process for myself.

For those who would prefer a lethal injection, I honor their choice.

[goodboy]

110. you wouldn't even have to "opt" for it. It would happen naturally, which

begs the question: Why do the fundies disagree with the way their God designed the dying process?

[mondo joe]

111. I meant I'd opt for it if assisted suicide were another option.

I fully support the option of assisted suicide - but I think I'd refuse it.

[goodboy]

113. gotcha (nt)

[sonicx]

120. bump

[goodboy]

124. thanks...I really am overwhelmed by all of this...(nt)