If The Rapture Is Supposed To Make All The Fundies Float Away

[ruggerson]

Is there like a fund or something we can give to in order to speed the damn thing along?

[two gun sid]

1. I got $500 in change I was gonna deposit in the bank....

but, if you got a fund to contribute to....well, I'm in.

[Bronco69]

2. If there's a button you can push to speed it up, let me know.

I'll keep my button pushing finger in shape! :-)

[jdots]

3. I will buy them the magic sneakers for the journey

If they are waiting for the Rupture, a good well place kick could speed things along.

[SpiralHawk]

4. For extra buoyancy during the Big Float

Be sure to use party-approved "Jeff 'Bulldog' Gannon" brand Condoms. Just blow up a carton of those puppies at your next Republican Party "social" and stuff a handful of them in your trousers.

In times of Rapture, you will find you get a super "lift."

(This message provided as a pubic service by Talon "News" as it does its "patriotic" part for Republican propaganda)

[smoogatz]

5. Dibs on Falwell's bank account.

Nyah nyah!

[FreedomAngel82]

17. Can I have his house??

I'd like to live in a mansion and just have a room just for nothing.

[NAO]

6. All the info you need is at RaptureReady.com

Info, details, prophecies that have been fulfilled, and those still waiting to be fulfilled. Subject to revision if the Rapture does not happen when predicted. Not legal in states where prohibited.

Rapture Ready
http://www.raptureready.com/

[ruggerson]

23. Very useful info, thank you

:)

[LondonReign2]

30. Oh no! The Rapture seems to be receeding!

http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html

Rapture Index Highs:
2002 -- 175
2003 -- 173
2004 -- 157
2005 -- 155

Clearly we need more False Christs and Beast Governments (???) if we are to push this over the edge! Come on people!

[Swamp Rat]

7. I don't know, but we'll have one helluva party once they're gone!

:evilgrin:

[FreedomAngel82]

18. Is there going to be

any of those nice little pizza rolls and cheese balls? I love that. ;)

[Swamp Rat]

19. Yes, plus crawfish and beer!

:9

[punpirate]

8. Unfortunately...

... you're already paying into that fund... in the form of tax dollars, which Bush has been using to irk people in the Middle East.... Armageddon occurs when the fundies float out of their clothes, cars, cubes, etc.

[Wickerman]

9. I'll finally have that Plasma flat screen I 've always wanted

when my neighbor down the hill no longer needs his. :evilgrin:

[mwb970]

10. I don't know about fundraising but...

It would be interesting to know just what is supposed to "bring it on". Maybe we can just do whatever it is, or pretend to.

[Boomer]

11. If the Mormons are Raptured....

...do they take their Holy Underwear with them or leave it behind?

[LDS Jock]

27. you hear crap like this, and people still wonder why

the Mormons vote republican. Stop trashing their faith and maybe they'll be more receptive to your message. Mormons could be a very valuable group to have vote Democrat. As the largest church in Utah and Idaho, and the second largest Christian church in all other western states, they could prove a valuable demographic. Bush has met with the president of the Mormon church a number of times. Do you think this is just to kiss up for the five electoral votes of Utah? No, its part of a plan for the greater west.

[Boomer]

28. The Mormons have no compunction...

...about trashing me in fundamental ways. So I'm not about to cut them any slack on their underwear until they let me marry my partner.

[LDS Jock]

35. so.. two wrongs make a right

I see

[LondonReign2]

32. Ummm, have you talked to any Mormans?

My ex-boss is a Morman. Very reasonable fellow. However, he insisted that Iraq still has WMDs and that Saddam was behind 9/11. When I pointed out the Shrub Gang had even repudiated these facts, he insisted that they were stilltrue nonetheless. Faith based arguements indeed.

And now he works for Microsoft.

Teh vast majority of Mormans are not open to a reasonable discourse, or being brought over to our side. The voted in far greater majorities for Shrub than did even other fundies.

[LDS Jock]

34. I have talked to Mormons.. I AM ONE

and it is Mormon, not Morman. One of the statements from a church president heard over and over is "the glory of God is intelligence." The majority of members will be open to learning more, but will not listen to you if you are trashing them for their beliefs.

[Ouabache]

12. Maybe we can have a demolition derby with all their SUVs

They won't be taking their SUVs into the rapture clouds, right? Might be fun. Then we can each grab us one of their bigscreen televisions they leave behind, and go home to watch airwaves devoid of televangelists. woohoo! JimmyJeff is gonna be a lonely boy though, don't you s'pose?

[Disturbed]

13. Uh..aren't only 144K going?

No one knows which 144K though. I don't knwo why they are waiting. Why don't they do a Heaven's Gate scenerio and be done with it?

[immoderate]

29. Isn't that the population of Green Bay, WI?

--IMM

[Tux]

14. LOL

If there is a way to speed it up without destroying our planet, I'm for it. The sooner those nuts leave, the better. We'd have our nation back and don't hae to fund religious "charaties" anymore.

I just got back from a family restaurant which plays Evangelical radio. Nice of the manager to increase the volume once he seen my Buddha pendant.....

[FreedomAngel82]

15. According to

Revelations you're supposed to be raised up from the dead and taken away to Heaven. I'm not sure how that's supposed to work knowing how the spiritual world works because on the other side you don't have a body.
It, personally, doesn't make much sense to me and I've been a Christian since I was thirteen but I do know a lot about spiritual realms and stuff like that. :shrug: LOL and I think it was either Maher or Stewart who said on their show why can't they hurry up and get there and leave the rest of us. I think it was Maher on his show last week.

[MountainLaurel]

20. If it's the physical body

What happens if they end up sucked into a jet engine on their way up -- do they have to start over?

[distantearlywarning]

16. Perhaps a petition would help.

I'll be the first to sign.

[HughBeaumont]

21. Those bright-eyed little pigs are going to be really sad children

when their little fairy tale doesn't happen.

[many a good man]

22. This man is collecting donations

[BuyingThyme]

24. They plan on killing you

before they "float away."

[ObaMania]

25. There's another comet coming soon ...

.. one can only hope!

:evilgrin:

[tsuki]

26. I'm in. n/t

[4_Legs_Good]

31. LMAO!

And think of all the free cars for the taking!

david

[cags]

33. I get dibs on thier stuff

[ZRB]

36. The Rapture is going to kill the tiny-condom industry.