Mother of dead soldier says he's "better off"

[The Revolution]

I was just listening to NPR on my way home from work, and heard a story (an all too familiar one) about a 19 year old soldier who died just a few days after the election in Iraq. They interviewed several people who knew him, all of whom shared fond memories. Then they say he was a sharpshooter that did not enjoy killing people. Then they had a recording of his mother saying that he was "better off" because he wouldn't be able to live with what he had done (killed people) and that he would no longer be haunted by Iraq.

How can a mother possibly say her son is "better off" dead? I know it must be some kind of psychological response to justify his death, but it just sounds so bad.

This just floored me. I've heard references to stuff like it before, but to actually hear the mother say it was unbelievable.

[porphyrian]

1. Sounds like she thought death was better than a life of suffering.

Lots of mothers make that decision with terminally ill children and the like. Why is it hard for you to understand?

[Ariana Celeste]

2. Personally, and it's just my opinion,

I can fully understand why his mother would feel that way. Especially if he was real strong in his feelings against killing people. That kind of thing can haunt a person for life. (Just look at all the badly treated Vietnam Vets who suffer mental illness- I doubt many of them would be suffering mental illness if they hadn't gone to war and/or were properly cared for.)

I can say this with some certainty, because my family has dealt with many deaths since I was born. One of them was my big brother- I miss him so much, and loved him with all my heart, I idolized him as a little girl, but I feel he is better off now- because he was abused by his mother and was suffering from all kinds of mental issues due to that and drugs and the death of our father and grandpa.

Truly, I think there are cases where people are better off. That doesn't mean we like them to be dead, and it doesn't mean we are happy about it. It just means what it means, we feel they are better off.

If I were forced to kill people, I know it would haunt me everyday for the rest of my life. And perhaps his mother knows, as a mother would, that this would be the case. It sounds as though she has accepted his passing in a healthy manner, imho.

Besides... we all come to terms with death in different manners. Myself, and a couple members of my family, come to terms with it much like this poor mother.

[d_b]

3. Hmm.

Just a bad choice of words.

[NNadir]

4. It is generally not too ethical to stand in judgement of people in grief.

If my son had died this way, I'd be completely insane.

This grief is unimaginable and until you've lived through something like this, out-living your child, you have no right to say what you might think, feel, or say under the circumstances.

I am weeping just to think about it.

[depakid]

5. Well, look at what happened to a lot of Vietnam vets

She could be right....

[The Revolution]

6. I guess it's because I've never experienced that feeling.

I've never experienced the feeling where I really thought someone would be better off dead. I mean, I can understand in cases where someone is really suffering and terminally ill, when death is inevitable. I can see why you would say its better that their suffering is over. Because in cases like that, the only way for suffering to end is through death.

But even in that case my reaction would be more like "He'd be better off if he was alive and not suffering".

I don't know...I just think this war has cost us too many young, promising lives. And it never had to happen. None of these people had to die or go through any of the physical or mental suffering that they have. That's why this is so sad. :(

[Ariana Celeste]

7. It really is sad...

I can understand your view, totally- I would probably feel the same if I hadn't lost so many loved ones.

Unfortunately... once one is lost, talking about how much better off they would be alive can make the grieving process much worse. On the other hand, the grieving process is so much easier to handle when you accept that, they aren't coming back, and they are no longer suffering. And this is just speaking from my family's experiences, I have no idea how other people handle it.

It is so sad. I cry about it often; I fear for our boys out there; I fear for my little brother, who may someday be drafted for Bushevik's oil; I fear for the many Iraqi children who have no one left; I fear for my SO's father who is out there right now driving fuel trucks.

One day at a time, I guess... :-(

[lakemonster11]

10. I've never experienced it on that magnitude,

in that I've never lost a member of my immediate family, but I do look on death as something of a relief for someone who was very ill or very elderly. And it's not just an intellectual thing, either---it's very much part of my gut instinct.

I cried when my great-grandmother died, but I was also relieved that she was free of her frail 108-year-old body that seemed to cause her constant pain.

Of course this man's death is a tragedy, but at least his torment is over, and since his mother is having to go through this, I'm glad that she can find some comfort in that.

[wildeyed]

8. She is out of her mind with grief.

Cut her some slack.

[smirkymonkey]

9. He'd be "better off" if he didn't have to go to an illegal war in

the first place. :nuke: