Should your family be important?

[Kosmos Mariner]

These thoughts are in response to others posts I have noticed since the election concerning the great political tension within many families now. There are countless stories of various types of wing nuts being tyrants and spreading intense discord throughout their families. So, I guess my questions are, why the hell do we put up with it, and are they really that important?

First, let me put my biases on the table. I grew up for the most part without a dad, only seeing him briefly later on, when he felt really Xtian. My mom is a wonderful person, who started out with very little, and is now successful. Her success story is awesome, and should be inspiration to young single moms everywhere. She had me at 21, and received little or no help from our family for anything. Eventually, after a series of crappy low end jobs during Reagan's '80s, she started going to college at night. Most of the time, she couldn't get anyone to watch me, so I spent many an evening doing my homework outside of a classroom, or anatomy lab. The only help she ever received from anyone was in the form of Pell Grants and various student loans, from the GOVERNMENT. These were dark days, long, exhausting days. She excelled though, becoming a top student, while working part time, and raising me well. I honestly don't know how she did it.

Fast forward to today. She is far more successful than the rest of the family. Yet she is sort of the black sheep of the family. Her success rubs into their faces their total lack of care or support. So, we aren't real close with family. But you know what? WHO CARES? If your family won't lift a finger when you are one step from homelessness, or scorns and belittles you constantly for your beliefs, MOVE ON!! They are just people you are more genetically similar to. It kills me to watch people's lives be ruined because those most closely related treat them the worst. If they don't respect you, they are not worthy of your time. Sticking by these hateful, selfish people, is like the moronic slogan, "My country right or wrong."

Relationships are like social contracts. No one, even family has the right to use and abuse you for an eternity. My advice to people with impossible family, in impossible situations, sever your ties, move, and make plans to start your own wonderful network of new family and friends out of the ashes of those dark relationships. Remember those trying times, and become everything they were not. I'll get off my soap box now. Thanks for listening, DU. :hi:

[sybylla]

1. I couldn't agree more

You have figured out what it takes some people a lifetime to learn and most never learn. It's one of life's toughest lessons.

:hi:

[Quakerfriend]

2. Well said.

And, I like your story. More power to strong people of character like your mother.

[crispini]

3. Good for you.

:toast:

[Bellamia]

4. Two kinds of families

You know the old saying, God gives us our relatives, but thank God we can chose our friends.:>)

And good friends are "family" to me, related by love, not blood.

Your story is remarkable, enjoyable, thanks for telling it.

[newyawker99]

9. Hi Bellamia!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Solly Mack]

5. I agree. I wrote off toxic family members a long, long time ago

I've been the happier for it too.

[Southsideirish]

6. Very true. Wingnuts in my family are crazy and violent people. They

hate everyone and will threaten you physically if you disagree with them. They cut off talking to me 10 years ago as I am a "libral" and therefore, a terrible person yet when it came to caring for a terminal parent, "religious" wingnuts were no where to be found. This, also, happened to 2 friends of mine - holy roller right wingers were nowhere to be found when they were needed to be caretakers.

[Kosmos Mariner]

7. Bump....

for further discussion...:)


:dem:

[Ladyhawk]

8. You are so correct. I severed ties with my family in November.

I'm much happier now. The toxicity of the relationship I had with my mother was unbearable. I wish I could move, but I can't just yet. I have to contend with health issues.

I hope it's not too late for me to have a life of my own.